Difficult friends/friendship moans

[Jadejones9596]

Hi all

This is the first thread I've ever done but just looking for some good old anonymous chat and a moan!

My background... 32 year old female, single and very little family. I have depression and anxiety and I rely heavily on my large circle of friends to do nice things with, to talk to. They meant the world to me.

I get so upset and frustrated sometimes with some of my friend groups as when you try and arrange to meet them they are always 'busy'. I have two different groups who say they are busy for the whole of August! They say they will give you some dates then never do. It's always me arranging things and sometimes I don't feel like I get that effort back.

It really gets me down, I hate having weeks with no social arrangements. Tonight I feel very down. Does anyone else have similar experiences or other friendship based moans? Figure we could do that here

 

[April89]

Thank you for starting this thread! It sounds annoying that everyone of busy for the whole of August!

My situation is slightly different, in that I want to have really close friendships, and even friends who I consider close, they feel far away from me, and I can’t see a way to feel connected to people.

Do you find it easy to make new friends?

 

[Jadejones9596]

Thank you for starting this thread! It sounds annoying that everyone of busy for the whole of August!

My situation is slightly different, in that I want to have really close friendships, and even friends who I consider close, they feel far away from me, and I can’t see a way to feel connected to people.

Do you find it easy to make new friends?

I understand that, I think so many people struggle now especially following the pandemic, it's become even harder!

Do they feel far away in the sense you feel like you can't talk to them in a time of need or is it that they don't seem to share with you? I think a 'close' friendship is hard to identify. My best friend in the world is so different to me and I would say we are close in some ways but so far apart in others. Maybe it's a case of finding common connections or something you can do that you each enjoy together? Me and my bestie have the cinema.

I find it very easy if I'm honest, im an Extrovert. It's my survival technique though, I need friends and as many as possible so I will go out of my way to make connections etc. I think I'm in the minority and it's not always for the best as I do rely on them for my happiness sometimes x

 

[April89]

I understand that, I think so many people struggle now especially following the pandemic, it's become even harder!

Do they feel far away in the sense you feel like you can't talk to them in a time of need or is it that they don't seem to share with you? I think a 'close' friendship is hard to identify. My best friend in the world is so different to me and I would say we are close in some ways but so far apart in others. Maybe it's a case of finding common connections or something you can do that you each enjoy together? Me and my bestie have the cinema.

I find it very easy if I'm honest, im an Extrovert. It's my survival technique though, I need friends and as many as possible so I will go out of my way to make connections etc. I think I'm in the minority and it's not always for the best as I do rely on them for my happiness sometimes x

That is a great way to be, I think it’s great to have lots of friends, but I suppose if they make you happy, there can be times where it goes the other way and you feel low when friendships have challenges.

It’s a very interesting question, I think the best way to describe how I feel is like I’m watching a Facebook conversation between two acquaintances. So the conversation is like ‘Hi Kate you are looking well, all the best’ ‘Thanks Emma, same to you and your family’. All very sort of colleague/someone you know in passing, rather than a genuine connection. I am not sure what to do going forward as several of my friends who I considered very close have gone this way, it’s a bit depressing.

Do you have any ideas about your plans with friends if you are the one planning? Are you going to try and arrange things where you can?x

 

[disneys]

I think you can’t blame people for being busy - most people work during the week and can only meet at weekends and I have to say I have been one of those people who isn’t free in August this year . Between going to visit family , to birthdays , plans with other people etc, I’ve got quite booked up . Unless you geniunely think they might be lying , it is possible to get booked up ahead of time so I wouldn’t take that personally . August is always a tough month as it’s a time lots of people go away , especially if they have kids ! I’d give them the benefit of the doubt

I understand how this can make you feel lonely though if you are relying on them so heavily. Have you tried letting them know you’re lonely ? They might then have plans they could include you on , or carve out extra time for you if they know you’re struggling . But you can’t expect them to know how you’re feeling if you haven’t communicated .

