How to deal with demanding bride.

[honey&lemon]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total witch here or what do you all think?

 

[Rxt156]

Tell her that you cannot afford all of it but you’re looking forward to the bits that you can afford!


I have absolutely NO time for bridezillas. Lay down the law now or it’ll get worse.

 

[RR20]

What do your other friends think? If you all feel the same maybe you could all mention to her that what she wants is expensive for all of you and is not something you can afford.

 

[Be More Pacific]

I think she'll be divorced in a year.

 

[honey&lemon]

What do your other friends think? If you all feel the same maybe you could all mention to her that what she wants is expensive for all of you and is not something you can afford.

There have only really been conversations between her and myself at the minute so haven’t mentioned it to anyone else. I knew I’d be planning a hen night but she only mentioned all the other stuff this weekend. Prices for everything have sky rocketed too since so many people are staycationing now.

 

[Warpaint]

You need to tell her straight. You shouldn't have to save up yourself to take part in someone else's wedding. Your money saved is for your plans.

 

[OhMyGaad]

Unless she's paying I would be telling her to slide on

 

[Barbie2020]

I know of a couple of people who are getting married like this. Most people have said no to their demanding hen dos as it is just too much and people can’t afford it/get time off work.

I had a garden party for my hen do with close friends and family, it was so simple and everyone seemed to really enjoy it as there was no pressure or drama.

I just say no to ridiculous hen dos now. I know someone who’s told her MOH she expects her to plan a hen do to Paris

I can guarantee most people will say no/pull out of your relatives hen do because they will think she’s unreasonable. If you are thinking it’s too much then the people not as close to her will be thinking the same as well.

 

[Base2019]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total witch here or what do you all think?

I’ve had experience with this kind of situation aswell it’s absolutely awful ours was with my in laws. They were soooo demanding and expected everyone to stay in the hotel they picked for their wedding. I wouldn’t have minded but the hotel they picked was €500 a night and €20 on top for parking. We ended up staying the wedding night and went home the day after. To this day they still throw it back up in arguments that we “refused” to stay the second night for their wedding celebrations. Also to mention that I had booked a hotel right beside the hotel they picked which was €110. They pressured us to cancel it. Still to this day they don’t understand why we didn’t stay the second night at those prices. Some people ask so much when it comes to their weddings. I would defo iron it out as early as you can and don’t feel pressured to change your mind like we did xxxx

 

[Blue pumpkin]

Such extravagance is absolutely ridiculous in the current climate.
Times are hard, people have been furloughed during lockdowns or have been made redundant.

I imagine she's going to get others declining too so get in there first.

Advise her that you're happy to help with the organisation of it but your funds can't stretch to cover her plans

Let her know you can only attend one hen night

Tell her you can stay the night of the wedding and either to the eve of the wedding or the BBQ night but not both.

I've just declined two weekend hen nights this year, choosing instead to put the cash I would have spent on them towards overhauling our garden.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’d go back with, what’s the budget for this and you’ll need some cash upfront for deposits. If she questions it, explain that she cannot expect her friends to fund all of this and that they/you can’t and a should have to pay for it. That might make her rethink.

I guess it boils down to how much you actually value your relationship with her, I’d be telling her you were organising any of that at all. Why do people think others should spend all this cash on their hen do!

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I’ve been a bridesmaid about 8 times and always planned the hen do’s and never have I come across this type of behaviour. I’d just tell her straight and say that you simply can’t afford all of that. Most people aren’t as invested in her wedding as she is. It’s nice to go on a hen do, but insisting on 2 is being greedy. Does she assume that everyone is paying for her? I’d just be honest and upfront. Most people going on a hen do won’t want to spend a fortune. As for staying in the hotel for 3 nights? That’s an insane demand. Yes maybe the night before and the night of. But most people will only do the night of the wedding.

