I don’t know
- Status
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Which is fine, except when you're specifically visiting a theme park to review it for a YouTube channel. It's like sending Fiasco solo to do a restaurant review when the first thing out of his mouth (every time) is: "As you guys probably know, I don't like cheese".
I had the same debate with myself. I decided to cancel ... at least for now. With $900K in debt (and climbing with interest), I just have zero confidence that the money is being managed appropriately -- it's my understanding that the DIS is all Pete - and John isn't/hasn't been involved on that end. They have nearly 3,000 patreons and, if you assume everyone is at the $5 level (I'm sure some give more) - they're pulling in $15K per month and $180K per year .... and yet Craig and Ryno have talked about the difficulty of getting reimbursed for legitimate business expenses. I refuse to fund Pete's ridiculous lifestyle. And to be honest I'd contemplated canceling even before all of this because all Pete's lip smacking and chewing sounds on the after show and solo show (which is basically all that's on patreon these days) drives me up a wall. I'm open to rejoining if they cut ties with him and start creating some interesting content. Reminder that the DIS bills for the whole month up front and Aug 1st is coming up so if you wanted to cancel, now would be the time. But no judgment either way.I’m completely embarrassed and equally disappointed in myself that I missed all of this over the last week or so. And I have been a Patreon for quite some time as I did enjoy Pete’s rants about Bob Chapek. Now, I’m wondering who is benefiting from the Patreon income? I want to stop my subscription but I am also torn with wanting to support what comes next. Don’t judge me…
@The Mando If I’m being honest, I wasn’t a fan back when you started with Pete. But you won me over with your approachability. Wishing you nothing but happiness, peace, and success.I don’t know
---
Thank you for this! Great analysis! I’m going to pause it for now. Appreciate the perspective.I had the same debate with myself. I decided to cancel ... at least for now. With $900K in debt (and climbing with interest), I just have zero confidence that the money is being managed appropriately -- it's my understanding that the DIS is all Pete - and John isn't/hasn't been involved on that end. They have nearly 3,000 patreons and, if you assume everyone is at the $5 level (I'm sure some give more) - they're pulling in $15K per month and $180K per year .... and yet Craig and Ryno have talked about the difficulty of getting reimbursed for legitimate business expenses. I refuse to fund Pete's ridiculous lifestyle. And to be honest I'd contemplated canceling even before all of this because all Pete's lip smacking and chewing sounds on the after show and solo show (which is basically all that's on patreon these days) drives me up a wall. I'm open to rejoining if they cut ties with him and start creating some interesting content. Reminder that the DIS bills for the whole month up front and Aug 1st is coming up so if you wanted to cancel, now would be the time. But no judgment either way.
Are you available to analyze other financial decisions/mistakes for me because I could use some help…
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I'll give you the Dis Unplugged certified guide to proper finances:Are you available to analyze other financial decisions/mistakes for me because I could use some help…
Buy numerous DVC contacts and finance them through Monera, using the no credit check feature and putting down the lowest payment possible. They go up in value so you'll be fine!
Stay in the most expensive concierge-level staterooms on the cruise ship and buy $5000 drinks for the content. The 1,000 views you get on the subsequent video review will make up for the cost.
Hire people you're attracted to to run your business. As we all know, the people we want to frick improve your company's morale exponentially. Make them do things for your YouTube channel that they're clearly not good at and start side businesses with them, then sell your share of the business when they inevitably leave you. Big profits!
The best trick: open a new business credit card and just don't pay it off. Your business will just file a lawsuit against the credit card company and nobody will ever find out how poor you actually are. Huge win!
I mean - if he doesn't ride big coasters - that's what, 3 rides at Universal he won't ride? I don't find that to be a big deal honestly.
Haha. Thanks. I realized that I forgot to factor in that Patreon takes a cut so they don't take home all of that ... but the principle remains.Thank you for this! Great analysis! I’m going to pause it for now. Appreciate the perspective.
Are you available to analyze other financial decisions/mistakes for me because I could use some help…
Part 3
I wasn’t exactly sure where to start with Part 3 of my story. But I do have a general outline. I left off in May of 2013. Myself, Pete, Craig, and Shaun went on a 3 week Hawaii / Alaskan Cruise / ABD Backstage Magic trip that went from trip of a lifetime to literal nightmare. While I have some wonderful memories from that trip, (including a fun video of me doing a chocolate tasting at Palo aboard the Wonder) Most of it is forgotten to what would follow. Yet again, this formative moment would set the stage for what’s to come.
I plan to cover the remainder of my stint with The DIS from May 2013 to November 2015. A LOT happened in this time, so I hope you’re all ready for a small novel. I still won’t even be able to hit every nook and cranny. I’ve been working on this for a while and I hope it’s worth it. BTW Part 4 will cover me moving back to Virginia, ALMOST moving back to Florida, getting married, and eventually moving to New York. But part 3 (spanning as much time as it will) will not be covered in a detailed time lime. However, It’s all about tone. It’s about how the tone of the relationship started, evolved, and ended.
I’ll start by sharing an actual email exchange between myself and Pete. Please understand this is from back in July of 2013. I’m 4 months into working with The DIS. Pete’s personal friend from New Jersey, Kevin, is living with him and playing into Pete’s crush on me. Pete has not yet revealed to me that he has feelings for me.
A few days before this, my car, while parked, was totaled by a drunk driver when it was parked on Pete’s street. Pete decided to take me out car hunting. After a decent day of shopping around, I bought a car at CarMax. I was very appreciative that Pete helped me out during that process. After the ordeal, we were discussing the upcoming Live Video version of the DIS Unplugged while sitting in his office. We came to a point where we decided we would need an associate producer to help out. This role would eventually go to Craig. Initially I recommended my friend / roommate that I was living with at the time. Apparently, I had also thought he’d be a good fit for the company over the phone a bit earlier too. I’m leaving him anonymous at the moment.
Additionally that night, myself and my roommate had plans (before the car shopping had been decided.) After hours and hours of car shopping, talking shop about the video show, and talking about personal stuff (probably with Kevin in the room) I decided to wrap things up and head out for the night and go to what was already planned with my roommate. Please remember at this point, no feelings had been discussed. I’m simply an employee who works from home. Pete writes me this in response to me leaving “early”...
On Jul 13, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Peter Werner wrote:
Hey Dustin,
I have something that's been weighing on me the last few days that I feel I need to address with you.
Its becoming apparent to me that this job is creating issues for you with [Roommate.] I can't say I completely understand it, but its not my place to understand. I'm only telling you what I see and I feel I need to nip this in the bud now. I think I understand better why you were hinting about a job for him last Tuesday on the phone, and why you put him forward for a job when you were here on Wednesday. Tonight just kind of confirmed it for me. I understand that your life at home might be easier if I gave [Roommate] a job here. I understand you enjoy working with him. But let me be very clear – I have no plans or intentions of hiring [Roommate.] If you harbor any thoughts of that, let this put it to rest now.
By the same token, I don't want this job to be the source of consternation or discord in your friendship with [Roommate.] While I feel I told you honestly about the time demands the job has when I first hired you, I understand that it can be much different in practice than in theory.
You've gotten a good look at the job here over the last four months. You have an idea of what kind of time demands are required – the travel schedule, the pressure filled events, the brainstorming sessions. While that schedule will vary and not always be so hectic – we are embarking on a major project with the video version of the show. That will end up being one of the biggest, and potentially one of the most important projects that the company has ever taken on. That will mean that it will be stressful, and it will be time consuming. And I'm beginning to think that it might cause problems for you in other areas of your life and I simply don't want to see that happen.
Knowing what you know about the job – I need you to make a decision. Are you up to this? If the answer is no, I will respect that. But I have to have someone on board who can handle it, and I need you to respect me enough to tell me if this isn't going to work. If you think that this might not be the right fit for you – this is your get out of jail free card. I will keep you onboard until you find something else, I don't want to see anything bad happen and if a transition needs to be made, I will go out of my way to make it painless and amicable and we'll part friends. You have my word on that.