And if you’ve exhausted all those options and your current friends aren’t giving you what you need , perhaps cast the net out and make some more ? Sorry , it sounds so easy to say and I know first hand it is not , but get out there and find some people who are maybe in a similar boat and can make more time for you . Flakiness is such a frustrating trait , especially when that is your support system !

I hope you’re ok and sorry if this was no help !

 

[tortfeasor]

Sounds like you could have some flaky friends. I used to have flaky friends and haven’t bothered with them for years. Mind you my mum’s complained that it feels like she and her best mate are always the 2 who are trying to do all the arranging to get their group of mates to meet: if they left it to the others wouldn’t meet up for months!

I’m afraid to say people whose star sign is Sagittarius are the worst to try and get to commit to doing anything. It’s a shame because being a Libran I get on really well with them.

PS are your friends mostly settled with kids? If I want to see certain friends in August I have to tag along to days out with the kids, which I actually quite enjoy but appreciate wouldn’t be others’ cups of tea.

 

[Blonde_moment]

Yes I relate! I’m 39, single Mum. I am opposite in that I only have a few what I would class as close friends and the others are more acquaintances. I feel like I’m always the one to suggest meeting up and it really gets to me. Makes me feel like nobody is bothered about seeing me. I have a friend who is totally different in that she never makes an effort or plans to arrange anything by her own admission. And yet she is always busy because people are always contacting her and inviting her to do things. Makes me think where do I go wrong? I can spend weekend after weekend alone and it does get me down at times.

 

[Jadejones9596]

I promise I will respond to you all properly, if not tonight in the morning! Just to say no one is alone here we are a community and we have each other to talk to now! Nothing wrong with anyone here you're all fascinating and lovely people, friendships are so difficult x

 

[Longtimesnooper]

I've really been thinking about my relationship with my friends lately & it honestly made me feel so down. I always put in the effort to arrange meet ups with my old school friendship group & it would be so frustrating with people not replying or committing that I stopped, "someone else can do it" I'd think & no one would. I'd meet up with them one on one, again me doing the groundwork.
Same with a few ex work mates who I do consider actual friends. One who I would consider a close friend, went to the pub most weekends, cinema & out for food, or even just hung out at hers, has vanished. I always did the planning. As soon as I moved jobs I'd have to be the one to make the first move. She got in touch a few months ago asking if I wanted to go see a show, I thought, aww nice of her to think of me. Turns out i was the fifth option, after a girl she briefly worked with & her three most unreliable friends. I actually said "nice to know where I come in your list of friends." I know a few of them would say its cos I've had a child but they were like this before. Honestly just makes me feel pretty crappy about myself

 

[Jadejones9596]

That is a great way to be, I think it’s great to have lots of friends, but I suppose if they make you happy, there can be times where it goes the other way and you feel low when friendships have challenges.

It’s a very interesting question, I think the best way to describe how I feel is like I’m watching a Facebook conversation between two acquaintances. So the conversation is like ‘Hi Kate you are looking well, all the best’ ‘Thanks Emma, same to you and your family’. All very sort of colleague/someone you know in passing, rather than a genuine connection. I am not sure what to do going forward as several of my friends who I considered very close have gone this way, it’s a bit depressing.

Do you have any ideas about your plans with friends if you are the one planning? Are you going to try and arrange things where you can?x

You are right that they do make me happy but equally can make me quite sad so its definitely a double sided coin. Friendships are not easy!

I understand that entirely, I wonder whether you can create that deeper connection by finding some common interests. Such as "hey did you see stranger things omg how creepy, do you like creepy? I love it" friendships can have a tendency to fizzle out and I think if those people don't stick around that's making room for new people. Maybe a local group could help to find some like minded people? It's no reflection on you by the way! You seem fab, especially in holding a 2 way conversation! Friendships take work and as much as relationships, compatibility is important.

