For anybody struggling ❤

[Purple star]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

Am so sorry for ur lose ..Having lost my dad aswell I know how terrible it is ..Try and speak to your doctor …You are dealing with a lot at the min..

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

I’m so, so sorry. Your local Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to help you with some of the practical things like the council tax (I feel like maybe there’s a special dispensation for this kind of situation, or at least the council could use their discretion here) and perhaps with some advice around navigating the fact that there isn’t a will.

 

[eppingforestbambi]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago.

Hello Pepe - I just read this post.

I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. Losing a parent is absolutely awful even when they go peacefully - the fact that your Dad died in a traumatic way just adds to it.

Reading your post I’m struck by how much you have on your plate right now, and how you’re spiralling thinking about everything that needs to be “fixed”right now.

I would suggest taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and breaking all of these “tasks/problems” in to individual chunks. If you think about everything all in one go, it is simply too overwhelming to handle.

My advice to you would be
- focus on small daily self care that will help you feel better physically (which will, in turn, help your emotional state). Sleep, regular meals, and getting outside for a walk in the fresh air every day will help you get your basic health on track - which means you’ll be strong enough to start tackling these issues.

- try to resist drinking and taking Valium right now. It may provide some short term escape, but it’s creating more problems that it fixes)

- write down everything you need to work on. You have time to sort out probate etc. it doesn’t all need to be fixed now. Your Dad has only just died. When you are feeling strong enough - speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau for support (and avoid the internet forums, which are notorious for heightening stress and anxiety).

- consider writing down how you’re feeling in a diary, for your eyes only. Even if you hate doing it - getting the thoughts down on paper can be so helpful, rather than having them swirl around in your head on a loop

- for the same reason, find someone in the real world you can talk to. Share how you’re feeling. Cry on their shoulder (with coffee, not booze!). Let other people support you.

- post on NextDoor to try and find your cat. And don’t worry - they usually come back! They’re very sensitive to stress in the house.

- consider going to the GP to see if they can help with your emotional support. You are feeling suicidal and you need to tell someone that. Ask to be referred for free bereavement counselling. I did it after my mum died and it was so helpful. I have friends who didn’t do it when they lost parents and they are still suffering years later as a result, because they never processed things at the time

- look for healthy distractions right now. Is there a TV show you can binge watch and lose yourself in? Or a game on your phone? Small distractions can really help at low times

I am sending you loads of love and good wishes. Take it one day at a time
X

 

[Chezza]

I'm really struggling lately. So as a bit of back story at the end of last year after a very hard few months at work I had my first panic attack. My GP was actually really great, prescribed me medication for the physical symptoms of my anxiety and signed me off work for two months. I managed get myself back to a good enough place to be able to go back to work. The main cause of my issues was my manager and they left, everyone thought I was insane to be going back but I genuinely love my job and I couldn't just walk away with no closure.

Fast forward three months and the replacement manager is just as bad, if not worse then the previous one. I won't bore you all with the details but it's such a toxic place that my mental health has taken a massive nose dive again. My panic attacks have returned and are worse then ever. I'd managed to come off my medication but I've had to restart it again. I feel like I'm failing myself, my daughter, everyone really. I hate being like this, some days I scare myself.

Unfortunately I am not in the position to leave my job, I'm applying elsewhere constantly but my anxiety stops me from even being able to attend interviews, so I'm stuck in such a viscous circle. I have support, my partner is fantastic but I can see it's taking its toll on him so I try not to burden him too much. I have a handful of friends but everyone is going through their own troubles that I've isolated myself from them so that I don't have to burden them anymore either. I guess I just needed some place to rant so if you made it though this I thank you and I send my love to everyone else that is struggling

 

[LouBug19]

I'm really struggling lately. So as a bit of back story at the end of last year after a very hard few months at work I had my first panic attack. My GP was actually really great, prescribed me medication for the physical symptoms of my anxiety and signed me off work for two months. I managed get myself back to a good enough place to be able to go back to work. The main cause of my issues was my manager and they left, everyone thought I was insane to be going back but I genuinely love my job and I couldn't just walk away with no closure.

