Ghosted by a best friend

[Barbie2020]

How long has it been? Could she just be going through a hard time and hasn’t really ghosted? Have you reached out? Maybe her pregnancy is tough.

I’ve vanished from my friends for a couple of weeks and they’ve done the same during tough times.. One of mine did it last week and then popped up telling me about a difficult time they were having - Sometimes we just need space.

About 2 months now. I know she sometimes has a hard time. I’ve always reached out and asked about her pregnancy and let it be known that I’m there for her. She’s been on holiday and out with other friends and getting on with life so I feel like she’s maybe decided she just doesn’t want to be friends with me. I think in the space of 2 months if she’s doing other things she could have sent a text saying I’m sorry if I’m a bit quiet I just want to concentrate on myself at the minute. I know her well and it’s a complete ghosting not just a bit of space. I do respect her choice I just wish I could stop feeling upset and hurt by it.

I’m not at this point with one of my friends yet but i feel ya. It’s really hard isnt it?!

One of my closest friends has these episodes of becoming really distant. And then I get pulled back in because if she says do I want to do something I then think oh maybe I was just imagining this vibe that wasn’t actually there and then it happens again.

There isn’t anything major to punctuate it. A few years ago she had a period off work due to anxiety but has a new job now. (Obv anxiety doesn’t go just because she has a new job, but a lot of it was work related). But she often says she has no money or reasons that come across as poor considering her financial position(I know you don’t always know the ins and outs of everyone’s lives but when it’s your best mate you kinda have a good idea). Or she will cance plans last minute but no “I’m sorry for cancelling” along with the message. She will pick and choose when to communicate with people- the other day she was saying about doing something for a friends birthday- but for my own birthday she didn’t acknowledge it- despite her knowing(we have a group what’s app and some of our other friends had posted messages to me, I could see that she had read them but no acknowledgement.

What’s worse is that we are part of a bigger friendship circle of 7, so with some they don’t experience this side to her and others have.

I’m not sure the best way forward entirely because when nothing significant has happened it’s hard to realise it’s the end. But I wonder if you immerse yourself in other activities if it will slowly help you move forward ?

Yeh it’s so hard! Like you say when it’s not really a big argument or anything you kind of silly for making a big deal of it. It’s hard when they are being completely ok with other friends but not you. People would always think oh you must have done something to annoy them but I’m nothing but a supportive friend.

Sorry you’re going through something similar. I only have a small number of friends and not really experienced anything like this before, especially being in my 30s. I’ve got a 5 month old baby which is full on, but it’s the quiet moments when she’s having a nap or something that I think about things that are upsetting me and this is one of the things playing on my mind. Wish I wasn’t bothered and could just get past caring!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

This happened to me when I got pregnant I posted recently about it on the support to rant / vent thread
We’d been best friends since 14.. so it was 10 years of friendship. In 2018 I got pregnant and she didn’t take the news well at all. She cried when I told her. That I’d never have time for her. That I wouldn’t be able do the same things we did anymore and that she thought we’d always be the 2 who never had children
And throughout my pregnancy she would send me awful labor videos and men freaking out during labor etc after I told her I was really nervous about it. And she’d comment I was big etc ( hello I was growing a baby?! ) and then after he was born she messaged to say congratulations .. that was it. Never came to see him and a few months later I realised she’d removed me off all socials so I went one better & blocked her
I’m still sad about it now and sometimes feel like reaching out but after everything she did when I was pregnant I think I’m better off without her. It’s just sad. We were so close we’d speak everyday. Go out for meals go to th cinema go shopping etc. best friends for 10 years gone like that

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

About 2 months now. I know she sometimes has a hard time. I’ve always reached out and asked about her pregnancy and let it be known that I’m there for her. She’s been on holiday and out with other friends and getting on with life so I feel like she’s maybe decided she just doesn’t want to be friends with me. I think in the space of 2 months if she’s doing other things she could have sent a text saying I’m sorry if I’m a bit quiet I just want to concentrate on myself at the minute. I know her well and it’s a complete ghosting not just a bit of space. I do respect her choice I just wish I could stop feeling upset and hurt by it.