As for me, I will be giving the friends who don't make the effort their space and let them come to me now x

I think you can’t blame people for being busy - most people work during the week and can only meet at weekends and I have to say I have been one of those people who isn’t free in August this year . Between going to visit family , to birthdays , plans with other people etc, I’ve got quite booked up . Unless you geniunely think they might be lying , it is possible to get booked up ahead of time so I wouldn’t take that personally . August is always a tough month as it’s a time lots of people go away , especially if they have kids ! I’d give them the benefit of the doubt

I understand how this can make you feel lonely though if you are relying on them so heavily. Have you tried letting them know you’re lonely ? They might then have plans they could include you on , or carve out extra time for you if they know you’re struggling . But you can’t expect them to know how you’re feeling if you haven’t communicated .

And if you’ve exhausted all those options and your current friends aren’t giving you what you need , perhaps cast the net out and make some more ? Sorry , it sounds so easy to say and I know first hand it is not , but get out there and find some people who are maybe in a similar boat and can make more time for you . Flakiness is such a frustrating trait , especially when that is your support system !

I hope you’re ok and sorry if this was no help !

This is a massive help thank you so much please don't apologise!!! I get very close minded sometimes and think "I care so much and they so little" when it's not that they care they have busy lives. Some do have children, im really relieved to hear you say you are busy all of August and super grateful for that new perspective

I wouldn't say I'm lonely, it's weird I just panic when I have no plans! If people are busy it's hard isn't it? Those friends have said they have a lot going on, and I do get that it's just weird my mind says "that's it, you've lost them" and I don't want them to feel bad about being busy.

Thanks again so much, really do appreciate your response x

Sounds like you could have some flaky friends. I used to have flaky friends and haven’t bothered with them for years. Mind you my mum’s complained that it feels like she and her best mate are always the 2 who are trying to do all the arranging to get their group of mates to meet: if they left it to the others wouldn’t meet up for months!

I’m afraid to say people whose star sign is Sagittarius are the worst to try and get to commit to doing anything. It’s a shame because being a Libran I get on really well with them.

PS are your friends mostly settled with kids? If I want to see certain friends in August I have to tag along to days out with the kids, which I actually quite enjoy but appreciate wouldn’t be others’ cups of tea.

Yes they are and it's hard as someone without children to appreciate that so I am seriously grateful for this thread pointing that out. My friends are my priority but I must be more understanding and realise that I am not theirs (and that doesn't mean they don't care)

Love your comments on star signs, never looked into them before previously and it's an interesting perspective.

Thank you for your response, really appreciated x

Yes I relate! I’m 39, single Mum. I am opposite in that I only have a few what I would class as close friends and the others are more acquaintances. I feel like I’m always the one to suggest meeting up and it really gets to me. Makes me feel like nobody is bothered about seeing me. I have a friend who is totally different in that she never makes an effort or plans to arrange anything by her own admission. And yet she is always busy because people are always contacting her and inviting her to do things. Makes me think where do I go wrong? I can spend weekend after weekend alone and it does get me down at times.

Let me tell you girl, it is not you, you're doing nothing wrong! I'm always that person too, I wonder if we can reframe our thinking to think well maybe we are the ones always arranging things as our friends see us as organising Queens who are so good at getting everyone together?

Your friend that it seems easy for, is that fact or opinion? Does she just say its easy for her? Definitely don't compare yourself, we all just have different personalities and she may have more Extrovert friends who arrange things easily whereas yours are shy-er?

Always here if you need a rant, I have moments where I think exactly like you and it helps to talk it out x

I've really been thinking about my relationship with my friends lately & it honestly made me feel so down. I always put in the effort to arrange meet ups with my old school friendship group & it would be so frustrating with people not replying or committing that I stopped, "someone else can do it" I'd think & no one would. I'd meet up with them one on one, again me doing the groundwork.
Same with a few ex work mates who I do consider actual friends. One who I would consider a close friend, went to the pub most weekends, cinema & out for food, or even just hung out at hers, has vanished. I always did the planning. As soon as I moved jobs I'd have to be the one to make the first move. She got in touch a few months ago asking if I wanted to go see a show, I thought, aww nice of her to think of me. Turns out i was the fifth option, after a girl she briefly worked with & her three most unreliable friends. I actually said "nice to know where I come in your list of friends." I know a few of them would say its cos I've had a child but they were like this before. Honestly just makes me feel pretty crappy about myself

