How to deal with demanding bride.

[Rxt156]

Tell her that you cannot afford all of it but you’re looking forward to the bits that you can afford!


I have absolutely NO time for bridezillas. Lay down the law now or it’ll get worse.

 

[Be More Pacific]

I think she'll be divorced in a year.

 

[Warpaint]

You need to tell her straight. You shouldn't have to save up yourself to take part in someone else's wedding. Your money saved is for your plans.

 

[OhMyGaad]

Unless she's paying I would be telling her to slide on

 

[honey&lemon]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total bitch here or what do you all think?

 

[klarakluckbag]

My sister had a hen weekend abroad, a full day of activities for her hen "night", and a grand piss-up as a finale. I declined the weekend (didn't want to spend loadsamoney on a drunken few days with lots of women that I don't know), dodged the hen day/night activities (Honestly couldn't be arsed to go and make my own pizza), and just turned up for the nighttime drinking and hi-jinks, where I had a great time. My sis was fine about it, she knows that I'm not a massive drinker and I'm not comfortable spending time with people that I don't know, it really wasn't an issue. I was there with her on her wedding day, and that's what counts, surely?

These entitled bridezillas really get on my wick. They mostly don't give a shit about their guests, it's all about insta likes and oneupmanship. Just tell her that you'll go to this, but not to that, etc, it's not like she cares anyway, she just wants someone there to hold her handbag and take pics of her all day.

 

[Blue pumpkin]

Such extravagance is absolutely ridiculous in the current climate.
Times are hard, people have been furloughed during lockdowns or have been made redundant.

I imagine she's going to get others declining too so get in there first.

Advise her that you're happy to help with the organisation of it but your funds can't stretch to cover her plans

Let her know you can only attend one hen night

Tell her you can stay the night of the wedding and either to the eve of the wedding or the BBQ night but not both.

I've just declined two weekend hen nights this year, choosing instead to put the cash I would have spent on them towards overhauling our garden.

 

[Walnutss]

I cannot believe this some people cant see past themselves huh

 

[Base2019]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total bitch here or what do you all think?

I’ve had experience with this kind of situation aswell it’s absolutely awful ours was with my in laws. They were soooo demanding and expected everyone to stay in the hotel they picked for their wedding. I wouldn’t have minded but the hotel they picked was €500 a night and €20 on top for parking. We ended up staying the wedding night and went home the day after. To this day they still throw it back up in arguments that we “refused” to stay the second night for their wedding celebrations. Also to mention that I had booked a hotel right beside the hotel they picked which was €110. They pressured us to cancel it. Still to this day they don’t understand why we didn’t stay the second night at those prices. Some people ask so much when it comes to their weddings. I would defo iron it out as early as you can and don’t feel pressured to change your mind like we did xxxx

 

[honey&lemon]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I honestly think it’s completely spoilt behaviour, and completely thoughtless and inconsiderate given the times we are living in. And the way she has demanded it too! She’s gone complete bridezilla.

I will say to her that if she wants to arrange a spa day that’s fine, but I am only arranging the hen night. I also think we will only be staying the 2 nights over the wedding. A third is taking the P!!

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I’ve been a bridesmaid about 8 times and always planned the hen do’s and never have I come across this type of behaviour. I’d just tell her straight and say that you simply can’t afford all of that. Most people aren’t as invested in her wedding as she is. It’s nice to go on a hen do, but insisting on 2 is being greedy. Does she assume that everyone is paying for her? I’d just be honest and upfront. Most people going on a hen do won’t want to spend a fortune. As for staying in the hotel for 3 nights? That’s an insane demand. Yes maybe the night before and the night of. But most people will only do the night of the wedding.

 

[hiya_hun]

Ask how much the bride will be contributing to everyone’s activities, hotels etc. She can’t demand people book so many different things out of their own money!! If she wants extravagance she should be willing to fund the majority of it. I assume if costs are covered for most of the bridal party then it won’t be as much of an issue.

 

[Megansnarkle]

Heeey!! This thread is 2 years old lol but I need help!!! Am I being unreasonable??
So, my sister asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding next year, I obviously accepted, everything was great! Up until my sister order mine/bridesmaids dresses, she never asked if we would feel good in them, never showed us a picture, just ordered them, the dresses are a tight material, very body hugging, shows all the imperfections and has a big split down the leg, when I tried this dress on I instantly felt stupid! I am curvy, I have a mum tum and also cellulite, so as you could imagine I just didn’t feel confident nor comfortable, I explained this to my sister but naturally she told me I looked great and to just trust her, I looked back on the photos of us all wearing the dresses and couldn’t help but feel sick at the sight of myself compared to the other bridesmaids, this resulted in me and my sister having a falling out, I was strong in really not feeling comfy but she just passed me off with ‘these are my dream bridesmaid dresses’
6 month later I myself was given the chance to buy my own dress as long as it was the colour scheme. My sister was happy with the dress, all was good.
My sister has now dropped the bombshell that SHE will be choosing the shoes, jewellery, makeup and hair for us all, we do not have a say as it fits her ‘vision’ yet again I am mid falling out with her as she wants us to have our hair down curly, I HATE my hair down due to medical reasons which she is obviously aware of. My sister is claiming that I am being picky and that I need to realise that this is her wedding, not mine.
please may add, although she has picked EVERYTHING as it goes with her ‘dream vision’ WE HAVE TO PAY FOR IT ALL BESIDES THE DRESS.
Surly we can have a say on our hair/makeup etc????
Sorry for the long message please help.

