Freddy My Love

[judgejohndeed]

I think it would be pretty normal for a couple living together to split the expenses, so if one were paying a mortgage, the other would put some money toward it. But when influencers talk about that on their channel to me it always feels like them trying to emphasize the power imbalance in the relationship. I'd think it was just as weird if a man was talking about owning a house and requiring his SO to pay him rent, too, but it seems like a lot of women influencers do it thinking it makes them admirably empowered.

I think when one person has a mortgage, asking the other partner to pay some money towards that mortgage is quite strange. After all it is their flat and their mortgage...so getting your boyfriend to pay some money off a property you own and he has no share in/will not have any share in seems quite exploitative to me? I mean I don't think he should get to live there for free either, but when you consider any rent paid is paying off Freddie's mortgage on an asset that is only hers I find that a really odd concept. It's totally fair to contribute to bills etc because they aren't an asset owned by one person.
I don't think they've thought this through though which is again really weird, her saying he might buy his own flat or he might end up living there in 6 months to a year...I don't understand how if she's telling us they're a serious couple these aren't conversations they've had and properly considered already,

 

[basic bree]

I bought a house and my partner lives with me. My partner pays 'rent' as he does live here as well and uses all the electricity/water and has a roof over his head. He's 30 has a full-time job - why should he live rent-free? Am I too harsh? haha

 

[Elyezabeth]

I think when one person has a mortgage, asking the other partner to pay some money towards that mortgage is quite strange. After all it is their flat and their mortgage...so getting your boyfriend to pay some money off a property you own and he has no share in/will not have any share in seems quite exploitative to me? I mean I don't think he should get to live there for free either, but when you consider any rent paid is paying off Freddie's mortgage on an asset that is only hers I find that a really odd concept. It's totally fair to contribute to bills etc because they aren't an asset owned by one person.
I don't think they've thought this through though which is again really weird, her saying he might buy his own flat or he might end up living there in 6 months to a year...I don't understand how if she's telling us they're a serious couple these aren't conversations they've had and properly considered already,

To me it seems like something that shouldn't be a REQUIREMENT, if that makes sense. It should be something the couple discusses privately together, not something one of them smugly touts as her demands to all her followers. I agree with you, it seems like they shouldn't live there totally free, but in influencer cases like Freddy's where one partner likely makes way more than the other, I think it would be unfair to demand to split the mortgage payments 50/50 or something. But if it were me living in a partner's house, unless they were so wealthy that it wasn't a big deal for them and they specifically told me not to pay for it, I'd feel like it would be reasonable to at least pay them something close to a "normal" rent amount for that area. It also seems to me like something that very committed couples would just naturally do together, and Freddy still seems unconvinced she wants to be that attached, hence treating him like a housemate/renter rather than an SO.

I know quite a few couples who have done something like an 80/20 rent split because one made WAY more than the other, and so it was just kinda "ok you should still contribute *something* but we can have your contribution be pretty minimal since I make so much more." The way a lot of influencers approach it makes it seem very different to that, like they're trying to get as much out of their SO as possible.

 

[queenoftat]

Yeah I think it’s definitely normal she’d expect JJ to contribute tbh. What does he do for a job does anyone know??

 

[sushimama]

Where do you think she’s moving? I’d guess she bought a flat in Notting Hill.

 

[sofetchlondon]

Where do you think she’s moving? I’d guess she bought a flat in Notting Hill.

My guess is Richmond

 

[raleigh]

I think when one person has a mortgage, asking the other partner to pay some money towards that mortgage is quite strange. After all it is their flat and their mortgage...so getting your boyfriend to pay some money off a property you own and he has no share in/will not have any share in seems quite exploitative to me? I mean I don't think he should get to live there for free either, but when you consider any rent paid is paying off Freddie's mortgage on an asset that is only hers I find that a really odd concept. It's totally fair to contribute to bills etc because they aren't an asset owned by one person.
I don't think they've thought this through though which is again really weird, her saying he might buy his own flat or he might end up living there in 6 months to a year...I don't understand how if she's telling us they're a serious couple these aren't conversations they've had and properly considered already,

I also get the feeling that they haven't really discussed this or thought this through properly. I think JJ wants to work on his career first - before and if he settles down. I get the feeling he's pretty happy living a carefree life as a musician.

I agree that if he'd live with her he'd contribute in some way, but as another person has stated this, the way she smugly says this makes me feel like there's a power play involved. Maybe getting this apartment is her way to get him to move to the next step in their relationship.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I also get the feeling that they haven't really discussed this or thought this through properly. I think JJ wants to work on his career first - before and if he settles down. I get the feeling he's pretty happy living a carefree life as a musician.

