I've never told anyone this...

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I made this account just so I could write this because I can't risk being identified. I think my close friends, ex husband is the one for me. They split up and we have spoken a few times, just friendly chit chat but he made his feelings known and I think I feel the same way. We are like the same person. We want the same things in life. We just click. But I love my friend to pieces and I would be lost without her. I won't act on my feelings because of her but I feel so gutted that I can't persue the one who I think is my match. I never click with anyone like I have with him. But my friendship has to take priority.
 
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I’ve already posted on here but; I’ve never told anyone about my borderline personality disorder, not even my family. As soon as you say ‘personality disorder’ I assume people will think I’m a ‘psycho’. They know I have depression/anxiety but I’m scared of the stigma. This time of year (and this whole year tbh) hasn’t been good for me & I struggle. I feel like I should reach out and be honest but I know it would cause drama.
I have bpd too was diagnosed quite a few years ago, I remember telling my Dad and he said well where is there a book saying what the perfect personality is, there’s no such thing! I don’t discuss it with my parents anymore, I don’t want them worrying. My partner is an absolute saint who puts up with all the tit I throw at him (not literally). Although I have posted earlier moaning about him, this is the bpd, constantly changing your mind, emotions all over the place. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Do you take medication for it?
 
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Reading some of the comments I think I have personality disorder. Sometimes I love my partner some days I want to just end it all. The next day I feel guilt. I read all his messages and he doesn’t know. I have issues to trust. He is the only person I trust but I still don’t trust him. He is also the only person I know will be there for me. I don’t have much family or friends. I worry that if I leave him it would be the biggest mistake of my life. But the sex is so awful I want it elsewhere.
 
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I was in an (verbally, emotionally, sexually, physically) abusive relationship for ~ 2 years when I was 16/17. Im 33 now but often feel like I'm still a teenager in many ways, which I try very hard to combat. Despite having therapy ( for this and many other things) for over 10 years off and on, I can't shake the ptsd and this mole is always popping up in my brain. I don't have/use social media but will "check up" on him every once in a while. Seeing his large weird face makes me sick but I have to check to make sure he hasn't moved to or been anywhere close to me. I wish he would die so I could be free and feel safe.

I've been with my husband 15 years and he knows I have ptsd from the ex but I have never told him about the social media checking. It's humiliating.
Maybe look into EMDR if you haven't tried that yet.
 
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I’ve taken two years of her evil behaviour

every single day I’ve had tit slung at me from her

im human-and I lost it-maybe I shouldn’t have done it but I’d got so ground down by it

it was ok for her to destroy my stuff,steal from me,try to break my relationship up,lie ,be rude/swear at me hurt my sons dog and much much more?

maybe I am evil-or maybe,just maybe I snapped-guess we’ll agree to disagree on this one
I wouldn't feel too bad about it. The witch deserved it just for hitting an innocent dog. She's the evil cow not you.
 
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The only person I’m open about my mental health with is my partner. He truly sees me at my worst, but I can put on a front if we have visitors on a bad day. I don’t even want to open up to my family, I don’t want to worry them. Can’t bear for them to see the real me on a bad day. They’ve seen the state of the house sometimes so they might know something is up, but they also might just think I’m a lazy beggar as I’ve always been untidy so who knows. I like them not knowing, because when I see them I don’t have to be worrying about whether they’re worried about me and can just enjoy being with them. Sometimes my partner looks at me so helplessly because there’s nothing he can physically do in that moment to make it better and it’s horrible knowing you are making someone feel that way even if it is because they care so much. Not even sure if that makes sense if I’m honest.


I feel somewhat estranged from one side of my family. Don’t really know how to explain it. My parents separated when I was young and was always closer to mums side than dads. I never once had a sleep over at my paternal grandparents or cousins, dad never took me on holiday or anything like that - I guess I never really felt part of the family like I did my mums side. And now as an adult if I didn’t have Facebook I wouldn’t know what any of them were up to. They’ve never been nasty but I feel my dad especially can’t be bothered. I guess I’m an adult now so that goes both ways, but even when I do see him, talking to my dad is like pulling teeth. Such an awkward person, just like me.
 
