How best to handle a friendship breakdown?

Lucyxxxx said:

If someone does me wrong I don't bother telling them why. They know wtf they be doing and they don't deserve closure only thing closure they will get from me is the movement my fist makes as it heads 80mph towards their face if they try make amends further down the line.

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watermelon sugar said:

this is how my mindset works some people know what they’ve done wrong just like acting like they don’t .

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Threeeyedraven said:

Not sure if this thread is active but thought I’d give it a go
My best friend and I met around 7 years ago at a job. She was part time with a 1 year ago and we instantly clicked. I attended her wedding 6 months later and we’ve basically been inseparable since. The issue (and I hope this doesn’t sound awful, so bear with me) is that she’s an elevenerife person, but with bad things. Your sad? She’s depressed. Your tired? She’s exhausted and can barely keep her eyes open.
She has two kids and has just qualified as a paramedic and sometimes acts as though she is the only person in the world who can be tired and has it worse than anyone. Lots of moaning on FB. I work a high demand job, and I’m renovating a house so I am naturally stressed but she never asks if I’m ok, or checks in. In the last 6 months I have to constantly reach out to see when she’s free, ask if she’s ok, and I never get anything back. She’ll end with “you?” And I answer and a lot of time I just don’t get a reply. It really hurts too when I see her interacting with people on FB but not replying to a text.
I feel pathetic typing this at 29 but it’s exhausting to keep the friendship alive when she doesn’t seem to give anything back. I don’t expect nor want constant chats or seeing each other because I understand she’s busy, but a simple “hey how are you?” Would make a difference but it’s non existent. Idk what to do.

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Threeeyedraven said:

Not sure if this thread is active but thought I’d give it a go
My best friend and I met around 7 years ago at a job. She was part time with a 1 year ago and we instantly clicked. I attended her wedding 6 months later and we’ve basically been inseparable since. The issue (and I hope this doesn’t sound awful, so bear with me) is that she’s an elevenerife person, but with bad things. Your sad? She’s depressed. Your tired? She’s exhausted and can barely keep her eyes open.
She has two kids and has just qualified as a paramedic and sometimes acts as though she is the only person in the world who can be tired and has it worse than anyone. Lots of moaning on FB. I work a high demand job, and I’m renovating a house so I am naturally stressed but she never asks if I’m ok, or checks in. In the last 6 months I have to constantly reach out to see when she’s free, ask if she’s ok, and I never get anything back. She’ll end with “you?” And I answer and a lot of time I just don’t get a reply. It really hurts too when I see her interacting with people on FB but not replying to a text.
I feel pathetic typing this at 29 but it’s exhausting to keep the friendship alive when she doesn’t seem to give anything back. I don’t expect nor want constant chats or seeing each other because I understand she’s busy, but a simple “hey how are you?” Would make a difference but it’s non existent. Idk what to do.

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orla1989 said:

I had a similar situation. I wouldn’t block her, but I’ll stop initiating the text messages and reaching out and see what happens… let her contact you first. She might not, and there’s your answer

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Probablylurking66 said:

I hope it's okay if I revive this thread again, wasn't sure where else to put this. Hopefully this doesn't actually turn into a friendship breakdown but who knows at this point.

Basically I was in talks with one of my close friends about her moving in to my flat, but I changed my mind about it and said because I love her so much I wouldn't want to risk our friendship if something went wrong, and she said she was hurt and disappointed but that it was fine (she said it was fine three times so it's definitely Not Fine), and hasn't spoken to me since apart from when she replied to my Happy Easter message, and today she unfollowed me on Twitter and removed me as a follower. I was giving her space and hoping she'd be okay after a while and we'd go back to normal, but apparently not. I don't know what to do. She made out she was absolutely fine with whatever was decided about her moving in, but of course people can't just say what they really feel...how ironic that my attempt to save our friendship might have destroyed it. I wish I'd never brought up the idea of her moving, but there's nothing I can do about it now and unfortunately I'm a very indecisive person, which meant I was torn about what to do and gave her that false hope and ended up hurting her. I really don't want to lose her as a friend but this to me tells me that she's sort of done with me

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Threeeyedraven said:

