crystaleyesd
VIP Member
HEY LOUISA! YES, YOU LOUISA, MY ERSTWHILE BUBBLE BUDDY. LOOK AT WHAT YOU WALKED AWAY FROM. BET YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT A VICTORIAN CHIMNEY SWEEP IN A TOO TIGHT CORSET CAN YA?
- Notice
Finally a balanced and fair article!OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!!!
Are cynical social media influencers exploiting backlash against online abuse to deflect scrutiny? – Laura Waddell
Gossip is old news. Shakespeare, in fact, was among the first to commit the word to print, his characters frequently getting the wrong end of tittle tattle to both comic and tragic outcome.www.scotsman.com
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Just a reply about the obsessive and stalky posts, as mods we do ban and delete a lot that overstep the fair commentary of a public figure. But yeah some do slip through if they don't get reported. At the same time the very nature of these social media influencers oversharing their life kinda makes it inevitable and very difficult to control.
colouredlines
VIP Member
Yeeeeees!!!OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!!!
Are cynical social media influencers exploiting backlash against online abuse to deflect scrutiny? – Laura Waddell
Gossip is old news. Shakespeare, in fact, was among the first to commit the word to print, his characters frequently getting the wrong end of tittle tattle to both comic and tragic outcome.
View attachment 332870
And the irony of it coming from her beloved homeland, Scotland.
Far be it from me to tell you how to feel, but I think she is absolutely fine. She’s clearly staged that stuff, with lots of quirky ethnic bric-a-brac thrown in so that she will be asked lots and lots of questions about it all. Which she is, and she is loving the attention. She’s a very, very privileged little puppybrain with a lot ... a LOT of shit.
BeautifulTrauma
VIP Member
She’s going to be livid at all the attention Elliot Page is getting today, no doubt clawing at the floor and howling why she didn’t get number one spot on the Daily Mail showbiz page when she decided she was transgender.
Good on Elliot, such a brave decision to make with the world watching too. Which is what Jack thinks in her head happens every time she makes an announcement, but literally the only people watching her are us, Brenda and Stuart.
Good on Elliot, such a brave decision to make with the world watching too. Which is what Jack thinks in her head happens every time she makes an announcement, but literally the only people watching her are us, Brenda and Stuart.
Thread title right there.
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SweetTransvestite
VIP Member
JFC! How many more times can she wring this out? The whole thing lasts about 2mins & she wasn't in it for half of that
'Here's me reducing a successful, intelligent & honourable young man to a subordinate position under the guise of education. I am integral to this process. I am needed'
*See also*
'Here's me belittling BB, a successful, professional at the top of her profession into a simpleton who cannot feed herself. I am integral to this process. I am needed'
Silver Linings
VIP Member
10.02am
Afternoon
Afternoon
plus extra collarbone push forward. Dickhead.
HotesTilaire
VIP Member
With thanks to @Sentient mirror for the thread title
Recap of previous thread:
Final arrangements and categories for the first annual Sloppies awards were made. Professional caterers were engaged.
She is a forensic supermarket retail price tracker, benchmarking the cost of smart price mandarins and Charlie Bingham ready meals for over 8 years. Conclusion - stuff costs more lately.
She didn’t go viral but she did get a name check from MR then immediately started snarking on his squiggles.
I discovered that thread 66 has a lot of firsts
She retweeted Potatoes.
Recap of previous thread:
Final arrangements and categories for the first annual Sloppies awards were made. Professional caterers were engaged.
She is a forensic supermarket retail price tracker, benchmarking the cost of smart price mandarins and Charlie Bingham ready meals for over 8 years. Conclusion - stuff costs more lately.
She didn’t go viral but she did get a name check from MR then immediately started snarking on his squiggles.
I discovered that thread 66 has a lot of firsts
She retweeted Potatoes.
Last edited:
MancBee
VIP Member
I will never become used to these pictures. It is just so much crap. Who could possibly live with such a huge amount of utter rubbish and clutter? How can she appreciate the nice things she no doubt has, when it is lost amongst all that horrible junk?
