Divorce - funny and not so funny!

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I'm a year into negotiations and had a meeting today and I feel your frustration. He kept asking what I want. Mate, you're my solicitor, you're meant to advise me šŸ¤Æ.
Weā€™re in the cooking period until end of may but his solicitor approached me and asked what I want so she could get it ready. I havenā€™t responded yet but Iā€™m wondering to ask what they are proposing first or if itā€™s best to go in with my offer but I donā€™t even know what to ask for. So hard. A magic wand to end the pain?
 
Weā€™re in the cooking period until end of may but his solicitor approached me and asked what I want so she could get it ready. I havenā€™t responded yet but Iā€™m wondering to ask what they are proposing first or if itā€™s best to go in with my offer but I donā€™t even know what to ask for. So hard. A magic wand to end the pain?
I'd find out what they are proposing first. The court position starts at a 50/50 spilt but that doesn't necessarily need to be the case, it really depends on your circumstances and what you each contributed to the marriage and finances. However, both parties have to be able to start again equally if that makes sense.

For instance, in some cases a Mesher agreement is suitable, where you get to stay in the house until the children are 18. Again though, it depends on circumstances. This isn't something that was suitable for my situation.

There may be options for you to make claim on his pension if you haven't worked whilst you've been looking after the children.

If you work you and you have a mortgage you may need to buy him out the property. If that's the case you'll be asked to provide details of a mortgage in principle to show your circumstances.

You'll also need to have an appointment with a mediator, even if it's just to get a MIAM to allow the settlement to be heard in court. Mediation may also help you to get a clearer picture of what you'd both like to achieve financially.

These are just examples and may not be relevant to your situation but there are so many things to consider.
I presume you've got a solicitor?

Things sound relatively friendly between you and your ex so hopefully your process won't take as long as mine. My ex is a spiteful tit who has recently blocked me from accessing childcare vouchers we'd accumulated during the marriage, even though it won't improve his financial situation because he can't get a refund on them. He's also made it clear he won't be rushing to rent or purchase a house so won't be sharing custody of the children for the foreseeable future (probably the majority of their childhood). Leaving me to juggle working and looking after the children, one of whom is a long term school refuser. Such fun.

I'll keep everything crossed for you that your divorce remains friendly and straightforward.
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Oh Iā€™ve just lost it, kicking myself, Iā€™m so good at ignoring stuff and crying when Iā€™m in the shower etc showing that nothing gets to me but I let rip. How do you just shut the pain off. Sorry, donā€™t really know where to post this anymore
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 6
I have been divorced for ages and am happily settled in a new relationship. My ex is still a twit and his behaviour with our (adult kids) is like a red rag to a bull for me. When does the anger end?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 5
I have been divorced for ages and am happily settled in a new relationship. My ex is still a twit and his behaviour with our (adult kids) is like a red rag to a bull for me. When does the anger end?
Darling it never does! 38 years on I still despise my ex with every fibre of my being but I can take comfort in that the kids I gave him are a credit, they're handsome, clever and everything he isn't so HE can be forever grateful to me for that. ;) They also realised for themselves that he was/is a complete asshole :)
I don't understand HOW you can remain friends with the ex, especially when he behaved so despicably but I guess some people do. For me that was NEVER going to happen in a million years and I doubt I'm alone in that one
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 5
I am in a same sex marriage and last week found that my wife had cheated on me by kissing another women. We can't get passed it.
I am in for a bumpy ride I know, and so desperately searching for support through this.

I hope you are all ok xxx
 
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 6
I am in a same sex marriage and last week found that my wife had cheated on me by kissing another women. We can't get passed it.
I am in for a bumpy ride I know, and so desperately searching for support through this.