Please don't feel crap about yourself, have a look at my responses above, I hope this thread helps you to see you aren't alone in feeling this way. Sometimes the people we think are good friends just aren't. I used to have a big group who just out of nowhere turned on me and ousted me out, it was awful. When I look back now I see they were toxic and they made room for lovely friends to come into my life.

Not every loss is a loss and its certainly no reflection on you! I always think if people disappear they must have their own issues and that friendship just wasn't going to work. See the time spent arranging things with them now being spare as an opportunity, put that effort into people that deserve it. And know this thread is here if you need to talk

 

[disneys]

This is a massive help thank you so much please don't apologise!!! I get very close minded sometimes and think "I care so much and they so little" when it's not that they care they have busy lives. Some do have children, im really relieved to hear you say you are busy all of August and super grateful for that new perspective

I wouldn't say I'm lonely, it's weird I just panic when I have no plans! If people are busy it's hard isn't it? Those friends have said they have a lot going on, and I do get that it's just weird my mind says "that's it, you've lost them" and I don't want them to feel bad about being busy.

Thanks again so much, really do appreciate your response x

You seem lovely and ever so sweet , I’m sure your friends genuinely are busy and aren’t just being flaky but I would recommend just speaking to them about it , saying how you’ve got a really empty calendar and it’s making you a bit anxious - perhaps suggest a weeknight Meetup or something ?

I find that I am probably the flaky friend . I have now made some mum friends who understand but when I had my first baby , I was constantly being left out of plans or when I was invited I’d say I was too busy or couldn’t get childcare which was true . I wish they’d have communicated with me that they were hurt by my sudden flakiness rather than ghosting me . Just had a second baby and none of them even sent a text of congratulations !

 

[PinkMermaid]

Sounds like you could have some flaky friends. I used to have flaky friends and haven’t bothered with them for years. Mind you my mum’s complained that it feels like she and her best mate are always the 2 who are trying to do all the arranging to get their group of mates to meet: if they left it to the others wouldn’t meet up for months!

I’m afraid to say people whose star sign is Sagittarius are the worst to try and get to commit to doing anything. It’s a shame because being a Libran I get on really well with them.

PS are your friends mostly settled with kids? If I want to see certain friends in August I have to tag along to days out with the kids, which I actually quite enjoy but appreciate wouldn’t be others’ cups of tea.

What a pile of mince. Star signs don't detail people's ability to commit. I'm Sagittarius and I never back out of something I have agreed to. Or take ages to settle on an agreed date/action/event/time.

 

[April89]

I understand that entirely, I wonder whether you can create that deeper connection by finding some common interests. Such as "hey did you see stranger things omg how creepy, do you like creepy? I love it" friendships can have a tendency to fizzle out and I think if those people don't stick around that's making room for new people. Maybe a local group could help to find some like minded people? It's no reflection on you by the way! You seem fab, especially in holding a 2 way conversation! Friendships take work and as much as relationships, compatibility is important.

You make a very good point here, I often text 'how are things going?' to sort of keep the connection open, sometimes we can go months without speaking and I think I had better keep in touch! They reply everything is fine and ask me the same question and I am awful for saying 'nothing new here, you know me I never change' which doesn't leave them much to go on! Something to think on for sure, thank you for that advice!x

You seem great, I think your approach sounds like a good one, I'm sure things will settle down and they will be in touch x

You seem lovely and ever so sweet , I’m sure your friends genuinely are busy and aren’t just being flaky but I would recommend just speaking to them about it , saying how you’ve got a really empty calendar and it’s making you a bit anxious - perhaps suggest a weeknight Meetup or something ?

