Ghosted by a best friend

[bookworm1403]

So, a bit of background:

Myself and this girl have been in university for three years together, same course, same optionals everything. In our first year we weren't as close, but both joined a sports team in our second year and broke up with our boyfriends. From then onwards we were best, best friends. I would not go a day without seeing her. We did everything together, from essays to exams, from nights out to sleepovers, from bad times to good times. She genuinely has been an excellent friend to me, and I would like to think I have been an excellent friend to her.

During the pandemic (and closure of uni) we didn't talk as often as we used to and obviously didn't see each other. She lives one town over from me so it isn't far. We spoke all summer as she was coming back to uni and we arranged to meet up. We went out together and had a fab time, everything was as normal. Lectures resumed and, as I said, we are doing the same optionals so we had that to discuss etc.

One night she was on a night out and sent me a message 'we need to talk', every message before this had been normal and I had no reason to think she wasn't being anything other than drunk etc. I asked her what about, she just sent me my name and then 'Sorry'.

Ever since then, she either responds bluntly (i.e. one word) to my messages or point blank ignores me. I asked one of our other friends if she'd done the same to her, but she's fine with her yet really strange with me. I asked her multiple times if there is anything wrong and she's said no, but refuses to speak to me. It's made me extremely sad and paranoid, but I feel like I'm bleeding water out of a stone when I try and talk to her.

Has anyone ever experienced this? Have you ever had closure? I feel so so sad that a girl I spent the past 18 months sharing everything with (even booking multiple holidays with which were cancelled due to the pandemic) suddenly has frozen me out

 

[ClockworkDolly]

So, a bit of background:

Myself and this girl have been in university for three years together, same course, same optionals everything. In our first year we weren't as close, but both joined a sports team in our second year and broke up with our boyfriends. From then onwards we were best, best friends. I would not go a day without seeing her. We did everything together, from essays to exams, from nights out to sleepovers, from bad times to good times. She genuinely has been an excellent friend to me, and I would like to think I have been an excellent friend to her.

During the pandemic (and closure of uni) we didn't talk as often as we used to and obviously didn't see each other. She lives one town over from me so it isn't far. We spoke all summer as she was coming back to uni and we arranged to meet up. We went out together and had a fab time, everything was as normal. Lectures resumed and, as I said, we are doing the same optionals so we had that to discuss etc.

One night she was on a night out and sent me a message 'we need to talk', every message before this had been normal and I had no reason to think she wasn't being anything other than drunk etc. I asked her what about, she just sent me my name and then 'Sorry'.

Ever since then, she either responds bluntly (i.e. one word) to my messages or point blank ignores me. I asked one of our other friends if she'd done the same to her, but she's fine with her yet really strange with me. I asked her multiple times if there is anything wrong and she's said no, but refuses to speak to me. It's made me extremely sad and paranoid, but I feel like I'm bleeding water out of a stone when I try and talk to her.

Has anyone ever experienced this? Have you ever had closure? I feel so so sad that a girl I spent the past 18 months sharing everything with (even booking multiple holidays with which were cancelled due to the pandemic) suddenly has frozen me out

I have experienced this yes, this year in fact with a long-standing friend.

Hopefully she will find herself a backbone and give you an explanation, but don’t hold your breath. Meantime, I would suggest getting on with your life without her. I know it’s hurtful when people treat you this way, but if she hasn’t got the decency to explain her behaviour then she doesn’t deserve your friendship.

 

[bookworm1403]

I have experienced this yes, this year in fact with a long-standing friend.

Hopefully she will find herself a backbone and give you an explanation, but don’t hold your breath. Meantime, I would suggest getting on with your life without her. I know it’s hurtful when people treat you this way, but if she hasn’t got the decency to explain her behaviour then she doesn’t deserve your friendship.

I'm sorry you have gone/are going through the same thing

Honestly, I don't want to beg for a friendship that she so easily dropped. I'm an adult and it isn't the playground. I just do miss our friendship, especially during deadline/exam season where she did used to be there daily for me. I know she's had a rough time recently, but she won't even speak to me. Thank you for that, I think eventually I will just have to drop it and stop trying.

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Oddly enough I got a text today from the person who has behaved the same way with me. I have ignored it and will continue to ignore it. He has treated other people the same way and also others have treated him to the same behaviour. I am afraid he has burnt his bridges with me. He did the same thing last year, ignored me for weeks on end and when I questioned why, he did admit that I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. But, this time around, I have had enough and I will no longer allow him to treat me so unfavourably.

I think you need to make other friends. If she decides to come back into your life, I would give her a wide berth.

 

[1001 others]

I could be completely wrong here, but ... is it possible that your friend has developed feelings for you? But she's embarrassed / ashamed / worried / whatever, about telling you?

