I wouldn’t respond to her, too much time has passed and she’s had her chance. Why should you reply when she can’t?
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Im sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Ive been ghosted many times but never knew the word for it until now. It hurts like hell but in hindsight i wish id walked away from each situation but its not easy. You want to know what if anything you did wrong. It has affected relationships ive had going forwards as i just dont trust anyone.
I hope you can move on and forget her. She isnt being the friend you deserve. Sending love xxx
I hope you can move on and forget her. She isnt being the friend you deserve. Sending love xxx
UPDATE:
I am a bit heartbroken if I am honest, as someone warned I might be.
She messaged today to say that she thinks I am a 'selfish' friend and haven't 'appreciated' her as a friend. I was dumbfounded. Her reasonings are COVID related - I didn't reach out a lot in the pandemic and skirted over her issues if what she's said is being interpreted properly. I've apologised profusely and told her clearly my intention wasn't to be nasty or a rubbish friend and that I wished she'd made a polite comment if my behaviour was being construed as being a bad friend.
She said I haven't cared about other people through the pandemic - citing a 'joke' tweet that, although may be in bad taste, I wouldn't say is particularly offensive (I just said that I hoped we were out of lockdown for my birthday next spring). She's accepted the apology I gave for coming across as dismissing of pandemic but I said I never ever thought I was being selfish. I was stunned.
She still wants to meet up - so is that a good sign? I feel lost, feels like a romantic break-up... actually think that was easier.
I am a bit heartbroken if I am honest, as someone warned I might be.
She messaged today to say that she thinks I am a 'selfish' friend and haven't 'appreciated' her as a friend. I was dumbfounded. Her reasonings are COVID related - I didn't reach out a lot in the pandemic and skirted over her issues if what she's said is being interpreted properly. I've apologised profusely and told her clearly my intention wasn't to be nasty or a rubbish friend and that I wished she'd made a polite comment if my behaviour was being construed as being a bad friend.
She said I haven't cared about other people through the pandemic - citing a 'joke' tweet that, although may be in bad taste, I wouldn't say is particularly offensive (I just said that I hoped we were out of lockdown for my birthday next spring). She's accepted the apology I gave for coming across as dismissing of pandemic but I said I never ever thought I was being selfish. I was stunned.
She still wants to meet up - so is that a good sign? I feel lost, feels like a romantic break-up... actually think that was easier.
I feel she is being a bit harsh here. Lockdown has been awful for all. Some people have openly struggled and others have tried to put a brave face on it.
I've lost a few friendships over the years and I've also been guilty of ghosting a few.
My friendships are precious and I do all I can to be a good friend. I would be pretty devastated if a friend said this to me and I feel it's going to be a challenge moving past this. If you feel it's worth salvaging then maybe meet up.
You sound like a nice friend to have. It's a shame she has tainted it a bit.
You haven’t done anything wrong.. You’ve ran up her a. Please drop her.
I mean it's hard to know where she's coming from without specific information but the pandemic has been rough for everyone, not just your friend. How people deal with things can be different for everyone. What exactly did she want from you?
The fact she ghosted you for so long would be a big red flag for me. I'd try to stay on good terms but i'd start to distance myself from her.
The fact she ghosted you for so long would be a big red flag for me. I'd try to stay on good terms but i'd start to distance myself from her.
I would “break up” this friendship. A real friend would not ghost you but pull you aside and let you know if there is a problem.
Honestly keep her at arms length and treat as an acquaintance. She will only do this again and hurt you worse. Btw nothing inappropriate about your joke
Thank you for your responses. She'll be at arms length - I want her in my life as someone to be going through education with. Right now being a student with no lectures on campus or any library sessions is so particularly isolating. It is so valuable having someone going through the same, but obviously she's added to that isolation since October so not sure it would even be worth it.
Hurt she just assumed I was selfish for hoping my birthday was out of a lockdown. I obviously would never complain about the necessity for one. It's just all so confusing and she really wasn't clear.
She did apologise for ghosting, however, and claimed she is not good with articulating her feelings.
Hurt she just assumed I was selfish for hoping my birthday was out of a lockdown. I obviously would never complain about the necessity for one. It's just all so confusing and she really wasn't clear.
She did apologise for ghosting, however, and claimed she is not good with articulating her feelings.
She’s an idiot.
This maybe an unpopular opinion here but here goes.
Not that you've done anything wrong cause I don't think you have but sometimes we just can't understand other people or are more sensitive to something than someone else no matter how hard we try. We also can't always give people what they need. Maybe you thought you were being a good friend but she needed something more therefore, it didn't come across like that to her. We aren't always compatible with everyone.
