Jack Monroe #191 The sound of silence

[Pocahontas]

Hoist with her own anchoïade.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I also think the pandemic speeded up Jack's career demise. I mean, her constant begging and sadfishing was really shown up for what it was when so many people were going through much, much worse.

View attachment 586777

This was one of her most disgusting moments imo -

Lazy, scrounging mare

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I'm bringing refreshing tins of cold beans (rinsing is optional but preferred) and the smol robot taking hits of Energizer batteries for his headlining set.

 

[Orphan_Black]

'The sloppy ones'

 

[traumatised sideboard]

This is what I see in the shadow: a glove assassination! I bet you thought you could get away with it @colouredlines but you forgot to account for the super sleuthing skills of Detective Inspector TS

 

[Veronicaaa]

Oh my god!! These people, honestly!

 

[MancBee]

Where do we think it all went wrong?

She can't cook.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

God it’s been some drought when we’re excited for a HMRC chaos, grateful to our subject area experts for guiding us through this

 

[MancBee]

She certainly does

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This is the thing that really pisses me off. She thinks she is some sort of edgy, boundary pushing, avant-garde, right-on, individual person. In truth she is a pearl clutching, middle class, boring, straight laced, biggoted, uptight, prude. Why else would she be "terrified" by young people enjoying themselves?

I would rather spend time in a dance tent, dancing the night away with "scantily clad muddy young things", than spend 5 minutes with Jack. She is a Tory light, prejudiced, narrow minded, small town, provincial idiot.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack should consider getting an assistant...

 

[BlendedSlop]

I think we'll get pass-ag "I'm sorry your postcard is more important than my health. My assistant is furloughed, my fiancée LEFT, and I am a struggling single mum going through a hard time. Namaste "

"don't DARE question me! I am in TREATMENT. I am not HERE. the post office will NOT let me send ANY more parcels! I WORK 100 hours a week. a CABAL of MENDACIOUS trolls is preventing me from doing my JOB. I do this all for FREE! and you EXPECT items you have PAID FOR? get to FUCK"

Oh it will. 'I have no proof you bought anything online. How am I supposed to know? My laptop is 40 MILES AWAY so what do you expect me to do? This continual harassment is hindering MY RECOVERY. I suggest you get a good lawyer if you continue with these accusations because I certainly have one. Please leave me alone'.
Is my rough guess.

Aaaahhh it's like she's here!

I want to do one too:

"Hi [squig name], if you haven't received something you've purchased on my website it's because you haven't left your address. I can't check because my _first phone_ is in the hall charging and I'm in bed on my _second phone_ which is only on 1% battery. I'm SEVERELY EXHAUSTED from intensive treatment and this is adding to my stress. I'm prioritising my health over work at the moment, hope that's OK with you?"

*follow up tweet #1*
"Gone very quiet there [squig name], I take it you're double-checking your emails? I was starting to feel like I'd made an iota of recovery from my LONG COVID and ACUTE BURNOUT but your nasty, bullying tweet has rendered me a hollow, howling husk once again. I hope you're pleased with yourself."

*follow up tweet #2*
"Anyone else who wants to send me complaints and claim they haven't received items they've paid for, can I please ask that you message me privately instead of tweeting me publicly. I hate having to say this, but knowingly adding to the stress of someone who's been open about their recent breakdown is the lowest of the low and you should be ashamed of yourselves. ThankYOU."

 

[waffle maker]

When my husband revealed he had used tinned carrots in a vege cottage pie I was so angry I smashed up my own house.

 

[Eurgh]

There is no fucking way anybody said the best meal they had ever eaten included tinned potatoes. Absolutely not.

 

[kachoochoo]

Is it just me, or is anyone else hoping that email squiggle will send Jack into a narc rage spiral?

"don't DARE question me! I am in TREATMENT. I am not HERE. the post office will NOT let me send ANY more parcels! I WORK 100 hours a week. a CABAL of MENDACIOUS trolls is preventing me from doing my JOB. I do this all for FREE! and you EXPECT items you have PAID FOR? get to FUCK"

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I've been slowly, gently trying to put together a comprehensive list of Jacks. It's an impossible task as there are so many there's no way it can be exhaustive. Here it is, spoilered for extreme length. I've tried to group them to make it easier as trying to put them in order from least to most offensive is similarly impossible.

Spoiler: The List of Jacks

localities/nationalities
-Polish
-Scottish
-Northern Irish
-Estuary
-Greek
-American

activities
-knitting
-embroidery
-running
-make-up
-piano
-singing
-reading
-ancient TV series
-weightlifting
-bodybuilding
-budget crafting

jobs
-fire service (inclusive of Grenfell)
-journalist
-writer/author
-TV presenter
-cook

interests
-tank
-bridge
-Bond
-plants
-Asda receipts

LGBTQ
-non-binary
-filthy lesbian
-masculine aesthetic

medical
-sober
-arthritis
-ADHD
-autism
-black eye
-unspecified health problem
-long COVID

food
-vegan cheese
-plant milk
-Pot Noodle
-corner shop
-childhood food
-salad bar
-kombucha
-crisps
-flexitarian
-pescetarian
-trifle

identities
-single mum
-food bank user
-sober
-poor
-political
-pub uncle
-comedian
-legal
-zero waste
-sexy
-karate master
-ballet dancer
-Zoe Eccentricity
-4.5 GCSEs
-diagnosed gifted
-tattooed

hair
-no washing
-Irn Bru fright wig
-reverse rat's tail
-tragic undercut
-normal undercut
-mid 40s mum

miscellaneous
-tin opener
-lockdown rules
-designer fashion
-Liam Neeson/triangulation
-flower crown
-double denim
-passive-aggressive
-openly aggressive
-completed it mate
-caught sleeping
-blue tick arse lick
-Mary Poppins
-slapstick

 

[Jelly Bean]

Is it just me, or is anyone else hoping that email squiggle will send Jack into a narc rage spiral?

Oh it will. 'I have no proof you bought anything online. How am I supposed to know? My laptop is 40 MILES AWAY so what do you expect me to do? This continual harassment is hindering MY RECOVERY. I suggest you get a good lawyer if you continue with these accusations because I certainly have one. Please leave me alone'.
Is my rough guess.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Oh they did, babes. Jack gave them potato salad and, uh, a sandwich IIRC.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Cookiecookie]

To be clear; I only googled out of curiosity, not as research for a potential purchase!

 

[Veronicaaa]

I am treating myself to thread #1. So much better with a year of hindsight.

Much of the arrogance went over my head at the time but for her to kick off because that man got a TV show and then condescendingly 'offer' to co-host it is just an ego on another level.

Not sure if it's in the first thread, but I love the irony of her thanking all the squigs for getting her the DKL show, which ultimately started the slow death of her career. Nice one squigs!