However, if you choose to stay you need to clearly understand what my expectations are. As much as I like [Roommate] (and I sincerely do), I can't consider him when looking at what work needs to be done and when that work needs to get done. We are not going to have much face time before September – several aspects of this project are no where near ready and I'm already concerned that we will not be set up for a January launch. Whatever time we do have together between now and then needs to be focused as much as possible on this project. In addition to this there's the show we're currently doing, the shows we're planning to do, and the video we need to produce for the site. The next several months will be difficult and time consuming. I need you to understand that now and in no uncertain terms.
I need you to consider all of this carefully before we move forward any further. I'd like you take the weekend, carefully consider this and let me know what you decide on Monday.
Pete
To which I responded…
On Jul 14, 2012, at 4:37 PM, Dustin West wrote:
Hi Pete,
I'm glad you sent me this email. I have thought about what you said in depth. The simple fact of the matter is that this job is not causing issues with [Roommate] and I. I spoke with him last night at great length. He's happy for and supportive of me. And being that he was a major catalyst in in my move down to Florida, he would never do anything to jeopardize this opportunity. I do apologize that this affected our evening last night. It was rude of me to leave after all you did for me yesterday.
As far as the thing I said about hiring [Roommate], I agree with you 100%. As I mentioned earlier, I realize now that the thought behind that came from my "do it on the cheap and with the people you know college attitude." Having resources and someone like you who can find extraordinarily talented people is a new experience for me. I have to adapt in many ways and that is is one of them.
The job is demanding. You made that very clear to me in the beginning. I finding that that is one of the most exciting things about it. I do have to learn how to handle my stress a little better moving forward. But let me be very clear on this, [Roommate] is not a cause of stress for me. I think most of it comes from this being a very transitional period in my life. The new job, the new car, etc. I've never had so much thrown at me at once. But when it comes down to it I will get the job done.
I've never been more excited about anything in my life than the project we're working on right now. I'm completely up to the task of making this happen. Nothing will get in my way of making this happen. Your answer is Yes, I want to be with this company and move forward with this project. This is the project of a lifetime for you, the people around you, the company, and I can't even believe I have the chance to be a part of it. Im so excited about the video project and want to make it very clear that nothing will get in my way, and I will see it through.
Now moving on. We need to be working on this as much as possible. I agree that at the pace we are going we might not hit the January launch. I'm going to start thinking about ways to make that happen and get back to you.
~ Dustin
I regret saying that my roommate was “not up to the task.” He definitely was. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for him more, but thank God he didn’t get dragged into this mess firsthand. Shortly after this exchange, Pete would go on to offer him the job, one that I talked him out of, not that he needed much convincing.
I’ve presented to you the unedited emails of an exchange between a boss and his very recent hire who is young, moldable, and obviously very eager. We’re already having personal conversations at this point. But this, in my opinion, has already crossed a boundary. As a manager and boss now, to way more employees than Pete has ever had, I would never do this. It is on the employee to communicate their satisfaction in the workplace. If I ever had concerns about performance, I’d have a very well documented discussion regarding the matter. All of this was behind closed doors, insinuating at my personal feelings and biases, and assuming my personal life would get in the way of my professional performance. This alone would be an HR nightmare in my current role.
But of course, this one email exchange is only a taste of the beginning. I wish I could share more like this, but, unfortunately the vast majority of our communication was through text or company email, which I no longer have access to. I have a handful of personal emails. Usually, it was because we broke up or he fired me or both. This would often result in the personal email address being used.
I feel I cannot adequately tell you how interconnected my career, and our relationship was. At least 5 times, I would reach my boiling point and say that the relationship was over. This led to either him dangling my job over me, begging, saying we’ll go to therapy, please don’t leave, etc.. Or, it led to me caring more about myself than the job and just leaving everything behind. Either way, it was a known factor that I would never be given the true opportunity to have this job without having this relationship.
What’s crazy in those moments, is how incredibly amazing he was at painting himself as the victim. Everything bad was happening to HIM. Never once was a shred of thought or feeling given to what might be going on with me. He never truly cared what was happening to me. He might have said he loved me, or he cared about my personal well-being or happiness. But, you read the email. From the very beginning, it was a manipulation to make sure there was some sort of power over me. To make it clear that the job comes first, and ultimately, that HE comes first.
Now, I’m sure that there’s mountains of proof in the form of other emails that show me crawling right back into it. But again, he’s helped create a world where I’m isolated physically and emotionally from my friends and family. He’s literally all I have to fall back on in my mind. You know what’s weird, in the last several years, I’ve come to really appreciate watching documentaries on cult leaders. I’m by no means saying that Pete’s on the same level as a cult leader. I’m just saying that when I watch those films, I realize how easy it is for some of the brightest, smartest people fall under the spell. They isolate themselves from everyone they love. They become part of a “greater purpose,” and they can’t see anything else in the world. It’s kind of scary, but I think I relate most to those people.
Where did we leave off. I’ll give you the timeline now so that we can stay consistent. Again, all of this may not be 100% accurate. But I’m piecing it together with what little information I still have at my disposal. Of course, I include this timeline not only to help me remember what happened, but also to show how much travel we were doing. I’ll comment under the sections that stick out to me and are somewhat relevant.
June 2013
October 2013
January 2014
February 2014
June 2014
August 2014
September 2014
December 2014
January 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
I told my family and friends and it never sat right with them. I was missing out on spending true quality time with friends and family. Pete had gotten to the point where he was guilting me into staying the night at his house (the one true escape before this was being able to go home.) And finally, Pete got to where he wasn’t satisfied sexually with me and wanted to try some things I was not comfortable with.
In all my misery, I was able to close my eyes and pretend something much more desirable was happening. Not anymore. The scale had reached the tipping point. None of this was worth it. I’m sad that tipping point didn’t come sooner, but again, I was under constant threat of my entire livelihood, my dream being upended.
Someday soon after this in September I walk into his office. He knew something was up. And I just said that I can’t do it anymore. I stood my ground saying that there’s nothing left in the relationship, I have no feelings for him, and I can’t work at this job anymore because he will constantly use it as a bargaining chip. I didn’t back down. And I went home. Just like when I made my way to LAX, I felt freedom.
After all the initial instances of him taking advantage of me or touching me inappropriately, everything else became a slow build. He could just as easily say (and I’m sure he will) that I agreed to all of this, or I led him on. But underneath it all is the emotional manipulation of a master. Remember, it always comes back to tone. I’ll leave you with yet another email exchange after I finally left him. We had gone back and forth for a few months about whether I would return to the company. But I never gave in.
On Nov 20, 2015, at 9:42 AM, Peter Werner wrote:
Dustin,
I’ll never be able to fully express how hurt I am that you left Orlando without saying goodbye. Without trying to leave with at least a shred of positive energy between us. There are things I wanted to say to you last night that I wasn’t given the opportunity to say, so I’ll put them here.
We’ve been over all the hows and why’s of what’s gone on. We both know the truth, even if you don’t want to admit it. The bad thing about knowing the truth is you can never escape it. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, no matter what you do, it will always be there. I fear in the coming months, things will be much harder for you before they get better. I know you never wanted to go back to Virginia, and I only wish you had made an attempt at trying to find an alternative. You never even sent out a resume, you just gave up. I know that you’ve been crippled by confusion, fear and self confidence. But I want you to know something. Everything I told you about what I saw was true. You have a gift – you have real talent. You are a natural leader when you get out of your own way. You are incredibly intelligent. You have a heart like few others. You are contemplative and creative. When its allowed to be unrestricted by fear, its wonderful to be in the presence of your heart. I know the feeling like few others do or ever will. Its what I miss the most. The warmth of that. In so many ways you made my life better, and my life is a lesser place without you in it. I’m angry and hurt that you took that away.