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Can I just clarify, I posted here before about being sexually assaulted as a child by someone who is now dead. That person wasn’t male. Just as I’ve seen so many posts about how vile men can be (and they can!), so can women. I feel for every one of you who have also experienced such trauma in life and have been brave enough to talk about it here. ❤😞
 
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I had an ex who was absolutely obsessed with giving me oral.
After a while it just got so boring.
I'd be lying there wishing he'd just get on with it and thinking "That ceiling could really do with painting"
I had an ex who was exactly the same and it does get so so boring! Once I fell asleep during and started talking in my sleep. I said "get over there, by the potatoes. He wasn't happy! 😂
 
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I am currently paying off an IVA, I am nearly 3 and half years into it now. I have never told a soul about this as I am so ashamed of it. My husband knew that I had issues with money, but I didn't tell him the extent and as we have separate bank accounts it is easy to hide it. It is entirely my fault that I got myself into this mess and every month when I make another payment I feel that another weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know that you shouldn't wish your life away, but I cannot wait for July 2022 when I will finally be free of this.

My abusive ex-husband grape me well before we married, can't believe I was stupid enough to marry him. I am now with my second husband and am a completely changed person. I would never ever put up with the tit mt ex put me through now.
 
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I was actually wondering what you would do if you found something on a company PC that shouldn't be there.
For corporate work I use either a dual port or quad port HDD replicator docking station in order to comply with GDPR, and the non-disclosure policies of the company in question. So I never get to actually see the data as its all done by the docking station.

I use the same kit for general public work, but its not always compatible. And therefore I have to do it manually.
 
For corporate work I use either a dual port or quad port HDD replicator docking station in order to comply with GDPR, and the non-disclosure policies of the company in question. So I never get to actually see the data as its all done by the docking station.

I use the same kit for general public work, but its not always compatible. And therefore I have to do it manually.
Am appreciating your avatars: Mulholland Dr ?
 
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A rather lame confession - I have a few disturbing confessions, but I will save them for another time.
When I was a child, my brother and I were given a lift to and from school, by a rather snooty couple who took it in turns to do the driving. They had an obnoxious son, who was in the car one day. He made a rather nasty comment about my personal hygiene.
One day after having dropped us back home, the wife began talking to my mum. I was sitting on the pavement, and collected some small stones and put them in one of the wheels of her car. When she drove off, the car made rattling noises, and continued to do so, until she had to stop further up the road!
Childish I know, but rather amusing.
 
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A rather lame confession - I have a few disturbing confessions, but I will save them for another time.
When I was a child, my brother and I were given a lift to and from school, by a rather snooty couple who took it in turns to do the driving. They had an obnoxious son, who was in the car one day. He made a rather nasty comment about my personal hygiene.
One day after having dropped us back home, the wife began talking to my mum. I was sitting on the pavement, and collected some small stones and put them in one of the wheels of her car. When she drove off, the car made rattling noises, and continued to do so, until she had to stop further up the road!
Childish I know, but rather amusing.

Man, that's fields of wheat territory !!
 
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I binged read this thread through the night while awake with pregnancy insomnia and a teething baby 🥴

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for sharing. There are so many posts that I was able to relate to from the funny to the deeply upsetting and it has been like therapy.
I had a pretty wild traumatic start to life but the last 10 years have completely changed my life and therefore thought that I had moved on from it all. Reading this thread made me realise that I still hold onto so my guilt and blame that I have put on myself for the things that have happened to me. I was no saint but now I realise that it certainly wasn't all my fault and I don't need to hate myself for everything that has happened in my past anymore. In many instances I was a victim. I think I have felt bad for thinking that way as I don't want or expect a pity party. Still, this realisation will hopefully help me learn to move on from rather than shut out my past. So thank you all for being so brave and sharing 💛
 
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