Driving - Anxiety

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If you're a woman, could it be hormonal? That's so interesting that it happens only in some situations.
I find it helpful to remember that anxiety is me overestimating the danger of the situation and underestimating my ability to cope with the situation.
Possibly hormonal yes, my GP thought so although I did and still do take HRT following a surgical menopause age 36. I'm 60 now and don't get quite as anxious when driving, although I haven't driven on the motorway for years!
 
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I've been driving for forty years and used to navigate the M25 regularly going from Essex down to Hastings to visit my parents. Then around 15 years ago I started to get anxiety in certain situations such as speeds over around 50 (which rules out motorways) wide open roads with no other vehicles around, busy roundabouts and waiting at traffic lights, of all things.
As soon as the car stops moving, such as at traffic lights or waiting to get onto a busy roundabout, I have an irrational fear of getting stuck, either by the car breaking down or me somehow forgetting how to drive.
On open roads and motorways it's similar, I feel like I'm going to lose control of the car somehow.
Yet when driving around my local area I am a confident driver. My anxiety is either 0/10 or 9/10, no middle ground.
Forcing myself to do the things that make me anxious doesn't work, if anything it increases the fear.
I don't understand where it's come from or what I can do about it.
I feel the same way, and I believe it is menopausal related. I have yet to see my Doctor re HRT.
 
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I had ended up coming out at the roundabout an stopped due to panic from another car an then just kept stalling it, didn't help I was half out at the time 😖 which made it worse because I was like I CANNOT sit here
Roundabouts still are daunting for me. For the longest time I would go longer routes to avoid roundabouts. The ones i'm comfortable with are ones I'm using often enough that it's fine - new ones are still scary! You're not alone.

It's easier said than done but try not to worry about people around you.
You get people who will beep at you and drive around you, even as a seasoned driver. It's such a brief encounter for them, they'll have that initial reaction then get on with their day and never think about it again, whilst you stew over it for hours.

I'd recommend using Pass plates - personally, if I see a L or P, I give them more space and patience. Anyone beeping at a L or P is a wick.
 
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Roundabouts still are daunting for me. For the longest time I would go longer routes to avoid roundabouts. The ones i'm comfortable with are ones I'm using often enough that it's fine - new ones are still scary! You're not alone.

It's easier said than done but try not to worry about people around you.
You get people who will beep at you and drive around you, even as a seasoned driver. It's such a brief encounter for them, they'll have that initial reaction then get on with their day and never think about it again, whilst you stew over it for hours.

I'd recommend using Pass plates - personally, if I see a L or P, I give them more space and patience. Anyone beeping at a L or P is a wick.
Thanks, I have P plates on an its both a blessing an a curse, some people will give a little bit of space an have patience while others treat it as a L an are pricks about it, I've been undertaken, dangerously over taken on blind corners on hills, cut off, people taking the wrong lane at a roundabout to get past me etc, it just makes it worse an I feel like am still no better forward with actually going out an driving, I just cannot seem to get over this
 
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Thanks, I have P plates on an its both a blessing an a curse, some people will give a little bit of space an have patience while others treat it as a L an are pricks about it, I've been undertaken, dangerously over taken on blind corners on hills, cut off, people taking the wrong lane at a roundabout to get past me etc, it just makes it worse an I feel like am still no better forward with actually going out an driving, I just cannot seem to get over this
That sucks, i'm sorry.

For months I had to rehearse my drive to work and back, with someone for moral support.
Then my usual lift was cancelled and I had no choice but to go!
Managed that for a while, then there was an accident on that road and I couldn't get myself home (coz it wasn't the route I knew!) and someone came in THEIR car to meet me so I could follow them home!

Driving anxiety is huge!
 
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That sucks, i'm sorry.

For months I had to rehearse my drive to work and back, with someone for moral support.
Then my usual lift was cancelled and I had no choice but to go!
Managed that for a while, then there was an accident on that road and I couldn't get myself home (coz it wasn't the route I knew!) and someone came in THEIR car to meet me so I could follow them home!