Fast forward three months and the replacement manager is just as bad, if not worse then the previous one. I won't bore you all with the details but it's such a toxic place that my mental health has taken a massive nose dive again. My panic attacks have returned and are worse then ever. I'd managed to come off my medication but I've had to restart it again. I feel like I'm failing myself, my daughter, everyone really. I hate being like this, some days I scare myself.

Unfortunately I am not in the position to leave my job, I'm applying elsewhere constantly but my anxiety stops me from even being able to attend interviews, so I'm stuck in such a viscous circle. I have support, my partner is fantastic but I can see it's taking its toll on him so I try not to burden him too much. I have a handful of friends but everyone is going through their own troubles that I've isolated myself from them so that I don't have to burden them anymore either. I guess I just needed some place to rant so if you made it though this I thank you and I send my love to everyone else that is struggling

I can relate to you regarding anxiety. I've had a good month of horrendous panic attacks, I have a good day think I'm getting better and then the next day I'm a mess. I get seasonal anxiety, in February it comes out of nowhere and its happened last 3 years now. My advice is stick through it, you've been through worse most likely and its a blip. One day you'll wake up and feel better and I hope for me and you it comes soon.

 

[Chezza]

I can relate to you regarding anxiety. I've had a good month of horrendous panic attacks, I have a good day think I'm getting better and then the next day I'm a mess. I get seasonal anxiety, in February it comes out of nowhere and its happened last 3 years now. My advice is stick through it, you've been through worse most likely and its a blip. One day you'll wake up and feel better and I hope for me and you it comes soon.

It's always a relief to know you're not alone because when you're in the depths of it I swear it's the most isolating and lonely place. I'd convinced myself I was better, a little naive I guess and this has hit me like a ton of bricks. I always tell myself I've made it through all of my bad days so far so I'll get through these as well as will you. Better days are coming for us both

 

[ChastityDingle]

My heart goes out to you @Chezza

I wish there was something I could say, to help. Would you consider going back to your GP? And therapy, if possible? I know what you mean about feeling you're isolating yourself, and that's where talking to a professional could help.

Don't be hard on yourself. You fought your way back to health, before, give yourself credit for doing that. Believe me when I say, I know exactly what you mean as regards a toxic workplace. And panic attacks are truly awful things.

 

[Chezza]

My heart goes out to you @Chezza

I wish there was something I could say, to help. Would you consider going back to your GP? And therapy, if possible? I know what you mean about feeling you're isolating yourself, and that's where talking to a professional could help.

Don't be hard on yourself. You fought your way back to health, before, give yourself credit for doing that. Believe me when I say, I know exactly what you mean as regards a toxic workplace. And panic attacks are truly awful things.

It took a lot of me to get help from my GP at the end of last year, I had a pretty awful experience when my daughter was 6 months old and was refused any help while I was still breastfeeding and was also refused therapy. It is something I have considered but it is also some what of a trigger for my anxiety given previous experience so I need to work myself up to it.

Just knowing someone else understands is such a relief so thank you. I've made the decision today I'll be speaking to my manager about reducing my hours, while I can't just quit I can work the hours I was employed to do rather than the nearly full time hours I'm currently doing. I'm hoping that less time in such a toxic environment will help while I desperately look for something else and work on my mental health.

 

[whoareyouu]

I feel stupid for posting on here when I see people with real issues but I don’t know where else to turn.

My history is, my brother died when I was a teen. Cancer. I can’t remember from 16 to 19, kind of blocked it out as you can imagine.

I’ve done fairly well for myself. Own my home, have a good job and a relationship.

Issue is. I’m just not happy. I am wracked with anxiety. My partner can be pretty abrupt with me and doesn’t want to hear my problems as it brings him down. Work is getting to me, I feel like there’s too much pressure and I left a job I loved last year due to redundancy. I feel like I’m mourning that job still.

I wake every morning filled with dread. I have the constant pit in my stomach. I don’t do anything with my life and I’m not motivated to. But then I wonder, is that why I feel this way?
I’m loathe to take tablets again from the doctor but I can’t take this much longer.