There is no way back from this for us. Certainly not for a relationship, and most likely not for a friendship either. The hurt and destruction have been too great. While I will forgive what’s happened eventually, I can never forget it. I know you feel that because I’ve let others back in my life that the same will happen here. However, no one has ever hurt me like this before. There will be a day where you will see clearly how hurtful and selfish you’ve truly been here. You will see clearly how you blamed me because immaturity wouldn’t allow you to take responsibility. You haven’t learned yet that actions have consequences. But you will – and those lessons will continue to be destructive and remarkably painful until you learn them well.
I will always love you Dustin. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life. I will be forever grateful that we got to share the amazing experiences, the shared passion and the remarkable connection that defined our relationship. I will never regret it, but I will learn well from the pain. That I can never let anything like this into my life again – not like this. I have to eventually come to terms that I deserve better than what I accept. That I’m worth more than I think I am. That’s the work that’s in front of me now. Again, this relationship may well be the catalyst that propels me through the issue I’ve struggled with all my life. Right now, it feels as though its insurmountable, but I know I have the strength to walk through it. I also know you have the strength to face your challenges as well. You think you don’t, but you do. It’s in there, you’re going to have to fight like hell to get a hold of it, but don’t give up.
I wish nothing but the very best for you – I mean that sincerely. I want you to find joy, love, success, happiness and truth. I have prayed for that every day since this all started. Please take care of yourself.
With all my love,
Pete
Well, He got his wish. I found joy, love, success, happiness, and truth. I’ll talk more about that in part 4. All that talk about fear? He was right; but what I was afraid of was HIM. And did he ever do the work laid out in front of him, I wonder? Clearly he never let anything like this back in his life again, right?
---
It's weird, It looks like my post of Part 3 disappeared....
I wasn’t exactly sure where to start with Part 3 of my story. But I do have a general outline. I left off in May of 2013. Myself, Pete, Craig, and Shaun went on a 3 week Hawaii / Alaskan Cruise / ABD Backstage Magic trip that went from trip of a lifetime to literal nightmare. While I have some wonderful memories from that trip, (including a fun video of me doing a chocolate tasting at Palo aboard the Wonder) Most of it is forgotten to what would follow. Yet again, this formative moment would set the stage for what’s to come.
I plan to cover the remainder of my stint with The DIS from May 2013 to November 2015. A LOT happened in this time, so I hope you’re all ready for a small novel. I still won’t even be able to hit every nook and cranny. I’ve been working on this for a while and I hope it’s worth it. BTW Part 4 will cover me moving back to Virginia, ALMOST moving back to Florida, getting married, and eventually moving to New York. But part 3 (spanning as much time as it will) will not be covered in a detailed time lime. However, It’s all about tone. It’s about how the tone of the relationship started, evolved, and ended.
I’ll start by sharing an actual email exchange between myself and Pete. Please understand this is from back in July of 2013. I’m 4 months into working with The DIS. Pete’s personal friend from New Jersey, Kevin, is living with him and playing into Pete’s crush on me. Pete has not yet revealed to me that he has feelings for me.
A few days before this, my car, while parked, was totaled by a drunk driver when it was parked on Pete’s street. Pete decided to take me out car hunting. After a decent day of shopping around, I bought a car at CarMax. I was very appreciative that Pete helped me out during that process. After the ordeal, we were discussing the upcoming Live Video version of the DIS Unplugged while sitting in his office. We came to a point where we decided we would need an associate producer to help out. This role would eventually go to Craig. Initially I recommended my friend / roommate that I was living with at the time. Apparently, I had also thought he’d be a good fit for the company over the phone a bit earlier too. I’m leaving him anonymous at the moment.
Additionally that night, myself and my roommate had plans (before the car shopping had been decided.) After hours and hours of car shopping, talking shop about the video show, and talking about personal stuff (probably with Kevin in the room) I decided to wrap things up and head out for the night and go to what was already planned with my roommate. Please remember at this point, no feelings had been discussed. I’m simply an employee who works from home. Pete writes me this in response to me leaving “early”...
On Jul 13, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Peter Werner wrote:
Hey Dustin,
I have something that's been weighing on me the last few days that I feel I need to address with you.
Its becoming apparent to me that this job is creating issues for you with [Roommate.] I can't say I completely understand it, but its not my place to understand. I'm only telling you what I see and I feel I need to nip this in the bud now. I think I understand better why you were hinting about a job for him last Tuesday on the phone, and why you put him forward for a job when you were here on Wednesday. Tonight just kind of confirmed it for me. I understand that your life at home might be easier if I gave [Roommate] a job here. I understand you enjoy working with him. But let me be very clear – I have no plans or intentions of hiring [Roommate.] If you harbor any thoughts of that, let this put it to rest now.
By the same token, I don't want this job to be the source of consternation or discord in your friendship with [Roommate.] While I feel I told you honestly about the time demands the job has when I first hired you, I understand that it can be much different in practice than in theory.
You've gotten a good look at the job here over the last four months. You have an idea of what kind of time demands are required – the travel schedule, the pressure filled events, the brainstorming sessions. While that schedule will vary and not always be so hectic – we are embarking on a major project with the video version of the show. That will end up being one of the biggest, and potentially one of the most important projects that the company has ever taken on. That will mean that it will be stressful, and it will be time consuming. And I'm beginning to think that it might cause problems for you in other areas of your life and I simply don't want to see that happen.
Knowing what you know about the job – I need you to make a decision. Are you up to this? If the answer is no, I will respect that. But I have to have someone on board who can handle it, and I need you to respect me enough to tell me if this isn't going to work. If you think that this might not be the right fit for you – this is your get out of jail free card. I will keep you onboard until you find something else, I don't want to see anything bad happen and if a transition needs to be made, I will go out of my way to make it painless and amicable and we'll part friends. You have my word on that.
However, if you choose to stay you need to clearly understand what my expectations are. As much as I like [Roommate] (and I sincerely do), I can't consider him when looking at what work needs to be done and when that work needs to get done. We are not going to have much face time before September – several aspects of this project are no where near ready and I'm already concerned that we will not be set up for a January launch. Whatever time we do have together between now and then needs to be focused as much as possible on this project. In addition to this there's the show we're currently doing, the shows we're planning to do, and the video we need to produce for the site. The next several months will be difficult and time consuming. I need you to understand that now and in no uncertain terms.
I need you to consider all of this carefully before we move forward any further. I'd like you take the weekend, carefully consider this and let me know what you decide on Monday.
Pete
To which I responded…
On Jul 14, 2012, at 4:37 PM, Dustin West wrote:
Hi Pete,
I'm glad you sent me this email. I have thought about what you said in depth. The simple fact of the matter is that this job is not causing issues with [Roommate] and I. I spoke with him last night at great length. He's happy for and supportive of me. And being that he was a major catalyst in in my move down to Florida, he would never do anything to jeopardize this opportunity. I do apologize that this affected our evening last night. It was rude of me to leave after all you did for me yesterday.
As far as the thing I said about hiring [Roommate], I agree with you 100%. As I mentioned earlier, I realize now that the thought behind that came from my "do it on the cheap and with the people you know college attitude." Having resources and someone like you who can find extraordinarily talented people is a new experience for me. I have to adapt in many ways and that is is one of them.
The job is demanding. You made that very clear to me in the beginning. I finding that that is one of the most exciting things about it. I do have to learn how to handle my stress a little better moving forward. But let me be very clear on this, [Roommate] is not a cause of stress for me. I think most of it comes from this being a very transitional period in my life. The new job, the new car, etc. I've never had so much thrown at me at once. But when it comes down to it I will get the job done.
I've never been more excited about anything in my life than the project we're working on right now. I'm completely up to the task of making this happen. Nothing will get in my way of making this happen. Your answer is Yes, I want to be with this company and move forward with this project. This is the project of a lifetime for you, the people around you, the company, and I can't even believe I have the chance to be a part of it. Im so excited about the video project and want to make it very clear that nothing will get in my way, and I will see it through.
Now moving on. We need to be working on this as much as possible. I agree that at the pace we are going we might not hit the January launch. I'm going to start thinking about ways to make that happen and get back to you.
