Funny childhood stories

[Weeder]

I used to spit on the light bulb after turning my light out because I liked the sizzle. I stopped when it exploded one night. I don't think I ever confessed. I'd have been about 8/9

 

[bolimepipi]

when my sister was small, my grandfather ended up in the hospital for something but he was okay in the end and got out. but she remembered it! and when she got her ear pierced, grandpa was admiring it and telling her how lovely she looks and jokingly said ''oh i might get one for myself'', and she told him ''why, you are going to die soon anyway?!'' very morbid but we laugh every time we remember this

 

[Anasnake]

Projectile vomiting in church, I was 7 and on brownie church parade. The girl in front wasn’t best pleased.

 

[kittypaws]

When I was young, I didn’t know you couldn’t grow up to be an animal. So people would ask what did I want to be when I grew up and I always replied a giraffe. in my defence, I was little giraffes were big so it made sense in my head!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My nephew (well, my husband's nephew) is 16 now, but when he was smaller (around 3 or 4) he was at his Grandmother's house (my MIL) one day and I was there. He was a very affectionate little child and was hugging his Grandmother and then hugged me, looked a bit confused and then started patting my front and asked me what 'the bony things' are? I told him they were my ribs. He turned to his (large) Grandmother and declared "You don't have any ribs like Cassie does!" She told him that she did and he asked "Oh, are they hidden under your fat then?"

I had to leave the room in a hurry before I burst out laughing

This made me think of something I said a couple of years ago to the MIL and she was fuming. I speak a few languages and when I speak my mother tongue often times after I forget some of my english words.
Anyway so we’re round the inlaws and I’m talking about skincare with my MIL. And for the life of me I couldn’t remember the word wrinkles (in fact I would probably be even more diplomatic and use the word fine lines!)
So I just turned to her and ask what she uses for the cracks in her face
She still brings this up

 

[openbook1]

My uncle took me on a train journey once, he bought me some sweets and said I could have them once we were on the train. I was around 4-5 and had been in the playground and somehow picked up that “have sex” meant giving someone a cuddle. We get on the train and I ask if I could have my sweets yet. My uncle said no because we were stood up, and he said once we got to the next stop people would get off, we could sit down and then I’d be able to open my sweets. Being a little madam, I loudly declared that if he didn’t let me have my sweets I wouldn’t let him have sex with me (ie, I wouldn’t give him a cuddle). He said the entire carriage looked like they wanted to lynch him and he wanted to die then and there. It was only when we got to our destination he had my Mum ask me what I’d meant and they figured out what I’d learned in the playground!

Howling. Oh my God. If this was today your poor uncle probably would have been arrested.

I was about 5 years old and a friend came over. She had lovely curly hair. She told me she wanted a haircut...so what did I do? I cut it into an uneven BOB. I don't know how her mum wasn't livid at me. I'm sure she was secretly seething.

 

[watermelon sugar]

I used to want to be a stripper too

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

I am very unco-ordinated and we did badminton at my middle school - I played it weekly for two years and hit the shuttlecock over the net... once. I was so proud of finally managing it that you would think I'd won a gold in the Olympics.

 

[fookinhellm8_]

The time where we all went to butlins, I was in a “wind up merchant” mood, so I decided to wind up my cousins about how one had more chips than the other (they easily argue about the most minor things so this was a good opportunity). I told them that one of them has “one more chip than the other”, they thought I was high off of something but after convincing them that one of them did, all you could hear was “Sheeeeee’s got one MORE chip than meeee!!!!!” They didn’t stop arguing until we got back to the apartment and my aunt lost the will to live it’s put her off chips for life you could say!

At a wedding, I really was curious as to what whiskey tasted like, my grandfather obviously didn’t let me drink it. He said that I would be “loopier than a loopy loop”. Plus I would be sick. He was invited to the dance floor and I decided to taste it. Even if I was going to be loopier than a loopy loop. Big mistake. It wasn’t a little bit I tried, took a chug-full of it and when my grandfather’s friend noticed. I was told off and he was right, the taste was so bad, I was sick violently and was taken home at that point. Nowadays, I can’t drink a whiskey without 9 year old me looking like a sick dog at the back of my uncle’s car regretting that decision.

