Jack Monroe #234 A Grifty Kind of Self-Love

[Boyo]

I would love Jack to have her own show. Everyone plays it seriously, big Jack up etc etc, let her go maverick to her smol pixie's heart's content.

And then show it to real chefs, like Gorden, definitely him, and the show is actually them watching her and commenting.

Goggleslop.

 

[PinkMariner]

What is this leftover cheese she’s on about? Are people not eating their cheese? Unless you’ve got a great fucking wheel of Stilton in your fridge, you can just eat the cheese. It lasts for ages. Just wrap it in clingfilm and stick it in one of your many Smeg fridges.

Love that there’s no real guidance on what cheese you can use for this. Cheese is cheese right? I’m sure whether you’re putting Brie or cheddar in the blender of doom it’s all got the same texture and melting point.

It’s going to be cheese and broccoli soup next isn’t it? In a thimble with a single broccoli floret and the grubby gold teaspoon.

Grunking so apol if this lands awkwardly.

I have 2 cheestrings and a dairylea triangle. No milk, just some strawberry yazoo. That’ll do won’t it??

 

[Boyo]

How it started:

How it’s going:

 

[Veronicaaa]

The recipes and press cuttings were not stolen - they were tipped out of boxes and trampled on.

I'm just sitting here imagining the burglars getting more and more pissed off that Jack's website was down until they had enough and were like THAT'S IT GUYS, WE GOTTA GET THOSE RECIPES SOMEHOW.

 

[BlendedSlop]

A dozen engineers and experts
Of course she has to have the most SEVERELY broken website in the history of the internet. Last time it broke it only took one tech guy to fix, now it's a crack team the size of my midsize national employer's IT department.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

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An ear worm isn’t an intrusive thought and she definitely shouldn’t be laughing about intrusive thoughts.

Spoiler: TW MH

But I suppose the type of MH that she likes to infantilise and reduce to “I can only wear black” and “the light is slowly flickering back on” doesn’t really lend itself to the the type where people are crippled by delusions, intrusive thoughts and paranoia does it?

I apologise. I am becoming the type of person I dislike. Not sure that I can be around this for much longer.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

We're coming to the end of the No Spend Year and I, for one, think it's been a marvellous success!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Ffs just realised Jack's whole aesthetic is Edgy Fish Pond.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

hang on a minute, I am sure she has previously claimed her le cruset came from a charity shop, not her grandad.

You called?

Dear heart @ThriftStoreLeCreuset is a testament

Haha, just catching up and saw I had been summoned. I'd like to confirm that yes, I did come from a "thrift store," not grandad landlord, and that I was not stolen by a Tattler. I have been rehomed with nicer owners and am full of textured, well-flavoured food in a nice, uncluttered kitchen. I am enjoying my new life.

 

[Silver Linings]

I wish that a verification tick meant you had to follow stricter rules like adding disclaimers so horrendously depressed people weren’t thinking if only they bought expensive make up and spent half an hour stroking their faces with softy soft brushes and painting their eyes then the ‘chaos’ would abate and you too could have no pores or depression.

 

[Ninch55]

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Ffs, what a f*****g drama queen. You’ve had your hair done, TWICE, at vast expense, bought a new wardrobe of clothes, seemingly, put make up on every day and endlessly tweeted. Meanwhile, here in the real world, there are people, including myself, who can’t even motivate themselves to wash their bloody face, let alone piss about like some hormonal teenage twat. Just fuck off.

 

[Ninch55]

I think as a niche povo writer, her parents and friends probably just grin and bear the lies about her childhood and well, everything else. But if there’s an entire volume called ‘Long Walk to Asda’ with her trademark gurning photo on the shelves in WH Smith’s, that might be a few too many lies. A few embellishments in the notes for a recipe for shitcakes is one thing, but an entire book about growing up on the mean streets of Sarfend would probably bring some people out of the woodwork.

Plus there’s no way she could keep details straight for 200 or so pages.

Long Walk To Asda is an early thread title contender.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

WRONG HASHTAG, CERYS. So disrespectful.

 

[Falkor]

But has she paid her taxes yet?

I’m off out for dinner for a few hours. I expect nothing less than a 10 pager when I am back please!

We are currently 54 hours and 12 minutes away from the second set of accounts being late with Companies House.

 

[Flash123]

I don’t believe a word of it. Convenience when there is a tax bill that all the documentary evidence has gone missing. And no this isn’t revelling in anyone’s misfortune…. It is wanting someone who is quite obviously rich to pay their way.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

“Use within 3 days” … as WHAT though?!

 

[Boogs]

Whilst I don’t believe the majority of what she says…

I rent, have contents insurance and grew up poor. Holes in the bottom of my shoes, no food in the cupboard, being taken into care poor. I don’t have anything that is worth lots of money but because I’ve had lots of experience of severe poverty I ensure that I live within my means and insure things because I know that I could struggle to replace them.

Your lack of insurance isn’t about poverty it’s about your reckless life choices. Be accountable for your actions.

 

[Veronicaaa]

“Use within 3 days” … as WHAT though?!

Plaster of Paris?

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

I run websites for a living and the thought of a three year old back up being the most recent version possible to restore is giving me a feeling of dread. Cheers Jack for making me think about work at midnight on... whatever day it is.