Geordie Princess Diaries 2: Fight Club
catchup courtesy of @Dw1ghtKSchrute2 on Reddit
Well lasses I figured that so much has gone on in the life of owa Julie this weekend, that I’d do a much needed summary.
**Saturday**:
Julie went live on Saturday night, caking her face in makeup. Honestly girls when I tell you, she literally used 4 different types of foundation and half a bottle of setting spray. Her eyes were reminiscent of an over-fed panda - but who could blame her? She was going out with “about 10 people”.
Many people in Julie’s comments congratulated her on what they could only assume was a new career in drag. She’s so multifaceted our lass.
Owa prinny spent most of her time on live, absolutely caning full glasses of wine and lamenting poor Ralphie’s parvo… but she assured us she wasn’t leaving him alone for the night - he was going to a dog-sitters. With parvo. So she could get obliterated.
During the entire live, Julie tried VERY hard to hide her mouth - only speaking off camera. Why? I hear you ask. Well, because she’d had her two front teeth prepped and ready for her new veneers on “Thursday” (11th April in the year of our Lord 2024)
Once she had 18 different layers of slap on as well as a nuclear-waste-yellow wig - off she went, out on the lash. But girls, she was going out by herself first though - because she wanted to “take herself on a date”. You do you, boo. It’s okay if you don’t have any mates.
Her tale then leads us to what we can believe is Peterlee Wetherspoons. Here, owa Jools let her hair down - and her teef out. She swanned around the pub, screaming her mating call at any male she encountered (“oi oi!”). Alas though girls, as the night wore on and owa prinny got more tiddly - she slipped up and accidentally opened her mouth on camera - revealing the same old rotten teef she’s had forever. (insert gif of Tyra Banks “we were rooting for you”)
Yes girls, the jig was up. Her jimmies were well and truly rustled. More and more people commented, asking why her teeth looked no different to any other day. Julie, as we know, does not like to be questioned or called out on a lie. So she doubled down and insisted that her teeth had been prepped, ready for the big reveal on Thursday.
Owa prinny continues this behaviour; getting louder and louder with each drink and letching over anything with a pulse. I must admit, this is where I trailed off because I’d simply had my fill.
Next thing we know, it’s around 3(?)am and Julie was in Dirty Derek’s taxi heading home. Rumour has it that Julie propositioned Derek (she must be going through a dry spell, bless) but much to her horror, Derek declined.
No matter! She thanked Derek anyways,entered her house and asked Derek to lock her in & take her keys - they’d be seeing each other in the morning anyways.
**Sunday**:
we wake up to Julie, live on instagram as one can only assume her TikTok privileges have been revoked. She appeared to be strapped to a spinal board in hospital. Oh no! What has happened to owa prinny?
Delulie kept going live intermittently throughout the day, to show she was still in hospital - but she made sure her teeth were covered the entire time of course.
**Monday**:
Owa Jules is back home! But girls - her teeth, her precious teeth that she was planning on revealing to us on Thursday - they’ve been knocked out! Who could have guessed that (!)
Delulie tells us that after Derek had left her and bid her adieu - a mysterious entity entered her home, attacked her, threw her down the stairs and crucially - knocked her teef out!
As the day goes on Dulie tells us she awoke in a puddle of piss, to the ambulance and about 20 police surrounding her house. <insert “sure jan” gif here> Julie alludes to her attacker being someone she knows well, and she’s very disappointed in them. Not raging? Not incandescent that someone you know and trust has randomly broken into your home and beat the living shit out of you? Nope
Delulie continues to drop hints that perhaps dirty Derek was her elusive attacker. Her girls are eating up every word that escapes her rotten mouth. She’s not pressing charges tho girls because she can’t face “another” court date.
Mind you, throughout all of this - Dulie is wearing the same white top she had on on Saturday night. Not a speck of blood can be seen. She’s speaking and eating normally, despite having her teef knocked outta her head.
What’s next in the life of owa prinny? Who knows
the house is full of flies 
