Okay so before I say what I'm thinking, I want to let you know that this isnt an attack and not just directed at you
I really struggle with anything that hints that abbies issues may stem from birth. It very well could be true, we dont know, but I worry that it comes across as blaming mom. When it comes to special needs, moms are often blamed. I *think* I remember P saying both kids were delivered via C section, and at least here in canada, that needs to be an emergency of some kind.
Both my kids are special needs. When I got pregnant the first time at 27, I was 95lbs (5'3"), so obviously underweight. I was told i would need to gain more weight than the average person, and i did try. However, i didnt gain what they wanted.
When he was diagnosed, these were the questions i was asked: how much weight did you gain? Did you know not gaining enough while pregnant increases the risk factor for autism? How was birth? (He ended up being a forceps delivery, as he was backward, and he pooped in there). Did you take your vitamins? Did you fall, or drop him once he was home? Was he breastfed? On and on and on.
My second is also autistic. I got the same treatment, with the addition of "why would you have a second when you knew the dx of the first?". Questions of my weight, my hormone levels, if I played with them enough when they were little.
It's so discouraging. While I think that P wasnt very involved, that isnt true for a lot of us. I gave my life over for these little guys, breastfed each of them 3 years each and even delayed their shots a little and yet here we are.
I know this is long and I hope I didnt sound like I'm attacking at all. I know of so many women in my autism circles and they all get asked about birth and pregnancy and never is dad asked. My husband is autistic. Maybe it isnt me, you know?? Maybe it just is.
I think its natural to wonder, esp as P wont talk about it, but maybe she is sensitive to it. I know I am, and I am very tired of feeling blamed for it. (My second also ended up being an emergency, as my placenta abrupted, I bled out, and he was five weeks early)
Are their issues related to birth? Maybe. But I really think it's just the way the brain is wired.
I'd love to hear what others here- particularly moms of special needs kids think. Does it bother you? Do you feel blamed in some way? Maybe that's why there's so much focus on Isaiah- maybe it helps with inner guilt? I wouldnt know, I dont have an NT kid.
All the best, hoping this comes off the very gentle way I'm intending it to be!
If they want to give marriage advice, why not cover all of it?