She would feel so much better with far fewer, carefully chosen, beautiful pieces. It would improve her MH no end, I can assure you. No need to get rid of everything, just be better at curating what is needed. If she lived in a more appropriately sized home for one adult and a child she wouldn't have room for all this stuff. She is just buying things to fill a space.
AND JACK LOOK AFTER YOUR STUFF, YOU TREAT EVERYTHING LIKE JUNK, IT IS ALL FILTHY. (sorry for shouting)
blurstoftimes
VIP Member
the mascara thing reminds me of my daughters birthday parties - there's always one kid that is jealous of the birthday girl and fakes an injury to get the attention back on them. Jack was def that little shit when she was younger.
Ladderedtights
Well-known member
Buckle up buttercups.
Unfortunately I do still need Twitter / Tattle / John Lewis.
HarderFaster
VIP Member
If anyone is in the position to be catty about the state of kitchen items, it certainly is not Jack Monroe, whose cutlery draw looks like Hiroshima. Those dinner ladies are infinitely better cooks than her. She can get to fuck with her rinsed beans.
colouredlines
VIP Member
Personally I am too poor for either, and like to spread festive cheer with Asda Smart Price Assorted Maize Snacks.What odds on tomorrow becoming “Quality Street or Heroes?”.
Switchstreetz
VIP Member
Just catching up, saddened to see that Jack has not, in fact, gone viral yet.
I eagerly await her Ridley Slopp director's cut of the GQ video
Nominations for the sloppies have now closed. Will let you all know once quiz is online
I eagerly await her Ridley Slopp director's cut of the GQ video
Nominations for the sloppies have now closed. Will let you all know once quiz is online
The Novak Nail award for most entertainingly bizarre lie (presented by Jay Cartwright, Inbetweeners*)
- The black eye
- lies about her diet, including such gems as being a Pescatarian bodybuilder/90% vegan/"i only shop ethically" and "i don't eat sugar"
-The lies about how she obtains her expensive goods. Includes the scarf in a muddy puddle, the extra free sofa, le creuset in a charity shop etc
- The valiant brambly mice
- The soft pink velvet curtains which turn you into a 12 year old boy
- Pretending some friends bought her £300 curtains (and presumably measured her bay window to do so).
- The £20 shop feeding 3 a week, including such lies as "my budget doesn't stretch to butter," the empty foil tins in freezer & the ever replenishing cupboards and fridge.
- The mystery doorstep soap delivery
- Pretending to lose her "SSRIs" in a skip
- Breaking 47 out of the 26 bones in her foot (maybe she's been hoarding extras)
- Not drinking tea or coffee apart from when she does every day
- Feeding the homeless with melamine cutlery, Edinburgh
- The life changing kombucha, never seen again after that first phenomenal batch
- Claiming she could stand on her toes for 9 minutes thanks to all the ballet she did
- Lies about upbringing such as implying she grew up on food stamps when we don't have them in uk, number of GCSEs etc
- Claiming she was offered seven figures for a film based on her life
- Lies that she turned down or risked any work for moral reasons, or that she is/was working with a huge brand or celeb, (such as Marcus, uk govt or Pret) but top secretly behind the scenes so can't disclose it
- Claiming to have been a stand in for Ruby rose
-Lying about being a firefighter and co-opting grenfell to centre herself (@Titsnake this was a hard one to categorise but have put here as infuriatingly she pulled it off with minimal backlash and chaos)
- Life saving Mediterranean arse (@PoorPatrol)
The Twitter Bully Award for pile on of the year (sponsored by Henry Hoover*)
- THAT MAN Jamie Oliver
- David Walliams
- Stacey Dooley
- Paul Hollywood
- Annunziata Rees-Mogg
- LNER trains
The Mission Inn Star award for worst slop (sponsored by the people who make airlines' vomit bags*)
- Mackerel weetabix in a raw egg with noodles
- The 'sword in the stone' lasagne
- Mussels...and pears
- The faecal 'tin bolognese' with garlic
- SBs THRICE RECYCLED beetroot water boiled pasta & a raw flour cheese sauce. Yummy.
