Do you regret having/not having kids?

[LittleB]

I regret not having my children closer in age but my partner didn't want that

How big is the age gap?

 

[Blondie]

I feel pretty embarrassed saying this because i know this is probably small to some people.
The age gap is 3 years between them.

 

[Noname12345]

We don't have kids, but we've been talking about children since we got together. Initially, I wanted children and my OH didn't have an opinion, he was indifferent. In the past 6-12 months, he's changed his mind and he wants kids. Meanwhile, I have got to the point where I'm not fussed either way. If he wants to have kids, we'll try but he'll have to be an active parent. If he changes his mind again, then we won't.

 

[Sweetpotato0965]

Slightly off topic but did any of you feel ‘ready’ to have children? If you did, how did you know?

 

[Deepsigh2018]

Slightly off topic but did any of you feel ‘ready’ to have children? If you did, how did you know?

I wasn't ready at all for my first I still lived at home with my parents, single and wasn't planning on having kids for another 10 years at least but by the time he was 6 months our lives had changed so much. I bought a house, got a decent paying job and started to parent the best I could. I'm not sure when I would have been ready if it hadnt have happened in my very early 20s

 

[Flossy2019]

I have one and honestly, in hindsight I would have chosen to have kids later, if at all. My daughter was unplanned and I did intend to get an abortion - I went to the clinic to have the initial appointment and had a counselling session about it too. Then I had a threatened miscarriage and thought it wasn’t my decision to make. I had previously had a miscarriage and this evoked memories, I felt like it would be so cruel to abort if the fetus survived. Somehow she did so that was that

My daughters father was abusive and although I see my child as her own person, I share the regret that someone else said about being tied to a person like that for life. I read about other women who aborted because their partners were just kinda shitty and I wonder why I didn’t. It has made mentally moving on from the abuse harder

I also feel like I was too young. I got pregnant at 23, gave birth at 24. Not incredibly young but I feel like I still had a lot of growing up to do and should have experienced life more, got a career, prioritised myself. Practical things are harder now with a baby in tow - I don’t have a family to support me, and my ex’s family are too far away and do not want to be involved regardless. On top of this my daughter has allergies and possibly some additional needs (too young to be diagnosed but she’s delayed) so she’s not a straightforward child. Sometimes it feels like it takes superhuman strength to get through the day and do basic stuff, and although mentally I want to aim higher in life, it feels impossible at this stage

Also a massive factor that in hindsight would make me not want to have kids: I didn’t realise how much my anxiety would worsen. I worry about my daughter 24/7. A friend looked after her for under an hour the other day and I couldn’t relax because I was terrified of something going wrong. I know it’s normal to worry but I hate how it feels. It may be the postnatal depression talking but I don’t find the love outweighs the anxiety, it’s just such an awful feeling which I feel will never go away even when she’s an adult

I feel like having kids is a very personal decision made especially hard by the fact you don’t know what having kids is like until you have them, at which point you can’t send them back. I think you can imagine it in detail but until that is your real life you cannot know how you feel about it for sure. The only thing you can do about it is make sure you’ve considered all the facts and that if you choose to have children, you’re mentally, physically, emotionally, financially (etc) prepared for them

How old is your daughter ? I was similar to
You in terms of anxiety and leaving him with someone. At one point I didn’t even want to leave him with my boyfriend whilst I went out. Maybe it’s a control thing but I was just so anxious of something happening because my bf is very laid back. I hated leaving him with anyone but it eventually got easier. He’s one now and I still don’t really like leaving him with anyone but my fella( turned out he’s amazing dad or my mum anyone else I’m unsettled all day) but it did get easier. Hope it does for you

I don’t know how anyone can regret having kids. They are your kids. They are part of you and they depend on you and need you. Not forever your life isn’t over. They will move out and then you’ll be wishing they were back home messing their rooms up and fighting with their siblings. It is a big adjustment but I don’t believe it’s your life over when you have them. That’s just my opinion tho! I found my relationship struggled after having my son. I was putting our son first and me last and he wasn’t doing the same We are still together it’s been a rocky road and he finally learnt to sort his priorities out and I love my little family and couldn’t imagine life without them. I don’t think I’d have another tho I can’t afford

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Your parents sound like they offer the kind of help I get

They had her overnight last month while my best friend was visiting (I hadn’t seen them in almost 2 years) and they were still asking me if she was defined staying at 10pm and looking for me at 8am the next day.

 

[LittleB]

I always wanted kids and thought I wanted 2-3. But I have an 18 month old and 3 weeks ago on a family walk,I just felt really content looking at the family that we have got. I said to my husband that I'm not bothered about having anymore and he feels the same. We have found our feet financially having 1 and couldn't imagine a second one in the mix,getting by when on maternity pay and having to buy stuff for two children. I feel a little bit conflicted because I don't want him to be lonely or on his own when we both die one day but by then he will have made a life of his own. We rely on grandparents to help and I wouldnt want to have to ask them to look after two children.

I do miss some aspect of child free life,like being able to do what I want when I want. I had more money too,but then I worked full time and didn't get chance to spend it,now I work part time and have less money but seem to being living more rather than just working. Swings and roundabouts.

I love my lb so much I could never imagine life without him now.

I feel exactly the same, my son is 2 and I feel in a really good place with our family the way it is. I don’t feel any urge to have another baby but I don’t want my son to grow up without a sibling. I think we are going to go for it.