Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

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You've finally done it @Billybellend you irreverent and ephemeral smol pixie, your very own thread title after being the first person to nominate @BlendedSlop's words. We've run out of Yakult now but we do have Jackult which is Jack's new range of fermented gut-healthy drinks. It's probably better if you don't know what's in them.

In the last thread
-Jack is maintaining radio silence so we went down memory lane and reminisced about some of her most hideous slops which included spaghetti with mushrooms and white chocolate, a lemon drizzle brick with no drizzle and fried sprout scones

-absolute madlad @PoorPatrol was inspired by the recipe for vegan tomato scuffins and made a batch. You can look at the results here. Mmm, love it when my baked goods are semi-solid.

Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.

There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.

New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
 
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Scuffin-kid update!

My kids were asking the other day who, if we were able to go on holiday, would feed our lockdown fish.... you can see where this is going?

I said they’ll be fine, because you can buy fish food that’s condensed into discs for slow release food for them....

Got the kids in, showed them the side plate of 11 scuffins (we had dissected and nibbled one) beautifully displayed as a pile of 6mm orangey brown discs.

The kids were like “oh, is that fish food for when we go on holiday?? Are we going on holiday?!” Followed by hysterics.

We are not going on holiday, dear hearts. That them there are scuffins. They’re for you to eat. Now they hate me. #supermum
 
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I now have two questions for Jack next time she comes:

1) what do you use pythagerous for every day?

2) Have you ever even actually made Your Scuffins recipe?
 
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Scuffin-kid update!

My kids were asking the other day who, if we were able to go on holiday, would feed our lockdown fish.... you can see where this is going?

I said they’ll be fine, because you can buy fish food that’s condensed into discs for slow release food for them....

Got the kids in, showed them the side plate of 11 scuffins (we had dissected and nibbled one) beautifully displayed as a pile of 6mm orangey brown discs.

The kids were like “oh, is that fish food for when we go on holiday?? Are we going on holiday?!” Followed by hysterics.

We are not going on holiday, dear hearts. That them there are scuffins. They’re for you to eat. Now they hate me. #supermum
Bless you dear heart. They will forgive you one day, if you're very lucky.

Another day another thread.

Does anyone else suspect that perhaps a similar fate has happened to our poor pixie that happened to Rachel in friends and that all of her recipies have been glued together( probably by her cat) so that they turn out as erm.... They were never intended?!

No...? Only me? Ok.
 
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Scuffin-kid update!

My kids were asking the other day who, if we were able to go on holiday, would feed our lockdown fish.... you can see where this is going?

I said they’ll be fine, because you can buy fish food that’s condensed into discs for slow release food for them....

Got the kids in, showed them the side plate of 11 scuffins (we had dissected and nibbled one) beautifully displayed as a pile of 6mm orangey brown discs.

The kids were like “oh, is that fish food for when we go on holiday?? Are we going on holiday?!” Followed by hysterics.

We are not going on holiday, dear hearts. That them there are scuffins. They’re for you to eat. Now they hate me. #supermum
Ha. That reminds me of a classic mumsnet thread where someone's husband ate a fat ball for birds that had been left in the fridge.

Wait a second, aren't fat balls made from lard? I'm going to start giving our Jack recipe ideas.
 
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OMFG Now that's what I call a grunk! I'm trying desperately to get ready for Zoom yoga and I still have tears of laughter running down my face. I LOVE it here!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

YES!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!! Thread title cherry officially lost...thank(space)you, dear hearts 😉🤣🤣🤣 Today has been a very good day, but this is the spunk on the lasagne 😂
Now bent into a hairpin shape and weeping with laughter again!
 
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A historic day at Bellend Towers, well done Billy!

Anyone else getting Walk This Way stuck in their head? You ain't seen nothin' till you're down on the scuffin...
 
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🎉🎉 well done @Billybellend thread title at last
Also @PoorPatrol honoray doctorates needs to be given to you for services to cabal
Like everyone else I am enjoying the silence and also for the opportunity to walk down slop memory lane
 
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I keep saying "Your Scuffins" in a Dick Van Dyke Mary Poppins accent. Jack would've been so proud.
 
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I keep saying "Your Scuffins" in a Dick Van Dyke Mary Poppins accent. Jack would've been so proud.
Do you think she was thinking if Dickensian street urchins when she thought of the name.

Oliver twist and the street scruffins.
 
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Turns out Jack thinks the food is sloppy too (and really can’t make porridge)

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Other porridge attempts:

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Jesus duck. “Swollen oats”, “sodden oats”, half dead bananas, prunes... 🤢

But hunched over the stove eating them. Sure.

A breakfast to set you up for the day... on the toilet.
 
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‘Obviously this wasn’t luxe enough’

NO OF COURSE IT WASN'T! IT WAS DISGUSTING!
 
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Guys I did a chaos. We keep our flour in plain jars and in a hurry I lifted the self raising instead of the plain when making toad in the hole, cake and sausages anyone?
 
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@Lanie I once made bread with plain flour after Jack posted her slow cooker bread recipe. It was disgusting and went straight in the bin
 
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