Driving - Anxiety

[37BBL]

So my anxiety about driving seems to be getting worse. Absolutely fine in my local town, no stress parking anywhere or anything.

Tell me to go somewhere else though and I panic. Example, our eldest son has been scouted and invited to an academy football trial. Its brilliant and a great opportunity. My husband would ordinarily take him but he has another commitment for work and cannot. So for 3 weeks it's on me.

You will not believe the amount of times I have Google maped the route. It will be dark when we come home so I am checking there are streetlights, I hate driving with main beam on, and I'm even checking speed limits as I don't really like driving 60mph. Wtf is wrong with me ‍
It's 16 miles from our house and about 30 minutes. No dual carriageways, no merging onto anything and the majority is residential streets with a 30/40mph limit. However I am still panicking massively.

I'll do it because I won't let him down, but God I wish I didn't feel like this.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I drove to a local zoo which requires a lot of country lanes. My car doesn't cope well with hills anyway, and because there's a lot of sharp turns I was doing 40/45mph, slowing down to 35 at turns. The car behind was right up my ass like yes I know I'm going slower than the 60mph speed limit but I'd rather go slower knowing I have control of the vehicle then end up bloody crashing

 

[tootootoot]

Just popping into this thread with a recommendation for @ ahealthypush on Instagram. I suffered hideously with intrusive thoughts and panic attacks while driving and her content made me feel like I wasn't alone and has helped me hugely. Sending hugs to those going through it

 

[Millennial Pink]

So, my nice calm drive was... not. The sat nav took me through town (I was using google maps to avoid traffic, not drive IN it!) and I had to deal with all the ring roads and roundabouts. Absolute chaos. There was one 'incident' on a roundabout that I have no idea if it was my fault or the other driver's (no one died, we both just had to slow down unexpectedly).
I really don't like it when there's a lot of big roundabouts in a short space of time where you have to:
a) figure out where the hell you're going
b) figure out which lane you need to be in when it's so busy you can barely see the signs
c) change lanes (into the wrong one, if you're me)
d) deal with every other driver who are also driving both erratically and extremely quicky.

Zero fun. I did managed to get parked at my destination with minimum fuss, so there's that.

 

[Codiaeum]

I had an incident before Christmas, some bloke tailgated my car all the way to a roundabout and then started honking when I didn't immediately set off driving in half a second as I was still checking it was safe to go. I just froze and hit the break. Sat there for about 30 seconds as I couldn't work out when to go as I couldn't concentrate and panicking.

When I set off he followed me along the road honking for a bit, before turning into a side street.

I hate when people do this. It is not your job to police other peoples driving, you are not the Police or the DVLA. It only makes the person your are honking scared and they will drive worse.

The rest of the journey I was shaking and kept making mistakes. Since then I have lost confidence in myself, I am having to force myself to get into the car as I know that if I start making excuses to not drive I will stop driving.

I'm really sorry you had such a crappy experience with that driver. You weren't in the wrong at all, he was, but it does a number on your confidence.
Maybe it'll cheer you up that my sister - she can be a bit petty - basically did what you did, but on purpose, just to give the tailgater a nice greeting: she braked and waited for a good minute before driving on and then letting him pass, at high speed. Little did he know he was driving straight into a speed trap Bet he wished for more patience after.

 

[37BBL]

Guys, I am SO glad I started this thread!! Its so comforting to read there are so many other people who feel the same as I do!
I think another thing for me is that I don't really like driving fast, up to about 50 I am okay but anything over that and I am counting down until I can go a bit slower. I somehow feel I'm not in full control and I'm going to end up veering off the road. Drove somewhere the other day and was doing 40 in a 40 zone, some bellend behind me starts beeping and then overtakes me.
Can also second the talking to yourself thing if you're feeling anxious and on your own. I've had to do a few solo drives for work to places I didn't know, I recited my birth story pretended I was telling someone all about it. It definitely helped and made the journey slightly easier.

 

[Happy Lady]

I know just what you mean. I've been driving for 37 years. Into Leeds City Centre (which is a nightmare of one-way systems), down to Southampton and all over the country no problem. Since retiring I hardly drive, and now feel just like you. I'm losing my confidence so prefer only to drive to places I know now. It's unsettling, but I think there's so much more traffic on the roads these days, and it's not as enjoyable.

 

[Millennial Pink]

Did that drive this morning and it went well! My confidence is definitely getting there

 

[lilchicken]

I really struggled to learn to drive. My peers found it very simple and easy, and I just found it terrifying. It just would never click in my head as I felt like 99% of my brain power was taken up by dealing with the clutch and gear changes.