Yeh it’s so hard! Like you say when it’s not really a big argument or anything you kind of silly for making a big deal of it. It’s hard when they are being completely ok with other friends but not you. People would always think oh you must have done something to annoy them but I’m nothing but a supportive friend.

Sorry you’re going through something similar. I only have a small number of friends and not really experienced anything like this before, especially being in my 30s. I’ve got a 5 month old baby which is full on, but it’s the quiet moments when she’s having a nap or something that I think about things that are upsetting me and this is one of the things playing on my mind. Wish I wasn’t bothered and could just get past caring!

It's OK to feel sad and even grieve the end of a friendship. It's a major relationship in your life. Tbh if it was me I'd go round and ask if there is an issue. It could just be that she feels the relationship has reached a natural end as she has other priorities.

I have a really good friend where I can feel the withdrawal happening at the moment. I've chosen not to have children and she has 2 under 4's. Even though I make a huge effort to keep the contact she is giving nothing. On the one hand I understand she's got a little family and wants to connect with other mums but on the other I feel a little used.
I've basically written this friendship off now.

I also had this happen 6 years ago with my best friend. We'd been friends for nearly 30 years but her husband who she met about 10 years ago is not a huge fan of mine. He's never said anything but you can just tell. When my dad passed away I thought I acted my normal self but I didn't. He used this to drive a wedge between us and we are hardly acquaintances now. I really grieved this relationship but again I was a little angry about it as I felt she knew me so well that I can't believe she let her husband push me out of her life. It's not even as though we saw each other as we live in different countries

 

[Barbie2020]

This happened to me when I got pregnant I posted recently about it on the support to rant / vent thread
We’d been best friends since 14.. so it was 10 years of friendship. In 2018 I got pregnant and she didn’t take the news well at all. She cried when I told her. That I’d never have time for her. That I wouldn’t be able do the same things we did anymore and that she thought we’d always be the 2 who never had children
And throughout my pregnancy she would send me awful labor videos and men freaking out during labor etc after I told her I was really nervous about it. And she’d comment I was big etc ( hello I was growing a baby?! ) and then after he was born she messaged to say congratulations .. that was it. Never came to see him and a few months later I realised she’d removed me off all socials so I went one better & blocked her
I’m still sad about it now and sometimes feel like reaching out but after everything she did when I was pregnant I think I’m better off without her. It’s just sad. We were so close we’d speak everyday. Go out for meals go to th cinema go shopping etc. best friends for 10 years gone like that

I’m really sorry that happened to you! She could have explained to you that she was worried that you wouldn’t be as close anymore without saying and sending you horrible things. It does sound like you are better off without her but I know how much it hurts when someone you are so close to suddenly changes. I have no advice but I completely sympathise and hope you’ve got nicer people around you X

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m really sorry that happened to you! She could have explained to you that she was worried that you wouldn’t be as close anymore without saying and sending you horrible things. It does sound like you are better off without her but I know how much it hurts when someone you are so close to suddenly changes. I have no advice but I completely sympathise and hope you’ve got nicer people around you X

I said to her I’ll have loads of time but I might just have a Baby with me sometimes instead. I don’t think of her that much only every now and then

 

[Barbie2020]

It's OK to feel sad and even grieve the end of a friendship. It's a major relationship in your life. Tbh if it was me I'd go round and ask if there is an issue. It could just be that she feels the relationship has reached a natural end as she has other priorities.

I have a really good friend where I can feel the withdrawal happening at the moment. I've chosen not to have children and she has 2 under 4's. Even though I make a huge effort to keep the contact she is giving nothing. On the one hand I understand she's got a little family and wants to connect with other mums but on the other I feel a little used.
I've basically written this friendship off now.

I also had this happen 6 years ago with my best friend. We'd been friends for nearly 30 years but her husband who she met about 10 years ago is not a huge fan of mine. He's never said anything but you can just tell. When my dad passed away I thought I acted my normal self but I didn't. He used this to drive a wedge between us and we are hardly acquaintances now. I really grieved this relationship but again I was a little angry about it as I felt she knew me so well that I can't believe she let her husband push me out of her life. It's not even as though we saw each other as we live in different countries

Yeh I think she’s just focused on having a baby and isn’t bothered about me anymore. Bit awkward as her husband and mine are best friends and they wanted to come on our family holiday next year once they found out they were having a baby. I think sometimes you just have to accept peoples choices even though they don’t really make sense.

