thank you
I’m going to talk to him and see if he’ll consider therapy. I’m in therapy already and he’s always rejected it as he’s ‘not crazy’
(his words). But if he’s serious about trying to make it work then maybe he’ll reconsider now.
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I’m going to talk to him and see if he’ll consider therapy. I’m in therapy already and he’s always rejected it as he’s ‘not crazy’
(his words). But if he’s serious about trying to make it work then maybe he’ll reconsider now.
Sorry you have been through so much
He needs to give you as much space and time as you need to make a decision about where you go from here.
As a previous poster said, I think you would both benefit from counselling as it sounds like you’ve been through a lot x
We spoke a bit more today and he’s refusing therapy.
I said I feel like I can’t stay with him unless I know he’s serious about making it work and therapy is a major way we can do that. I said he needs something, whether it’s couples or individual therapy. Anyone who has been through what we’ve been through needs something and he’s had nothing. But he’s standing his ground and says it will be a waste of time. Obviously the fact it could save our relationship isn’t enough for him. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but his heart clearly isn’t in it anymore. I need to do some serious thinking now.
I said I feel like I can’t stay with him unless I know he’s serious about making it work and therapy is a major way we can do that. I said he needs something, whether it’s couples or individual therapy. Anyone who has been through what we’ve been through needs something and he’s had nothing. But he’s standing his ground and says it will be a waste of time. Obviously the fact it could save our relationship isn’t enough for him. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but his heart clearly isn’t in it anymore. I need to do some serious thinking now.
Two words: Get rid.
Know your worth. He clearly doesn't.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Please be kind to yourself, and know that it is solely HIS issue, and not yours.
Don't forget to spit on his clothes as you throw them out the front door
Know your worth. He clearly doesn't.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Please be kind to yourself, and know that it is solely HIS issue, and not yours.
Don't forget to spit on his clothes as you throw them out the front door
I’m so sorry you’re going through this Without wishing to divulge too much of my personal story I’ve been through similar.
if he isn’t willing to fight for your marriage and demonstrate to you he’s sorry then it’s time to walk away. He’s emotionally checked out already by the sounds of it and if you can’t talk about this constructively then you can’t move on. It’ll always be there for you and it’ll fester. I’m afraid it’s time for a serious chat and to tell him it’s over
I didn't know the little background to your story, but after you shared a bit I thought he at least deserved a chance to step up as he could be acting out because of the stress. But he won't step up and do this for himself and your relationship? That must have been hard to hear. He IS crazy. Crazy to throw away everything because he's too stubborn and doesn't think your relationship is worth saving. 
So you're supposed to just suck it up and trust him again? What an asshole. Sorry. 
What can YOU do for yourself now? I am glad you are in therapy. It will help you get through this whatever the outcome. Remember you're a better person than him and always will be.
So you're supposed to just suck it up and trust him again? What an asshole. Sorry. What can YOU do for yourself now? I am glad you are in therapy. It will help you get through this whatever the outcome. Remember you're a better person than him and always will be.
Continue in therapy for yourself. It sounds like you’ve been through the ringer. Remember you had a life before him and can have one after him. You don’t owe him anything because of shared grief.
That being said, if you think it’s salvageable then go for it. He needs to be open and honest about why he did it. it could of been a bit of banter, that he got carried away with. There’s a myriad of reasons for his behaviour, and ultimately that will be the decider.
I don’t think it’s black and white. I do think you can get over it. But I do think it takes time and work. You both have tobe willing though
That being said, if you think it’s salvageable then go for it. He needs to be open and honest about why he did it. it could of been a bit of banter, that he got carried away with. There’s a myriad of reasons for his behaviour, and ultimately that will be the decider.
I don’t think it’s black and white. I do think you can get over it. But I do think it takes time and work. You both have tobe willing though
Really sorry to hear this happened to you.
I had a situation with an ex where messages were discovered, they were more flirtatious than explicit but the intention was still there and I struggled to trust him ever again. I don't think I ever felt the same way about him afterwards, I already felt insecure and this just fed my inner narrative that I wasn't enough for him because he was looking elsewhere.
Only you can make the decision but please don't stay with this person for fear of being 'alone'. I promise that I was 100% happier being single than I was when I was in a relationship with someone who made me feel insecure, the comparison is like night and day.
Hope things improve for you x
I had a situation with an ex where messages were discovered, they were more flirtatious than explicit but the intention was still there and I struggled to trust him ever again. I don't think I ever felt the same way about him afterwards, I already felt insecure and this just fed my inner narrative that I wasn't enough for him because he was looking elsewhere.
Only you can make the decision but please don't stay with this person for fear of being 'alone'. I promise that I was 100% happier being single than I was when I was in a relationship with someone who made me feel insecure, the comparison is like night and day.