And the last one, my mother thought it would be a good idea to have chocolates you can put up on the Christmas tree, so, me being me, would sneak out every night downstairs and just pinch one. I thought it was only me doing this but once we were confronted, my siblings came forward and because we had one of my mother’s friends around, she confessed too. My mother was more humiliated because we put the empty wrappers back onto the Christmas tree I do now know what she was feeling back then, whenever it comes back up for a laugh, I get a little embarrassed. My chocolate robbing days are over and the choccy decorations for the trees are too!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

My sister and I are twins and she was always the one who got up to things. I remember her deliberately setting off someone's car alarm; saying "bloody hell, this meat's as tough as old boots!" in the middle of a big family dinner; and going through a stage of addressing everyone as "Mister" which annoyed our mum. We're not identical so we regretted we couldn't pull off "twin switches", although we managed it a few times on the phone or by confusing people as to which was which

My brother used to go out with an identical twin. They weren't together too long when one night he accidently slapped the wrong twins arse. Fortunately for him she had a sense of humour!
They were really impressed by the fact that I could always tell them apart, even by their voices, but I know three sets of identical twins and there's always a slight difference somewhere.

After my brother and his girlfriend split up, he then went out with an identical triplet!

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

My grandmother is an identical twin and when I was around 3 or 4 I declared that I didn't want to hug her anymore, I wanted to hug my great aunt instead because she was "fat and cuddly" rather than "hard and bony."


Neither woman took that request as a compliment.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My sister and I are twins and she was always the one who got up to things. I remember her deliberately setting off someone's car alarm; saying "bloody hell, this meat's as tough as old boots!" in the middle of a big family dinner; and going through a stage of addressing everyone as "Mister" which annoyed our mum. We're not identical so we regretted we couldn't pull off "twin switches", although we managed it a few times on the phone or by confusing people as to which was which

Another time, our family was visiting and we, along with our cousin had done something to upset Granny (I don't remember what.) She was very cross and said we were all to stay in my and my sister's room and not come out. I needed the toilet, so I decided to climb out onto the roof and try to pee off it - yes, the neighbours saw and yes, the grown-ups were furious. My sister pointed out afterwards that I would have been allowed out to go to the bathroom

When we were 12 or so, our mum married our then-stepfather and we moved in with him. He lived in a small town whose economy ran off a local company's factory - let's pretend it made biscuits. Mum was sick of us moping around during the summer holidays so she gave us money and told us to do the factory's tour and have afternoon tea there. We couldn't think of anything more boring so we went to the corner shop, bought a packet of the company's biscuits as "proof" we'd been to the factory, and then used the money for a trip into the nearest big town by ourselves which she would never have allowed us to do. We never got caught

 

[Boredofinstahuns]

My dad takes a peculiar joy from telling people that when I was around 3 years old, he took me to a model village. In said model village I cried and thought I was a giant. It apparently took him a long time to convince me I was not an actual giant.

 

[Kim Mild]

I was really into style and beauty products/ make up from about the age of 10. I used to play 'clothes show ' and dress up or pretend I was writing reviews for magazines with my mum's face cream.

It actually reminds me of how influencers go on on Instagram . Thank fuck there wasn't any social media back in those days.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

this wasn’t me-but my uncle-I’m guessing this happened in the 30’s/40’s (rest in peace uncle Bob)
anyway he joined the school choir and was singing his heart out one sunday
the girl in front of him had really long hair-tied back in a platt
it kept pissing him off as he couldn’t read his choir book properly-it kept landing on his book-and knew if he got it wrong he’d get the cane for taking the piss
so he took his (freshly sharpened by my grandad) penknife out of his pocket-and chopped her beautiful long blonde platt off-tapped her on the shoulder and gave it back to to her!
the girl was over the moon-she hated having long hair,her mother was unbelievably pissed off as she loved her daughters hair and my uncle got extra cane!
he left the choir after that/they refused to have him back!

 

[Giggling Squid]

Omg me too! I wanted to be a donkey so I could pull my teddies round in a cart! My cousin wanted to be a snowman.

My mum wanted to be a farmhouse

 

[whisperchat]

My grandad catapulted me off a see-saw once. I was about 6 or 7 he was really giving it some welly and I went flying into another dimension. My Nan went absolutely mental at him

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I used to want to be a stripper too

I was 15 when Goldeneye was released, and I wanted to be a Bond girl. Pierce Brosnan was hot at the time. Goldeneye is still my favourite Bond film.

 

[Tree_]

I used to love picking on my younger sister when I was in my early teens.

For example before she went to school of a morning I would replace some of her text & exercise books with comics or newspapers in her school satchel.

Or I would tie the laces of her PE shoes together into a knot and stuff them in her changing bag.

And on one other occasion I replaced a couple of apples from her lunch box with a couple of imitation plastic ones

Lots of laughs at her expense, but she soon got her revenge....but that's for another thread, lol

Pissing myself over the plastic apples

 

[Marcinabolan]

I shit myself from laughing at the film Problem Child when I was about 6 the film still makes me laugh now but I don’t get squelchy pants from it!