Sorry your friend pushed you away because of her husband. That’s a long time to be friends with someone and then be pushed away X

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

My friendship with my best friend came to an end at the end of 2018. The main reason being a manipulative ex partner who was in our friendship circle would tells lies about me and constantly put her in the middle all because I didn’t want to be with him and he hated the fact I’d moved on.
She pretty much ghosted me. And he won his little game of breaking our friendship up.
She was my best friend for 10yrs, we had went through so much together and she just let someone come between us like that. I tried to reach out numerous times but she would never respond. I was there for her as were my family when she went through a serious car accident, which killed some people. She lost a lot of friends through this but I stood by her.
We have some mutual friends and I know she has made them feel crap before for not picking sides but they’re not easily manipulated and grown up enough to know it’s not their business to get involved so then in turn she doesn’t speak to them. It’s all very sad.
there’s days I really miss her and would love to sit down and chat but then I remember she couldn’t care less.
I guess we were never true friends, she only wanted me in her life when it suited her and I was running after her.
I’m one of these people that really does overthink and I do think of her often but I know it’s pointless.
I’ve moved on and got good people round me but it still makes me sad sometimes that after everything she could turn her back on a friendship when I genuinely did nothing wrong other than not want to be with someone. I tried to reach out a few times like I’ve mentioned but she’s ended up telling my ex and then he’s sent me abusive texts laughing at me.
I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have these toxic people in my life anymore but it still hurts.
Thinking of you all on this thread - sometimes the end of a friendship can be worse than a breakup. Sometimes you are genuinely better off without these people xo

 

[Yorkshirepud85]

My 'friend' of 20 years cut me off last Xmas for the second time round. She caught covid around the same time as I moved house and I wished her better & to let me know if she needed anything.

I asked how she was the following weekend and I got a text 'funnily enough I've still got covid' That was it. I asked to speak to her but she had already run to socials to 'unfriend' me. The worst part was that I'm close friends with her twin sister so she has been able to exclude me from her hen weekend and baby shower etc.

It stinks and I'm really angry she wouldn't warrant me one conversation. Especially having admited the first time was due to jealousy on her part. However I've moved away now and am enjoying meeting new people. Plus having some distance makes my friendship with her sister easier.

My friendship with my best friend came to an end at the end of 2018. The main reason being a manipulative ex partner who was in our friendship circle would tells lies about me and constantly put her in the middle all because I didn’t want to be with him and he hated the fact I’d moved on.
She pretty much ghosted me. And he won his little game of breaking our friendship up.
She was my best friend for 10yrs, we had went through so much together and she just let someone come between us like that. I tried to reach out numerous times but she would never respond. I was there for her as were my family when she went through a serious car accident, which killed some people. She lost a lot of friends through this but I stood by her.
We have some mutual friends and I know she has made them feel crap before for not picking sides but they’re not easily manipulated and grown up enough to know it’s not their business to get involved so then in turn she doesn’t speak to them. It’s all very sad.
there’s days I really miss her and would love to sit down and chat but then I remember she couldn’t care less.
I guess we were never true friends, she only wanted me in her life when it suited her and I was running after her.
I’m one of these people that really does overthink and I do think of her often but I know it’s pointless.
I’ve moved on and got good people round me but it still makes me sad sometimes that after everything she could turn her back on a friendship when I genuinely did nothing wrong other than not want to be with someone. I tried to reach out a few times like I’ve mentioned but she’s ended up telling my ex and then he’s sent me abusive texts laughing at me.
I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have these toxic people in my life anymore but it still hurts.
Thinking of you all on this thread - sometimes the end of a friendship can be worse than a breakup. Sometimes you are genuinely better off without these people xo

I'm really sorry. How horrible for you. You did all you could. Your 'friend' sound's pretty callous tbh but I get that it's easy to dwell on all the good memories you had together.

The fact other people are not being bullied into taking sides shows they know her true colours