I find that I am probably the flaky friend . I have now made some mum friends who understand but when I had my first baby , I was constantly being left out of plans or when I was invited I’d say I was too busy or couldn’t get childcare which was true . I wish they’d have communicated with me that they were hurt by my sudden flakiness rather than ghosting me . Just had a second baby and none of them even sent a text of congratulations !

Congratulations from me

 

[nycinthesun]

Hi all

This is the first thread I've ever done but just looking for some good old anonymous chat and a moan!

My background... 32 year old female, single and very little family. I have depression and anxiety and I rely heavily on my large circle of friends to do nice things with, to talk to. They meant the world to me.

I get so upset and frustrated sometimes with some of my friend groups as when you try and arrange to meet them they are always 'busy'. I have two different groups who say they are busy for the whole of August! They say they will give you some dates then never do. It's always me arranging things and sometimes I don't feel like I get that effort back.

It really gets me down, I hate having weeks with no social arrangements. Tonight I feel very down. Does anyone else have similar experiences or other friendship based moans? Figure we could do that here

I've been in a similar situation when I was single and had more free time than my other friends. It was frustrating at the time because they were all super busy, as was I when I was at my old job but I always made time for social activities and disappointed that they didn't. I was always the one to make plans and organize and it was overwhelming at times but if I didn't do it, then nobody would.

Now that I'm on the other side of this, I can see the larger picture from different angles. Previously, I only had to carve out time for myself, my friends, and my family. Now the time demands have doubled since I have my partner and the amount of available time has not changed so I am stretched more thin. On top of that, I am trying to build relationships and network as I progress in my career while trying to look after my mental and physical health as I age. Because I was a "late bloomer" amongst my group of friends, I am approaching stages that they were in years ago and now I'm the one who is not free as much while they got most of those things out of the way and are more free now and expect me to be available. This is not fair to me, so I don't budge when I know I don't have the mental bandwidth to give them. For the ones I feel myself growing apart from, I don't have the desire to put in the energy just to hold onto a dying friendship for friendship's sake. Other times, I don't have the same interests anymore/they have kids and I don't/we live farther apart now. For the others, it's about timing and time management but I do sincerely try to reach out and have a chat at the very least. It's hard to say which one your friends are but it can very well be a combination of different factors.

 

[boomska]

Omg so grateful I found this thread

I feel like I’ve grown apart from two of my closest friends who are also together as a couple. I used to see them regularly, go round for dinner, stay over etc but now I hardly see them!

They take forever to reply, or don’t at all. It’s one of theirs birthday on Monday and asked what she was doing for it and she said her brother was coming up to go out. Checked social media- she’s also invited two of her friends out (that I know, friendly with etc).

I feel like I’m always putting the effort in now to make conversation, see them etc and I just feel like I get generic responses tonight. One of them doesn’t even reply or open the message and it was a miss you message.

I decided to be honest and message them both going “I hope I get to see you soon as I feel like we’ve drifted apart and I don’t like it.Xx”

I know friendships grow apart and I don’t want to say it’s down too their age (one of them is 7 years younger than me, the other 5 years younger than me I think) but part of me thinks they’re attitude stinks/fed up with missing them when they clearly don’t miss me? Life does get busy for everyone, but just ignoring someone is rude and always being the one to make the effort SUCKS!! Make plans avd stick to it. Espically I would be happy if I see them for an hour let’s say.

i moved from my home town to a nearby city so trying to make friends when you’re an adult is hard!

 

[Couldlifeeverbesaneagain]

Making friends as an adult is tough, I agree. I’ve met new people through a new job but I wouldn’t call them friends. They all seem quite best buddies with one another and I’m like the loner at high school again.

saying that, someone I would call a close friend now seems to be spending all of her weekends with her work friends. I got back from holiday yesterday and suggested meeting up as she literally lives a few doors down but she said she couldn’t as had plans with work buddies which is fine so I suggested tonight and she said she had plans again with her other group of work friends.We’ve been friends for twenty years now and I feel like she spends all of her time with her work friends (who are about twenty years older). Maybe I’m being petty but need to get it out my system!