- The afterbirth oats
- Sausagne & cheesy fish finger lasagne
- Butter sausage with atomised kale to season
- A mancbee assassination attempt disguised as tomato soup
- Horridge with bacon and banana
- Horse spunk béchamel
- Grated corned beef chilli
- Peach and chickpea curry (@PoorPatrol so glad you nominated this!)
The Full Moon award for best chaos (presented by Dr Ian Malcolm*)
- Thanks very matt much matt
- Celery, Edinburgh, "dishoom is not a chain" & accidental tongue photo upload
- The wigs
- Frau for a day, Jack joins tattle
- Thrifty shades of beige
- This morning Chicken lingreenie (chicken not included)
- The ouchy mouth saga and all pains oral, including lipstick healing and teething necklaces
- Peeky mink and their unmasking
- Comic kitchen & the identity masking cartoon filters
- GQ article ("how to centre yourself in an article supposed to be about someone else" by Jack Monroe with cameo by kickyball star) & video
- The For Sale sign from hell
- dusty Aunt Helen (DKL)
- The severed foot, finger splinter or any other non-oral physical injuries sustained right before she's due to have a public appearance
Most outrageous waste of money (sponsored by Apple*)
- The sentient mirror
- The smeg fridge
- The items of cotswolds furniture too numerous to count
- The dyson fan
- Edinburgh trip & sleeper train, last minute
- The lion bar deliveries
- The hammock
- Strawberry thief curtains
- However many pairs of airpods she has
The Eye of Sauron award for 'Best' TV/public performance: (presented by Jamie Oliver*)
- Daily Kitchen Live
- Hellman's
- GQ
- This Morning
- The housing conference
- Facebook lives
Most useless and/or actively detrimental advice (sponsored by Captain Obvious & the Southend fire department*)
- You can use a bag for putting things in.
- When cooking you can wash up as you go along.
- The only knife you will ever need is a bread knife
- Any herb will do
- Suggesting a non AF port & wine reduction as an alternative to someone trying to cut the alcohol out of dishes
- Mince has different fat percentages because "it just does"
- Microwave some phat cloves of garlic, its not safe but your house will smell amazing while it burns down
- recommended buying a print of a fictional "sponsorbot" instead of going to seek out a real sponsor
Best Selfie of the year (presented by Nev and Max & sponsored by facetune*)
- Setting a timer to take a photo of her taking a photo with her tongue
- Taking a photo pretending to be really excited with hands to face
- Somethings simmering...sideboard modelling shots
- Trying to look like a 10 year old boy
- Black eye
- Sexy time in bed with cat
- Taking 'writing process' photos instead of writing
Most Urgent Item on the To Do List (special guest presenter kachoochoo who also provided nominations and descriptions 1 to 4)
1. Vegan crackling. The people have been waiting over a year for this masterpiece
2. Sideboard photos. something has been simmering since June. could it be the chicken thigh bone stock?
3. Rooting out Amazon from her website - people like companies that pay their taxes. Jack could set an example by not using them for the small commissions from affiliate links
4. Thrifty shades of beige - the people need the high quality postcards of comforting and delicious recipes that they have paid for
5. £15 a week free school meals. Of course jack could do better at planning them than local govt, she just doesn't want to. She's BUSY tweeting about doggos, ok?
Best imaginary friend/enemy (presented by Michael Caine*)
-"Only good for burger flipping" teacher
-Old chief who likes girls in skirts at the fire station. Traazers? On a bird?!
-"White trash shouldn't breed" lady
-Train man who sat too close and got his shins kicked
-Old man who sidled up to her to say he loved her work
-Matt Tebbutt ( "cheeky duo, best mate" version, not the very real and very done with JM version)
- The shadowy cabal of bullying hausfrau ninnies (actually just people with receipts)
The Silver Poca Plate for honorary frau of the year (dedicated also to our planetary friend, who sadly can't attend to present, but is a lifelong honorary frau)
- Jack's sentient mirror
- Cooper
- Nibbles & Loppy
- Marcus Rashford
- Matt of the forearms Tebbutt
- Miguel Barclay
- The followers brave enough to speak out against/call out Jack when they disagreed with her.