 

[Raininvain]

Could be absolutely anything at all.
If she does come back to you and want to be friends again then I would want to know why she ditched you because you cant be having people repeatedly treating you like this. I've dropped people in the past and its not been because I fancied them at all. Generally I think you know if someone fancies you even when its not obvious, its like a 6th sense.x

 

[imnotarobot]

Oh that’s sad, I’m sorry that’s happened to you. And I’m sorry that she’s not being open about what’s wrong. I can only imagine that you’d be busy wracking your brain trying to work what you’ve done.

I’d hazard a guess you’ve done completely nothing wrong. I’d think perhaps your friend has had these reactions in the past and this is just your turn, sadly. There’s a reason sometimes that these friendships are so full on, you click immediately, you are best best friends and then they flame out fairly quickly afterwards. Some people burn through others, be it friendships or relationships with partners. Sounds like this has happened to you.

Thing to remember is it’s her that’s got the problem and not you. And unless you’ve slept with her boyfriend and forgotten, I doubt you’ve done anything so wrong it warrants ghosting.

I know I keep banging on about my teenage daughter in my posts, but I really find having these situations happen to someone close, and not me, really clarifies things. As I watch her struggle with the same things I can see it a lot clearer than if it were me being very sad.

Basically TLDR, I’m sorry this is happening to you, she’s probably never going to tell you what she thinks you did, and she’ll move on quickly to someone else and do the same to them. Big virtual hugs to you xx

 

[F the dust.]

Not this exactly but my best friend of 12 years started becoming friendly with a girl I had, had a friendship with but there were loads of red flags she was a crappy friend! Me being me ( soft) I put up with it. When she moved a lot closer to my best friend she didn't bother with me. I had an inkling I was losing my best friend and yes the rot set in and we no longer speak. 2 years on it still hurts so I'm sorry. Why can't this girl just be honest and you can thrash it out? I really hope you get the opportunity to sort it out x

 

[clueless]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, I've been ghosted by best friends too and it hurts. It happened to me years ago in upper sixth; two of my best friends both ghosted me and another friend randomly after the Christmas holidays. We were all good before Christmas break, then returning to school after, they decided to completely ignore us. Neither of us had done anything wrong, seven years of best-friendship, no inkling about it at all, we'd even exchanged Christmas gifts etc. One of these friends was quite domineering and although I never got an explanation from either of them, I think it was because we had made some other friends. This one girl seemed to like to be the ringleader and for everyone to follow her. The other friend, I heard that once school finished she immediately dropped the domineering girl, I think she had felt tied to her. A very odd carry on, but it hurt all the same. It also hurt that the domineering one then reached out to our other friend after school finished, and not me. We were thick as thieves for seven years. I still feel a bit sad when I think of it and had hoped they'd reach out to me later to apologise/explain what it was all about but they never did. I tell myself now "why would I want people like that in my life" but you remember the good times. I'm envious of people who I see that are still tight with their school friends.

I'm sorry to derail with my own story. Could this girl be a bit like my former friend; do you have other friends that she maybe feels jealous/insecure about? It's impossible to know for sure what's going on in her head but I'd say you haven't done anything wrong to deserve this. Some people are just odd, but I hope you can find out either way. It's a horrible feeling.

 

[laughing]

Feels more like she is feeling guilty for something.

Regardless, it's a horrible place for you to be in

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Yes I’ve had this too, a few times.

first time was early on in high school, second time would have been later on in high school. I was best friends with this girl for two years of high school and we would walk to school together, home together and would go out in the evening.

then one day after school she just left and didn’t wait for me. Then the following morning I waited for her to walk with her and she didn’t appear and she didn’t respond to my texts. She then walked into school an hour late, blanked me and went and sat with someone else, she never spoke to me again.

then again in uni, I was there for three years. I was friends with a girl from the start, just us two and everything was great. In our last year a girl moved into our uni group and we ended up a group of three. Then one day not long into the last year the girl I was first friends with just stopped talking to me. I went to uni and text her as normal to meet her, no reply. I then see her later on with this other girl we were friends with, they blank me and sit down in the tutorial session away from me. She then deletes me from Facebook and we never speak again...

I have to say I think the worst thing me is the not knowing why. With me I just blamed myself and thought, I mustn’t be a worthy friend and it has knocked my confidence. I would honestly walk away from her and stop trying, she can’t be a nice person if she can act like this.

 

[Monkeybum]

Feels more like she is feeling guilty for something.

Regardless, it's a horrible place for you to be in

I thought the same, like she might have hooked up with OP's partner/ex or something and feels awkward about it?

Horrible not having any explanation to understand why she's doing this i imagine

 

[Pixipoppy]

Very strange, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong? As someone above said maybe she has developed a crush on you so is distancing herself? I’ve had friends ghost me over the years but I could usually pinpoint something which caused it, no matter how small. Is she particularly struggling at the moment and withdrawing from her life?