~ Dustin
I regret saying that my roommate was “not up to the task.” He definitely was. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for him more, but thank God he didn’t get dragged into this mess firsthand. Shortly after this exchange, Pete would go on to offer him the job, one that I talked him out of, not that he needed much convincing.
I’ve presented to you the unedited emails of an exchange between a boss and his very recent hire who is young, moldable, and obviously very eager. We’re already having personal conversations at this point. But this, in my opinion, has already crossed a boundary. As a manager and boss now, to way more employees than Pete has ever had, I would never do this. It is on the employee to communicate their satisfaction in the workplace. If I ever had concerns about performance, I’d have a very well documented discussion regarding the matter. All of this was behind closed doors, insinuating at my personal feelings and biases, and assuming my personal life would get in the way of my professional performance. This alone would be an HR nightmare in my current role.
But of course, this one email exchange is only a taste of the beginning. I wish I could share more like this, but, unfortunately the vast majority of our communication was through text or company email, which I no longer have access to. I have a handful of personal emails. Usually, it was because we broke up or he fired me or both. This would often result in the personal email address being used.
I feel I cannot adequately tell you how interconnected my career, and our relationship was. At least 5 times, I would reach my boiling point and say that the relationship was over. This led to either him dangling my job over me, begging, saying we’ll go to therapy, please don’t leave, etc.. Or, it led to me caring more about myself than the job and just leaving everything behind. Either way, it was a known factor that I would never be given the true opportunity to have this job without having this relationship.
What’s crazy in those moments, is how incredibly amazing he was at painting himself as the victim. Everything bad was happening to HIM. Never once was a shred of thought or feeling given to what might be going on with me. He never truly cared what was happening to me. He might have said he loved me, or he cared about my personal well-being or happiness. But, you read the email. From the very beginning, it was a manipulation to make sure there was some sort of power over me. To make it clear that the job comes first, and ultimately, that HE comes first.
Now, I’m sure that there’s mountains of proof in the form of other emails that show me crawling right back into it. But again, he’s helped create a world where I’m isolated physically and emotionally from my friends and family. He’s literally all I have to fall back on in my mind. You know what’s weird, in the last several years, I’ve come to really appreciate watching documentaries on cult leaders. I’m by no means saying that Pete’s on the same level as a cult leader. I’m just saying that when I watch those films, I realize how easy it is for some of the brightest, smartest people fall under the spell. They isolate themselves from everyone they love. They become part of a “greater purpose,” and they can’t see anything else in the world. It’s kind of scary, but I think I relate most to those people.
Where did we leave off. I’ll give you the timeline now so that we can stay consistent. Again, all of this may not be 100% accurate. But I’m piecing it together with what little information I still have at my disposal. Of course, I include this timeline not only to help me remember what happened, but also to show how much travel we were doing. I’ll comment under the sections that stick out to me and are somewhat relevant.
June 2013
- New England DIS Meet
- RCCL Alaskan Cruise out of Vancouver
- Disneyland Trip
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- DIS cruise 1.0 On RCCL Oasis
- Another RCCL Cruise
- Indianapolis DIS Meet
- Took trip home to VA
October 2013
- Grand Floridian Resort Hotel Review
- Delaware DIS Meet
- DISApalooza at Wizarding World / Live Recording at Boardwalk
- Disneyland Trip
- Took a Red Eye solo back to Orlando from LAX, I quit and got my job back.
- Took trip home to VA for Christmas
January 2014
February 2014
- Polynesian Resort Hotel Review
- ABD Backstage Magic with Teresa and Kathy (I think I was on this one?!?)
- Took trip home to VA (Friend’s Bachelor party)
- Dallas / Fort Worth DIS Meet
- New Jersey DIS Meet
June 2014
- Took trip home to VA (Friend’s Wedding)
- Hershey, PA DIS Meet
- RCCL Cruise Jewel of the Seas
- Another RCCL Cruise (I’m pretty sure)
- Pete Starts Recovery in AA
August 2014
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- Hawaii Island Cruise on NCL Pride of America
September 2014
- A Week in London
- Viva Italia ABD Rome / Florence / Venice
- Visited Myrtle Beach for another Friend’s Bachelor Party
- Portofino Bay Resort Hotel Review
- Delaware DIS Meet without Pete
December 2014
- Destination D Attraction Rewind at the Contemporary
- Podcast Cruise 5.0 Disney Magic
- Took trip home to VA for Christmas
January 2015
- 7 Resort in 7 Days Filming
March 2015
April 2015
- Richmond VA DIS Meet
- New Jersey DIS Meet
May 2015
- Filmed Disneyland 7 Resorts in 7 Days
- Universal Land and Sea (Enchantment of the Seas) 4 Night
- San Francisco ABD / Backstage Magic ABD / Disneyland 60th
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- I finally broke up with Pete and quit my job
I told my family and friends and it never sat right with them. I was missing out on spending true quality time with friends and family. Pete had gotten to the point where he was guilting me into staying the night at his house (the one true escape before this was being able to go home.) And finally, Pete got to where he wasn’t satisfied sexually with me and wanted to try some things I was not comfortable with.
In all my misery, I was able to close my eyes and pretend something much more desirable was happening. Not anymore. The scale had reached the tipping point. None of this was worth it. I’m sad that tipping point didn’t come sooner, but again, I was under constant threat of my entire livelihood, my dream being upended.
Someday soon after this in September I walk into his office. He knew something was up. And I just said that I can’t do it anymore. I stood my ground saying that there’s nothing left in the relationship, I have no feelings for him, and I can’t work at this job anymore because he will constantly use it as a bargaining chip. I didn’t back down. And I went home. Just like when I made my way to LAX, I felt freedom.
After all the initial instances of him taking advantage of me or touching me inappropriately, everything else became a slow build. He could just as easily say (and I’m sure he will) that I agreed to all of this, or I led him on. But underneath it all is the emotional manipulation of a master. Remember, it always comes back to tone. I’ll leave you with yet another email exchange after I finally left him. We had gone back and forth for a few months about whether I would return to the company. But I never gave in.
On Nov 20, 2015, at 9:42 AM, Peter Werner wrote:
Dustin,
I’ll never be able to fully express how hurt I am that you left Orlando without saying goodbye. Without trying to leave with at least a shred of positive energy between us. There are things I wanted to say to you last night that I wasn’t given the opportunity to say, so I’ll put them here.
We’ve been over all the hows and why’s of what’s gone on. We both know the truth, even if you don’t want to admit it. The bad thing about knowing the truth is you can never escape it. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, no matter what you do, it will always be there. I fear in the coming months, things will be much harder for you before they get better. I know you never wanted to go back to Virginia, and I only wish you had made an attempt at trying to find an alternative. You never even sent out a resume, you just gave up. I know that you’ve been crippled by confusion, fear and self confidence. But I want you to know something. Everything I told you about what I saw was true. You have a gift – you have real talent. You are a natural leader when you get out of your own way. You are incredibly intelligent. You have a heart like few others. You are contemplative and creative. When its allowed to be unrestricted by fear, its wonderful to be in the presence of your heart. I know the feeling like few others do or ever will. Its what I miss the most. The warmth of that. In so many ways you made my life better, and my life is a lesser place without you in it. I’m angry and hurt that you took that away.
There is no way back from this for us. Certainly not for a relationship, and most likely not for a friendship either. The hurt and destruction have been too great. While I will forgive what’s happened eventually, I can never forget it. I know you feel that because I’ve let others back in my life that the same will happen here. However, no one has ever hurt me like this before. There will be a day where you will see clearly how hurtful and selfish you’ve truly been here. You will see clearly how you blamed me because immaturity wouldn’t allow you to take responsibility. You haven’t learned yet that actions have consequences. But you will – and those lessons will continue to be destructive and remarkably painful until you learn them well.
