Jack Monroe #207 Jack Morley

[Satisfying Click]

Disney parenting. The resident parent gets the mundane weekday tasks of school homework, clean uniforms, after school clubs - but wait! Along comes miniature mama during the week asking him to be the architect of the dream weekend! If the situation was in reverse, Jack would have a rage about the non-resident parent swooping in and undermining her efforts before the week is up.

The theme park won't happen. That's Jack begging for a free lift and tickets.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Sorry for the randomness, but this always makes me laugh:

No more old posts for at least six months, I PROMISE.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Retirement from what

 

[ChickenPorridge]

The fucking shopping trolley What is going on, why is she using Instagram like Twitter? Why is she avoiding Twitter like the plague? Why is she the actual About A Boy mum? Why is she posting about the fact he was in ICU 12 years ago again? Her munchy tendencies are showing.

So. Many. Questions.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Potentially controversial point incoming…

I think it is safe to say that the country as a whole has had “a bluesy bit” recently. I think it is also safe to say that a considerable number of individuals on this thread have gone through, or are continuing to go through rough times recently.

Jack is not alone in this regard, yet once again makes out that her “blues” are unique, and in some way felt more deeply than anyone else’s.

Personally, when I have a good day, or set out to try and have a good day, the last thing on my mind is stopping and recording it to show everyone on my SM. At the moment there are no pictures (and that is deliberate) but when there are they are solely for us. To stop, share with IG would completely go against the aim of what the day was about.

Jack does nothing without thinking about what that action would look like from an external point of view. She is entirely driven by external motivatiors and therein lies her problems. She needs to want to get better for herself, to be happy for herself and to do things for herself, not for external praise. Until that is fixed, we will be here in 84 more years.

She’s fucking made flapjacks and not granola?

I’m done. I’m actually done.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Haven’t been organised to quote cross thread but re: @NP’s squiggle on Jack not getting paid - hun the only one not getting paid round here is HMRC

 

[LavaFlake]

I dunno man when I have a fever that makes me bedbound I'm in no position to be posting 9 grid posts to my Instagram and scampering around at 2am turning down the slow cooker of bubbling slop.

 

[BlendedSlop]

So Jack's in bed with a fever? It must be bad if she's posting about it, she's usually in such fine fettle and never lets things get her down.

So unfortunate that this bout of debilitating illness comes in the same week her publisher's expecting exciting news.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Something is simmering and, like an underwear Jack on a Cotswold sideboard, it’s something hing we’re not gonna like

ETA I thought she fixed the broken benefits system when she wrote 8 pages of A4 (both sides) and put pens in her pocket and sat at the infant class table for the Tory thinktank focus group

 

[HotesTilaire]

Lads, the oats are retreating, the liquid is slowly escaping and leaving behind overlooked broken down oat, apple (don’t apples contain pectin?) sugar and gluten in what appears to be a 100% vegan gelatinous slop. About an hour ago it started to smell like porridge. I’ve broken recipe to stir it again as it’s getting craggy at points.
ETA that looks like an axolotl forming! It’s the spring of life! I’ve done alchemy!!!!

 

[kachoochoo]

tax return on top of all these things. not posted it in a while, think there's a couple of new things in there. no need to text my dad, he's on holiday

Spoiler: Jack's Coming Soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
9 half-written manuscripts
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy GQ awards
adding to twitter thread of plants as they bloom
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
alcohol free versions of recipes
base system going in next book
BBC show guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
big press photo shoots
black bean brownies recipe
BLM video monetization donation
blog post excited about for ages
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal
books for the rural coffee caravan
Brand New System for desk - wallpaper
bright blue think tank updates
Camp Kitchen from the shed
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
cinnamon granola recipe
coffee scrub
column for the Breakdown
comic filter security
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
denim shirt embroidery commissions
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
drawing nigella's garden
ethical on a budget
explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf
filing accounts
flannel blog
food truck of joy
gailymail
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
huge depop or Ebay sale
hybrid cassoulet
jackfruit version of something
James Bond conspiracy theory
Klingon gagh recipe
knit blanket
kolokythokeftedes recipe
kombucha whisky
lever arch files of fan mail
life hacks book
links to small businesses
list of slow cooker recipes
lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
lockdown list of services
maple syrup story
militant boiled eggs
mince pie doughnuts
mole
more cabbage
mushroom drying completed 2018
New Thing
newspaper campaign the fucking express
onion chopping song
ouchy mouth recipes
patreon update
pistachio milk
pointing out real plants
pork and lentil bolognese
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
radish recipes
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
repotting spider plants from a friend
rooting out Amazon from website

running around in heels with a Tall Man GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.