I finally learned to drive at 28 after switching to an automatic. It just made things so much easier . I would really recommend it for anyone who is nervous around driving as it is a much simpler way to do it.

I do still get nervous about driving. It took me nearly 10 years to get the courage to go onto a motorway. I only started because I started dating someone who lived in Manchester and I jept getting bus sick on the coach.


The 3 worst things about driving in my opinion

1) people who think it is their right to speed everywhere in the right lane, and act like a dick if someone wants to use that lane for its intended role of allowing overtaking of slower moving vehicles in the left. Eg driving really close behind to push people out of the lane and back into the left before they are ready, or deliberately speeding up to close a gap when someone is indicated that they need to move into the right to overtake.

2) people who are suprised by the fact that my tiny little car does not accelerate as fast as their big giant shiny audi/bmw/whatever that is.

3) people who think they know better than the driver in front of them at a roundabout or slip road and 'honk' the other car of it does not join the roundabout or road fast enough. This either makes the person in front panic and drive out at rhe wrong time and put themselves in danger or breaks their concentration and makes them pause even longer.

A driver once did this to me when I hadn't driven long and I nearly ended up in an accident. I was waiting to join a section of the A19 near Stockton-on-Tees. The a19 crosses above the road I was on, so I had to drive up a sliproad . There is a very limited view of the road until the very top of the slip. Some dickhead honked me and I drove straight out onto the road and nearly got hot by a HGV.

I definitely agree with your last point. I’m at the junction/roundabout/whatever. It’s up to me as the driver to decide what is safe for me to do. I can see the junction, know my vehicle etc. the person beeping behind isn’t the one having to make the judgement call, or hold responsibility if anything goes wrong.

i honestly feel like the worst part of driving is other people. Specifically, there seems to be a lot of impatience and entitlement on roads. And from a similar demographic. My stomach sinks when I have a white van driving behind me in a 20 zone because you just *know* they are going to get pissy with you for observing the speed limit.

I’m pretty comfortable with all aspects of driving in terms of the vehicle and reading road signs… my clutch control is great, my gear changes are much better. but it’s other drivers that stress me out and make me make mistakes.

 

[Rosie878]

I’ve arranged an appointment for next Friday which means I wiil have to drive from Leeds to Pontefract. I haven’t driven on a motorway/in the city centre in over 10 years and I feel really worried but at the same time like I just need to get it done. It’s not even a very long route in the great scheme of things.

This thread is really helpful for motivation and I feel so pleased for everyone who overcomes their fear.

 

[37BBL]

Drove up to the quantocks recently which always scares me as once broke down on a steep hill. Was so proud of myself for doing it. Had a few impatient people up my ass on the way back because I was doing 40 in a 60, but it was dark, an Amber weather warning, raining and I don't know the roads so wasn't prepared to do 60.

This is me all the time. I always lower my speed on those occasions and feel like people tailgate me all the time. I mean if it's main beam darkness and bad weather, I'm not going 60mph pal.

 

[37BBL]

Just having a word vomit on here to see if it helps. I've got to drive my son to a football game tomorrow. Its only 22 miles away, and will take me about 40 minutes. There's no dual carriage ways and it seems a fairly straight road journey, majority is on A roads, some country lanes but wide ones if you know what I mean.
When I read all that, its stupid that I am so panicky and thinking can I message another mum and care share my mum has offered to come and I've said no - I need to do it on my own. So many of my friends drive further away with thier kids and I don't because of my nerves. I know it'll be fine, we'll get there fine and I'll spend the match panicking about getting back, then we'll be fine again. I'm so anxious though. I keep thinking at least there is no slip roads, no motorway roundabouts - its going to be so much easier than the last long drive I had to do with him. I just can't shake the nerves ‍

 

[MsGilmore]

The aspect about the aggressive car is interesting!

We (or rather, my BF) has a bigger, aggressive car. I don't like driving it myself, it's too big and I'm genuinely scared of the acceleration. Otoh, I used to drive a Fiat Punto and we used to have a Fiesta before the current car and people really do the most stupid things because you drive a cute, small car and not a baddy aggressive one. BF says that quite often he was overtaken by a hair's width on the autobahn in the Fiesta, but with the BMW, they don't dare. So stupid!

I said I'd actually like to have a "driving shopping bag", like a VW Up. Cute, small enough to fit everywhere, I could use it for grocery shopping or just short errands. But we don't need two cars, we hardly need the one we have. My driving would benefit though.

