Oh I’m so glad. I was thinking of you!
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I am struggling big time. This is a copy paste sorrybx
On Sunday last week I tried to end my life. I’m back home now obviously and my head is more ducked than ever after speaking to MH. They said my marriage shows signs of emotional and coercive abuse and they are sending people for home visits every 3 days until I can get better mentally supported.
I told him this and he went to the pub after dropping me at home.
Gardening and cooking keeps me going. Recently I cook and seed more than I will ever need so I’ll be handing stuff over.
He’s just broken. He is still there underneath but getting made redundant plus my injures got too much for himself that’s sent I’ve wanted to talk. To have someone that knows us both to help my brain to process.
I appreciate this is a lot, and of course back out if you need to.
On Sunday last week I tried to end my life. I’m back home now obviously and my head is more ducked than ever after speaking to MH. They said my marriage shows signs of emotional and coercive abuse and they are sending people for home visits every 3 days until I can get better mentally supported.
I told him this and he went to the pub after dropping me at home.
Gardening and cooking keeps me going. Recently I cook and seed more than I will ever need so I’ll be handing stuff over.
He’s just broken. He is still there underneath but getting made redundant plus my injures got too much for himself that’s sent I’ve wanted to talk. To have someone that knows us both to help my brain to process.
I appreciate this is a lot, and of course back out if you need to.
Thank you so much!Oh I’m so glad. I was thinking of you!
I’m sorry, it is hard. My grandad died on my birthday, my cat died unexpectedly the day before and my great grandma died two days after my birthday. My grandad was her son. So lots of death around mine too. Try and think of yourself and do something nice if you can. I don’t think our loved ones would want us to be sad on our birthday .
And happy birthday
I am struggling at the moment as it’s one year after my mum dying tomorrow. I originally said I would meet up with my sister but I don’t feel like marking the occasion so I’ve made a sort of excuse but she is still is trying to make it happen and I know she will be annoyed with me. Tensions have been high between us due to having to deal with all the financial stuff by ourselves and now it’s finally sorted I felt a bit more in a “better place” so my instinct is telling me that no good can come of me travelling over 2.5 hours to have lunch and then have that journey back when it’s not a date I want to remember if that makes sense? I just want to be at home with my puppy and do something nice like gardening and play with my son when he’s back from school. I don’t wish to remember the trauma of a year ago watching my mum die in a hospice as time hasn’t been a healer for me personally 
Sunday night I received a call from my sister to say she was at the hospital and she was with our mum. Turns out my mum has been hiding she has breast cancer and her boob has gone completely as the cancer has killed the skin cells. She has been hiding this for at least 10 months - she lives on her own and was scared and in denial. She is in her 80’s.
My sister went through BC 2 years ago and went on at my mum to have a mammogram but she said oh I don’t need one so my sister eventually gave up. There is history of BC on her maternal side of the family. My mum has never been a sick person and I thought she would be here well into her 90’s.
The hospital has fast tracked her and she is waiting for an appointment with the breast clinic.
I‘m now stressing about whether this is coming for me. Anxiety levels are high and I can’t stop thinking about mum and what she has been going through - although pain free. I will wait for her diagnosis and get a GP appointment so I can be referred for a mammogram. I had my first 2 years ago.
My sister went through BC 2 years ago and went on at my mum to have a mammogram but she said oh I don’t need one so my sister eventually gave up. There is history of BC on her maternal side of the family. My mum has never been a sick person and I thought she would be here well into her 90’s.
The hospital has fast tracked her and she is waiting for an appointment with the breast clinic.
I‘m now stressing about whether this is coming for me. Anxiety levels are high and I can’t stop thinking about mum and what she has been going through - although pain free. I will wait for her diagnosis and get a GP appointment so I can be referred for a mammogram. I had my first 2 years ago.
I'm feeling very very down at the moment. Had an offer accepted on a house in November and the seller decided not to move in January after we had put in searches. Should have been moving around now but instead I'm still looking for somewhere to buy.
Currently in a one bed flat and my cat is with my parents (and has been fro 18 months) really missing her.
Work is stressful. So much to do but keep getting pulled from pillar to post. It's constant fire fighting or so it feels.
Currently in a one bed flat and my cat is with my parents (and has been fro 18 months) really missing her.
Work is stressful. So much to do but keep getting pulled from pillar to post. It's constant fire fighting or so it feels.
Sorry to hear this. I always think when a property falls through no matter how stressful this is there is another one which is really meant for you and that this was for a reason.
I have spent the last 8 weeks on a waiting list to see a psychologist I worked with previously. She’s fab and I hold her in very high esteem. She put me at the top of her waiting list because we have previously worked together and my psychiatrist had contacted her, eager for me to have her support.
She contacted to let me know she has a slot available for me now. I’ve declined.
Therapy is only as good as what we do in between sessions. Chatting endlessly around issues is pointless unless we are willing to invoke real change. I’m not. I am stuck in my rut and it’s comfy and I don’t want to be challenged. I don’t want to shine a light on my current state. I want to burrow my head in the sand and live in a state of wilful ignorance. I already have so much insight, it’s useless when I’m not willing to take any action.
By now she will have offered that slot to someone else. I hope they take full advantage.
She contacted to let me know she has a slot available for me now. I’ve declined.
Therapy is only as good as what we do in between sessions. Chatting endlessly around issues is pointless unless we are willing to invoke real change. I’m not. I am stuck in my rut and it’s comfy and I don’t want to be challenged. I don’t want to shine a light on my current state. I want to burrow my head in the sand and live in a state of wilful ignorance. I already have so much insight, it’s useless when I’m not willing to take any action.
By now she will have offered that slot to someone else. I hope they take full advantage.