I will always love you Dustin. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life. I will be forever grateful that we got to share the amazing experiences, the shared passion and the remarkable connection that defined our relationship. I will never regret it, but I will learn well from the pain. That I can never let anything like this into my life again – not like this. I have to eventually come to terms that I deserve better than what I accept. That I’m worth more than I think I am. That’s the work that’s in front of me now. Again, this relationship may well be the catalyst that propels me through the issue I’ve struggled with all my life. Right now, it feels as though its insurmountable, but I know I have the strength to walk through it. I also know you have the strength to face your challenges as well. You think you don’t, but you do. It’s in there, you’re going to have to fight like hell to get a hold of it, but don’t give up.
I wish nothing but the very best for you – I mean that sincerely. I want you to find joy, love, success, happiness and truth. I have prayed for that every day since this all started. Please take care of yourself.
With all my love,
Pete
Well, He got his wish. I found joy, love, success, happiness, and truth. I’ll talk more about that in part 4. All that talk about fear? He was right; but what I was afraid of was HIM. And did he ever do the work laid out in front of him, I wonder? Clearly he never let anything like this back in his life again, right?
Haha just a typo when copying the header, will correct, thanks
---
It's weird, It looks like my post of Part 3 disappeared....
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Totally understand, but it sort of goes hand-in-hand with his aversion to actually sleeping IN the beds when he does a hotel review (but laying on the questionably clean carpet way UNDER the bed seems ok). It's like reaching into the tool box for a hammer, pulling out a wrench, and proceeding to whack nails with it.
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Eh, you can feel devastated for Dustin and still happy your own work situation is improving. I wasn't a huge fan of the aftershow (I thought it was annoying more than anything), but it's clear they were excited for the DL trip, the move to the new studio, and so on.
I doubt Craig and Ryno knew about Dustin's situation at the time, but they probably learned something about it since. Pete's weird hiring practices were visible to fans of the show, I'm sure the people who were literally working out of his house understood some of the things that were going on. The fact that Dustin married a woman after his "relationship" with Pete had to have been a signal that something was off about all that in the first place.
So yeah, I think the crew that knew Dustin has probably known something about his story (though not the full extent) for some time, and they probably already processed it.
Has all that not happened since Nov 2025 is in the future??? ( not sure what year you meant. just a heads up)
@justthisonce I did happen to read all of Part 3 before it disappread, and need you to know that I think putting all of this intimate information out there is very brave and compelling. All of it is evidence of Pete being a master manipulator and how very strong willed people can still be convinced to stay at something they don't feel is proper for a long time. I'm glad you got out and I am glad that speaking up has seemed to make some important changes happen.
Part 3
I wasn’t exactly sure where to start with part 3 of my story. But I do have a general outline. I left off in May of 2013. Myself, Pete, Craig, and Shaun went on a 3 week Hawaii / Alaskan Cruise / ABD Backstage Magic trip that went from trip of a lifetime to literal nightmare. While I have some wonderful memories from that trip, (including a fun video of me doing a chocolate tasting at Palo aboard the Wonder) Most of it is forgotten to what would follow. Yet again, this formative moment would set the stage for what’s to come.
I plan to cover the remainder of my stint with The DIS from May 2013 to November 2015. A LOT happened in this time, so I hope you’re all ready for a small novel. I still won’t even be able to hit every nook and cranny. I’ve been working on this for a while and I hope it’s worth it. BTW Part 4 will cover me moving back to Virginia, ALMOST moving back to Florida, getting married, and eventually moving to New York. But part 3 (spanning as much time as it will) will not be covered in a detailed time lime. However, It’s all about tone. It’s about how the tone of the relationship started, evolved, and ended.
I’ll start by sharing an actual email exchange between myself and Pete. Please understand this is from back in July of 2013. I’m 4 months into working with The DIS. Pete’s personal friend from New Jersey, Kevin, is living with him and playing into Pete’s crush on me. Pete has not yet revealed to me that he has feelings for me.
A few days before this, my car, while parked, was totaled by a drunk driver when it was parked on Pete’s street. Pete decided to take me out car hunting. After a decent day of shopping around, I bought a car at CarMax. I was very appreciative that Pete helped me out during that process. After the ordeal, we were discussing the upcoming Live Video version of the DIS Unplugged while sitting in his office. We came to a point where we decided we would need an associate producer to help out. This role would eventually go to Craig. Initially I recommended my friend / roommate that I was living with at the time. Apparently, I had also thought he’d be a good fit for the company over the phone a bit earlier too. I’m leaving him anonymous at the moment.
Additionally that night, myself and my roommate had plans (before the car shopping had been decided.) After hours and hours of car shopping, talking shop about the video show, and talking about personal stuff (probably with Kevin in the room) I decided to wrap things up and head out for the night and go to what was already planned with my roommate. Please remember at this point, no feelings had been discussed. I’m simply an employee who works from home. Pete writes me this in response to me leaving “early”...
On Jul 13, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Peter Werner wrote:
Hey Dustin,
I have something that's been weighing on me the last few days that I feel I need to address with you.
Its becoming apparent to me that this job is creating issues for you with [Roommate.] I can't say I completely understand it, but its not my place to understand. I'm only telling you what I see and I feel I need to nip this in the bud now. I think I understand better why you were hinting about a job for him last Tuesday on the phone, and why you put him forward for a job when you were here on Wednesday. Tonight just kind of confirmed it for me. I understand that your life at home might be easier if I gave [Roommate] a job here. I understand you enjoy working with him. But let me be very clear – I have no plans or intentions of hiring [Roommate.] If you harbor any thoughts of that, let this put it to rest now.
By the same token, I don't want this job to be the source of consternation or discord in your friendship with [Roommate.] While I feel I told you honestly about the time demands the job has when I first hired you, I understand that it can be much different in practice than in theory.
You've gotten a good look at the job here over the last four months. You have an idea of what kind of time demands are required – the travel schedule, the pressure filled events, the brainstorming sessions. While that schedule will vary and not always be so hectic – we are embarking on a major project with the video version of the show. That will end up being one of the biggest, and potentially one of the most important projects that the company has ever taken on. That will mean that it will be stressful, and it will be time consuming. And I'm beginning to think that it might cause problems for you in other areas of your life and I simply don't want to see that happen.
Knowing what you know about the job – I need you to make a decision. Are you up to this? If the answer is no, I will respect that. But I have to have someone on board who can handle it, and I need you to respect me enough to tell me if this isn't going to work. If you think that this might not be the right fit for you – this is your get out of jail free card. I will keep you onboard until you find something else, I don't want to see anything bad happen and if a transition needs to be made, I will go out of my way to make it painless and amicable and we'll part friends. You have my word on that.
However, if you choose to stay you need to clearly understand what my expectations are. As much as I like [Roommate] (and I sincerely do), I can't consider him when looking at what work needs to be done and when that work needs to get done. We are not going to have much face time before September – several aspects of this project are no where near ready and I'm already concerned that we will not be set up for a January launch. Whatever time we do have together between now and then needs to be focused as much as possible on this project. In addition to this there's the show we're currently doing, the shows we're planning to do, and the video we need to produce for the site. The next several months will be difficult and time consuming. I need you to understand that now and in no uncertain terms.
I need you to consider all of this carefully before we move forward any further. I'd like you take the weekend, carefully consider this and let me know what you decide on Monday.
Pete
To which I responded…
On Jul 14, 2012, at 4:37 PM, Dustin West wrote:
Hi Pete,
I'm glad you sent me this email. I have thought about what you said in depth. The simple fact of the matter is that this job is not causing issues with [Roommate] and I. I spoke with him last night at great length. He's happy for and supportive of me. And being that he was a major catalyst in in my move down to Florida, he would never do anything to jeopardize this opportunity. I do apologize that this affected our evening last night. It was rude of me to leave after all you did for me yesterday.
As far as the thing I said about hiring [Roommate], I agree with you 100%. As I mentioned earlier, I realize now that the thought behind that came from my "do it on the cheap and with the people you know college attitude." Having resources and someone like you who can find extraordinarily talented people is a new experience for me. I have to adapt in many ways and that is is one of them.
