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Hi @KateESJ .If there is no intention to act, then why is he doing it?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I dont think there's ever a black and white answer unfortunately 
I'm not sure how I'd react in your situation but I do know that I couldn't forgive someone who isnt sorry xx
I'm not sure how I'd react in your situation but I do know that I couldn't forgive someone who isnt sorry xx
I did forgive but the relationship soon broke down.
If it was with my current partner, there would be more at stake (house, dog etc) but it would be really difficult for me to forgive!! Sorry you're going through this
If it was with my current partner, there would be more at stake (house, dog etc) but it would be really difficult for me to forgive!! Sorry you're going through this
I don’t believe him at all when he says that. He says he won’t act on it but I think that’s only because I found out.
It’s not like they’re all strangers either, one of them was an old coworker who comes into his workplace occasionally. When they see each other next, they can hardly avoid the fact they’ve been talking in that way.
One of them? I'm sorry, I think it's time for you to finish it. You deserve better than that.
I think it would depend on how long I had been with my partner, if we were married, had kids. If it had been a one off thing, recent or been going on for months. Had he sent pics? When was he doing it? If it was when I was next to him on the sofa or he was at home and I was in the bath I would find that harder than if he was doing it whilst bored at work.
I do think you need to sit down and talk openly about why he felt it was okay to do it. How it came up that he was able to do it with an ex co worker, ie how the hell did that happen? Who are the other women, where did he get their numbers? And if he had "no internt to act" what did he think would be the final outcome? Has he made suggestive "I would love to rip your clothes off you" type things?
Got to admit that I would find it all very hard to forgive I know others would say it would depend.
From experience you never know the full story though. You'll get the version they think they can get away with, ie the least amount of truth.
I do think you need to sit down and talk openly about why he felt it was okay to do it. How it came up that he was able to do it with an ex co worker, ie how the hell did that happen? Who are the other women, where did he get their numbers? And if he had "no internt to act" what did he think would be the final outcome? Has he made suggestive "I would love to rip your clothes off you" type things?
Got to admit that I would find it all very hard to forgive I know others would say it would depend.
From experience you never know the full story though. You'll get the version they think they can get away with, ie the least amount of truth.
Nope I wouldn’t forgive but I’ve always been very explicit about what I will and won’t tolerate.
I’m sorry this happened, you don’t deserve it.
I think it comes down to how willing he is to be radically honest - first with himself and then with you - about why and how this happened.
I think it comes down to how willing he is to be radically honest - first with himself and then with you - about why and how this happened.
Dump his ass.
I’m not gonna dress it up, he’s disrespected you.
There are far too many “what if’s” here if you hadn’t found out.
You deserve better.
I’m not gonna dress it up, he’s disrespected you.
There are far too many “what if’s” here if you hadn’t found out.
You deserve better.
Sorry that's happened to you, I would be furious and struggle to trust him again
I forgave similar in the past, begged me it meant nothing and he got carried away with the attention etc. A few years later we split up when he actually went through with it with a different girl. Might have been more in between I don't know about 
Not saying that's what will happen, but I'd really struggle to forgive now
Not saying that's what will happen, but I'd really struggle to forgive now
Sorry you are going through this and it is a rubbish situation that you won’t feel you are getting the full answers to.
The reality is once the trust has gone,it is difficult and brings it back up each time you see your partner’s phone unattended or he gets a message from someone new, this coworker visits the office, he gets back from work later than usual...it’s horrid thinking of that but I have found it is never as easy as simply forgiving and moving on.
Do you believe your partner? Is this a one off?
If it was just you and him, without having to consider children/family/house/finances...what would you say to him?
You don’t deserve this and I hope you are in a situation to put yourself and your children first.
The reality is once the trust has gone,it is difficult and brings it back up each time you see your partner’s phone unattended or he gets a message from someone new, this coworker visits the office, he gets back from work later than usual...it’s horrid thinking of that but I have found it is never as easy as simply forgiving and moving on.
Do you believe your partner? Is this a one off?
If it was just you and him, without having to consider children/family/house/finances...what would you say to him?
You don’t deserve this and I hope you are in a situation to put yourself and your children first.
If you were not one of the women he was sexting, I think you have your answer. The fact that there was more than one gives you your answer. I know it’s not as easy and clean cut as that, but he’s going to do it again. Have no doubt about that.
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Nobody can tell you what to do, nobody really knows until they're in that position themselves!
Saying that, in my experience that is just the first step to test the waters and see if they can get away with it. They always beg forgiveness and say they got carried away and it would never lead to anything... But later down the line whether weeks, months or years, it escalates in to something else.
I'm a firm believer in knowing your worth and not taking tit from anyone! Xx
Nobody can tell you what to do, nobody really knows until they're in that position themselves!
Saying that, in my experience that is just the first step to test the waters and see if they can get away with it. They always beg forgiveness and say they got carried away and it would never lead to anything... But later down the line whether weeks, months or years, it escalates in to something else.
I'm a firm believer in knowing your worth and not taking tit from anyone! Xx
Horrible thing to go through and a betrayal of trust isnt something that is simple to forgive and forget. You will always have a seed of doubt in your mind after seeing messages like that and if there really was no intention to act then surely he wouldnt have risked his entire relationship for something as simple as a dirty text.
Sorry you are going through this, you don’t deserve it.
For me, I have a lot to lose if I split with my partner (kids, house, not in a good financial position) so I would stay as long as we properly worked on the relationship and he was genuinely sorry. If he did it again, that would be it, I would be in a tit situation but I would have my dignity and could say that I tried for my kids.
For me, I have a lot to lose if I split with my partner (kids, house, not in a good financial position) so I would stay as long as we properly worked on the relationship and he was genuinely sorry. If he did it again, that would be it, I would be in a tit situation but I would have my dignity and could say that I tried for my kids.
If I'm being truthfully honest, I wouldn't be able to forgive or forget. If there was no intention then what was the idea of messaging them in the 1st place. It would drive me insane questioning everything and that is no way to live. Imagine it was a sister or a friend in your position. What advice would you give them? Personally, I think you deserve better.
He sent a few pictures. I’ve read most of the messages (at least the ones he hasn’t deleted) and they aren’t even suggestive - they’re quite explicit. He’s never spoken to me that way. From what I can tell it’s been a few months that he’s been doing it. I think the earliest message I found was Mid August.
He says he was frustrated. I have a limited sex drive, what little drive I had was killed years ago through crappy mental health and the meds I’m on. I thought his needs were still being met though, but obviously not...
There’s definitely emotion involved though because he opened up to some of these women more than he has to me. He spoke about the abortion I had months ago and our sons death with them, which makes me a little uncomfortable.
It’s just so hard because the major part of me wants to kick him out because I know I can never fully forgive him and I’ll always be paranoid, even if he really does never do it again.
But the small part of me wants to hold onto our marriage because we’ve been through so much together and he’s the only person who really understands how it feels. I don’t have anyone else. If I let him go, I’ll be alone.
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I really feel for you, it's a horrible thing to discover and deal with. Might it be worth getting some professional marriage counselling if part of you does want to save the marriage? It sounds like there are a lot of underlying issues that maybe he hasn't dealt with.
Big hugs for whatever you decide xx
Big hugs for whatever you decide xx