Had a court case against my rapistin February, applied to find out how much the transcripts would be on 12th March, was told I'd hear within 12 working days. Chased it yesterday and they've lost my forms and I have to start again. A 15 page form, that I've already done twice but the first time was given the wrong information for certain sections.
This isn't even to get the transcripts, it's to find out how much they're going to cost me.
This isn't even to get the transcripts, it's to find out how much they're going to cost me.
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I’m massively struggling with my physical health at the minute, I’ve got a long term condition involving my chest so my breathing is crap 24/7 as a result I’m really fatigued come the afternoon, I have to use oxygen for exertion and had to have reasonable adjustments put in place at work! I’m also perimenopausal and seem to be gaining weight rapidly 
(I’m now heavier than I’ve ever been) despite doing my best to be more active and eat better! 
It’s a vicious circle with though me as some days due to my condition I just don’t have the energy to exercise (mind is willing but body is not) I’m so fed up and hate the way I look I want weight loss surgery but my consultant is against me doing it 
(I’m now heavier than I’ve ever been) despite doing my best to be more active and eat better! It’s a vicious circle with though me as some days due to my condition I just don’t have the energy to exercise (mind is willing but body is not) I’m so fed up and hate the way I look I want weight loss surgery but my consultant is against me doing it Was called selfish by my Dad at the weekend for refusing to pay money for a family thing for my sister. I won't do it as she never pays back.
It has absolutely broken me. I try so hard to be good and kind to others I'm not prefect but my sister barely makes any effort with family. Hadn't seen our gran in at least three years before her death etc when I made an effort to see her every year driving 200 miles each way.
He then belittling when I told him a few days ago I wasn't going to speak to him until he apologised.
He has messaged me to say sorry and he didn't realise how much he has hurt me but it hasn't helped. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've spent the last two days crying.
I just feel like distancing myself from the whole family. I never feel good enough.
It has absolutely broken me. I try so hard to be good and kind to others I'm not prefect but my sister barely makes any effort with family. Hadn't seen our gran in at least three years before her death etc when I made an effort to see her every year driving 200 miles each way.
He then belittling when I told him a few days ago I wasn't going to speak to him until he apologised.
He has messaged me to say sorry and he didn't realise how much he has hurt me but it hasn't helped. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've spent the last two days crying.
I just feel like distancing myself from the whole family. I never feel good enough.
"I never feel good enough" is exactly how I feel around my family. It's hard. It's good that he apologised but that doesn't take away the hurt. If your sister never pays back then why should you bother? I think we can give our families far too much grace sometimes. But I hope you can resolve things with your Dad, maybe he said it in the heat of the moment but doesn't mean it. Sorry you're so upset
I totally relate to the never feeling good enough. All I can say is surround yourself with people who do make you feel good enough and that doesn’t have to be family. Also I really hate it when money is involved and I say always trust your instinct. It’s not your responsibility to pay for others especially if the don’t treat you how you deserve
It's isn't just that he said that it was also how he reacted when I said I was still upset by it. It just added to me already feeling down about my current situation."I never feel good enough" is exactly how I feel around my family. It's hard. It's good that he apologised but that doesn't take away the hurt. If your sister never pays back then why should you bother? I think we can give our families far too much grace sometimes. But I hope you can resolve things with your Dad, maybe he said it in the heat of the moment but doesn't mean it. Sorry you're so upset
I'm a solicitor and head of department, the most qualified person in my family but I still feel like a total failure and loser. I'm 38 never married and no prospects on that front. No children living in a flat without my pet after relocating unable to find a house which is in my preferred area and I can actually afford that doesn't wipe out my budget and need thousands spent on it...
I wouldn't have minded fronting the amount of money for my sister, it wasn't a lot, but I won't do it as I know she will never pay me back. He knows that as well.
I posted elsewhere but my partner left me unexpectedly almost 2 weeks ago now, told me he couldn't do it anymore packed up his things and left. we've had no contact since and at the moment every day just feels worse, every day someone tells me time is a healer and rationally I know this but I am so deep in the grief stage and being unable to accept the person I love so much doesn't want me. Anyway, i took some time off work last week but I am back today and I have so much to do and things that need me to be sharp and assertive but I can't concentrate on anything and am feeling very overwhelmed
you can't move on yet - you will still be in deep shock and without any warning or explanation it will be very hard to understand what has happened. I know its a trite thing to say but time is a healer. You won't always feel the shock and upset you feel now. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep getting up, keep going to work. Have pride in yourself - and who you are. Don't be defined by his decision. I'm so sorry for you but ultimately you deserve more than a person who doesn't love and value you.
Oh no I’m so sorry to hear this
I can only say I’ve been there my ex walked out on me & his child 8 years ago so I genuinely empathise with how you feel, do you have a supportive family? I hope that you do, they will get you through this, for me I continued working as it was a massive distraction at the time (I still can’t believe I didn’t take time off 
) but you have to do what feels right for you, and yes it’s a cliche but time really is a healer and in time you will move on, I accessed counselling through my work which helped is this an option for you? Sending you a virtual hug 
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Oh no I’m so sorry to hear this
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you had that experience too, that must have been so distressing especially adding in a child, too. I'm glad you made it out the other side. It just all feels very bleak at the moment and I can't help going over some really confusing and contradictory behaviours in the lead up, none of it makes sense but I guess these things often don't and I should try not to ruminate but I am really struggling with the feeling of rejection.
I am in a fortunate position to have support, not close by, but I have friends checking in. Coming back to work has been the right thing though as it can be a slippery slope to continue to stay off, although I feel as useful as a chocolate fireguard right now it is a welcome distraction. Ah that's a really good suggestion that I hadn't even considered, I can access that through work so shall enquire this week