I agree that if he'd live with her he'd contribute in some way, but as another person has stated this, the way she smugly says this makes me feel like there's a power play involved. Maybe getting this apartment is her way to get him to move to the next step in their relationship.

Yeah it's weird isn't it? All the discussion is like it's way off in the future. Obviously, they are not old or need to be settling down by any stretch...but what I fail to understand is really the desire itself to push living together etc into the future? They have been together a really long time yet they are still dating like teenagers would, I just find their whole relationship really strange to be honest.

 

[raleigh]

Yeah it's weird isn't it? All the discussion is like it's way off in the future. Obviously, they are not old or need to be settling down by any stretch...but what I fail to understand is really the desire itself to push living together etc into the future? They have been together a really long time yet they are still dating like teenagers would, I just find their whole relationship really strange to be honest.

I think they're both immature and need to grow up individually as persons before deciding if they need to settle down together. They've been together for years but their relationship hasn't evolved. I get the feeling they have very different life goals and Freddy is pretty much in denial and wants JJ to be the one at all costs.

From her previous videos and personality, I always got the impression she wanted to get married and have a traditional family. She has mentioned kids and marriage in a few videos and I can imagine someone as girly and vain as Freddy to dream of a huge over the top wedding and to get married young.

They're still quite young so they have time to figure out what they want to do in life, but I get the feeling Freddy keeps comparing herself to her friends, such as Josie and Amy, who have moved on to the next steps in their relationships. Maybe this is her not-so-subtle way to encourage JJ to eventually move in with her. On the other hand JJ doesn't seem to be in a rush to settle down. I always get the impression his career takes precedence - I remember when they took a trip to visit Josie he had to leave for a job and I'm sure that didn't sit well with Freddy.

What I find odd in her decision to live alone is that Freddy has also grown up in a very sheltered lifestyle and she's obviously not an independent person - most of her time her parents and sister are there for her to take care of her. So living on her own will definitely be something of a challenge for her and I'm quite sure she will struggle on her own.

 

[slamvs27]

I think they're both immature and need to grow up individually as persons before deciding if they need to settle down together. They've been together for years but their relationship hasn't evolved. I get the feeling they have very different life goals and Freddy is pretty much in denial and wants JJ to be the one at all costs.

From her previous videos and personality, I always got the impression she wanted to get married and have a traditional family. She has mentioned kids and marriage in a few videos and I can imagine someone as girly and vain as Freddy to dream of a huge over the top wedding and to get married young.

They're still quite young so they have time to figure out what they want to do in life, but I get the feeling Freddy keeps comparing herself to her friends, such as Josie and Amy, who have moved on to the next steps in their relationships. Maybe this is her not-so-subtle way to encourage JJ to eventually move in with her. On the other hand JJ doesn't seem to be in a rush to settle down. I always get the impression his career takes precedence - I remember when they took a trip to visit Josie he had to leave for a job and I'm sure that didn't sit well with Freddy.

What I find odd in her decision to live alone is that Freddy has also grown up in a very sheltered lifestyle and she's obviously not an independent person - most of her time her parents and sister are there for her to take care of her. So living on her own will definitely be something of a challenge for her and I'm quite sure she will struggle on her own.

More importantly...who's gonna kill the spiders???

 

[Bostonrob]

I bought a house and my partner lives with me. My partner pays 'rent' as he does live here as well and uses all the electricity/water and has a roof over his head. He's 30 has a full-time job - why should he live rent-free? Am I too harsh? haha

That’s my thought too. I don’t get why a partner wouldn’t contribute if they live with you. Life ain’t free. They don’t get free rent simply because you own the place. A homeowner has a lot of expenses associated with living there. I honestly think Freddy’s plan (and what you’re doing, basic Bree) is the only logical thing to do. Like the partner would pay a reasonable amount that rent would go for in that area, and that contributes to the house owners monthly expenses.
Just my 2c.

As an interior designer and property junkie, I’m dying to see her place! I love looking at real estate listings and designing them in my head, so while I just know her place will be ALL PINK ALL THE TIME and totally not my style, I still can’t wait to see it. I was really disappointed she didn’t show even one photo.