The job is demanding. You made that very clear to me in the beginning. I finding that that is one of the most exciting things about it. I do have to learn how to handle my stress a little better moving forward. But let me be very clear on this, [Roommate] is not a cause of stress for me. I think most of it comes from this being a very transitional period in my life. The new job, the new car, etc. I've never had so much thrown at me at once. But when it comes down to it I will get the job done.
I've never been more excited about anything in my life than the project we're working on right now. I'm completely up to the task of making this happen. Nothing will get in my way of making this happen. Your answer is Yes, I want to be with this company and move forward with this project. This is the project of a lifetime for you, the people around you, the company, and I can't even believe I have the chance to be a part of it. Im so excited about the video project and want to make it very clear that nothing will get in my way, and I will see it through.
Now moving on. We need to be working on this as much as possible. I agree that at the pace we are going we might not hit the January launch. I'm going to start thinking about ways to make that happen and get back to you.
~ Dustin
I regret saying that my roommate was “not up to the task.” He definitely was. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for him more, but thank God he didn’t get dragged into this mess firsthand. Shortly after this exchange, Pete would go on to offer him the job, one that I talked him out of, not that he needed much convincing.
I’ve presented to you the unedited emails of an exchange between a boss and his very recent hire who is young, moldable, and obviously very eager. We’re already having personal conversations at this point. But this, in my opinion, has already crossed a boundary. As a manager and boss now, to way more employees than Pete has ever had, I would never do this. It is on the employee to communicate their satisfaction in the workplace. If I ever had concerns about performance, I’d have a very well documented discussion regarding the matter. All of this was behind closed doors, insinuating at my personal feelings and biases, and assuming my personal life would get in the way of my professional performance. This alone would be an HR nightmare in my current role.
But of course, this one email exchange is only a taste of the beginning. I wish I could share more like this, but, unfortunately the vast majority of our communication was through text or company email, which I no longer have access to. I have a handful of personal emails. Usually, it was because we broke up or he fired me or both. This would often result in the personal email address being used.
I feel I cannot adequately tell you how interconnected my career, and our relationship was. At least 5 times, I would reach my boiling point and say that the relationship was over. This led to either him dangling my job over me, begging, saying we’ll go to therapy, please don’t leave, etc.. Or, it led to me caring more about myself than the job and just leaving everything behind. Either way, it was a known factor that I would never be given the true opportunity to have this job without having this relationship.
What’s crazy in those moments, is how incredibly amazing he was at painting himself as the victim. Everything bad was happening to HIM. Never once was a shred of thought or feeling given to what might be going on with me. He never truly cared what was happening to me. He might have said he loved me, or he cared about my personal well-being or happiness. But, you read the email. From the very beginning, it was a manipulation to make sure there was some sort of power over me. To make it clear that the job comes first, and ultimately, that HE comes first.
Now, I’m sure that there’s mountains of proof in the form of other emails that show me crawling right back into it. But again, he’s helped create a world where I’m isolated physically and emotionally from my friends and family. He’s literally all I have to fall back on in my mind. You know what’s weird, in the last several years, I’ve come to really appreciate watching documentaries on cult leaders. I’m by no means saying that Pete’s on the same level as a cult leader. I’m just saying that when I watch those films, I realize how easy it is for some of the brightest, smartest people fall under the spell. They isolate themselves from everyone they love. They become part of a “greater purpose,” and they can’t see anything else in the world. It’s kind of scary, but I think I relate most to those people.
Where did we leave off. I’ll give you the timeline now so that we can stay consistent. Again, all of this may not be 100% accurate. But I’m piecing it together with what little information I still have at my disposal. Of course, I include this timeline not only to help me remember what happened, but also to show how much travel we were doing. I’ll comment under the sections that stick out to me and are somewhat relevant.
June 2013
October 2013
January 2014
February 2014
June 2014
August 2014
September 2014
December 2014
January 2015
March 2015
April 2015
May 2015
I told my family and friends and it never sat right with them. I was missing out on spending true quality time with friends and family. Pete had gotten to the point where he was guilting me into staying the night at his house (the one true escape before this was being able to go home.) And finally, Pete got to where he wasn’t satisfied sexually with me and wanted to try some things I was not comfortable with.
In all my misery, I was able to close my eyes and pretend something much more desirable was happening. Not anymore. The scale had reached the tipping point. None of this was worth it. I’m sad that tipping point didn’t come sooner, but again, I was under constant threat of my entire livelihood, my dream being upended.
Someday soon after this in September I walk into his office. He knew something was up. And I just said that I can’t do it anymore. I stood my ground saying that there’s nothing left in the relationship, I have no feelings for him, and I can’t work at this job anymore because he will constantly use it as a bargaining chip. I didn’t back down. And I went home. Just like when I made my way to LAX, I felt freedom.
After all the initial instances of him taking advantage of me or touching me inappropriately, everything else became a slow build. He could just as easily say (and I’m sure he will) that I agreed to all of this, or I led him on. But underneath it all is the emotional manipulation of a master. Remember, it always comes back to tone. I’ll leave you with yet another email exchange after I finally left him. We had gone back and forth for a few months about whether I would return to the company. But I never gave in.
On Nov 20, 2015, at 9:42 AM, Peter Werner wrote:
Dustin,
I’ll never be able to fully express how hurt I am that you left Orlando without saying goodbye. Without trying to leave with at least a shred of positive energy between us. There are things I wanted to say to you last night that I wasn’t given the opportunity to say, so I’ll put them here.
We’ve been over all the hows and why’s of what’s gone on. We both know the truth, even if you don’t want to admit it. The bad thing about knowing the truth is you can never escape it. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, no matter what you do, it will always be there. I fear in the coming months, things will be much harder for you before they get better. I know you never wanted to go back to Virginia, and I only wish you had made an attempt at trying to find an alternative. You never even sent out a resume, you just gave up. I know that you’ve been crippled by confusion, fear and self confidence. But I want you to know something. Everything I told you about what I saw was true. You have a gift – you have real talent. You are a natural leader when you get out of your own way. You are incredibly intelligent. You have a heart like few others. You are contemplative and creative. When its allowed to be unrestricted by fear, its wonderful to be in the presence of your heart. I know the feeling like few others do or ever will. Its what I miss the most. The warmth of that. In so many ways you made my life better, and my life is a lesser place without you in it. I’m angry and hurt that you took that away.
There is no way back from this for us. Certainly not for a relationship, and most likely not for a friendship either. The hurt and destruction have been too great. While I will forgive what’s happened eventually, I can never forget it. I know you feel that because I’ve let others back in my life that the same will happen here. However, no one has ever hurt me like this before. There will be a day where you will see clearly how hurtful and selfish you’ve truly been here. You will see clearly how you blamed me because immaturity wouldn’t allow you to take responsibility. You haven’t learned yet that actions have consequences. But you will – and those lessons will continue to be destructive and remarkably painful until you learn them well.
I will always love you Dustin. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life. I will be forever grateful that we got to share the amazing experiences, the shared passion and the remarkable connection that defined our relationship. I will never regret it, but I will learn well from the pain. That I can never let anything like this into my life again – not like this. I have to eventually come to terms that I deserve better than what I accept. That I’m worth more than I think I am. That’s the work that’s in front of me now. Again, this relationship may well be the catalyst that propels me through the issue I’ve struggled with all my life. Right now, it feels as though its insurmountable, but I know I have the strength to walk through it. I also know you have the strength to face your challenges as well. You think you don’t, but you do. It’s in there, you’re going to have to fight like hell to get a hold of it, but don’t give up.
I wish nothing but the very best for you – I mean that sincerely. I want you to find joy, love, success, happiness and truth. I have prayed for that every day since this all started. Please take care of yourself.
With all my love,
Pete
Well, He got his wish. I found joy, love, success, happiness, and truth. I’ll talk more about that in part 4. All that talk about fear? He was right; but what I was afraid of was HIM. And did he ever do the work laid out in front of him, I wonder? Clearly he never let anything like this back in his life again, right?