I’ve “ghosted” 2 friends in my life. One was because he made it clear he wanted more than just friendship after 3 years of being platonic friends and him meeting my long term boyfriend (at the time) several times. The other was because of a huge argument so very clear why these two happened. In your case it’s very strange! Maybe leave it a few days then just be upfront - ask to meet up and chat face to face.

 

[bookworm1403]

I had to reach out one more time, just to see if she's finally decided to explain herself. She didn't respond.

I don't personally think it was one of those flash-in-the-pan kind of friendships, as it wasn't a few months it was a prolonged period of time. I don't think she'd go near my ex (nor do I think she'd have the opportunity to) so it can't be that either. I have no idea and, whilst it is torturous, I've got to let it go for my sanity.

In regards to her struggling, her mum hasn't been well at all and I know lockdown was a massive hardship for her. But she's been going out (when we can) with other people &, from what I've seen, doesn't seem to be withdrawing from anyone but me. I've asked multiple times how her mum is and if there is anything I can do, but everytime she just replies with 'Xx' or 'thanks' so I stopped bothering.

She might one day explain, but I doubt it. I just feel a bit let down after telling this girl everything and anything for the best part of two years.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

You’ve described a young teens friendships so maybe she’s just realised she’s happier in her own space?
I ‘ghosted’ a very close friend this year as I felt suffocated and needed to do my own thing. We did talk about it in the end but it became too much for me, I’m a mum with my own life.

 

[Pumpkinpie0991]

Sometimes you never get a reason. I agree with what others have said, it’s on her not you: hopefully you will make or spend more time with other friends. It’s sad because it sometimes feels like losing a family member you get so close but please don’t get yourself to down. A bit of space may do her well but like I say try to keep positive and move forward x

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

Whilst the ghosting thing isn't how it happened with me but at university I did have a best friend who I did everything with.. we lived together for 2 years, played the same sports and we went through a lot together.. I actually graduated after her and when she started working and I was still at uni we completely drifted apart. Nearly 9 years later I still miss her and whilst we are still friends on sm I haven't really spoken to her and I know we are both completely different people. It's sad but university and then starting a new chapter can change friendships

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

So, a bit of background:

Myself and this girl have been in university for three years together, same course, same optionals everything. In our first year we weren't as close, but both joined a sports team in our second year and broke up with our boyfriends. From then onwards we were best, best friends. I would not go a day without seeing her. We did everything together, from essays to exams, from nights out to sleepovers, from bad times to good times. She genuinely has been an excellent friend to me, and I would like to think I have been an excellent friend to her.

During the pandemic (and closure of uni) we didn't talk as often as we used to and obviously didn't see each other. She lives one town over from me so it isn't far. We spoke all summer as she was coming back to uni and we arranged to meet up. We went out together and had a fab time, everything was as normal. Lectures resumed and, as I said, we are doing the same optionals so we had that to discuss etc.

One night she was on a night out and sent me a message 'we need to talk', every message before this had been normal and I had no reason to think she wasn't being anything other than drunk etc. I asked her what about, she just sent me my name and then 'Sorry'.

Ever since then, she either responds bluntly (i.e. one word) to my messages or point blank ignores me. I asked one of our other friends if she'd done the same to her, but she's fine with her yet really strange with me. I asked her multiple times if there is anything wrong and she's said no, but refuses to speak to me. It's made me extremely sad and paranoid, but I feel like I'm bleeding water out of a stone when I try and talk to her.

Has anyone ever experienced this? Have you ever had closure? I feel so so sad that a girl I spent the past 18 months sharing everything with (even booking multiple holidays with which were cancelled due to the pandemic) suddenly has frozen me out

My best friend of 26 years did it to me. We met when we were 3 and never really argued. It literally driven me crazy trying to work it out.

 

[bookworm1403]

It has upset me, one of the selfish reasons is because I feel like I've let someone down but have no idea how.

I am just going to leave it now - I feel like it's pointless trying to maintain a one-sided friendship with texts that she just replies 'Xx' to.

Thank you for everyone's advice, messages & stories. It sounds awful but I feel a lot better knowing its just human behaviour sometimes. I think once we graduate (and I get over the fact that she probably won't want to discuss/be at graduation with me) then it'll be all good. I have three other very, very good friends, with three other outside friendship groups also. I know I'm not lonely, but will miss having someone to discuss university with.

My best friend of 26 years did it to me. We met when we were 3 and never really argued. It literally driven me crazy trying to work it out.

Oh no. People really can just be wicks can't they.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Honestly sometimes the reason has absolutely nothing to do with you. Leave them be.