I wouldn’t say I’m thinking of doing *it* but I can’t imagine that life goes on as long as it does and that that is how it will be for me.

 

[eppingforestbambi]

I feel stupid for posting on here when I see people with real issues but I don’t know where else to turn.

My history is, my brother died when I was a teen. Cancer. I can’t remember from 16 to 19, kind of blocked it out as you can imagine.

I’ve done fairly well for myself. Own my home, have a good job and a relationship.

Issue is. I’m just not happy. I am wracked with anxiety. My partner can be pretty abrupt with me and doesn’t want to hear my problems as it brings him down. Work is getting to me, I feel like there’s too much pressure and I left a job I loved last year due to redundancy. I feel like I’m mourning that job still.

I wake every morning filled with dread. I have the constant pit in my stomach. I don’t do anything with my life and I’m not motivated to. But then I wonder, is that why I feel this way?
I’m loathe to take tablets again from the doctor but I can’t take this much longer.

I wouldn’t say I’m thinking of doing *it* but I can’t imagine that life goes on as long as it does and that that is how it will be for me.

Sharing and acknowledging how you’re feeling is the first step - well done babe.

I’m so sorry about your brother. Did you get any grief counselling at the time? I’ve seen so many people get through a close death by denial and numbing it out, and they seem OK on the surface but then years later it comes back to bite them.

I would definitely look in to getting counselling of some kind. Your GP can refer you, and Better Help have some really great affordable services.

www.betterhelp.com

Talking therapy in general is a great place to start making sense of the jumble of sadness we feel inside.

 

[al255]

I feel stupid for posting on here when I see people with real issues but I don’t know where else to turn.

My history is, my brother died when I was a teen. Cancer. I can’t remember from 16 to 19, kind of blocked it out as you can imagine.

I’ve done fairly well for myself. Own my home, have a good job and a relationship.

Issue is. I’m just not happy. I am wracked with anxiety. My partner can be pretty abrupt with me and doesn’t want to hear my problems as it brings him down. Work is getting to me, I feel like there’s too much pressure and I left a job I loved last year due to redundancy. I feel like I’m mourning that job still.

I wake every morning filled with dread. I have the constant pit in my stomach. I don’t do anything with my life and I’m not motivated to. But then I wonder, is that why I feel this way?
I’m loathe to take tablets again from the doctor but I can’t take this much longer.

I wouldn’t say I’m thinking of doing *it* but I can’t imagine that life goes on as long as it does and that that is how it will be for me.

I hope you're ok, I can only relate to how you feel... I too have a happy life, own house and a good job, i turn 30 soon and i really was stuck in a rut of "omg I haven't dealt with any of my parents breakup, or abandonment issues with my mum.. amongst losing 7 family members in 7 years" and being in a coma cos of the pandemic .. I went back to therapy and I just talked and talked and I thought I'm not going into my 30s not having dealt with the past. The abandonment issues I didn't want to carry with me as it was really impacting my relationships and I wanted to go into my 30s realising I am worth of a good relationship.

I'm now also on 75mg of serterline which is helping keep me out of a depressive rut.

Be kinder to yourself, we aren't robots and maybe you just need to make sense of the past, I found talking therapies really helpful and reading a lot about inner child healing too.

you've gone through something awful that you realise you haven't dealt with, unpicking some of it all might help how you feel day to day, sending hugs xxxxx

 

[Noodle99]

I feel really silly with this post because my goodness, some people have the worst time and my heart breaks for you I hate mothers day, I've lost 2 children and am probably now too old to try again at 47. I have severe anxiety and hate my job. I've put so much weight on that I hate to socialise and I miss my old self so much. My relationship with my parents is more like I'm the mum and I am only here to support them. I'm so tired every day. Don't get me wrong not everything is bad, I have the most wonderful goddaughter who loves me uncondionally but I'm struggling, wish I wasn't such a people pleaser xx