Ultimately her feelings are valid, as are yours and it's not fair for anyone to dismiss how someone else feels. Her opinion was that you are selfish and unappreciative and whether or not you see it like doesn't matter as those are her feelings which she is fully entitled to. In the same vain that you're fully entitled to be upset and annoyed that she ghosted you and feel like she's a bad friend for doing that.
You got what you wanted, which was an explanation for why she ghosted you (and an apology). What you do with that information is up to you.
Hopefully the friendship can be salvaged and seeing as you both apologised and had a conversation, you obviously care and respect each other which is a good start.
She's self absorbed and introspective . Me, me, me. Everything is about how the pandemic is affecting her. Zero empathy for how its affecting others.
You haven’t done anything wrong. I personally think that she’s being selfish. COVID has affected everyone so she can’t expect you to drop your problems to help her. She also ghosted you and to do that to a friend is awful.
I don't think it's unpopular. I appreciated her apology and I understand that we all are different and need different things. Think my problem is more why tell me that you thought I was being selfish three months after you decided that was the case. Surely if my behaviour was so reprehensible she felt put out why not say straight away?
I'll be seeing how it goes anyways. I value/ed her friendship. It's a new year - I don't want to be carrying any negative feelings into 2021.
Sounds to me like she may be making excuses and that its taken her how long? to cobble something together as a reason. I don't think its selfish saying to a friend you hoped Covid would be over for your birthday!. It would however be off if you said it on a Covid ward to a group of staff or to someone who had lost someone..
Personally I'd just have her as a hi, bye acquaintance now, it will be difficult to be a good friend with someone who drops you like a stone for bull reasons. Time will sort this out anyway, you'll go in different directions anyway eventually.
Personally I'd just have her as a hi, bye acquaintance now, it will be difficult to be a good friend with someone who drops you like a stone for bull reasons. Time will sort this out anyway, you'll go in different directions anyway eventually.
I love this response, ever thought about counselling? It really helped me see things from a different perspective in something I have experienced, thank you xx
I do agree, with the original poster tho, I think her friend should have told her these things three months ago.
Get rid 
As in I need counselling or I should be a counsellor?
I will say, although in most cases the situation could be resolved with a conversation. It can be hard if you're not the confrontational type.
I have had plenty of people in my life who just will not take responsibility for their actions no matter how much I've told them, then I do just not reply. If I've told you what you've done to upset me and you've chosen to disregard my feelings then I will ghost you and never look back. Also sometimes it's not one specific event that's happened, it's just various things over the years that have added up to someone just reaching breaking point. We all have the ability to be toxic or negative etc in someone else's life which we often don't realise or intend to be. Or sometimes people are just going through something and they just need space.
I think I may be against the grain here when I say but, if someone doesn't want you in their life for whatever reason then they are entitled to that and they don't actually owe you anything. Yeah it can be tit if a friendship has ended and you don't know what you've done but the way I see it, it doesn't matter. If someone doesn't want to speak to me then that's on them whether I caused that problem or not. Tell me and I'll apologise of course but if you don't tell me and don't ever want to speak to me then there's not much I can do besides wish you all the best and spend my time on the people that do want me around...
Maybe that's just me though
No I think you see things really sensibly. I love your outlook. You have a confident nature and I’d cherish that. Thank you for sharing xxAs in I need counselling or I should be a counsellor?
I will say, although in most cases the situation could be resolved with a conversation. It can be hard if you're not the confrontational type.
I have had plenty of people in my life who just will not take responsibility for their actions no matter how much I've told them, then I do just not reply. If I've told you what you've done to upset me and you've chosen to disregard my feelings then I will ghost you and never look back. Also sometimes it's not one specific event that's happened, it's just various things over the years that have added up to someone just reaching breaking point. We all have the ability to be toxic or negative etc in someone else's life which we often don't realise or intend to be. Or sometimes people are just going through something and they just need space.
I think I may be against the grain here when I say but, if someone doesn't want you in their life for whatever reason then they are entitled to that and they don't actually owe you anything. Yeah it can be tit if a friendship has ended and you don't know what you've done but the way I see it, it doesn't matter. If someone doesn't want to speak to me then that's on them whether I caused that problem or not. Tell me and I'll apologise of course but if you don't tell me and don't ever want to speak to me then there's not much I can do besides wish you all the best and spend my time on the people that do want me around...
Maybe that's just me though
You’ve articulated this so well. It’s such a massive headfuck to come to terms with this (especially if you’re in love with someone) but I believe it’s so true. We have a tendency to demonise people who don’t want to be in our lives any more but other than our parents I don’t think anyone owes us anything. I guess I feel like that because I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a relationship and not be allowed to change my mind, so I have to give others the same right. I’m going to try to take this mindset into my 2021 dating adventures. It will save me a lot of bitterness I think.
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