I hope you are all ok xxx
Hope youā€™re okay, time does get easier.
Iā€™ve had a bad day with it, he keeps threatening to cut us off financially to speed the divorce along. Whatā€™s slowing it up is him not doing full disclosure as heā€™s spent Ā£50k of our savings on his new woman since last year I found heā€™s trying to hide. Weā€™ve got nothing left but our house. He shouted at my 4 year old today your mummy is horrible šŸ’” all I did was ask if he could tale his clothes out the washing machine
 
  • Angry
  • Sad
Reactions: 3
Hereā€™s a fun one for you all

I was married to a complete and utter piece of tit. Divorce finalised in 2021. I am happy now I have a baby and am engaged to a wonderful man.

anyway

piece of tit ex treated me like crap throughout our short one year marriage. One day it all came to a head and he said it was officially over.
Fast forward a year later and I find out from someone who was my friend, that the real reason he ended it when he did and was so devastated when I moved on and kept begging for me back was because she told him he had to end it after he revealed to her a secret.
That the day before our one year anniversary he cheated on me
With my brothers wife
 
  • Wow
Reactions: 10
Hereā€™s a fun one for you all

I was married to a complete and utter piece of tit. Divorce finalised in 2021. I am happy now I have a baby and am engaged to a wonderful man.

anyway

piece of tit ex treated me like crap throughout our short one year marriage. One day it all came to a head and he said it was officially over.
Fast forward a year later and I find out from someone who was my friend, that the real reason he ended it when he did and was so devastated when I moved on and kept begging for me back was because she told him he had to end it after he revealed to her a secret.
That the day before our one year anniversary he cheated on me
With my brothers wife
Well you are rid of him with no ties like kids - be happy and be free! :)
 
Darling it never does! 38 years on I still despise my ex with every fibre of my being but I can take comfort in that the kids I gave him are a credit, they're handsome, clever and everything he isn't so HE can be forever grateful to me for that. ;) They also realised for themselves that he was/is a complete asshole :)
I don't understand HOW you can remain friends with the ex, especially when he behaved so despicably but I guess some people do. For me that was NEVER going to happen in a million years and I doubt I'm alone in that one
30 years.
Still angry. Would still like to slap the smarmy marriage wrecking witch. She dumped him when she realised he wouldnā€™t be quite as well off as she hoped.
Happily remarried but the hurt and betrayal never goes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Can I ask how you knew it was time for divorce? Been with my husband 6 years, married for 2, had a baby 3 months ago. I just broke down in tears and told him how unhappy I amā€¦.that feel like Iā€™m constantly worried Iā€™m annoying him, that he doesnā€™t seem happy, he barely talks to me. He said that this is just what happens after a few years; ā€œitā€™s not amazing, itā€™s just ok, but Iā€™m fine with that.ā€ Am I wrong to not want to settle for ok for the next 50 years?
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 8
30 years.
Still angry. Would still like to slap the smarmy marriage wrecking witch. She dumped him when she realised he wouldnā€™t be quite as well off as she hoped.
Happily remarried but the hurt and betrayal never goes.
Well like I said before I still loathe and despise my ex and its coming on forty years since I discovered what he was up to with Ugly Barmaids whilst I was looking after a two year old and heavily pregnant. That excrutiating agony never leaves but I satisfy myself knowing that he ended up with one of the Ugly Barmaids, his glittering career cruised off down the U bend and pĆŖople I remained in contact with after it all went tit-city have all said "He actually married that thing did he?" and laugh! Our kids often comment that he's such a bloody old misery-guts who is basically her carer now :)

Gossipgirl, you clearly you have postnatal depression - go see your doctor and get some help please. Don't give up just yet!!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
30 years.
Still angry. Would still like to slap the smarmy marriage wrecking witch. She dumped him when she realised he wouldnā€™t be quite as well off as she hoped.
Happily remarried but the hurt and betrayal never goes.
Thank you for saying this it happened to me too 5.5 years ago and those that havenā€™t been through it do not get how it feels at all they say oh just get on with your life blah blah blah can honestly say that I detest him (& her) but donā€™t feel Iā€™ll ever be able to trust a man again after what he did! šŸ˜© ps he also downgraded too as they always do right? Sheā€™s a right minger šŸ¤£ also please tell me does karma actually exist šŸ¤”as Iā€™m still impatiently waiting for the karma bus to come and knock him and his homewrecker wife over šŸ¤£ it is quite funny I guess that he went on to have another child (that I believe wasnā€™t planned) who is now a toddler šŸ¤£šŸ¤­so another 10+ years or so of him having to deal with crappy expensive school holidays where as our daughter that I unfortunately share with him (the best thing to come out of it tho) only has another 2 years left šŸ˜‚
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Can I ask how you knew it was time for divorce? Been with my husband 6 years, married for 2, had a baby 3 months ago. I just broke down in tears and told him how unhappy I amā€¦.that feel like Iā€™m constantly worried Iā€™m annoying him, that he doesnā€™t seem happy, he barely talks to me. He said that this is just what happens after a few years; ā€œitā€™s not amazing, itā€™s just ok, but Iā€™m fine with that.ā€ Am I wrong to not want to settle for ok for the next 50 years?
How long had it been like this? You have a three month old baby which is going to be a bit of a life changer for both of you. I'd be hesitant to make any permanent decisions if this might just be a bit of a bump in the road following a big life change.

