Jack Monroe #202 All of my spoons tell stories

[flotsam]

Oh god, I've been off the forum since thread 132 which was posted in January but I was reading in April (yes I was constantly running on a 3 or 4 month grunka, it's been so long I can't even be sure that's the phrase anymore). I never posted much but was following along very happily during my pregnancy and following the birth of my first baby in April I basically forgot about everything other than trying to workout how to stay alive and keep my child alive in that post birth haze.

I was just on Instagram now, while my 16 week old sleeps, and well up popped our Jack! Many happy memories of this site came back to me in a flash so I came over here and couldn't find the thread! I thought it'd fizzled out

After 45 seconds of being a technofail I found the thread and so happy to see I've got about 70 more to catch up on.

Love to all! See you next Jan!

 

[colouredlines]

Wow.

It's amazing that someone can do an enormous amount of research, reading so many articles by and about Jack Monroe, without picking up on the fact that she has been lying about absolutely everything since day one.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I wonder if she’ll keep deleting the caption, bit by bit, until we‘re left with this?

 

[HotesTilaire]

So full of shit.
I wish a squiggle would write some made up shit for Jack to elevenerife
“In my home country there is an old trick where we remove the burnt bottom, put it on our head then wrap trousers around it and the next day after a shower your scalp is healthy and your hair grows less grey”
Jack: “Yes, done this a few times and it works great!”

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 721371

"I like your jacket"

"Thanks I'M SO FUCKING MISERABLE JUST LIKE SYLVIA PLATH, PLEASE DON'T READ ANYTHING INTO MY CHOICE OF OUTERWEAR, THE BRIGHT COLOUR IS MERELY THERE TO MASK THE PAAAAAIIIIIN OF MY EXISTENCE"

 

[Silver Linings]

Please can a technical photo frau or herr curse us with this image?

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

NEVER GIVE FRESHLY LAWNMOWER MOWN GRASS TO RABBITS. IT CAN KILL THEM. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER.

" Do not feed lawn mower clippings. The heat and crushing action causes the grass to start fermenting which will upset the gut if eaten." Rabbits develop gut stasis.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Jack's bucket list:

1. Forever hydrangea
2. Marry Nigella
3. Go on Strictly
4. Bench press entire Royal Family
5. Catch blackberries in a bottle

 

[AprilLudgate]

Rarely add much here except the emoji but just saw this on Twitter - We’ll be a v interesting read no doubt

View attachment 720739Rarely add much here except the emoji but just saw this on Twitter - We’ll be a v interesting read no doubt

SAGE Journals: Your gateway to world-class research journals

Subscription and open access journals from SAGE Publishing, the world's leading independent academic publisher.

journals.sagepub.com

 

[LavaFlake]

Blended family but can't blend your eyeshadow.

 

[EllaEm87]

View attachment 722532
New insta bio. I think she’s read the dissertation, lads!

She’s missed out “wanker”

 

[MancBee]

More joy

View attachment 721328

It was this time last year that I mentioned about foraging for berries and apples. It's taken her some time, but she's got there. The berries this year aren't a patch on last years, obviously the growing conditions are not as favourable.

Last year I picked punnets and punnets, enough to make 12 jars of jam and loads of crumbles and never once, not a single once, did I get hands as covered as her's. So bloody performative. Everything has to be over the top.

I've just finished in the hospital, now off to enjoy one if the museums London has to offer. I've booked timed tickets, but won't say where in case 🔺️

 

[Powershower]

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Her attempts at sexy prose make me want to caulk my vagina shut.

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's collecting them in a milk bottle specifically to mirror the Plath poem, it's pathetic.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Imagine being the schmuck who forked out for Jack’s therapy or whatever the fuck treatment she was having while alluding to having cancer, and you’d had two months of her being quiet and keeping her irrepressible narcissistic urges on the downlow then BAM one night in a caravan and the demon shows itself. Four posts in one day of her cosplaying a working class holiday, her year-9-looking spoons sketch presented as though she believes the Royal Academy of Art are overlooking a genius, the sickly hot chocolate with a queasy patina, and the embarrassing attempt at eyeshadow is pre-Tattle levels of fishing for unwarranted validation. She’ll be back soon enough, cunting it up for our amusement, mark my words.

 

[Boyo]

There’s a far better (imo) poem about blackberry picking by Seamus Heaney, but it won’t have the same melodramatic gravitas as Plath for Jack.

Surprised she didn’t reference Lady Macbeth with ‘will these hands ne’er be clean?’ (good question) and ‘Out, damned slop spot.’

Look, I know it’s early but pleeeeease can we have “Out, damned slop“ as the next #threadtitle.

 

[LavaFlake]

Who picks up blackberries with the palm of your hands? You get messy fingers at a push.

And who brings a glass milk bottle out to collect blackberries? So impractical... they already look like theyre fermenting

 

[traumatised sideboard]

So basically what's happened is someone told Jack she had a social media problem and had to cut back on Twitter, now she's just realised no Twitter doesn't mean no Instagram. Her handler will clamp down on that next. It's only a matter of time until we come face to face with our ultimate nemesis ...TikTok Jack.