Okay I’ve tried and my eyes hurt so here we go! Thank you
@Starttheline for the title name.
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Good afternoon ladies and welcome to the end of summer butterface ball, with your host Wonderstruck to help ease you along your journey. We have men from all over who might not fit the average standard of beauty but who you might still fancy a naughty one night tryst with. All you have to do is admit to who you would let rail you. So without further ado let's begin….
First up we have
Harry ‘slabbers’ Maguire. This six foot four hunk of Sheffield's finest is 29, a pisces with a lot to prove. His face might not be very symmetrical, but he seems like a trier. One week he might be getting arrested in the greek islands, and don't we all like a bad boy, the next wearing the captains armband for Manchester United. An unpredictable hunk with a heart of gold could be yours with just one click.
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Up next we have another Harry for you, but for this one you have to travel down south (literally). Thats right its
Harry Kane, a six foot one London boy with a heart of gold but not one trophy in his case. Harry is 29 and a Leo, with the fight of a lion and the face of someones son that's for sure. You might not understand a word he says so let his defined torso and perfect nips do the talking. If this England skipper is striking you in your feel good parts, why not give him a tick.
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Lets travel across the channel to France for
Aymeric Jean Louis Gérard Alphonse Laporte, that's a mouthful. A sauceless Frenchman who plays for Spain apparently(?) and Manchester City. Aymeric is a 28 year old Gemini, who can move his arms in an interesting way. Aymeric hasn't necessarily been hit with the ugly stick he's just a bit eh. If you would let Aymeric work you over with his smile then give him a tick.
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Next we find ourselves in Portsmouth with 23 year old capricorn
Mason Mount. Standing at five foot nine Mason is blue to the core, playing for Chelsea and making his mark. With baggy jeans and a bumfluff chin he can be you toyboyman all you have to do if give him a click.
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Norway is known for its magical skies, rocky mountains and beautiful lakes but mostly its our next contender, six foot four
Erling Haaland. He might only be 22 years old and born in the year 2000 but this cancer is 190 pounds of Nordic man. The bulldog face can be overlooked as he towers over you and shows you he can score. Do you like Erling? if so give him a tick…
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Up next is Scouser
Trent Alexander-Arnold. He 23, plays for liverpool… do what you want?
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Lets go to Manchester now for
Philip ‘Flipper’ Fonden. A 22 year old Gemini, with not a lot of height on his side but he seems like an alright dude. Don't say anything bad about this Cityzen or his ma will beat the living
tit out of you and flipper will hold her hoops. Phil might have
tit hair but when his shirt is off he's a bit alright. If you want flippers dipper give him a tick.
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Stop, calibrate and listen cause up next is Rice, Rice baby.
Declan Rice is a 23 year old capricorn. A bit cringe but a sweetie at the centre with a good body and has grown into his face well. Standing at six foot Declan will probably be singing an Aitch hit as he rocks your world. Give him a tick if you want him to Dec your halls.
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Do you want an older man? Well up next we have
Garath Southgate, a 51 year old virgo who manages the England national team. No, not the one that won the Euros, that's the women, the other one. Garath is known to miss so be warned. If this gaffer is you daddy give him a tick.
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Do you like piss? Well do I have the man for you,
Mr Kyle Andrew Walker. Kyle is a 32 year old Gemini with the pace of a greyhound. He might not fit the golden ratio but he will give you a golden shower. If you want to have a passionate (for the love of god protected) night with Kyle give him a tick.
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