Heartbreak.

[JessTxxx]

First of all

secondly, I don’t give a tit what people say about how ‘you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings’ if someone who you love and have been with for that long does something likeout of the blue you deserve an explanation. They should out of good conscience give you an explanation. And blocking you on everything is childish and pathetic. Don’t get me wrong blocking after a breakup is fair enough but blocking so as not to have to give an explanation for their actions is disgusting. When you’ve been with someone that long there is a degree of ‘after care’ when breaking up with them.

 

[gigi_93]

First of all

secondly, I don’t give a tit what people say about how ‘you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings’ if someone who you love and have been with for that long does something likeout of the blue you deserve an explanation. They should out of good conscience give you an explanation. And blocking you on everything is childish and pathetic. Don’t get me wrong blocking after a breakup is fair enough but blocking so as not to have to give an explanation for their actions is disgusting. When you’ve been with someone that long there is a degree of ‘after care’ when breaking up with them.

“After care” is a perfect way of putting it. I feel like I’m owed so much more. He blocked me because I was trying to get answers out of him and now I’m left with so many unanswered questions and absolutely nowhere to direct them to. It’s the most frustrating feeling I’ve ever had

 

[LaurieLaurie]

The best thing I ever did was to learn to say “Ok... Your choice” and instantly remove myself from the situation. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and looking for reasons and answers.

Often after a break up you realise a lot wasn’t as good as thought.

 

[gigi_93]

The best thing I ever did was to learn to say “Ok... Your choice” and instantly remove myself from the situation. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and looking for reasons and answers.

Often after a break up you realise a lot wasn’t as good as thought.

That’s what I’m doing, driving myself crazy. Honestly over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen a horribly weak and needy side of myself. I cannot just let go!

 

[Lovethesun]

That’s what I’m doing, driving myself crazy. Honestly over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen a horribly weak and needy side of myself. I cannot just let go!

Keep your pride hunni - my motto is never chase a man !! As much as you want too , don’t . If he wants to come back he will but don’t chase . The feelings unbearable I know I’ve been there , every day is another day closer to you feeling better I promise . And I looked at my weight loss from no appetite as a silver lining . Try & find positives I know it’s hard .

 

[gigi_93]

Keep your pride hunni - my motto is never chase a man !! As much as you want too , don’t . If he wants to come back he will but don’t chase . The feelings unbearable I know I’ve been there , every day is another day closer to you feeling better I promise . And I looked at my weight loss from no appetite as a silver lining . Try & find positives I know it’s hard .

Even if I wanted to message him, I can’t because I’m blocked. I suppose it takes away the possibility of drunk texts, although I would like the option it feels absolutely horrible being cut off. I can’t ask about the kids or anything.

You’re right about the weight loss, there truly is no diet like a heartbreak diet is there??

 

[Littleelf]

My ex absolutely crushed me when he broke up with me out of the blue after 2 years together. We were very young but I'd stood by him on his entering the RAF and being away alot and I had literally based my whole life around us moving away to wherever he would be based and me getting a job there. One night he just broke up with me and wouldn't give me a reason, I was completley hysterical. Stopped eating, sleeping, going to college or work.

A week later at college I saw him through a door kiss another girl. I went straight home and never went back to college again expect to do my exams. I was crushed absolutely destroyed, but still completley in love with him. I thought (stupidly, i was so young) that my whole life was over without him I was nothing at all.

Over the next few months we saw each other here a there in the pub ect slept together a few times. He used to ring me from his base and we'd talk for hours in the middle of the night. ended up getting back together. Then one night he went out to a party and told me I hadn't been invited and turned his phone off all night. I broke up with him the next day but even though it was me that broke up I was so upset. A few days later he wanted to meet to get a coat he'd left at my house and he turned up with another girl. I thought my heart was going to explode it was devastating.

