Jack Monroe #113 I beg your pardon, she’s got a hammock in her rented garden

[MancBee]

Did Jack acknowledge World AIDS Day yesterday? No thought not, too busy with her stupid questions about should you have Yorkshire pudding with Christmas dinner, or what is best mince pie, crumble, or tart. She didn't give it a second thought, no let's get it right, she didn't give it a first thought. Only has thoughts about herself and how things affect her.

Only Jack could go to Tanzania and equate her own experiences to that of the poverty she saw. HIV rates in Tanzania are horrendous, and the prognosis for positive people is dreadful. She witnessed that, but completely ignored it yesterday. She is beneath contempt.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Shes like the Grinch. All that guffaw about Santa and covid yesterday and now very little to no cooking on Christmas day.

shd took the who pudding and the roast beast and stuffed them in the freezer with a wail and her fist.

 

[TVC15]

I went for a walk at 3 am and it was a chilly morning this morning, so I determinedly tugged on warm socks. I also wore more than one piece of clothing. I layered clothing, in a sense, to cover my body and keep the chill from reaching me. During the walk, I listened to my body and realized I was getting cold and tired, so I went home to my heated apartment. I used blankets to warm up and had breakfast porridge for breakfast. A neighbour knocked on my door and I answered in my undies after howling and throwing myself on the floor. He told me that he could smell my breakfast porridge cooking and said it was the best and most heartiest and rough-hewn breakfast porridge he had ever smelled at breakfast time. He took a ginger sniff and I realized he was not wearing a mask. I kicked him hard in the shins. As I walked back to the stove I tripped over my own foot and smashed my head into the kitchen counter. Immediate black eye and bruised face. I gazed at my shiny face in the mirror and thought, “If I close the bathroom door and start a fan heater in here, I can create a small heated work space.” And this is the story of how my bathroom office began. Please send doggos and sympathy and FUCK OFF x

(Not mocking RA or disability — I’m mocking the bizarre and redundant fantasy/reality writing)

(I really did go for a walk. I wore a winter coat because it winter. I tend to wear my winter coat at the first sign of winter. I’m doing it again...)

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 332740View attachment 332741

View attachment 332742View attachment 332746

In response to her Twitter vomit last night:-
1. Yes you've mentioned the photoshoot (many times). We all know how important you think you are.

2. Your kitchen "looks like it's been ransacked by bears", but a few hours ago your home was immaculate. Which is it?

3. Joking about cramming 9 hours sleep (who needs that much?) Into 5 1/2 isn't funny.

4. It's not unusual for anyone to underestimate how long tasks take. It is nothing to do with your ADHD, or any other MH condition. Almost everyone I know underestimates the time jobs take "in the human world". Are you suggesting that you are not human? What a strange take, to suggest that a MH condition stops you being human. How insulting to all those people with ADHD and other conditions that are very much human. You are perpetuating stigma, please stop.

5. If you didn't have such a lot of junk, sorting it out would be quicker. You state that your home is minimalist, your photographs disprove that claim.

6. I don't know what you are replying to with your reference to ADHD, stress, fear, anxiety and overeating carbs, but will make the following observations.
a) We all know you've got ADHD, you tell everyone constantly. Many of us have health issues that affect us, we don't tell everyone multiple times a day. We just get on with life. I suggest you do the same. Everyone is aware of your illnesses, they do not need daily (or hourly) reminders.
b)Stress, fear and anxiety are affecting everyone right now, we are in a pandemic. It might be nice to actually acknowledge that others are struggling too, rather than always centering yourself.
c)Too many carbs. Well if you ate a proper balanced diet rather than tiny portions of crap, you might not feel the need to overeat late in the evening.

7. Massive sleeps at weekends do not "reset" you, they will mess with your body clock. Manage your time better so that you get 7 or 8 hours sleep a night. No one works efficiently when they are tired. You will find you are more productive.

I hope that my advice is helpful to you Jack. My invoice for life coaching is in the post. One final advice....open your post!

 

[GoLando]

View attachment 332322View attachment 332325

View attachment 332329

Why is she acting like filing a tax return late is ok and she’s so hard done by? And if you’re paying your admin, perhaps either make her redundant or get her to do some work from home so you’re not wasting money.

Designer crockery ain’t gonna buy and smash itself.

EDIT - when she originally talked about furlough she said Caroline can’t do ANYTHING “those are the rules” except...she doesn’t need to abide by the furlough rules because the rules are only pertinent to repayments from the government, they’re absolutely irrelevant to the employment contract.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

It's a NEW RECORD! 145 tweets in one day!