Driving anxiety is huge!
This is my fear, like I've been practising on roads I know but if I can't use them then the other ones I know of all having hills which just stresses me out, if I get stopped on a hill I just panic because I continually stall it an roll back

I know I need to push myself but just the thought of driving is stressful right now 😖

Am glad someone come to meet you, I find having someone there to be in front or behind is a help so it's nice you have someone to help you out
 
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I totally sympathise with all this. I feel it's such a big responsibility driving a car - it's a big hunk of metal going at a speed which could kill someone!

Add to that the UK's roads and streets weren't laid out in the age of the car (unlike the US with grid systems), so we're driving cars around streets meant for horses and carts.

Car park spaces are made for car sizes from the 1980s! And traffic is so much worse than even 10 years ago.
 
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I do think people nowadays drive cars that are too big for what is needed though which must be worse for the environment and use more fuel than a smaller car that would be suitable for their needs. The amount on influencers or young single people driving range rovers or similar for example I just don't understand why they need these cars
 
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I agree, I have a few neighbours that drive these insanely large pick up trucks which in a small town really isn't needed, I mean do they really need something so massive to drop their kids off at a school that's a 15 minute walk, it just makes me feel worse being out on the roads because my car is so small, it's practically dwarfed by these things
 
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I agree, I have a few neighbours that drive these insanely large pick up trucks which in a small town really isn't needed, I mean do they really need something so massive to drop their kids off at a school that's a 15 minute walk, it just makes me feel worse being out on the roads because my car is so small, it's practically dwarfed by these things
This is something I've really noticed since changing to a smaller car, bigger cars muscling their way through where there really isn't room, taking gaps they perceive are there. It's the playground equivalent of big kids picking on little kids.
 
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I totally sympathise with all this. I feel it's such a big responsibility driving a car - it's a big hunk of metal going at a speed which could kill someone!

Add to that the UK's roads and streets weren't laid out in the age of the car (unlike the US with grid systems), so we're driving cars around streets meant for horses and carts.

Car park spaces are made for car sizes from the 1980s! And traffic is so much worse than even 10 years ago.
I had a horrendous time last week after a day trip. I was on my way back from the countryside feeling rested and made the mistake of calling into a M and S Food hall on my way back.
I'd forgotten it was in the 2pm to 3pm window for schools pickups, and was shocked at the size of the cars slung into car parking spaces by the yummy mummies. Think they call them Chelsea Tractors down south so they were taking up two parking spaces for one car due to the poor parking and sheer size of the car. Why anyone needs a car that size to pick up kids from school I've no idea. 🙄
The car park is small so it was gridlocked. In the short time I was instore the car park had emptied a bit, but these buslike cars were forcing their way out of the car park by that time by their sheer size.
Then after that debacle I hit a massive queue of traffic on the way back home, as they'd decided to block the road with roadworks in the time since I'd been on that road earlier that day. My hip was starting to scream with the stop/start driving so I was nearly in tears by the time I got home.
I really have to force myself out in the car after my RTA and this is not helping!
 
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I had a horrendous time last week after a day trip. I was on my way back from the countryside feeling rested and made the mistake of calling into a M and S Food hall on my way back.
I'd forgotten it was in the 2pm to 3pm window for schools pickups, and was shocked at the size of the cars slung into car parking spaces by the yummy mummies. Think they call them Chelsea Tractors down south so they were taking up two parking spaces for one car due to the poor parking and sheer size of the car. Why anyone needs a car that size to pick up kids from school I've no idea. 🙄
The car park is small so it was gridlocked. In the short time I was instore the car park had emptied a bit, but these buslike cars were forcing their way out of the car park by that time by their sheer size.
Then after that debacle I hit a massive queue of traffic on the way back home, as they'd decided to block the road with roadworks in the time since I'd been on that road earlier that day. My hip was starting to scream with the stop/start driving so I was nearly in tears by the time I got home.
I really have to force myself out in the car after my RTA and this is not helping!
I accidentally drove down a road with a school at 3pm (thought half term had already started!) and the driving was atrocious. They were forcing their way down a road with parked cars and some had to eventually reverse all the way down the road. Terrifying!
 