It was a long time ago but to think about it now I still have knots in my belly. I don't think I've ever gotten over how that felt to just be smashed into a million pieces like that by someone that I thought was the love of my life. I've moved on have a lovely man a baby a house everything I've ever wanted, but ill never forget how that felt.

It does get better, learn lessons from it and move on xxx

He also added me on instagram and year or so ago, he's married with a kid. He still messaged me asking me how I was ect, he's allways liked to keep himself at the forefront of my mind.

I blocked him

 

[gigi_93]

My ex absolutely crushed me when he broke up with me out of the blue after 2 years together. We were very young but I'd stood by him on his entering the RAF and being away alot and I had literally based my whole life around us moving away to wherever he would be based and me getting a job there. One night he just broke up with me and wouldn't give me a reason, I was completley hysterical. Stopped eating, sleeping, going to college or work.

A week later at college I saw him through a door kiss another girl. I went straight home and never went back to college again expect to do my exams. I was crushed absolutely destroyed, but still completley in love with him. I thought (stupidly, i was so young) that my whole life was over without him I was nothing at all.

Over the next few months we saw each other here a there in the pub ect slept together a few times. He used to ring me from his base and we'd talk for hours in the middle of the night. ended up getting back together. Then one night he went out to a party and told me I hadn't been invited and turned his phone off all night. I broke up with him the next day but even though it was me that broke up I was so upset. A few days later he wanted to meet to get a coat he'd left at my house and he turned up with another girl. I thought my heart was going to explode it was devastating.

It was a long time ago but to think about it now I still have knots in my belly. I don't think I've ever gotten over how that felt to just be smashed into a million pieces like that by someone that I thought was the love of my life. I've moved on have a lovely man a baby a house everything I've ever wanted, but ill never forget how that felt.

It does get better, learn lessons from it and move on xxx

He also added me on instagram and year or so ago, he's married with a kid. He still messaged me asking me how I was ect, he's allways liked to keep himself at the forefront of my mind.

I blocked him

I completely relate to the feeling of being absolutely crushed and devastated. I thought I might handle it better since I’m older now but really age has nothing to do with it. Turning up at your house with another girl is such a fucked up and unnecessary thing to do! Good on your for blocking him

 

[Glamourelle]

I have nothing to add to this except I am sending you all a HUGE cuddle

 

[Littleelf]

I completely relate to the feeling of being absolutely crushed and devastated. I thought I might handle it better since I’m older now but really age has nothing to do with it. Turning up at your house with another girl is such a fucked up and unnecessary thing to do! Good on your for blocking him

I think when you are truly heartbroken it doesn't matter how young or old, you feel it down to your bones you really do. I think if I came face to face with my ex now after 10 years it would still devastate me even though I'm happy in my life and love my partner.

Look after yourself and take it day by day, do what makes you feel better and get into a new routine. Time will pass and you'll find your new happy

 

[gigi_93]

I think when you are truly heartbroken it doesn't matter how young or old, you feel it down to your bones you really do. I think if I came face to face with my ex now after 10 years it would still devastate me even though I'm happy in my life and love my partner.

Look after yourself and take it day by day, do what makes you feel better and get into a new routine. Time will pass and you'll find your new happy

Thank you I need to focus on eating something and stop sitting here waiting for him to contact me. If he chose to block me I doubt he will decide to unblock but my brain is just a mess.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

 

[HarJR289]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

oh no, my heart is with you. Has he ever done anything like this before? I know lockdown is getting to us all and causing us to act differently

 

[Imonlyme]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

My ex used to do this a lot and it is truly soul crushing. Sending you lots of love . I know it's hard right now and probably all you can do is think about him and question what went wrong for him to just leave so suddenly. My advice is to let yourself cry over it for a short time. Let it all out and then dry your eyes and focus on you. What do you need right now?(besides him) Have a bath, put some uplifting feel good music on, call a friend. Anything, just do something that's 100 % for you and about you. No doubt he will eventually contact you and then hopefully you can get some answers. For now, you just have to take it one step at a time.