 

[nycinthesun]

Can we moan about other friendship issues too?

It annoys me when some people measure the depth of a friendship using just time. I had a friend who was upset with me because she accused me of treating her (who I've known for 15+ years) and another friend (who I've known for just under 10 years) the same because she felt like she deserved more special treatment. I couldn't wrap my head around how petty and childish she was being. She knew I was also very close with the other friend and yet the length of time was the only determining factor she used in who should be "treated better"? I would understand if I only just met the other friend last week, but that's not the case here.

 

[flower3070]

So this has happened over about two months and I just need some advice on tackling it. We’ve recently had a new girl join our office who’s just moved here from abroad so doesn’t know anyone minus some family she had over here already. We both for my dad's company and her and my dad are both big friendly personality types. However, I find her actions can come across really flirty. E.g. texting him whilst he’s abroad on holiday, calling him on teams when he’s working from home to ‘check in on him’, texting him of an evening about stuff not even relating to work, wanting to join the gym with him. This initially in itself is making me uncomfortable, and I’ve been thinking about how to bring it up but chalked it down to her being a friendly & flirty. Equally on the other hand though my dad always shares stories about our family, my Mum who passed away, his current gf etc all whilst in the office just as day to day office chat.

I now feel as though she knows my work personality but also a lot about my family life and I’ve found her bringing up stories about my family members that she’s heard or saying stuff like ‘oh you can tell your dad really loves you’ which I just find a bit uncomfortable to be happening in my work office? It almost feels as though she’s trying to become a part of my family or something? I just find it strange.

Next, me and a group of my friends attend a pub quiz once a week. We once won a bag of sweets for coming 5th and no one wanted them, so I harmlessly brought them into work. She asked me where I got them, I thought nothing of it and said ‘oh just a pub quiz’ she then says ‘oh I love quizzes I’m so coming to this I’m inviting myself’ I brushed it off with a laugh and thought it would be a plan that never amounted to anything. However, after she asked a second time I thought oh whatever it'll be fine she can come along it'll be nice for her to meet people.

Between inviting her and her actually coming to one, I’m finding I’m at the stage where everything she does annoys me at work, the constant loud personality, the flirting, I'm even starting to fall behind on my work because she's always talking to me. I’m starting to find her loud personality quite a lot to deal with for 40 hours a week and now once a week on an evening for 5 hours. I also feel as though I’m pressured to constantly sit by her, laugh at her jokes and talk to her as I invited her into the group, when really I just want to see and catch up with my friends, most of whom I only see at this once a week pub quiz but I find I’m no longer able to do that without this girl getting involved. She then keeps bringing up little things at work like '___ said this to me' as thought she's suddenly best friends with my whole group even after meeting them only a few times. She's also said a few shady/witchy things about one of my friends who comes which made me uncomfortable.

The final straw however was this weekend she told me she was busy every night of the weekend going on 3 different dates. I asked her about each one where she was going etc. She mentioned Saturday she was going out for drinks with a guy in a town close to us. I then get a text from my best friend saying ‘___ has asked if I’m free for plans this Saturday I thought I'd ask you too and maybe we could all go out together’ I just found it massively shady to tell me you’re busy but try and make plans with my best friend behind my back and without me there. As I didn’t want to hang out with her for longer than the 45 hours I’ve already spent with this week I found myself saying no to the drinks out with my best friend. They’re now going out today without me and I just feel like I'm almost being pushed out of my group after inviting her in and it's driving me crazy.

She's constantly inviting herself onto things and I just feel I'm losing my identity. It just all feels like this massive jumble where my work life, friend life and family life are all combined, and I just hate it. I’m more so just looking for some advice as to how to tell her to back off a bit without sounding heartless. I get that she’s moved her from a new country so doesn’t know anyone which must be hard but it's just all too much for me. It probably is a bit dramatic and over the top but I just can’t see a future where she’s not at every single future event I attend and I just want some time alone to spend with my friends / family. As I said mainly just looking for any advice on how to approach the situation and speak to her about it without coming across like a witch.

