Jack Monroe #104 Are you familiar with my tip jar?

[Alansbigplate]

Re: Jack types - have we already thought of Weapons-Grade Assassin Jack?
Can kneecap a man and/or disable him at twenty paces, has to have a choke chain on when the postman knocks on the door, can lift unfeasibly heavy weights like sofas and sideboards. Alleged to have punched own brother. Can take out For Sale signs with one mighty blow of her axe. Habitat: In an underground bunker on security detail.

Also: Dr ‘Do-Little’ Jack
At one with all flora and fauna - the mice in the brambles, doggos, her cat boyfriend, the lady fox, the rabbit. Can unearth whole wisteria trees and eucalyptus sprigs just by singing the first bar of Snow White’s lament. Habitat: The puddle.

Hairdresser Jack can cut Afro hair in the garden from a 2 metre social distance

 

[Flumps]

I am shook, shook I tell you, that her son enjoys a nice, simple ham sandwich.

 

[Thank(space)you]

the slop thickens.

This would be a brilliant thread title suggestion. Please repost it later dear heart

 

[ScamSandwich]

Considering the name of this thread, this is really interesting, the comments are growing too. Remember our friend Kirsty?

View attachment 308331

the slop thickens.

 

[Eurgh]

‘Mutually brilliant sense of humour’

Mother of God.

 

[Raker]

I am on a 7 page IncyGunk, nott sure if this has already been said.

Where are @Incywincy and @GrunkaLunka ? Lost in the space time continuum? Trapped in a soft cheese bog? Unable to overcome Brenda’s Bangers? Egg bound to an earlier thread? Speared to the past by the Almighty Splinter of Southend? Bubble buddied up into a lockdown they haven’t budgeted for? Hope all are ok xx

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

How can Jack sit at home and tweet the shit she does about how her son LOVES a yellow sticker plain ham sandwich and actually think that’s an acceptable thing to feed her son while she eats expensive cheese? It’s embarrassing, why is nobody pulling her up on this and questioning why she gets the good stuff and he gets cooking bacon (which is vile and not proper bacon), half a biscuit and that sandwich filler monstrosity.

She really is a narcissistic, hypochondriac, grifting scammer of the highest order. One day we will watch her pay for it all, one day.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I know it was short-lived (even by Jack persona standards) but I'll always have a soft spot for Wholesome American Mom Jack, purely because of how batshit it was in the immediate aftermath of Eyegate.

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

So have I got this right?
THEN Asda was a trek away and it required half a day's expedition with a backpack to get there. NOW she can just pop there for a loaf tin and some flavoured peanuts?!

 

[HarderFaster]

That spiced biscuit Ritter Sport is a special edition and has only been in the shops for a few weeks.

In the same past few weeks Oor Wee Jackie has claimed that she doesn’t eat sweets, that she has no money for butter, and that she has subsisted solely on her £20 Asda shops (with buddle Waitrose cheese top-ups, natch).

When commenting on the deliciousness of one chocolate bar exposes three quite large lies she has only recently tweeted, it’s surely time for her to turn that critical gaze inward and start questioning that compulsion to fib.

Maybe ask one of the three therapists, eh, PeekyMink?

 

[JoyceDivision]

Oooh squiggle so do we

 

[Brian Butterfield]

I get annoyed because I remember being told extensively by everyone in my circle. That if I didn't vote I had no cause to complain. I didn't used to vote at all. ,,( Didn't see the point) and I never complained, up came Brexit and the last GE and I decided it was time I voted and used my voice. It annoys me greatly when people like her don't though. They didn't care enough to vote they shouldnt care enough about the outcome to complain.

I was on holiday with some really good girlfriends when the Brexit result came in. They were all horrified that people had voted to leave. Were certain it would be remain. Turned out I was the only one that had bothered to vote!

Reader, Brian lost their shit that day.

 

[HarderFaster]

View attachment 310190

NOBODY ASKED YOU TO, YOU BLITHERING FUCKING IDIOT.

I honestly hate her so much, absolute waste of oxygen. That people still think she is in any way admirable is a sad indictment of critical thinking in our post-truth age.

 

[PoorPatrol]

The duck eggs weren’t ducking 40p you lying ducking ducker!! They may have been 40p each, but you bought a whole box!!

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Why do the brave squiggles who dare to contradict her, always back down with a " oh, I'm sorry I wasn't trying to be unkind" etc.

Why don't they just answer back like "shut your pie hole you self centred fanny"?

 

[Pocahontas]

I did think of showing a picture of my cupboard with nice white plates and clear glassware. Decided against it, you've all seem my cutlery so you can no doubt imagine. I don't want you all thinking I'm some sort of neat freak, I just like things tidy.

Get your plates out, get your plates out for the lads!

 

[Scarletfever]

Food safety expert Jack

 

[Alansbigplate]

Matty boy’s Oscar submission. ‘Mmmm, it’s YUMMY.’ That fork never touched his lips.
View attachment 310117

The sweat dripping off him poor fella

She's just followed The Royal Family on twitter

 

[Droosie123]

Dear Jack, Nicola Adams has had to pull out of Strictly as she's been in contact with her dance partner who has tested positive to COVID. Stands to reason that Nicola may be at risk of having picked it up too.

Stop your raging and educate yourself on how infectious disease spread.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Questions I've asked/want to ask about Jack's cooking:

Why is everything blended?
Why does everything have lentils?
Why is everything soft?
Why does everything have lemon?
Why does she never make a white sauce?
Why is everything on the turn?