Maybe you need to work out if you both love each other and perhaps more importantly for moving forward, if you still like each other. You may have love for each other as your partner of six years and parent to your child, but do you like each other? Do you want to spend time with them? Do you want to tell them things? Etc.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
You know the best revenge if all was our children finally realising for themselves that their "father" really was a POS, when told by a third party his announcement on our acrimonious parting of the ways that he'd "never wanted children anyway" and thats why he was going-off with this old tart. He was jealous of the attention given to the kids! Well guess what? Yes in a few years time he had a sprog with Her whether he liked it or not so she obliged him into getting married and he got a daughter who is a total minger just like her Muvva! There is no way you could ever think my two and their one are even remotely related either !
Karma of course is subtle. You don't know when it will strike back but it does, its there whirring away in the background constantly. My ex's came when his children realised that he is a worthless asshole for what he put us through and that he never actually played a part in their childhoods aside from Sundays when he dragged them off to watch football with him in some grotty pub whilst he got drunk again. They know :) Thats Karma's revenge; :)
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 3
I think those children do know. My relatives children definitely understood their dad was a tit and have a relationship with him based on that, although it's better these days (two decades later).

There was no other woman in my relationship but I wish my children would realise what an absolute dick their father is. They are still quite enamoured by him at the moment despite his outrageous lies and it's very hard to tolerate.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 3
Has anyone been a stay at home mum and tgen gotten divorced? What did you do? Im worried that my husband has said things to me while drunk that are sober thoughts and it seems like heā€™s not as happy with me as he makes out but I left my job last year to stay home with the kids. Now Iā€™m worried that If he doesnā€™t want to stay with me how do I restart with no job and barely any savingsā€¦
 
  • Heart
Reactions: 1
Has anyone been a stay at home mum and tgen gotten divorced? What did you do? Im worried that my husband has said things to me while drunk that are sober thoughts and it seems like heā€™s not as happy with me as he makes out but I left my job last year to stay home with the kids. Now Iā€™m worried that If he doesnā€™t want to stay with me how do I restart with no job and barely any savingsā€¦
I was a stay at home mum, I got a job last year when my husband left the first time, itā€™s just 10 hours a week as I have a 2 and 4 year old. (18months at the time) the money is for me too have my own spending money and he canā€™t comment on clothes and nights out etc. itā€™s not easy, my husband threatens money against me almost daily and last week cut us off but appariently re instated the bills?! Iā€™m not sure what to believe. The solicitors are confident we will be looked after fine but it does worry me I have no savings and things like holidays wonā€™t happen again. Iā€™ve probably not helped but if thereā€™s anything specific you want to know I try and help? Iā€™ve had some amazing help and advice from the solicitors in this process
 
FINALLY exchanged form E this week, months late due to him dragging his heels! What happens now?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
FINALLY exchanged form E this week, months late due to him dragging his heels! What happens now?
If you're as unlucky as me, sweet f all for the next 10 months.

If your ex is more sensisible than mine, it could be straightforward from here. An agreement is decided on and it is heard in court (you don't have to be there, it's not the same as settling in court). It can take approx 3 months to get to that point I think. You then get 56 days to complete, then a few weeks later you get. your Decree Absolute.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1