Previous record was 140 (since counting began)

(Retweets not included)

Well done, Jack

 

[jenny2603]

She's started posting her 'behind the scenes at the GQ awards' blooper reel. #tragique

Because nothing screams professional journalist more than carrying on like an over excited competition winner for days after publication.

 

[kachoochoo]

honestly, "keep warm by wearing clothes" has got to be the best advice since "you can use a bag to put things in"

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Oh piss off.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I thought she was staunchly anti-electric blanket after her illustrious career in the fire service? Also Jack the accomplished writer, you've used the incorrect loath. You are loath to do any work and I loathe your incompetence.

Slopbot update: if you get 'undefined' as part of the sentence it's because I fucked up the random number generator part of the code and miscounted the number of words in that category. It should be alright now but if that happens could you please let me know so I can fix it. I've just added a handful of new ingredients, dishes and victims as well and don't worry, @Bobtheknob - Slopbot is for the people! We run off the generous bitcoin payments straight from Vlad, no need to cheat vulnerable people out of their winter fuel payments.

 

[Scarletfever]

Look at the state of that crockery.

And she actually had the brass neck to criticise the chopping boards in the primary school kitchen? Hope the dinner ladies ban her for life, it was a privilege to be allowed into their workspace, and she had no fucking right to insult their chopping boards.

Sort your own fucking kitchen out.

 

[usefullyuseless]

"I write more concisely than I speak"

 

[jenny2603]

There’s a fucking leopard print bongo in there

Thread title!

 

[HarderFaster]

Also she's such a fucking bad grass. The utter cheek of her to accept thousands of pounds for an article that she can't even be fucked proofreading and then publicly bay for blood of a low paid worker on her verified social media.

She can say all she likes that she "doesn't want to get anyone fired" but she's doubling down that it's the driver's fault with her sad little spy camera so that's evidently bollocks.

Proper entitled Tory behaviour.

 

[Montrachet]

 

[Emmapism]

'My house is pretty minimal and immaculate these days'

Hey Siri, show me the biggest lie ever told

 

[EnglishRoseIrishRover]

If we take as given* that (a) she documents the minutiae of her life on Twitter and (b) she does this 5 times a year, why have we never seen this ‘changeover’ ‘of tat before?

I rest my case, m’lord

*lies

 

[blurstoftimes]

View attachment 332429View attachment 332430View attachment 332432View attachment 332433

I might go into my ten year old's bedroom and try singing her a goodnight song and see how that goes down - I think it'll be something along the lines of 'mum please stop you are so embarrassing'. Where can I find myself a delightful young whippersnapper straight out of the secret seven?

 

[jenny2603]

Way behind cos BUSY.

The coriander thing is really irritating me. Does she realise the "dish soap" coriander thing is genetic? Therefore it either does or doesn't taste that way to you and always has - it doesn't suddenly switch as she stated it did with her. Fair enough you can just not like it, I don't like it, but that doesn't mean you have a genetic reason to taste it differently.

Yeah but saying you don't like coriander is far too run of the mill for Our Jack for she is very unique. I expect her months of poverty rearranged her genes whilst it was in doing her brain.

Honestly I sometimes wonder if her parents excluded a disgruntled witch from her christening party and the witch cursed her to forever act like a try hard in their first month of Uni.

 

[Droosie123]

I'm back after a week of being very irritated by Jack being courted by GQ magazine and getting an audience with MR.

The article has restored my faith our in people outside this cabal to ask questions and cast a critical eye over stuff.

People moan about Tattle but quite honestly it's only this forum which actually seems to ask questions of influencers and hold them to account for some outright lies.

I dont dislike Jack as a person, I do dislike her absolute lies online about only having £20 to shop with when clearly she has access to far more financial input. She doesn't include milk or fresh fruit juice which is clearly delivered. Nor did she acknowledge the food input from her BB and she was still pushing the lie that these £20 were feeding three people. When folk who are struggling are donating some of their winter fuel allowance to Jack (yes I know she eventually returned it) on the back of the lies then I lose all patience.
I wish Jack no harm but it's time she was honest about her life.

And the SlopBot is a work of genius.

Anyway....I've just got my taste back after having COVID. ....and I was craving prawn cocktail (probably due to the discussions here ) so I've had one for lunch. I scooped it out of the bowl with hunks of crusty bread and devoured it like a hyena

It was bloody wonderful to taste it.