Honestly, does it matter? They aren't your wedding photos so realistically, how often will you see them? In an ideal world you'd feel great but it's not your wedding and all eyes will be on the bride anyway. You've got your way on the dress, so maybe give a bit on the hair/make-up etc? You can always sell the jewellery, shoes etc after.

The alternative is to try and persuade her that complementary styles can look better than matchy matchy bridesmaids.

 

[Barbie2020]

I know of a couple of people who are getting married like this. Most people have said no to their demanding hen dos as it is just too much and people can’t afford it/get time off work.

I had a garden party for my hen do with close friends and family, it was so simple and everyone seemed to really enjoy it as there was no pressure or drama.

I just say no to ridiculous hen dos now. I know someone who’s told her MOH she expects her to plan a hen do to Paris

I can guarantee most people will say no/pull out of your relatives hen do because they will think she’s unreasonable. If you are thinking it’s too much then the people not as close to her will be thinking the same as well.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’d go back with, what’s the budget for this and you’ll need some cash upfront for deposits. If she questions it, explain that she cannot expect her friends to fund all of this and that they/you can’t and a should have to pay for it. That might make her rethink.

I guess it boils down to how much you actually value your relationship with her, I’d be telling her you were organising any of that at all. Why do people think others should spend all this cash on their hen do!

 

[RR20]

What do your other friends think? If you all feel the same maybe you could all mention to her that what she wants is expensive for all of you and is not something you can afford.

 

[honey&lemon]

I feel really sorry for people who can’t afford all of this but feel they have to for the bride - it seems to be really common now. Being a guest at an all-day wedding is expensive enough by the time you factor in outfits, drinks, possible accommodation. But if you throw in a long weekend at Ocean Beach, a “home henny” and activities - and contributing to the bride’s share too - it’s a huge ask.

There’s no easy way around it but you have to be true to yourself….and someone needs to give her a few home truths, be it you alone or all the bridesmaids.

I was a bridesmaid a few years back and it was much lower key than this. But I had spent so much time helping the bride in the week before the wedding then she wanted me to do something with them the Monday after the wedding too - I was bloody exhausted and honestly sick of the sight of her by then!

To be honest I can’t even go along with it to keep the peace. I literally don’t have the money. We’ve closed all our credit cards and removed our overdrafts as we’re trying to tackle our debts. I simply don’t have the option of paying for all of it.

I can’t even book anything for the hen do on the basis people will pay be back later on. Everyone needs to pay me up front. It’s going to be so awkward to have to demand money from everyone but we don’t have any spare cash. And she knows that which makes it even harder to confront her about it.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total bitch here or what do you all think?

She’s being a dick.

tell her bluntly that is she WANTS all of the above then SHE can pay for it all.

1 hen night with all the girls there is more than enough. Get a group to go out but maybe get a few to stay over with her at a hotel or whatever after?


thats it. Just tell her straight she’s being ridiculous.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

To be honest I can’t even go along with it to keep the peace. I literally don’t have the money. We’ve closed all our credit cards and removed our overdrafts as we’re trying to tackle our debts. I simply don’t have the option of paying for all of it.

I can’t even book anything for the hen do on the basis people will pay be back later on. Everyone needs to pay me up front. It’s going to be so awkward to have to demand money from everyone but we don’t have any spare cash. And she knows that which makes it even harder to confront her about it.

Honestly, I’d tell the bride to shove it up her arse. Presumably you are close if you are a bridesmaid and arranging this stuff? So she must be aware of your financial position. it’s very unfair and self involved of her to put all this on you.

id seriously tell her the truth - that you feel it’s far too much pressure to organise so many things over and above a single hen do and that you haven’t got the money to book/pay for any of it and that her whole attitude stinks and that she’s being completely unreasonable. If I was you I’d probably tell her you’d rather not even be a bridesmaid.

 

[Megansnarkle]

Give way on the things I am having to pay for? When it’s not my choices? All 7 bridesmaids have had half paid towards their dresses but I’ve paid for mine in full? To now top it off, I’m also having to buy my own shoes and everything else although it’s what she chooses?

Yes. Unfortunately, some of being part of the bridal party is about falling in line. At the end of the day, it's not a day about you. You already have got your way on the dress and aren't wearing the one the bride chose. She compromised on that so maybe for the rest you need to compromise and go with what she wants. As I say, you can mitigate the cost by selling on after.

None of this sounds super bridezilla to be honest. It's not unusual for a bride to want their bridal party to look a certain way and so I'd expect when saying yes to being part of a bridal party that that was part of the deal. If you get choice then that's a bonus.

Ultimately if you don't like it, don't be part of the bridal party.