I wasn’t exactly sure where to start with part 3 of my story. But I do have a general outline. I left off in May of 2013. Myself, Pete, Craig, and Shaun went on a 3 week Hawaii / Alaskan Cruise / ABD Backstage Magic trip that went from trip of a lifetime to literal nightmare. While I have some wonderful memories from that trip, (including a fun video of me doing a chocolate tasting at Palo aboard the Wonder) Most of it is forgotten to what would follow. Yet again, this formative moment would set the stage for what’s to come.
I plan to cover the remainder of my stint with The DIS from May 2013 to November 2015. A LOT happened in this time, so I hope you’re all ready for a small novel. I still won’t even be able to hit every nook and cranny. I’ve been working on this for a while and I hope it’s worth it. BTW Part 4 will cover me moving back to Virginia, ALMOST moving back to Florida, getting married, and eventually moving to New York. But part 3 (spanning as much time as it will) will not be covered in a detailed time lime. However, It’s all about tone. It’s about how the tone of the relationship started, evolved, and ended.
I’ll start by sharing an actual email exchange between myself and Pete. Please understand this is from back in July of 2013. I’m 4 months into working with The DIS. Pete’s personal friend from New Jersey, Kevin, is living with him and playing into Pete’s crush on me. Pete has not yet revealed to me that he has feelings for me.
A few days before this, my car, while parked, was totaled by a drunk driver when it was parked on Pete’s street. Pete decided to take me out car hunting. After a decent day of shopping around, I bought a car at CarMax. I was very appreciative that Pete helped me out during that process. After the ordeal, we were discussing the upcoming Live Video version of the DIS Unplugged while sitting in his office. We came to a point where we decided we would need an associate producer to help out. This role would eventually go to Craig. Initially I recommended my friend / roommate that I was living with at the time. Apparently, I had also thought he’d be a good fit for the company over the phone a bit earlier too. I’m leaving him anonymous at the moment.
Additionally that night, myself and my roommate had plans (before the car shopping had been decided.) After hours and hours of car shopping, talking shop about the video show, and talking about personal stuff (probably with Kevin in the room) I decided to wrap things up and head out for the night and go to what was already planned with my roommate. Please remember at this point, no feelings had been discussed. I’m simply an employee who works from home. Pete writes me this in response to me leaving “early”...
On Jul 13, 2012, at 10:35 PM, Peter Werner wrote:
Hey Dustin,
I have something that's been weighing on me the last few days that I feel I need to address with you.
Its becoming apparent to me that this job is creating issues for you with [Roommate.] I can't say I completely understand it, but its not my place to understand. I'm only telling you what I see and I feel I need to nip this in the bud now. I think I understand better why you were hinting about a job for him last Tuesday on the phone, and why you put him forward for a job when you were here on Wednesday. Tonight just kind of confirmed it for me. I understand that your life at home might be easier if I gave [Roommate] a job here. I understand you enjoy working with him. But let me be very clear – I have no plans or intentions of hiring [Roommate.] If you harbor any thoughts of that, let this put it to rest now.
By the same token, I don't want this job to be the source of consternation or discord in your friendship with [Roommate.] While I feel I told you honestly about the time demands the job has when I first hired you, I understand that it can be much different in practice than in theory.
You've gotten a good look at the job here over the last four months. You have an idea of what kind of time demands are required – the travel schedule, the pressure filled events, the brainstorming sessions. While that schedule will vary and not always be so hectic – we are embarking on a major project with the video version of the show. That will end up being one of the biggest, and potentially one of the most important projects that the company has ever taken on. That will mean that it will be stressful, and it will be time consuming. And I'm beginning to think that it might cause problems for you in other areas of your life and I simply don't want to see that happen.
Knowing what you know about the job – I need you to make a decision. Are you up to this? If the answer is no, I will respect that. But I have to have someone on board who can handle it, and I need you to respect me enough to tell me if this isn't going to work. If you think that this might not be the right fit for you – this is your get out of jail free card. I will keep you onboard until you find something else, I don't want to see anything bad happen and if a transition needs to be made, I will go out of my way to make it painless and amicable and we'll part friends. You have my word on that.
However, if you choose to stay you need to clearly understand what my expectations are. As much as I like [Roommate] (and I sincerely do), I can't consider him when looking at what work needs to be done and when that work needs to get done. We are not going to have much face time before September – several aspects of this project are no where near ready and I'm already concerned that we will not be set up for a January launch. Whatever time we do have together between now and then needs to be focused as much as possible on this project. In addition to this there's the show we're currently doing, the shows we're planning to do, and the video we need to produce for the site. The next several months will be difficult and time consuming. I need you to understand that now and in no uncertain terms.
I need you to consider all of this carefully before we move forward any further. I'd like you take the weekend, carefully consider this and let me know what you decide on Monday.
Pete
To which I responded…
On Jul 14, 2012, at 4:37 PM, Dustin West wrote:
Hi Pete,
I'm glad you sent me this email. I have thought about what you said in depth. The simple fact of the matter is that this job is not causing issues with [Roommate] and I. I spoke with him last night at great length. He's happy for and supportive of me. And being that he was a major catalyst in in my move down to Florida, he would never do anything to jeopardize this opportunity. I do apologize that this affected our evening last night. It was rude of me to leave after all you did for me yesterday.
As far as the thing I said about hiring [Roommate], I agree with you 100%. As I mentioned earlier, I realize now that the thought behind that came from my "do it on the cheap and with the people you know college attitude." Having resources and someone like you who can find extraordinarily talented people is a new experience for me. I have to adapt in many ways and that is is one of them.
The job is demanding. You made that very clear to me in the beginning. I finding that that is one of the most exciting things about it. I do have to learn how to handle my stress a little better moving forward. But let me be very clear on this, [Roommate] is not a cause of stress for me. I think most of it comes from this being a very transitional period in my life. The new job, the new car, etc. I've never had so much thrown at me at once. But when it comes down to it I will get the job done.
I've never been more excited about anything in my life than the project we're working on right now. I'm completely up to the task of making this happen. Nothing will get in my way of making this happen. Your answer is Yes, I want to be with this company and move forward with this project. This is the project of a lifetime for you, the people around you, the company, and I can't even believe I have the chance to be a part of it. Im so excited about the video project and want to make it very clear that nothing will get in my way, and I will see it through.
Now moving on. We need to be working on this as much as possible. I agree that at the pace we are going we might not hit the January launch. I'm going to start thinking about ways to make that happen and get back to you.
~ Dustin
I regret saying that my roommate was “not up to the task.” He definitely was. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for him more, but thank God he didn’t get dragged into this mess firsthand. Shortly after this exchange, Pete would go on to offer him the job, one that I talked him out of, not that he needed much convincing.
I’ve presented to you the unedited emails of an exchange between a boss and his very recent hire who is young, moldable, and obviously very eager. We’re already having personal conversations at this point. But this, in my opinion, has already crossed a boundary. As a manager and boss now, to way more employees than Pete has ever had, I would never do this. It is on the employee to communicate their satisfaction in the workplace. If I ever had concerns about performance, I’d have a very well documented discussion regarding the matter. All of this was behind closed doors, insinuating at my personal feelings and biases, and assuming my personal life would get in the way of my professional performance. This alone would be an HR nightmare in my current role.
But of course, this one email exchange is only a taste of the beginning. I wish I could share more like this, but, unfortunately the vast majority of our communication was through text or company email, which I no longer have access to. I have a handful of personal emails. Usually, it was because we broke up or he fired me or both. This would often result in the personal email address being used.
I feel I cannot adequately tell you how interconnected my career, and our relationship was. At least 5 times, I would reach my boiling point and say that the relationship was over. This led to either him dangling my job over me, begging, saying we’ll go to therapy, please don’t leave, etc.. Or, it led to me caring more about myself than the job and just leaving everything behind. Either way, it was a known factor that I would never be given the true opportunity to have this job without having this relationship.