So help me god,if these home vlogs go the route of her beige friend though, I will revolt. I can’t handle another ostrich feather lamp. (Those in the Josie thread will know what I’m referring to)

 

[Mirit]

Without commenting on their relationship, I think it's only positive that she will live by herself after living at home for so long. This may be a biased opinion, but I feel like everyone should live alone at least at some point in their life (if possible). It's different in every place of course, but in my country young people usually move out soon after high school graduation (when they're around 18) and I don't think I know anyone who hadn't moved out into a rental flat by 20. We don't have university halls like in the UK so most people rent a flat in whichever city they study/work in. Maybe sometimes a young couple would rent together right away, but as I said, I don't know anyone who hasn't lived "completely" alone at first. So I applaud Freddy for doing that, although of course it will be very different and might take getting used to once the novelty of getting to decide all the decor has worn off.

What Freddy is saying about living separately with JJ at first and maybe getting a place together in a few years sounds all very fair and justified, but I guess what's making it sound strange is that she has arrived to this stage maybe 5 years later than a lot of people and that's why it sounds so young (not that she isn't young, but you know what I mean!). It sounds like she is wanting to cling to her youth and avoid growing up (which again makes sense since she hasn't taken the chance to be independent before).

I would SO love to see the building but I understand that for privacy reasons she doesn't want to show it. By the way, do Londoners know what area she might have talked about wanting to live in at first - she said it was very "Freddy" but also "central". Would Notting Hill still be considered central? And the area she did buy in is not central, but I'm not sure how big the central area is in a Londoner's point of view.

I also cannot wait to see the flat itself, as the way she described it sounds exactly like my cup of tea, but something I could never afford

 

[ladidadada]

I might be in the minority here but I actually find it very healthy and mature of her to wanting to live alone for a while, I'd find it a bit weird if she went from living with her fam directly to living with her bf (even if that's surely what a lot of people do). They are so young, they have plenty time to figure things out and if they are both happy with how they live more power to them. I don't really get people commenting they are now where others have been five years ago, I mean who decides at what point in life people have to do certain things? Maybe I understand you all wrong but I find it a bit narrow minded to say they should be there and there in life, I find it positive they move at their own pace. I have to give it to her that she really doesn't make her relationship the focus point of her channel, so I can't really say anything about their relationship but what I saw and heard I didn't perceive as negative at all, they seem to be happy and I have to say I find it weird when people assume she wants to "force" him to take the next step in their relationship, the option of him moving in or both of them getting a place together in a while seems to be there and I feel like they will just take it from Freddy living alone for a while and see where it takes them.

That now sounded very pro Freddy, believe me I am not, but on this particular topic I wanted to share my feelings about it.

 

[angelle]

I used to love her videos a few years ago. We are the same age and I used to relate to her more when I lived at home. But I moved out 3 years ago and bought a house with my fiancé, who is now my husband. We have been married for 2 years this year and can’t wait to have children. So I can’t help but feel like it’s time for me to unsubscribe. I am 100% in a different place with my life. I find it odd that she’s in such a long term relationship and she can’t bear the thought of living with her boyfriend or any ‘boy stuff’ in her flat. He clearly doesn’t fit with her aesthetic.

 

[missmina]

I understand her a tiny bit, I have some things which extremely gross me out with some people (like f.ex. food kept outside the kitchen area) but a) I know I have a bit of a problem with it so I'm trying to work on that and try to be a little bit more chill about it, b) I love my bf and I'd much rather have him around than not, even if that includes food around the house or some other little things that bother me. I also understand being scared of that cause I'm also scared how that's gonna work out and whether I'm ready to share a living space with someone else. When you rent or live with your parents it's different cause you usually have your own room and an option to be alone, separate from your flatmates. Living together means you'll share a bedroom and there isn't much alone space left other than a bathroom lol. So it may seem a bit scary and I understand if she wants to live a bit on her own first. I think it's also good each of them will have their own flat since it's good to have your own assets when you have means to do so, not only "just in case", but to feel content with yourself and have some real back up. Then if he moves in with her he should totally pay some form of a rent cause it would be unfair to her since he's using her place after all and is not spending any money on rent through that. I guess it would be ok not to pay if they were married and shared everything either way.

 

[SaltyCaramelTart]

Without commenting on their relationship, I think it's only positive that she will live by herself after living at home for so long. This may be a biased opinion, but I feel like everyone should live alone at least at some point in their life (if possible). It's different in every place of course, but in my country young people usually move out soon after high school graduation (when they're around 18) and I don't think I know anyone who hadn't moved out into a rental flat by 20. We don't have university halls like in the UK so most people rent a flat in whichever city they study/work in. Maybe sometimes a young couple would rent together right away, but as I said, I don't know anyone who hasn't lived "completely" alone at first. So I applaud Freddy for doing that, although of course it will be very different and might take getting used to once the novelty of getting to decide all the decor has worn off.