running order for xmas dinner
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient potato water
sending maple syrup tin to fan
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
shopping trolley
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
super secret shopping trip hack
supper nanny
support cabal for bullied media types
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content - done
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done
unorthodox courgette squishing
Up To Something
uses for juice from del monte tins
various cornflakes chicken recipes
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list
vegan crackling
vegan diabetic creme egg (maybe)
vegan haggis
vegan pastitsio in collab with veganuary Linda
vegan paella with artichokes
vegan pie glaze
vegan version of upside down pineapple chicken
visit Poland
weekly routine

/SPOILER]

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Oh, does she have ADHD? She's never said. How lovely that she's brought out those hideous trainers of Masculine Aesthetic fame. She looks like a freak in that 'candid' photo. The trainers and shopping trolley say she's in her late sixties and the cap says twelve year old boy while the leopard print skirt says 'I shouldn't be allowed to purchase my own clothing without an appropriate adult'. It's a real cacophony of an outfit.

 

[Silver Linings]

Nice.

Again with the toddlerification. He’s hardly going to suggest a theme park if you can’t get there. Was he going to pop Miniature Mama in the trolley and pull her? What a load of oversharing bollocks. I don’t mind when bloggers do a massive caption because it’s for engagement and their own platform but she desperately needs to trim them down or use paragraphs for Insta.

 

[Jelly Bean]

View attachment 769650View attachment 769652

ETA - It’s not that you’re posting a lot, it’s that they’re separate posts, you big runner bean.

Blimey she is passive aggressive there. 'If you don't like my Instagram stop looking'.





Is she going to ignore the months she spent with no mention of her son? Holed up in London? Now using him shamelessly for clout?

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I was BUSY yesterday and only managed three pages of this thread so I can say with confidence to Jack:

spending the day being present and engaged with your son, and posting a flurry of (boring and unaesthetic) Instagram posts with captions which betray the fact you’re also compulsively reading along on Tattle, are mutually exclusive events.

I think poor Jonny or his dad have done something to prompt a narc rage and that manic heap of posts are some kind of passive aggressive punishment. “See I had to live through the horror of SB being in SCBU and then it was the POVERTY and I have BLUESY bits but he looks after me now but also nobody looks after me”.

Jack’s non-paid posts are always for someone, it’s never just documentation. Ok she’s speaking to Tattle on the edges - like with the fucking shopping trolley - but I think they’re designed to pull some heartstrings with the upsetting memory of him being poorly and the claim that she’s done such a good job of raising this sensitive boy who’s retained this sense of wonder around magical copses. Whatever the situation I hope she doesn’t get her own way and I hope Jonny can get through high school without anyone knowing who his dickhead mum is.

 

[Irena]

Grunking so this has probably already been said, but why do SB’s trainers change during the course of the picnic afternoon out?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Excuse me but what the frickin flippity fracking fuck is going on? Why is a thirty-three-year-old white middle class woman calling her son homeboy? Why do those boats look photoshopped in? Why has she seemingly forgotten that she was literally just at Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach (a theme park in restaurant parlance)? More importantly just WHY?

 

[blurstoftimes]

Poor kid has always assumed the role of her carer and emotional crutch. Remember when he checked on her to see if she was still breathing? And bringing food to her to make sure she was eating?

Jack sees it as endearing, but she hasn't a clue to how unhealthy their dynamic is and what an awful burden it is for a child. I hope he's there on a weekend visit and nothing more.

Yeah their dynamic is SO unhealthy, i really hope that most of these stories are fantasy. It’s like she only sees him as a person in relation to how he treats her. He’s in year 7 he has his own shit going on right now, year 7 is hard! The last thing he needs to be worrying about is getting his mum out of a ‘bluesy bit’. As a parent sometimes you just need to hold your nerve.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

View attachment 772724 my mum isnt a fan of breakfast.

Also grow up love and the soup from a packet looks ten times better than anything ive seen from her this weekend.

Your message already had me wheezing so I had to do my own, she instantly FaceTimed me worried

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

Grunking so this has probably already been said, but why do SB’s trainers change during the course of the picnic afternoon out?

What? Will need to check pictures. Hats off @Irena , there's clearly a new sheriff in town.