 

[Compassionately_judging]

I think I've found my people. Can we all just meet up and be friends please ? Think it would be easier

 

[Hollie Day]

So this has happened over about two months and I just need some advice on tackling it. We’ve recently had a new girl join our office who’s just moved here from abroad so doesn’t know anyone minus some family she had over here already. We both for my dad's company and her and my dad are both big friendly personality types. However, I find her actions can come across really flirty. E.g. texting him whilst he’s abroad on holiday, calling him on teams when he’s working from home to ‘check in on him’, texting him of an evening about stuff not even relating to work, wanting to join the gym with him. This initially in itself is making me uncomfortable, and I’ve been thinking about how to bring it up but chalked it down to her being a friendly & flirty. Equally on the other hand though my dad always shares stories about our family, my Mum who passed away, his current gf etc all whilst in the office just as day to day office chat.

I now feel as though she knows my work personality but also a lot about my family life and I’ve found her bringing up stories about my family members that she’s heard or saying stuff like ‘oh you can tell your dad really loves you’ which I just find a bit uncomfortable to be happening in my work office? It almost feels as though she’s trying to become a part of my family or something? I just find it strange.

Next, me and a group of my friends attend a pub quiz once a week. We once won a bag of sweets for coming 5th and no one wanted them, so I harmlessly brought them into work. She asked me where I got them, I thought nothing of it and said ‘oh just a pub quiz’ she then says ‘oh I love quizzes I’m so coming to this I’m inviting myself’ I brushed it off with a laugh and thought it would be a plan that never amounted to anything. However, after she asked a second time I thought oh whatever it'll be fine she can come along it'll be nice for her to meet people.

Between inviting her and her actually coming to one, I’m finding I’m at the stage where everything she does annoys me at work, the constant loud personality, the flirting, I'm even starting to fall behind on my work because she's always talking to me. I’m starting to find her loud personality quite a lot to deal with for 40 hours a week and now once a week on an evening for 5 hours. I also feel as though I’m pressured to constantly sit by her, laugh at her jokes and talk to her as I invited her into the group, when really I just want to see and catch up with my friends, most of whom I only see at this once a week pub quiz but I find I’m no longer able to do that without this girl getting involved. She then keeps bringing up little things at work like '___ said this to me' as thought she's suddenly best friends with my whole group even after meeting them only a few times. She's also said a few shady/witchy things about one of my friends who comes which made me uncomfortable.

The final straw however was this weekend she told me she was busy every night of the weekend going on 3 different dates. I asked her about each one where she was going etc. She mentioned Saturday she was going out for drinks with a guy in a town close to us. I then get a text from my best friend saying ‘___ has asked if I’m free for plans this Saturday I thought I'd ask you too and maybe we could all go out together’ I just found it massively shady to tell me you’re busy but try and make plans with my best friend behind my back and without me there. As I didn’t want to hang out with her for longer than the 45 hours I’ve already spent with this week I found myself saying no to the drinks out with my best friend. They’re now going out today without me and I just feel like I'm almost being pushed out of my group after inviting her in and it's driving me crazy.

She's constantly inviting herself onto things and I just feel I'm losing my identity. It just all feels like this massive jumble where my work life, friend life and family life are all combined, and I just hate it. I’m more so just looking for some advice as to how to tell her to back off a bit without sounding heartless. I get that she’s moved her from a new country so doesn’t know anyone which must be hard but it's just all too much for me. It probably is a bit dramatic and over the top but I just can’t see a future where she’s not at every single future event I attend and I just want some time alone to spend with my friends / family. As I said mainly just looking for any advice on how to approach the situation and speak to her about it without coming across like a witch.

Single white female vibes ( the film) If she's new, can't you have a word with your dad and get him to let her go after her probationary period. She's distruptive and intrusive - talking too much and preventing you from getting in with your work.