*none of these sponsors/presenters are real. Viv, Marcus, Krish mate... if you're out there, donate just $15,000 a month to the fictional frauen patreon & we'll send you a postcard with a drawing of the presenters we wish we could have - and a recipe for chicken nuggets on the back
- The black eye
- lies about her diet, including such gems as being a Pescatarian bodybuilder/90% vegan/"i only shop ethically" and "i don't eat sugar"
-The lies about how she obtains her expensive goods. Includes the scarf in a muddy puddle, the extra free sofa, le creuset in a charity shop etc
- The valiant brambly mice
- The soft pink velvet curtains which turn you into a 12 year old boy
- Pretending some friends bought her £300 curtains (and presumably measured her bay window to do so).
- The £20 shop feeding 3 a week, including such lies as "my budget doesn't stretch to butter," the empty foil tins in freezer & the ever replenishing cupboards and fridge.
- The mystery doorstep soap delivery
- Pretending to lose her "SSRIs" in a skip
- Breaking 47 out of the 26 bones in her foot (maybe she's been hoarding extras)
- Not drinking tea or coffee apart from when she does every day
- Feeding the homeless with melamine cutlery, Edinburgh
- The life changing kombucha, never seen again after that first phenomenal batch
- Claiming she could stand on her toes for 9 minutes thanks to all the ballet she did
- Lies about upbringing such as implying she grew up on food stamps when we don't have them in uk, number of GCSEs etc
- Claiming she was offered seven figures for a film based on her life
- Lies that she turned down or risked any work for moral reasons, or that she is/was working with a huge brand or celeb, (such as Marcus, uk govt or Pret) but top secretly behind the scenes so can't disclose it
- Claiming to have been a stand in for Ruby rose
-Lying about being a firefighter and co-opting grenfell to centre herself (@Titsnake this was a hard one to categorise but have put here as infuriatingly she pulled it off with minimal backlash and chaos)
- Life saving Mediterranean arse (@PoorPatrol)
The Twitter Bully Award for pile on of the year (sponsored by Henry Hoover*)
- THAT MAN Jamie Oliver
- David Walliams
- Stacey Dooley
- Paul Hollywood
- Annunziata Rees-Mogg
- LNER trains
The Mission Inn Star award for worst slop (sponsored by the people who make airlines' vomit bags*)
- Mackerel weetabix in a raw egg with noodles
- The 'sword in the stone' lasagne
- Mussels...and pears
- The faecal 'tin bolognese' with garlic
- SBs THRICE RECYCLED beetroot water boiled pasta & a raw flour cheese sauce. Yummy.
- The afterbirth oats
- Sausagne & cheesy fish finger lasagne
- Butter sausage with atomised kale to season
- A mancbee assassination attempt disguised as tomato soup
- Horridge with bacon and banana
- Horse spunk béchamel
- Grated corned beef chilli
- Peach and chickpea curry (@PoorPatrol so glad you nominated this!)
The Full Moon award for best chaos (presented by Dr Ian Malcolm*)
- Thanks very matt much matt
- Celery, Edinburgh, "dishoom is not a chain" & accidental tongue photo upload
- The wigs
- Frau for a day, Jack joins tattle
- Thrifty shades of beige
- This morning Chicken lingreenie (chicken not included)
- The ouchy mouth saga and all pains oral, including lipstick healing and teething necklaces
- Peeky mink and their unmasking
- Comic kitchen & the identity masking cartoon filters
- GQ article ("how to centre yourself in an article supposed to be about someone else" by Jack Monroe with cameo by kickyball star) & video
- The For Sale sign from hell
- dusty Aunt Helen (DKL)
- The severed foot, finger splinter or any other non-oral physical injuries sustained right before she's due to have a public appearance
Most outrageous waste of money (sponsored by Apple*)
- The sentient mirror
- The smeg fridge
- The items of cotswolds furniture too numerous to count
- The dyson fan
- Edinburgh trip & sleeper train, last minute
- The lion bar deliveries
- The hammock
- Strawberry thief curtains
- However many pairs of airpods she has
The Eye of Sauron award for 'Best' TV/public performance: (presented by Jamie Oliver*)
- Daily Kitchen Live
- Hellman's
- GQ
- This Morning
- The housing conference
- Facebook lives
Most useless and/or actively detrimental advice (sponsored by Captain Obvious & the Southend fire department*)
- You can use a bag for putting things in.
