Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[Cucumberthunder]

So last night was all for us then, including implying she was looking to buy a house. I think she wanted someone to call her out.

Whilst it might be amusing to you jack to feel like you're controlling the narrative on your tattle thread, have you considered how very strange and hostile you look to your fawning squigs and potential work connections? Just how much did you do for the poors yesterday?

My advice - get rid of twitter for a month (during which time most people will forget about you, sorry not sorry), then return and focus just on the campaigning and the recipes. If you need to schedule some superdrug tweets, so be it, but nothing else. Then implement a rule that if a tweet has I/me/my/myself/mine in - don't tweet it. Remove yourself from the narrative.

 

[NellieBoo]

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Noooooo. That's terrible advice . Never put a hot water bottle on your face for toothache. If there's infection it can draw it out and make it worse (then your head explodes in Jack's case, no doubt).

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

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Jack, serve the tea or put the teapot down I guarantee no one is arsed unless this meeting leads to you opening the box off Space Squig.

 

[MistyWindows]

I’m bored of waiting to hear what the meeting was about so tried to watch the DKL episode for the first time. Dear sweet Jesus and the wee donkey Jack was shit.

 

[kachoochoo]

the krays! not her confirming she is in fact roadside mum?!

 

[RevEd]

I mean not only is she now considering selling recipes for home remedies for tooth-ache (probably adapted from THAT MAN), but she can't even remember what the recipes are. Last night she said she had opened up 2 paracetamol & 2 ibuprofen tablets then poured the powder into warm water with cloves in it. Now she's got a whole different recipe that is her 'go to?'

I have a horrible tendency for mouth ulcers & can confirm when they're bad the last thing on my mind is salty Chinese food.

ETA: by tendency I mean perhaps two or three times a year. Not Jack's perpetual malady medley.

 

[Elastoblast]

What would be the point of walking poles if she's hurt her ankle? Walking poles help you balance when hill walking or Nordic walking and take some of the physical effort out of walking. They do not function as crutches to help support your weight and allow you to be non weight bearing on an injured limb. Eejit

 

[Sideboard Bob]

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‘I don’t want to hex it”… does she mean ‘jinx it’?

 

[MistyWindows]

So her favourite Chinese makes a disgusting prawn toast/garlic bread hybrid and chicken balls that aren’t ball shaped?
Pretty much delivers on their promises as much as Cack does

P.S since you’re clearly spending your quality SB time on Tattle, Jack - WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!

 

[NP]

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WHAT’S IN THE FUTHERMUCKING BOX?

Squig, that box is already in the communal skip! Send cashos not boxos.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Chapeau, mofo’s! Thanks for the new thread Sidey -t. I used to want to work in Superdrug when a friends glam mum got a job there and reckoned she could get us Saturday jobs (she couldn’t) fair play Monwoe, you’ve out bucket listed me.
Also you keep going on about funerals-Funny F isn’t going to shag you hun. You ok tho? Xoxo dead people cant chaos.

 

[Orphan_Black]

She’s in the right age bracket, we all have the internet these days and mummy was a nurse. And she’s non binary trans so it all applies really.

I am not a doctor, but if all her ailments were true, on top of all her phenomenal calamities, then she'd be dead, quite frankly.

She lies and exaggerates to get attention. Mummy and daddy really don't seemed arsed anymore. Who can blame them?!

 

[Cucumberthunder]

I'll be honest, not the worst Jack on TV I've seen (it's usually the worst when she's cooking something and flapping about). A shame it's centered around her, not the actual users of today though. Also still not clear how her 'work' works or her campainging works. She rightfully doesn't want her examples of £20 shops to be used by Tories that say you can live of 30p meals, but then again, if that's how you spend your time, making those £20 shops*? As a campaigner, surely you would want to spend your time differently if time and time again your activities are misrepresented? You could maybe get a job** at an anti-poverty organisation, or with a union that campaigns for higher wages?

I work at an ngo where at board and senior level we often have discussion about what's the best use of our resources, tackling the problem we find important (both in the long-term and short term) and ask ourselves if what we are doing is the best thing to do.

* I know she does not live of £20 shops, just taking a good faith argument her for the sake of it.
** I know she migth not be able to handle a job / be a nightmare to work with, again just looking at it in good faith

Exactly this. She says been campaigning for 10 years, but how much campaigning has she actually done? Or to reframe, which of her activities does she think have been campaigning? Suing Katie Hopkins? Writing recipes for Leon (lol)? Nobbing around at the grouch club? Showing people how to write a shopping list? Pretending to eat for £20 a week then being annoyed that people say you can eat for £20 a week?

 

[holliebollie]

So she has been avoiding using the swearies () while waiting to hear about a BBC job? Okay. You’re still meant to be doing other work with OTHER professional organisations/companies, you dingleberry! If I had an open SM account and wrote anything that was deemed offensive (and yes, some people do find angry, swearing rants offensive), I would be called into HR. Doesn’t matter if I’m ranting about Asda pasta, or BJ’s morals, or my bin collection, it’s unprofessional and embarrassing. How the fuck has Superdrug looked at her Twitter, read the absolute liquid shit that she comes out with, and thinks, ‘Ah yes, a voice for the poors, she seems lovely.’ WHO?! I don’t write complaints to companies but I will be once I see her contribution (no swearing).

 

[Geetbo]

God I feel for that mortgage advisor - having to deal with the prune farts, adenoidal breathing and Jack throwing random bits of paper about beans costing 5676% more than in 2012 and that's why she only has a £19 deposit.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Just in case anyone has these ingredients -
"roast chicken scraps thumbed off the carcass, chicken stock, a can of chickpeas plus minus the goop, red pepper, tiny tomatoes cut into even tinier pieces, lemon + Greek cheese"
It would be cheaper and far, far more delicious (and take under 10 hours) to just serve that with bulgur wheat or similar (use the chicken stock to soak the bulgur in). You're welcome

 

[Geetbo]

Thank you Harold for taking one for the team
The canal are much obliged

Tbh given Jacks love of fisting I dread to think what Harold has had to take for the team.

 

[Mel Donte]

Bet you 19 quid Tattle is the first thing she looks at when she wakes up every morning.

LIBEL! We all know that Jack wakes up in the afternoon.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

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Omg this summarises her perfectly.

Before I start obviously this only relates to ppl lucky enough to have a high income with a reasonable disposable %. People that prioritise their health and their kids’ health hun? Especially with kids so much isn’t covered or a huge waiting list so I’d always prioritise that before….. a Groucho membership, 16 weeks in an aparthotel, and travelling halfway across the south of England for a haircut?

Whilst we’re here Jacqui please consider saving some of this Superdrug fee for SB. There are tons of savings mechanisms for kids, ur pal Martin writes all about them. He deserves something for being pimped out to the tabloids by his low standards no boundaries “mother”

 

[lilamay]