Not sure if this thread is active but thought I’d give it a go
My best friend and I met around 7 years ago at a job. She was part time with a 1 year ago and we instantly clicked. I attended her wedding 6 months later and we’ve basically been inseparable since. The issue (and I hope this doesn’t sound awful, so bear with me) is that she’s an elevenerife person, but with bad things. Your sad? She’s depressed. Your tired? She’s exhausted and can barely keep her eyes open.
She has two kids and has just qualified as a paramedic and sometimes acts as though she is the only person in the world who can be tired and has it worse than anyone. Lots of moaning on FB. I work a high demand job, and I’m renovating a house so I am naturally stressed but she never asks if I’m ok, or checks in. In the last 6 months I have to constantly reach out to see when she’s free, ask if she’s ok, and I never get anything back. She’ll end with “you?” And I answer and a lot of time I just don’t get a reply. It really hurts too when I see her interacting with people on FB but not replying to a text.
I feel pathetic typing this at 29 but it’s exhausting to keep the friendship alive when she doesn’t seem to give anything back. I don’t expect nor want constant chats or seeing each other because I understand she’s busy, but a simple “hey how are you?” Would make a difference but it’s non existent. Idk what to do.

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#botsforlife said:

I’ve just come across this thread and seen your post, this is so accurate for my life right now. Met my ‘best friend’ about 2 years ago. We were inseparable but lately, actually this year she’s been really distant and never checks in with me. Whenever I say what’s going on in my life she doesn’t respond. I am over the half assed effort. I don’t tell her anything anymore because I know I won’t get a reply. It’s ridiculous. I am not even going to bother voicing my issues with her either as I know it’ll be my fault and never hers or that she’s struggling like she ALWAYS is but then you see her out and about and commenting on other peoples posts so are you struggling or you really just can’t be bothered with me anymore.

I hope since you wrote the post in jan things have gotten better with the friendship or you’ve cut ties and moved on and you’ve met a better friend now

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MabelMae said:

I had this too! I’d message her about things and she would read it, and would not respond but she would change the subject and talk about her self. Even if I messaged her saying I was feeling low, she just did not care!

Very strange behaviour!!

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Monkeymagic85 said:

At this point I would be direct about it and message to say it she’s fine then why is she ignoring you? Tell her you understand she’s upset about the whole flat thing but you didn’t think it would be good for your friendship, suggest meeting up to chat about it.

If she still does it and says the whole fake “I’m fine” thing then perhaps she wasn’t a true friend in the first place, people change as they get older, just ask yourself what she brings to your friendship, is it one sided? Might be time to just leave it be and move on.

Would you stay with a partner who treated you like that?

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#botsforlife said:

I’ve just come across this thread and seen your post, this is so accurate for my life right now. Met my ‘best friend’ about 2 years ago. We were inseparable but lately, actually this year she’s been really distant and never checks in with me. Whenever I say what’s going on in my life she doesn’t respond. I am over the half assed effort. I don’t tell her anything anymore because I know I won’t get a reply. It’s ridiculous. I am not even going to bother voicing my issues with her either as I know it’ll be my fault and never hers or that she’s struggling like she ALWAYS is but then you see her out and about and commenting on other peoples posts so are you struggling or you really just can’t be bothered with me anymore.

I hope since you wrote the post in jan things have gotten better with the friendship or you’ve cut ties and moved on and you’ve met a better friend now

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Threeeyedraven said:

Ah I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through the same! Feels so silly at 30 to be dealing with friend drama but here we are!

it hasn’t gotten better, in fact she’s now posting about her brand new bff and her “favourite person ever” while actively ignoring my messages I’m over it now, I don’t want to make it aggressive or argue because my godson is very important to me & it isn’t his fault so I don’t want to risk being cut out completely. The funny thing is, when we first became friends she’s complain about her bestie and how she’d lost them and now I realise that she is the problem if it’s a recurring thing

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Probablylurking66 said:

Thanks Monkeymagic

Update on this, I messaged her asking to meet up so we can talk about it, and reaffirming how sorry I am that I hurt her, and she replied saying she wanted to keep some distance for now because apparently I've ignored her for three weeks, as well as not helping her find a place (which she said she would have done if the situation had been reversed). I feel awful now for not messaging sooner/offering to help but I'm not a mind reader, I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her space. But she obviously sees it as me not caring, which is not true this is really frustrating and upsetting. I'm still left feeling like I don't know if we're ever going to back to normal because she wants me to leave her alone (possibly forever, who knows). I told her it's fine if she needs more space but I don't know how we can fix this if we don't talk.

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Monkeymagic85 said:

Sorry just seen your message. I’ll be blunt, she sounds like a shitty friend, honestly if this was your partner they would be described as toxic.

You’re right, you’re not a mind reader, if she thought all that she should have told you, you don’t tell someone you’re fine, go radio silent then loose your tatties.

Ask yourself what is she bringing to the party?

Join a club, take up a new hobby, find new friends, this one seems like it’s expired.

Take care of you

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