What Freddy is saying about living separately with JJ at first and maybe getting a place together in a few years sounds all very fair and justified, but I guess what's making it sound strange is that she has arrived to this stage maybe 5 years later than a lot of people and that's why it sounds so young (not that she isn't young, but you know what I mean!). It sounds like she is wanting to cling to her youth and avoid growing up (which again makes sense since she hasn't taken the chance to be independent before).

I would SO love to see the building but I understand that for privacy reasons she doesn't want to show it. By the way, do Londoners know what area she might have talked about wanting to live in at first - she said it was very "Freddy" but also "central". Would Notting Hill still be considered central? And the area she did buy in is not central, but I'm not sure how big the central area is in a Londoner's point of view.

I also cannot wait to see the flat itself, as the way she described it sounds exactly like my cup of tea, but something I could never afford

Agreed! I moved out at 18 to be an Au-Pair in France, then did the university halls, then house shares in England and France. I moved back in with the parents due to the pandemic, but I'm looking forward to regaining my freedom and I don't know whether I now want that to be with my partner straightaway? I quite like the young professional house share setup personally, even though I've had some "experiences" in the past lol

I understand her a tiny bit, I have some things which extremely gross me out with some people (like f.ex. food kept outside the kitchen area) but a) I know I have a bit of a problem with it so I'm trying to work on that and try to be a little bit more chill about it, b) I love my bf and I'd much rather have him around than not, even if that includes food around the house or some other little things that bother me. I also understand being scared of that cause I'm also scared how that's gonna work out and whether I'm ready to share a living space with someone else. When you rent or live with your parents it's different cause you usually have your own room and an option to be alone, separate from your flatmates. Living together means you'll share a bedroom and there isn't much alone space left other than a bathroom lol. So it may seem a bit scary and I understand if she wants to live a bit on her own first. I think it's also good each of them will have their own flat since it's good to have your own assets when you have means to do so, not only "just in case", but to feel content with yourself and have some real back up. Then if he moves in with her he should totally pay some form of a rent cause it would be unfair to her since he's using her place after all and is not spending any money on rent through that. I guess it would be ok not to pay if they were married and shared everything either way.

Also agreed on this. I'd need at least a 2 bed place if living with my partner if only because I like having a separate office space

 

[Nova]

I bought a house and my partner lives with me. My partner pays 'rent' as he does live here as well and uses all the electricity/water and has a roof over his head. He's 30 has a full-time job - why should he live rent-free? Am I too harsh? haha

I would not pay towards someone else’s mortgage and be left with nothing when we break up, while the other has been climbing the property ladder. Sure, you’d have to pay rent otherwise too, but then at least you have rights too. Happy to pay for expenses and interest, but otherwise I’d rather buy my own property.

 

[Mrs McCarthy]

I would not pay towards someone else’s mortgage and be left with nothing when we break up, while the other has been climbing the property ladder. Sure, you’d have to pay rent otherwise too, but then at least you have rights too. Happy to pay for expenses and interest, but otherwise I’d rather buy my own property.

But if you rent, you would be paying someone else’s mortgage anyway? And you do have rights, but not that many as in other countries.

 

[hannah123]

I get where she was coming from with wanting to live alone for at least some point and have that experience, and that JJ should stay living at home rather than paying half her bills and mortgage, that all made sense. What didn’t make sense was her then saying she also likes to miss him, it sounds like a weird excuse that wasn’t needed because the other two explanations made sense, like she or JJ have made this wanting to miss each other excuse up to make the other feel better.

Not saying it’s going this way, but I have a friend who’s partner kept talking about moving in and he kept saying he liked his own space for now and just wasn’t ready, then realised he just wasn’t ready to move in with her specifically so broke up with her.

 

[Nova]

But if you rent, you would be paying someone else’s mortgage anyway? And you do have rights, but not that many as in other countries.

The difference is that I will be forced to look for a new place when you break up, whereas if I’m renting, at least the place is in my name and I can decide on my own terms if/when I want to move. I’m in the Netherlands btw, as a renter, you have quite a lot of rights, especially after a few years. But we do have a housing shortage, so you give up quite a lot of security by moving into someone else’s house.

As a couple, I’d want to be on the mortgage myself as well.