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

I feel really silly with this post because my goodness, some people have the worst time and my heart breaks for you I hate mothers day, I've lost 2 children and am probably now too old to try again at 47. I have severe anxiety and hate my job. I've put so much weight on that I hate to socialise and I miss my old self so much. My relationship with my parents is more like I'm the mum and I am only here to support them. I'm so tired every day. Don't get me wrong not everything is bad, I have the most wonderful goddaughter who loves me uncondionally but I'm struggling, wish I wasn't such a people pleaser xx

Everyone is welcome here my lovely, and nobody should feel silly for how they feel and why they feel that way . Mother’s Day is such a hard day for so many for so many reasons. Anxiety is rough, hating your job is rough, having a difficult relationship with parents is rough. I could have written some of what you’ve written myself, so please know you’re not alone in how you feel. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed by all of that. I hope you manage to find some self-care that works and things start to feel easier for you.

 

[wtafisthis1980]

The worst has happened. The absolute worst is yet to come and I’m not ready for any of it

 

[Purple star]

The worst has happened. The absolute worst is yet to come and I’m not ready for any of it

Hope ur ok ..

 

[Good Egg]

I’m really struggling. Basically I’ve been friends with this guy for a long time... we were really good friends. Always had time for each other. A real support. Started to catch feelings for him. Didn’t acknowledge it because didn’t want to ruin anything. A few months back he tried to kiss me and I pulled away, but yeah tried again a few months later and it was amazing one thing led to another...
Anyways ever since we are not the same. He’s distanced himself and I’m so sad. I miss the texts and calls and just being able to chat. He knew my back story and knew how hurt I was in the past and knew all the history of the tit I went through with my ex. I just feel so hurt, it’s like a bereavement but nobody has died. I need to be up for work and I can’t face it. I can’t face anything. I sent two messages last night and no reply.
It’s like there has been a shift and things can’t go back to how they used to be? People say move on but I can’t. Like we spoke yesterday and it felt different. Everything feels ruined.
What do I do?
How can I heal from this rejection?

So a few weeks have passed by and I’m still upset about this.

We’ve talked a lot and agreed it’s friends with benefits and both happy to continue, but I’m getting this nagging doubt. When we meet up it’s like both want the same thing and that’s fine, but in effect we have lost the friendship and that’s broken my heart. Like I’m bereft that the whole picking up the phone, sending a stupid text in the middle of the night has gone... it just feels like it’s shifted and that’s what I’m finding had to cope with. He says I’m overthinking things. To a point I am. I just don’t want to lose my friend and equally don’t want to feel like I’m being used (which I doubt I am but it feels like it?!?)

 

[Sunflower91]

Been really struggling for the last few weeks really and it feels like every bit of coping strategy has gone to tit and I’m a triggered mess.

As a bit of background, I hit a real rough patch a few years ago. I’d been on and off with an ED following a horrendous breakup from an abusive relationship. I’d repressed a lot and a few years after the breakup I relapsed into my ED badly, had horrendous anxiety, began SH and had frequent flashbacks and disassociation. I was in therapy for a few years and got into a really good place. I felt fairly at peace with what had happened.

Lately work has been a bit stressful and I don’t know if I’m burning out but I’ve been finding myself dwelling on the past a lot, I feel half in the present and half just remembering things- like reliving the entire relationship in my head. I can lose like an hour just lost in memories and I’ve started searching for answers again that I know I’m never going to get. I feel really frustrated, I thought I was over all of it.

 

[Jadejones9596]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

I don’t have any advice for you but I felt compelled to respond and send you so much love. This all sounds incredibly difficult and it’s absolutely no wonder you feel as low as you do and for what it’s worth it sounds to me like you are dealing with everything incredibly well.
I took too many diazepam last year when I made an attempt and it’s highly unpleasant, plus you are needed and you are so very loved.
You can’t see anything to look forward to right now and that’s highly understandable. Take things day by day, keep looking after yourself and reach out to a local bereavement charity maybe.
You are incredible, well done for being so open and honest. Your lovely dad is somewhere calm and peaceful now. Sending strength

 

[Bidscavan]

@HereToTalk just tagging u in here from the other thread. Always someone here to chat

 

[HereToTalk]

@HereToTalk just tagging u in here from the other thread. Always someone here to chat

Oh goodness that’s so kind, thankyou xxx