- When cooking you can wash up as you go along.
- The only knife you will ever need is a bread knife
- Any herb will do
- Suggesting a non AF port & wine reduction as an alternative to someone trying to cut the alcohol out of dishes
- Mince has different fat percentages because "it just does"
- Microwave some phat cloves of garlic, its not safe but your house will smell amazing while it burns down
- recommended buying a print of a fictional "sponsorbot" instead of going to seek out a real sponsor
Best Selfie of the year (presented by Nev and Max & sponsored by facetune*)
- Setting a timer to take a photo of her taking a photo with her tongue
- Taking a photo pretending to be really excited with hands to face
- Somethings simmering...sideboard modelling shots
- Trying to look like a 10 year old boy
- Black eye
- Sexy time in bed with cat
- Taking 'writing process' photos instead of writing
Most Urgent Item on the To Do List (special guest presenter kachoochoo who also provided nominations and descriptions 1 to 4)
1. Vegan crackling. The people have been waiting over a year for this masterpiece
2. Sideboard photos. something has been simmering since June. could it be the chicken thigh bone stock?
3. Rooting out Amazon from her website - people like companies that pay their taxes. Jack could set an example by not using them for the small commissions from affiliate links
4. Thrifty shades of beige - the people need the high quality postcards of comforting and delicious recipes that they have paid for
5. £15 a week free school meals. Of course jack could do better at planning them than local govt, she just doesn't want to. She's BUSY tweeting about doggos, ok?
Best imaginary friend/enemy (presented by Michael Caine*)
-"Only good for burger flipping" teacher
-Old chief who likes girls in skirts at the fire station. Traazers? On a bird?!
-"White trash shouldn't breed" lady
-Train man who sat too close and got his shins kicked
-Old man who sidled up to her to say he loved her work
-Matt Tebbutt ( "cheeky duo, best mate" version, not the very real and very done with JM version)
- The shadowy cabal of bullying hausfrau ninnies (actually just people with receipts)
The Silver Poca Plate for honorary frau of the year (dedicated also to our planetary friend, who sadly can't attend to present, but is a lifelong honorary frau)
- Jack's sentient mirror
- Cooper
- Nibbles & Loppy
- Marcus Rashford
- Matt of the forearms Tebbutt
- Miguel Barclay
- The followers brave enough to speak out against/call out Jack when they disagreed with her.
*none of these sponsors/presenters are real. Viv, Marcus, Krish mate... if you're out there, donate just $15,000 a month to the fictional frauen patreon & we'll send you a postcard with a drawing of the presenters we wish we could have - and a recipe for chicken nuggets on the back
colouredlines
VIP Member
Honestly, MancBee, thank (space) you for your consistant grace and eloquence on these threads. It is wonderful that society has progressed so far in terms of tolerance, but the horrors that your generation lived through must never be forgotten. I remember a colleague telling me about seeing friend after friend die - that is unimaginable, and those lives need to be remembered. He also told me about how he hated people nowadays telling him he was queer, part of the queer community etc, when that word was used as a hateful slur against him for so long.
(I think it's also sadly true that, despite progress, media representation of gay men is still sadly largely limited to one type - camp, cheerful, always joking - which makes people take them less seriously. As a society we have come a long way, but frankly until we see gay professional footballers etc, we still have a long way to go.)
On-topic: Jack Monroe is a bellend
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
There’s a fucking leopard print bongo in there
Silver Linings
VIP Member
He’s muted you, love.
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
The retweets and comments on twitter are going to be worth watching!
