Does true lasting love really exist?

[Custard cream]

I have a dilemma and I’m interested to hear other people’s opinions. I will start off by saying that I don’t want to ask family or close friends as they are too close to me and I feel they cannot therefore be objective. Anyway, what I want to know is do you think that true love exists the way it is portrayed in certain movies, books, songs etc. You know, the type of love where the couple literally cannot live without each other, can’t bear being apart etc. You know the kind of love in a book where even after years of knowing someone they can still make you melt by smiling at you or with a certain look you just want to rip their clothes off despite having been together for a long time. The type of love people who have been together for years and can still say that they can’t wait til their partner comes home each evening, gives them butterflies in their stomach etc. Do you think love like that really does exist? Do you think that type of love is really possible even after years of being together? Or do you think it’s all make believe for a good story or song and that reality is totally different? That after time, that type of love fades and things become routine and mundane? I guess why I’m asking is that I feel like I’m a crossroads in my life where i can either just keep doing what I’ve always been doing and drift along in a perfectly comfortable life but one that doesn’t have that great love I’ve described above or I can try and change things. For clarity, I am married with wonderful kids, great job, lovely home etc. But I don’t feel that type of love for my husband. We get on fine but I don't think I have ever felt that type of love where he is all I can think about or live without etc.
My worry is that this type of love doesn’t really exist and then I’d be changing a perfectly good life for no reason. But if it really does exist then I am missing out. And even if I left, there would be no guarantee on finding that type of love even if it does exist. Anyway, sorry for long rambling post (also English isn’t s not my first language) I guess I am just so confused! Maybe it’s just this time of year that has me reflecting on my life and where it is heading and what I really want from it.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Younger me used to think love was all you needed to make a relationship work. I too wanted the Disney kind or what Marianne from sense and sensibility wanted.

The me of today says love alone is not enough without a solid foundation of respect amongst everything else.

I don't want the "I can't live with you kind of love". I would prefer the "I could live without my partner but don't want to" as it seems more liberating.

Not all movies give happy endings. You can love someone, but also choose not to have them in your life. I cried whilst watching the enternal sunshine of a spotless mind. I personally think love in relationships changes over time. Sometimes you might feel closer others less connected.

I'm a huge fan of therapy and would recommend couples therapy in this case. Therapy would help untangle your feelings. If you want the passionate kind of love there's nothing stopping you from working on it with your partner. This is something however that needs to be talked about though and not brushed under the carpet. You can't do it on your on. If he is unaware of how you feel how can he help? You need to decide if your marriage is worth fighting for or if you do want to leave.

 

[Ineedmorecoffee]

@rainbowlemon has said lots of great stuff, brilliant advice.

For me, no, I don’t want to rip his clothes off every time he walks in the room. That’s lust, and while it’s fantastic, it’s not a permanent state of being. Some nights he walks in the door, starts rambling on about work and I think I really can’t be arsed with this. Some days he drives me nuts with his terrible sense of humour. Sometimes his opinions wind me up.

But I love that feeling of knowing he’s mine and he adores me as much as I do him. We laugh together. He gets me. We’ve thankfully not had too much in the way of bad times, but when we have I always think I’m glad I’m facing this with you. There’s no one else I’d want by my side in life.

I agree with you, things do become boring and mundane. But life’s what you make it. If you want a life with him, it takes effort and doesn’t just happen. Are you just drifting along, or do you genuinely want to be with him?

 

[Custard cream]

Honestly I think I am just drifting along. Your post has really made me think because even though you said sometimes he drives you nuts and you don’t always want to rip his clothes off etc you
Said something that really hit me, really struck a cord with me, you said “I always think I’m glad I’m facing this with you. There’s no one else I’d want by my side in life”. This is it. This is exactly what i was trying to articulate. Even after years together and stuff gets in the way, life gets boring etc but no matter what at least you still have each other. That’s what I want but I don’t have that. You are very lucky. Thank you for your reply - it has really helped clarify things in my mind.

Younger me used to think love was all you needed to make a relationship work. I too wanted the Disney kind or what Marianne from sense and sensibility wanted.

The me of today says love alone is not enough without a solid foundation of respect amongst everything else.

I don't want the "I can't live with you kind of love". I would prefer the "I could live without my partner but don't want to" as it seems more liberating.

Not all movies give happy endings. You can love someone, but also choose not to have them in your life. I cried whilst watching the enternal sunshine of a spotless mind. I personally think love in relationships changes over time. Sometimes you might feel closer others less connected.

I'm a huge fan of therapy and would recommend couples therapy in this case. Therapy would help untangle your feelings. If you want the passionate kind of love there's nothing stopping you from working on it with your partner. This is something however that needs to be talked about though and not brushed under the carpet. You can't do it on your on. If he is unaware of how you feel how can he help? You need to decide if your marriage is worth fighting for or if you do want to leave.

Thank you so much for your reply. You have given me a lot to consider. I do feel that therapy might help me to untangle my thoughts and feelings so I have a clearer idea of what I want.