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I accidentally drove down a road with a school at 3pm (thought half term had already started!) and the driving was atrocious. They were forcing their way down a road with parked cars and some had to eventually reverse all the way down the road. Terrifying!
Guess where I was at lunchtime - back at the same Marks and Spencer foodhall! I'm a glutton for punishment. Less of the "Chelsea Tractors" this time, but I was more observant and noticed they literally take up the whole of the parking spot, if not more, so the neighbouring cars get a whack from their chunky doors as they get out. 🤬
I had to park next to a diagonally (literally !!!) parked car and was debating whether to photograph it and the "Chelsea Tractors" so you could see I wasn't exaggerating, but I reasoned that I'd probably get thrown off Tattle. 😥
 
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I think it must be about 4 or 5 different times I've tried to learn to drive and the anxiety around it for me is just too much. The furthest I got was maybe 8 lessons in. I've tried both automatic and manual and I just am unable to do it. Got bumped into the back of during a lesson once while in a traffic jam so obviously it wasn't bad it 100% made my anxiety around it much worse.
 
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I totally get it with the school traffic! ....one of my biggest driving anxieties at the moment is the school run- but it's the parking. So I end up getting to the car park, sometimes about half an hour early! Just so I can park! It's such a small car park and those big cars come charging in and taking up spaces!....I also hate people watching me do a manoeuvre, I get so panicked. I'd do anything to be confident like the other mums, and just park up in front of everyone else. 😔 driving anxiety really gets me down
 
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I think it must be about 4 or 5 different times I've tried to learn to drive and the anxiety around it for me is just too much. The furthest I got was maybe 8 lessons in. I've tried both automatic and manual and I just am unable to do it. Got bumped into the back of during a lesson once while in a traffic jam so obviously it wasn't bad it 100% made my anxiety around it much worse.
Have you tried a female instructor?. I made the switch and passed, she had the patience of a saint that woman 😇.
 
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I totally get it with the school traffic! ....one of my biggest driving anxieties at the moment is the school run- but it's the parking. So I end up getting to the car park, sometimes about half an hour early! Just so I can park! It's such a small car park and those big cars come charging in and taking up spaces!....I also hate people watching me do a manoeuvre, I get so panicked. I'd do anything to be confident like the other mums, and just park up in front of everyone else. 😔 driving anxiety really gets me down
It's so stressful. Have you considered taking afew extra driving lessons to focus just on parking? I have a friend who did this and it worked really well xx
 
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It's so stressful. Have you considered taking afew extra driving lessons to focus just on parking? I have a friend who did this and it worked really well xx
Yes I did actually have a couple of extra lessons, but I felt like it didn't do much. I think it's more the idea of people watching me than anything else that really stresses me out. I feel so under pressure. I actually do feel alot more confident now iv got a rear camera though. I can actually reverse into a bay now which I just couldn't do before- but ironically, i feel that the confidence has only slightly increased because I get to the car park early (before anyone else!) And I take my time to practice reversing in and parking up with no one watching me.
If I knew the roads were empty and the car parks I'd be a great driver! Lol! It's people watching me that I loathe so much.
I think jts because my partner isn't patient with other drivers- he shouts and gesticulates to other road users and it makes me feel like everyone else is doing the same to me 😔😔😔 driving is not enjoyable with holes on the road like that (sorry Mr @Upintheair83)
 
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I'm also always really stressed when I know someone is watching me doing a maneuver or if I can't get it right in one go and end up blocking someone, then I stress even more and probably will mess up more. But it has gotten much better after I watched some YouTube videos in how to oriented yourself. I searched for videos specifically for the type of parking issue that gives me the most problem and it has really helped me in getting out of a stupid parking space much better.
Last week I had a small win! I use a carsharing service and normally always get the same type of car, but 12h before my appointment for which I needed the car, the company called me that the car I usually drive, a nice Ford Fiesta, was unavailable. They needed to book me in somewhere else and the only car available was a bigger Ford Focus. I was a bit nervous as the Focus is longer and the parking at my appointment can be tricky with a wall to one side and a narrow one-way street. But I told myself that I've parked there fore years, the car has all the sensors to beep me into oblivion and a rear-view cam.
I did fine! Driving the bigger car didn't bother me as I thought it would, and I also got out of the parking fine. The Fiesta also has a rear-view cam and they are such a game-changer, I'd never get a car without one if I were to have my own car. They even show you some "lines" where the car will turn when you move the steering wheel.
My BIL is a much more confident driver than me and is getting a rear-view cam fitted into his existing car - it's not terribly expensive and I think really helps for all of us who are nervous about parking. Might be something to look into if you can get one for your car.
 
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