Feathering the empty nest

[cobette]

I would very much like anyone who has critiqued what Elle has chosen to share or not share to read her latest blog post. It made me feel sick with nerves just reading it so I cannot even begin to imagine how she feels.

Wishing Elle all the luck in the world.

 

[Ihatepeonies]

She’s not beggy at all is she. It’s so nice. Never been so excited about someone who I don’t know’s pending birth

 

[Notsurereally]

I think her FTEN account is so associated with baby loss and her feeling that she has the obligation to reply and really think out what she posts.
She's said before that she wants the account to remain a safe space for those who are going through baby loss.
I don't think having a break means she shouldn't be on IG at all. For once, since Teddy died, she gets to have a normal IG account and share without obligation, thousands of comments, sharing to thousands of strangers. She just gets to be a normal post partum mum. After all she's been through, I don't think we can begrudge her that very normal experience.

 

[Leita]

I have compassion. I understand her pain but what I’m trying to say is she isn’t your run of the mill now, she has risen to fame from tragedy..

I have a feeling she would rather have Teddy here with her than the fame

 

[Rosie878]

She may change her mind about what she shares. I don’t feel comfortable judging her decision when she’s about to give birth - she must be absolutely terrified given what she went through before. She has no idea how she is going to feel when she has this new baby in her arms. If all is well she will still have so many conflicting feelings. She can’t be expected to have her IG Strategy all figured out!

I know what you mean - it’s obvious she comes from a privileged background. She’s been quite honest about what her husband does for a living etc though. I think working class women are very rare in the insta world in general though, not just the baby loss community. People root for Elle so much because middle-class women are seen as more deserving than working-class women and they can afford to add that aspirational sheen to their lives even if everything is shit. Sad but true. I don’t hold it against Elle particularly although was pleased to hear she is going to try and amplify more diverse voices in her next baby loss series.

 

[Spider12]

Cracks me up this thread. Is is still in the rave section? If it’s not, I’ll start my own rave thread on her as I think out of all those vile, money grabbing sell their own nan for content influencers, Elle comes across as one of the more genuine ones.

Just checked...still in the rave thread!

 

[GossipMongoose]

I can confirm she done this to me when I reached out when my baby was very sick in the nicu. I just gotta generic copy and paste message about how she doesn’t have time for it and wouldn’t be reading or replying. It actually really took me by surprise and upset more than I thought it ever would. It was really blunt and quite cutting. Never saw her the same after that.

I’m sorry about your baby
In her defence, she did make it clear that she couldn’t provide individual support to people on her stories and grid. She must get 100’s if not 1000’s of DMs a day, most of them highly emotive. She was grieving and also is/was not trained in counselling or bereavement support. It’s a lot of responsibility for one person who is already really struggling and is untrained. I don’t blame her for stepping back. That doesn’t excuse the cold language though.

 

[Ilando]

Pregnancy after a loss is crippling. You have to be totally lacking in compassion to not feel for her and just want her to have a healthy baby

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

All I can say is actually know her a Little and a she’s very very genuine and a lovely person, I don’t really like insta peeps, but hand on heart she’ll have done it all for the right reasons x

 

[G170D]

What was the purpose of her account? Was it to raise awareness and support other parents going through the same? Because as far as I am aware, she shut the door in the face of most who reached out to her. She didn’t shut the door on The White Company or whichever company it was who provided her with an outside seating area..

I hope she does come back though, people want to “ask her her name”!

I can confirm she done this to me when I reached out when my baby was very sick in the nicu. I just gotta generic copy and paste message about how she doesn’t have time for it and wouldn’t be reading or replying. It actually really took me by surprise and upset more than I thought it ever would. It was really blunt and quite cutting. Never saw her the same after that.

 

[Pinkii]

I know its harsh for the people who have had what they perceive to be rude replies but I completely understand where she is coming from. I’m sorry for everyone who has suffered a loss of any sort.

i would be pissed as well it was standard influencer message people were sending aka ‘where is this from’ and getting rude replies but I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have to live with your own pain everyday and then having people constantly want your support on the same matter or expect long lengthy replies, to you guys its one message you’re sending but she must recieve so many of the same style messages.

i can’t imagine having to relieve the most painful thing in my life everyday and then have people expect me to help them as well.

 

[Forestschoolmumma]

I think she balances her #ads with charity work. I think a lot of her fellow IG’ers could learn ALOT from her!
I don’t believe she initially set out to make money/get freebies like so many. I think initially it was awareness and somewhere to document her journey. I think the majority are out there to get as many freebies as they can, I just don’t get that vibe from her?
I also feel like she won’t ever show this babies face. I don’t know, I might be wrong but I think she will keep this rainbow baby under wraps as much as possible? I hope she does and I wish her a healthy and happy rest of her pregnancy

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Lol cannot believe people are moaning about her not sharing details about her baby. The entitlement is wild.

Her last goodbye post was clearly in prep for actually having the baby. She ended up as an Insta name and author through the death of her child ffs. I dont think she is thinking about her 'brand'. Its her life. She has brought her baby home, safe and well. She wants to fully immerse herself in that bubble. She doesnt owe anyone anything and those who are in a huff about it, give your head a wobble.

 

[Rosie878]

I’ve just seen her news as I’m about to go in to my midwife appointment for my hopefully rainbow. Really hope I can stop crying

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I think everyone is missing the point in discussing teddy’s name so openly and the book title, when she lost her son she also lost lots of friends and people actively avoided her. The book and insta page were to raise awareness and try to remove some stigma from infant and baby loss.
hopefully a completely different situation to motherhood she’s about to embark on.
I’m quite confused by all the comments in this thread as all over forums on Instagramers criticise showing their faces and names. I don’t blame her, we all know her full name, the area she lives etc there’s no need to divulge it as lovely as it would be.
And maybe she will, I would imagine given losing teddy and the other babies her anxiety will be through the roof right now. As for not giving anything back that’s incredibly unfair and I’m sure the NICU ward couldn’t agree with this.

 

[TravellingPants]

What a class act. She puts to shame all the grabby influencers whose children are monetised almost from the second they’re conceived.
I will miss her popping up on the feed and stories and hope she does decide to return.

 

[OneLineResponse]

I think she's an Instagram treat. A lot of accounts could learn from her.

 

[Wonderwall]

I’m sure the next book will be called ..... Her name is ?????? (whatever her name is )

Another one .

She might never want to write another book again. Teddy's book is a very stark read.
As someone who has experienced multiple losses before I can't believe how insensitive some people are on here.

 

[SilverSpoonNotIncluded]

I love Elle and all her content and think she writes to beautifully and raises awareness in such a delicate way although I have to say I find it a bit odd this Instagram break. Like I mean I get it, I think, but for someone who’s life and carer as such came from Instagram, who shared so much and really connected with her followers I don’t quite get the secrecy around the new baby and the complete cold turkey of coming off Instagram completely

She doesn’t owe anyone anything, even an update. She has something she has wished for for years, I totally get not wanting to engage on social media to such a big audience when you’re in a new baby bubble during a pandemic navigating grief and loss.

 

[Pinkii]

I really don’t understand people’s entitlement sometimes.

I’m sure a lot of people in similar positions have found her and have confided in her and found comfort in her posts (my friend being one of those, and she got the most lovely reply from Elle) however people don’t seem to understand how draining or detrimental it must have been for elle to constantly take on other people’s pain.

she has put her mental health first and no one should begrudge her for that. Having a new born is hard enough, she must be going through so many emotions, thinking of all the stuff she didn’t do with Teddy and then having people thinking you owe them something because they were a part of your journey for 5 minutes.