 

[Walnutss]

I cannot believe this some people cant see past themselves huh

 

[honey&lemon]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I honestly think it’s completely spoilt behaviour, and completely thoughtless and inconsiderate given the times we are living in. And the way she has demanded it too! She’s gone complete bridezilla.

I will say to her that if she wants to arrange a spa day that’s fine, but I am only arranging the hen night. I also think we will only be staying the 2 nights over the wedding. A third is taking the P!!

 

[Base2019]

Also meant to add to my message above, for our wedding we stayed the night before in the place we were getting married. We paid for the night before for our bridesmaids etc as a thank you. We didn’t expect them to pay for that as our venue was a right bit away from home. I thought that was reasonable. Weddings are a lot for people with having to take off work etc aswell

 

[hiya_hun]

Ask how much the bride will be contributing to everyone’s activities, hotels etc. She can’t demand people book so many different things out of their own money!! If she wants extravagance she should be willing to fund the majority of it. I assume if costs are covered for most of the bridal party then it won’t be as much of an issue.

 

[klarakluckbag]

My sister had a hen weekend abroad, a full day of activities for her hen "night", and a grand piss-up as a finale. I declined the weekend (didn't want to spend loadsamoney on a drunken few days with lots of women that I don't know), dodged the hen day/night activities (Honestly couldn't be arsed to go and make my own pizza), and just turned up for the nighttime drinking and hi-jinks, where I had a great time. My sis was fine about it, she knows that I'm not a massive drinker and I'm not comfortable spending time with people that I don't know, it really wasn't an issue. I was there with her on her wedding day, and that's what counts, surely?

These entitled bridezillas really get on my wick. They mostly don't give a tit about their guests, it's all about insta likes and oneupmanship. Just tell her that you'll go to this, but not to that, etc, it's not like she cares anyway, she just wants someone there to hold her handbag and take pics of her all day.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

So a close relative is getting married next year. I’m part of the wedding and planning the hen do etc. Problem is the bride, she’s being VERY demanding.

She WANTS (it’s all I want this, I want that) two hen dos. One is a smaller group of us going to a spa for the day then dinner and staying in the hotel. Then a few weeks later would be the second one, which is a bigger group all going out for the day (she WANTS an activity planned too, oh and a stripper) with a night out and us all staying in a hotel or apartments.

She also wants me to stay at the hotel for 3 nights, the night before the wedding, the day of the wedding, then wants a big bbq style party at the hotel the next day too so that‘s likely a third night.

not to mention all the additional costs of petrol, drinks, outfits, dog boarding while we’re all away for the wedding etc. That bit probably sounds petty but when you start to count up everything else all costs need to be considered.

I feel this is all a bit much. I had one hen night and one wedding day. That’s it. I don’t have the money for any of this so will have to save anyway but I feel like this is going to cost a fortune that we just don’t have.

am I being a total witch here or what do you all think?

She’s being a dick.

tell her bluntly that is she WANTS all of the above then SHE can pay for it all.

1 hen night with all the girls there is more than enough. Get a group to go out but maybe get a few to stay over with her at a hotel or whatever after?


thats it. Just tell her straight she’s being ridiculous.

 

[Mfranks]

Jeesus.

I get married next year and I could not imagine being like this! As others have said, tell her straight. I don't have any more advice but I just couldn't imagine being like that towards my bridesmaids or guests.

She crazy.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I feel really sorry for people who can’t afford all of this but feel they have to for the bride - it seems to be really common now. Being a guest at an all-day wedding is expensive enough by the time you factor in outfits, drinks, possible accommodation. But if you throw in a long weekend at Ocean Beach, a “home henny” and activities - and contributing to the bride’s share too - it’s a huge ask.

There’s no easy way around it but you have to be true to yourself….and someone needs to give her a few home truths, be it you alone or all the bridesmaids.

I was a bridesmaid a few years back and it was much lower key than this. But I had spent so much time helping the bride in the week before the wedding then she wanted me to do something with them the Monday after the wedding too - I was bloody exhausted and honestly sick of the sight of her by then!