 

[gigi_93]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

That is shocking, I’m so sorry. Was there any signs he would do this? Not that it makes it any less horrifying even if there was. I feel your pain so much.

 

[1001 others]

I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.

The best thing I ever did was to learn to say “Ok... Your choice” and instantly remove myself from the situation. You could drive yourself crazy analysing and looking for reasons and answers.

Often after a break up you realise a lot wasn’t as good as thought.

Ain't that the truth?! Years later I realised that if we were still together I'd be married to Frank Spencer! (Not only did he bear a strong resemblance to this character, but also many, many traits)

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

Oh my goodness, that is just so hard to read. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Please don't feel that you have nobody - plenty of people on here care about you.

If you are able to, perhaps ask if he is open to having a frank and open discussion with you about his reasons for leaving? It might be that whatever those reasons are, it is salvageable - but you will have to insist that you both work at things, and that includes him not leaving like that again.

x

 

[gigi_93]

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.

Thank you for this. I totally understand the psychoanalysing thing, I am doing that pretty much all day every day at the moment. Made worse by the fact I can’t ask him any questions because he’s cut me off. I keep thinking “if only I’d done this, he wouldn’t have dumped me” and I can see how unhelpful it is but I Just. Can’t. Stop. hypnotism is interesting, I’m not a big believer in all that but I’m so desperate I’d probably try anything including a lobotomy!

 

[DanaScully]

Sending love to all of you in this thread. I've recently come out of an eight year relationship with a partner I lived with.

I'm trying my best to keep busy, practicing as much self care as I can and generally trying to be kind to myself after being repeatedly hurt and lied to. I feel that lockdown breakups are so much worse given we can't see friends or family or meet up with a pal for a few glasses of wine and a moan.

It's going to take a long time for me to be able to trust someone again and at the moment I just can't see myself ever finding love again. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than deal with the tit my ex put me through.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

oh no, my heart is with you. Has he ever done anything like this before? I know lockdown is getting to us all and causing us to act differently

He has been struggling with lockdown as he's been working from home for a year but this was still very out of the blue. He went from saying it was a general unhappiness that he had to saying he wasn't happy with my and things had never been right. Then he left.

My ex used to do this a lot and it is truly soul crushing. Sending you lots of love . I know it's hard right now and probably all you can do is think about him and question what went wrong for him to just leave so suddenly. My advice is to let yourself cry over it for a short time. Let it all out and then dry your eyes and focus on you. What do you need right now?(besides him) Have a bath, put some uplifting feel good music on, call a friend. Anything, just do something that's 100 % for you and about you. No doubt he will eventually contact you and then hopefully you can get some answers. For now, you just have to take it one step at a time.

Thank you for your message but I'm struggling with every second at the moment. I'm still not sleeping or eating and I burst into hysterical crying a few times a day. I haven't been able to spend a whole day at work but being at home alone is killing me. I haven't spent a day here without him. I really don't think I can get through this. All I can think of are all the things we had planned for the rest of our lives. Everything seemed great and no different literally a day or two before he went.

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.



Ain't that the truth?! Years later I realised that if we were still together I'd be married to Frank Spencer! (Not only did he bear a strong resemblance to this character, but also many, many traits)

View attachment 448079



Oh my goodness, that is just so hard to read. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Please don't feel that you have nobody - plenty of people on here care about you.

If you are able to, perhaps ask if he is open to having a frank and open discussion with you about his reasons for leaving? It might be that whatever those reasons are, it is salvageable - but you will have to insist that you both work at things, and that includes him not leaving like that again.

x

Thank you. I do really appreciate your kind words. I will be seeing him again as he'll be coming back to the house but I can't face him telling me it's definitely over for good. He definitely has some other issues going on that I think are clouding his judgement but he can be very stubborn when he's made his mind up about something.

 

[EmaE]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?