Jack Monroe #155 What a sad little life, Jack

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FlashBoof

This times a thousand. If anything shows Jack up for the person she really is, it’s this evenings posts. Poorly, mouth ouchy, teething ring, Difflam swilling Jack apparently feasts on crisps for a week. Even with mild toothache, I couldn’t imagine eating crisps. It’s all bollocks because she hasn’t finished the book. As was the “every time I have a deadline my tech crashes” shite too. I know they should do their homework, but her agents and publishers are genuinely demanding my sympathy right now. Thing is, when she gets dropped by them (inevitable, really - performative poorness, combined with terrible work ethic and slowing sales, book on book) she will blame the bullies complaining about her and ruining her life. She will have absolutely no consideration for her own role in her professional demise.

Also - that noodle mess - I cannot fathom how on Earth leeks would replicate spring onions in any way - they taste completely different and the texture is soft after cooking instead of crunchy or at least with a bite. The rest is just rank slop (as usual) and confit of garlic? What the fuck is that? Yet again, budget, tin can cook, £10 a week shop per person, Jack doesn’t have a clue about her USP or her market and pretends to be Heston again. With appalling results.
 
Reactions: 56

AnchovyPie

Is anyone else still following NotJack's postings on Instagram? They stuck to a really regular routine of quote, food pic, quote, food pic, but since actual Jack has been quiet on social media this week, NotJack's posting has been sporadic and out of sync. I'm sure it's definitely her.
Also I've got IBS and that noodle crap looks worse than some of my shits after a fucking curry.
 
Reactions: 55

Emmapism

I've eaten quite a few ramen dishes in my time and this is (as the kids would say) not the one.

She's put about as much thought into this as she does with everything. That is to say, none at all.

You can't just empty the contents of your cupboard into a bowl you fucking berk.
 
Reactions: 58

Harrybosch

kachoochoo said:
yeah... no... those ramen pics are troubling to wake up to on a Saturday morning. just realised that what I thought were cashews are in fact pieces of celery
Click to expand...
Can't you leave some of us in ignorant bliss?

Also, once again her contempt for vegans shows. 'It's all vegan apart from the egg, but ramen MUST have egg in it' is the same energy as people who have a meltdown over vegan sausages ('only sausages made of pork are REAL sausages').

Her attempts at appeasing the viggles always make things worse. Just say you are 0% vegan and no one will be upset.
 
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waffle maker

If only there was a widely understood word she could use that meant that a dish contained no meat but was not vegan.
 
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B

bignose28

When I can't imagine anything worse than eating one of Jack's creations I remember that she supposedly wolfs them down stone cold after taking zillions of pictures
 
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Flivver

The No. 10 thread going strong. Our wee Jackie’s still basking in the adoration of the squiggles and any hint of criticism slapped down.

The Twitter people’s Poverty Princess. She probably wishes she was as well known in real life rather than just the echo chamber that is Twitter. Every word agreed with, all slop worshipped

Slagging off the Tories to her lefty mates but I bet she’d scamper to No. 10 or 11 if Rishi babe or Bozo asked her to take part in some focus group or other. She’d be back there like a rat up a drainpipe. She’d smile her shark smile at Hancock and snaffle up the canapés like a good little Tory.
 
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Harrybosch

Also, pretty sure her noodles are king soba black rice noodles (most other black noodles aren't vegan). They are around £2.50-£3 per 250g, so not cheap. We sometimes get them because they are tasty and gluten free (gf husband). There are two ways of making them look and taste great. Either boiled, then rinsed and dressed lightly in a sesame oil and soya dressing, sprinkled with sesame seeds as a noodle side dish or boiled,rinsed and added briefly to a very bright stir fry of greens like bok choy, snow peas, water spinach, etc. Topped with spring onion and red chilli. The bright green and red looks great against the black.

waffle maker said:
If only there was a widely understood word she could use that meant that a dish contained no meat but was not vegan.
Click to expand...
Fun fact: 100% of dishes are vegan until you add animal products to them.
 
Reactions: 75

MaineCoonMama

My local food bank has a freezer full of meals made from rescued vegetables( can't think of the term).

Most are vegan and ' absolutely delicious'.

Jack, please don't read this and volunteer your services. Not that this would affect me personally but nobody in financial difficulty needs further emotional distress.
 
Reactions: 37

Into_the_tunnel

Spag Bol is all vegan apart from the mince ().

Quiche is all vegan apart from the egg.

Cheese and pickle sandwiches are all vegan apart from the cheese.


However, if you put a bit of effort in these items can all be made vegan. She is such a bork.

Sorry @Harrybosch I didn’t read your post before writing
 
Reactions: 35

discokebab

Catching up so apologies if this lands badly but I can now be initiated into the 'I Dream of Jackie' club.
I was at home, watching a BBC programme - it was about Jack, and she was pottering around a very nice living room (albeit decorated like my Grandad's home which was outdated in 1975) and she had SOME UNOPENED LETTERS on a substantial mantlepiece. She picked one up, and her address was on it clear as day*
And I thought to my dream self "That is naughty of the Big British Castle, they really ought to have blurred it out for privacy reasons, we don't chat that shit on Tattle even though it would be terribly easy"

*I don't know her address
 
Reactions: 29

Bombastic

I hope it's not a representative of karma but I'm off to emergency dentist with my infected toof. Thread lightly team

edit to add:
I slept through the night in silence. Was scared at first in case I wake up and randomly scream or cry, but I loaded up on painkillers and reached the morning.
 
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waffle maker

What are you doing going to the dentist?!? Call 111 and then take some selfies.
 
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M

Mokie

Holy hell. I’m hungover this morning and that bowl of oily brown stuff That has surpassed that rank bacon fat gravy from Christmas. It could be bin juice
 
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It’s The Truman Show

Hope they do something for you . I had bad tooth earlier this year at height of Covid and was taking a lot of painkillers whilst awaiting my appointment. Blood pressure went sky high which I found mildly fascinating that pain and/or lots of paracetamol/neurofen would do that (I was keeping a log of when I took them cos I was worried about how many I was taking). Anyway sorry boring post but real toothache is the worst. There is no way you would eat crisps with toothache. I only had soup or rice pudding. Just kept thinking of the weight I might lose (silver linings and all that)!
 
Reactions: 40
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