I‘ve been thinking about ”misgendering” and “deadnaming” this morning and about how het up people get about them, way way more than any other social faux pas you might commit.
I‘m a woman who gets misgendered a lot, as I’m tall, broad shouldered and have short hair. Once a week or so, I’ll get called sir, or mate, or someone will say something about the man over there, because people are busy and distracted and don’t look properly. And the effect of this heinous misgendering is…nothing. I roll my eyes and go on with my day. And it’s not like it doesn’t
matter to me, people thinking I’m masculine or male- it does. It taps into insecurities. I’ve been told all my life that I’m not feminine enough, or I’m coming over as aggressive or women with muscles or my height just aren’t sexually attractive, and when I was younger and my self confidence was low, that tormented me.
So when I hear trans people wigging out over being sir-ed instead of ma’am-ed, or he-d instead of she-d, and people reacting as if a terrible wrong has been done to them, and there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I just think “you know you had another option available to you, which was
not to react, right?“
Because what does it matter? It gets to the heart of one of my objections to trans ideology in that it places so much of a persons happiness and ability to thrive into the hands of others. It tells you that people not sharing your perception of yourself are doing you a terrible wrong, and there’s a recipe for psychological torment if ever I heard one. The healthy message is that other people‘s opinions aren’t always very important. My auntie said when I was younger “try not to worry too much what other people think of you, it’s really none of your business”.
likewise with ”deadnaming”. I didn’t take my husbands name on marriage, and that is important to me. I’m not chattel, and my family name has all but died out. It’s a big deal. But I get called “Mrs Mr-Soupy’s-Name” reasonably regularly, so people are casually over riding my strong preference. Do I take to social media to denounce them? No. I say “I kept my own name on marriage”, and move the
duck on.
Sorry- bit ranty this morning