Hope things improve for you x
for your own mental health i would suggest leaving him
Your heart will flip everytime his phone beeps, rings and is locked and he will probably start telling you that you are a mad, paranoid witch and it will all be YOUR fault.
Can you tell I have been where you are? Its hard but he is a dick and will continue to hurt you and before you know it, it will be years down the line and most of your life will have been wasted. He doesnt deserve you or your children, he lost the right the minute he hit reply. Plus he knows her and it isnt just some random. He is a utter bollockwagon and i wanna kick his head in for you
Your heart will flip everytime his phone beeps, rings and is locked and he will probably start telling you that you are a mad, paranoid witch and it will all be YOUR fault.
Can you tell I have been where you are? Its hard but he is a dick and will continue to hurt you and before you know it, it will be years down the line and most of your life will have been wasted. He doesnt deserve you or your children, he lost the right the minute he hit reply. Plus he knows her and it isnt just some random. He is a utter bollockwagon and i wanna kick his head in for you
If I feel frustrated I speak to the person about it....I don’t use it as an excuse to text someone else, whether he intended to go through with it or not.
I couldn’t trust him again after that, every time the phone went or he worked late my mind would wonder what he was doing!
This happened to me and I forgave it after a lot of upset. Two years more went by and then I found out it had continued but just hidden better. Loads of random women. No real reason or apparently intentions to follow through on any of it.
we got divorced and I just wished I’d saved myself having to go through it all twice and had left the first time.
Good luck with whatever path you take but a question I guess is- if he’s not willing to bend over backwards to make it right then what chances do you give him for sticking to it once you forgive?
Don’t cause yourself years of insecurity and self doubt if you’re not sure of the answer...
we got divorced and I just wished I’d saved myself having to go through it all twice and had left the first time.
Good luck with whatever path you take but a question I guess is- if he’s not willing to bend over backwards to make it right then what chances do you give him for sticking to it once you forgive?
Don’t cause yourself years of insecurity and self doubt if you’re not sure of the answer...
Hes essentially saying that he thinks working on your relationship is a waste of his time and he would rather continue to do what HE wants to do and hes not overly bothered by your feelings or thoughts.
The fact he betrayed your trust in the first place should have been enough for him to want to do ANYTHING to save the relationship if thats what he truly wanted. Instead you have been greeted by the equivalent of a shoulder shrug. Will be hard breaking up the family of course but for you own mental health and wellbeing I would say get out while you can before things get worse and he is better prepared for the situation or moves on without you with someone else himself and leaves you to pick up the pieces.
Sorry, I didn't see this post. The fact he is refusing to attend therapy speaks volumes - he clearly doesn't think there is anything he needs to work on and he doesn't need any help. If he felt remorse for his actions and wanted to try and repair the relationship, he should be willing to try anything to take a step in the right direction. (as he is the one who has betrayed you).
I would encourage you to speak to someone yourself as this would be hugely beneficial. Wishing you the best of luck.
Truthfully, if I were in your position right now I’d cut my losses. Respect and love yourself, because he certainly doesn’t. It may be hard at first because your feelings will be raw, but you’ll soon come to see that it was the best thing you did for YOU. He’s the only one gaining from you forgiving him.
How are you feeling about things now?
Don’t blame yourself in any way shape or form, if he wasn’t happy he could have said so, then left, before he started with the messages. I think even if you let it go this time, you will forever be suspicious (and rightly so) .
OH wow I forgot I posted this.
We split up. I fought with him for almost 2 weeks about getting therapy but he still refused and was putting no effort into making it better even when I explained how hurt I was, so we separated. Good riddance really as he's turned into even more of an ass-wipe since we split
Has only seen his kids a handful of times because he's 'too busy'. It's DD's birthday today and he's not called or even messaged yet. I messaged him to ask if he had a gift or anything, but no reply.
Was difficult at first but he's made the split easier by acting the way he has. I've began to realise I didn't know him at all to begin with.
We split up. I fought with him for almost 2 weeks about getting therapy but he still refused and was putting no effort into making it better even when I explained how hurt I was, so we separated. Good riddance really as he's turned into even more of an ass-wipe since we split
Has only seen his kids a handful of times because he's 'too busy'. It's DD's birthday today and he's not called or even messaged yet. I messaged him to ask if he had a gift or anything, but no reply.Was difficult at first but he's made the split easier by acting the way he has. I've began to realise I didn't know him at all to begin with.
Sounds like you definitely made the right decision. I think everyone wants someone who is willing to fight for them and if they don't, then as far as I'm concerned they don't deserve us.
My ex finished with me 3 weeks ago by text, even though I moved in with him 2 months prior to that. Not much explanation, nothing. It's been so tough but I'm starting to realise that I'm better off without him.
My ex finished with me 3 weeks ago by text, even though I moved in with him 2 months prior to that. Not much explanation, nothing. It's been so tough but I'm starting to realise that I'm better off without him.