What’s crazy in those moments, is how incredibly amazing he was at painting himself as the victim. Everything bad was happening to HIM. Never once was a shred of thought or feeling given to what might be going on with me. He never truly cared what was happening to me. He might have said he loved me, or he cared about my personal well-being or happiness. But, you read the email. From the very beginning, it was a manipulation to make sure there was some sort of power over me. To make it clear that the job comes first, and ultimately, that HE comes first.
Now, I’m sure that there’s mountains of proof in the form of other emails that show me crawling right back into it. But again, he’s helped create a world where I’m isolated physically and emotionally from my friends and family. He’s literally all I have to fall back on in my mind. You know what’s weird, in the last several years, I’ve come to really appreciate watching documentaries on cult leaders. I’m by no means saying that Pete’s on the same level as a cult leader. I’m just saying that when I watch those films, I realize how easy it is for some of the brightest, smartest people fall under the spell. They isolate themselves from everyone they love. They become part of a “greater purpose,” and they can’t see anything else in the world. It’s kind of scary, but I think I relate most to those people.
Where did we leave off. I’ll give you the timeline now so that we can stay consistent. Again, all of this may not be 100% accurate. But I’m piecing it together with what little information I still have at my disposal. Of course, I include this timeline not only to help me remember what happened, but also to show how much travel we were doing. I’ll comment under the sections that stick out to me and are somewhat relevant.
June 2013
- New England DIS Meet
- RCCL Alaskan Cruise out of Vancouver
- Disneyland Trip
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- DIS cruise 1.0 On RCCL Oasis
- Another RCCL Cruise
- Indianapolis DIS Meet
- Took trip home to VA
October 2013
- Grand Floridian Resort Hotel Review
- Delaware DIS Meet
- DISApalooza at Wizarding World / Live Recording at Boardwalk
- Disneyland Trip
- Took a Red Eye solo back to Orlando from LAX, I quit and got my job back.
- Took trip home to VA for Christmas
January 2014
February 2014
- Polynesian Resort Hotel Review
- ABD Backstage Magic with Teresa and Kathy (I think I was on this one?!?)
- Took trip home to VA (Friend’s Bachelor party)
- Dallas / Fort Worth DIS Meet
- New Jersey DIS Meet
June 2014
- Took trip home to VA (Friend’s Wedding)
- Hershey, PA DIS Meet
- RCCL Cruise Jewel of the Seas
- Another RCCL Cruise (I’m pretty sure)
- Pete Starts Recovery in AA
August 2014
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- Hawaii Island Cruise on NCL Pride of America
September 2014
- A Week in London
- Viva Italia ABD Rome / Florence / Venice
- Visited Myrtle Beach for another Friend’s Bachelor Party
- Portofino Bay Resort Hotel Review
- Delaware DIS Meet without Pete
December 2014
- Destination D Attraction Rewind at the Contemporary
- Podcast Cruise 5.0 Disney Magic
- Took trip home to VA for Christmas
January 2015
- 7 Resort in 7 Days Filming
March 2015
April 2015
- Richmond VA DIS Meet
- New Jersey DIS Meet
May 2015
- Filmed Disneyland 7 Resorts in 7 Days
- Universal Land and Sea (Enchantment of the Seas) 4 Night
- San Francisco ABD / Backstage Magic ABD / Disneyland 60th
- Nova Scotia DIS Meet
- I finally broke up with Pete and quit my job
I told my family and friends and it never sat right with them. I was missing out on spending true quality time with friends and family. Pete had gotten to the point where he was guilting me into staying the night at his house (the one true escape before this was being able to go home.) And finally, Pete got to where he wasn’t satisfied sexually with me and wanted to try some things I was not comfortable with.
In all my misery, I was able to close my eyes and pretend something much more desirable was happening. Not anymore. The scale had reached the tipping point. None of this was worth it. I’m sad that tipping point didn’t come sooner, but again, I was under constant threat of my entire livelihood, my dream being upended.
Someday soon after this in September I walk into his office. He knew something was up. And I just said that I can’t do it anymore. I stood my ground saying that there’s nothing left in the relationship, I have no feelings for him, and I can’t work at this job anymore because he will constantly use it as a bargaining chip. I didn’t back down. And I went home. Just like when I made my way to LAX, I felt freedom.
After all the initial instances of him taking advantage of me or touching me inappropriately, everything else became a slow build. He could just as easily say (and I’m sure he will) that I agreed to all of this, or I led him on. But underneath it all is the emotional manipulation of a master. Remember, it always comes back to tone. I’ll leave you with yet another email exchange after I finally left him. We had gone back and forth for a few months about whether I would return to the company. But I never gave in.
On Nov 20, 2015, at 9:42 AM, Peter Werner wrote:
Dustin,
I’ll never be able to fully express how hurt I am that you left Orlando without saying goodbye. Without trying to leave with at least a shred of positive energy between us. There are things I wanted to say to you last night that I wasn’t given the opportunity to say, so I’ll put them here.
We’ve been over all the hows and why’s of what’s gone on. We both know the truth, even if you don’t want to admit it. The bad thing about knowing the truth is you can never escape it. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, no matter what you do, it will always be there. I fear in the coming months, things will be much harder for you before they get better. I know you never wanted to go back to Virginia, and I only wish you had made an attempt at trying to find an alternative. You never even sent out a resume, you just gave up. I know that you’ve been crippled by confusion, fear and self confidence. But I want you to know something. Everything I told you about what I saw was true. You have a gift – you have real talent. You are a natural leader when you get out of your own way. You are incredibly intelligent. You have a heart like few others. You are contemplative and creative. When its allowed to be unrestricted by fear, its wonderful to be in the presence of your heart. I know the feeling like few others do or ever will. Its what I miss the most. The warmth of that. In so many ways you made my life better, and my life is a lesser place without you in it. I’m angry and hurt that you took that away.
There is no way back from this for us. Certainly not for a relationship, and most likely not for a friendship either. The hurt and destruction have been too great. While I will forgive what’s happened eventually, I can never forget it. I know you feel that because I’ve let others back in my life that the same will happen here. However, no one has ever hurt me like this before. There will be a day where you will see clearly how hurtful and selfish you’ve truly been here. You will see clearly how you blamed me because immaturity wouldn’t allow you to take responsibility. You haven’t learned yet that actions have consequences. But you will – and those lessons will continue to be destructive and remarkably painful until you learn them well.
I will always love you Dustin. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life. I will be forever grateful that we got to share the amazing experiences, the shared passion and the remarkable connection that defined our relationship. I will never regret it, but I will learn well from the pain. That I can never let anything like this into my life again – not like this. I have to eventually come to terms that I deserve better than what I accept. That I’m worth more than I think I am. That’s the work that’s in front of me now. Again, this relationship may well be the catalyst that propels me through the issue I’ve struggled with all my life. Right now, it feels as though its insurmountable, but I know I have the strength to walk through it. I also know you have the strength to face your challenges as well. You think you don’t, but you do. It’s in there, you’re going to have to fight like hell to get a hold of it, but don’t give up.
I wish nothing but the very best for you – I mean that sincerely. I want you to find joy, love, success, happiness and truth. I have prayed for that every day since this all started. Please take care of yourself.
With all my love,
Pete
Well, He got his wish. I found joy, love, success, happiness, and truth. I’ll talk more about that in part 4. All that talk about fear? He was right; but what I was afraid of was HIM. And did he ever do the work laid out in front of him, I wonder? Clearly he never let anything like this back in his life again, right?
It still exists in the quote from toyman70. I can still see it, at least.
@justthisonce I also read part 3 before it disappeared and thank you for sharing. I hope you are finding it cathartic. This part from an email from Pete to you was jaw dropping: "You haven’t learned yet that actions have consequences. But you will – and those lessons will continue to be destructive and remarkably painful until you learn them well." Hopefully HE is learning this lesson in real time, and I sincerely hope it is both destructive and remarkably painful for him. Thanks again for your courage and vulnerability.
I can still see it when I'm logged in. Don't know what that means.
It just came back. Maybe there's an issue because it's such a large post?
It just reappeared for me too
- Status