I have a Ford Ka, but it’s a 1.3 diesel. I really have to keep my wits about me because so many people pull out on me. They assume I am going slow because it’s a small car! I’d love a newer car but I just don’t have the disposable income for the monthly installments.
The standard of driving these days is frightening. Some people drive so fast and take stupid risks. Some people seem to think that the law doesn’t apply to them since the pandemic.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I drove to our holiday and back and it was absolutely fine, no panic, no stress even when I took a wrong turn. I want every drive to be like that. Definitely a confidence boost and good to get my car on the motorway (diesel) to give it a good clear out

 

[Former_Antelopee]

The worst for me is parking especially when I have to park on a road

 

[Thank(space)you]

I absolutely hate driving, it's been 18 months. 3rd exits make me panic about when it is okay to go. I worry I'm too slow pulling away at traffic lights. I hate going anywhere new, I hate parking, hate country lanes, hate going anywhere new. The only thing I like is motorway driving

 

[klarakluckbag]

To make myself sound slightly less useless…my route to work is about 20 minutes and involves 8 roundabouts, some of which are really tricky, nasty ones. I swear I am the BEST person ever at driving that route I absolutely slay those roundabouts every time and people often cock them up. But it’s only because I know it really well.

And this is exactly the solution to nearly all of the issues that posters have mentioned on this thread...it's all about familiarity, and feeling comfortable when driving a certain route, or performing a particular manoeuvre.
My final driving instructor (of 3!) was great, we were a similar age, we got on really well, we had the same sense of humour. He used to swear at me if I did something silly, we would laugh at the other learners, I used to look forward to our lessons, even though I was quite often terrified too. But when I was practising the "reversing round a corner" manoeuvre, I could never get it right. He actually said to me "Oh god, you're worse than my missus, lets hope it doesn't come up in your test" (it didn't). I know that he was joking and that he would have been horrified if he thought that I took it to heart, but it was probably around 8-10 years before I really had the confidence to reverse into parking spaces. The first time that I actually reversed around a corner, I hit a bollard, which didn't help! . Now that I do it regularly, it doesn't bother me and it's much easier to reverse into a car park space, than to have to reverse out of it.

I think the fear of getting lost is a bit of a thing with women in particular. We don't have confidence in our map-reading skills, (after decades of being told that "women can't read maps" ) and we often feel vulnerable in unfamiliar places, especially if we have our children with us. Drivers today can be very aggressive, you only have to hesitate for a second to try to get your bearings, and some twat in a BMW is beeping at you from behind. Parking can be very difficult in lots of places, having to drive around a unfamiliar area to find a space can be extremely stressful. The Google maps street view is really helpful for planning an unfamiliar route, you can use "landmarks" to help you familiarise yourself with a new area. I've done the sticky label thing too, even when going to my sister's ("get off motorway, turn RIGHT AT ROUNDABOUT" )

Practise those manoeuvres, plan that route. And just go out and do it. If you have a meltdown, you can just turn around and go home.

 

[Codiaeum]

I think I'm also mostly scared of making a mistake. I can plan my journey, but I can't plan for how other drivers around me behave and that's where most of my anxiety comes from. I probably have some issues with control
But seriously, I'm afraid of someone suddenly pulling out or stuff like that. The damage that can happen might very often just be to the car, but even that is bad enough for me and I would blame myself a lot.
A lot of these situations they say you get better at anticipating when you drive more and that makes sense to me. Still haven't gotten myself to driving the big car though and keep using the small car sharing one I always book, I'm jus so much more comfortable with it, but it also really limits the amount of driving I do, so not too much practice.

 

[Lorny]

Aww honestly so glad to have found this thread! I passed my test in 2009 and had never driven again until I took refresher lessons last year. I passed my test in a manual but chose to do my refresher lessons in an automatic which made such a difference. I got my car in December and do still get nervous before getting in it. I won’t go on the motorway until after 9:30pm so I can just easily drive on and not worry about merging too much. I can scoot myself about my town but fret over parking so have to time my drives to the supermarket just so I know I’ll get parked ok. My boyfriend still does the majority of driving as I just get so nervous but usually once I’m actually in the car and driving I’m absolutely fine. It’s all about confidence and had you said to me this time last year I would be driving a car I would have never believed it. Feel I’ve got a long way to go but knowing I’m not the only one with anxiety around it makes me feel so much better. I thought I was mental!

 

[JodieGreen123]

I like driving, particularly motorway driving but I fucking despise parking. Like the OP it’s all about the familiar, I’m fine on my drive, at work, at places I go regularly etc but I get terrible anxiety if I have to go somewhere new. I look the car parks up on Google Maps and then I really stress myself out if they look hard or small as I get terrified I won’t find a spot!