I don't make friends easily, and I'm quite happy with my own company, but I had a friend (notice the emphasis on had) who I look back at and think was quite a toxic person.
We met at work around 18 years ago, I was the shy, quiet new girl and she was very bubbly and outgoing. She was 8 years older than me but quite immature. She was friendly with another girl, quite intensely, they'd do a lot together, but they stopped quite suddenly and I never got why.
She latched onto me, and looking back I suppose you could describe it as love bombing... Texting constantly, buying little gifts, calling me her BFF etc. She was fun to be around and introduced me to a hobby that I ended up involved with for over 10 years. We lived in each others pockets which was unusual for me as I'm normally a very private, solitary person. We were getting made redundant at work so she talked me into setting up a business together, which ended up running for 10 years (albeit with me doing most of the admin/boring/important stuff.)
About 5 years after we started our business, the cracks began to show and I found her very tiring to be around all the time. She got involved with a family know who had a teenager who was going through some issues and befriended the teen, which I felt massively inappropriate.
While we will worked together we no longer saw each other socially and I was pretty much dropped like a hot potato. She formed a friendship with a client of ours (again, against my better judgement) who was going through some issues and the cycle happened again.
A pattern seemed to be evening that she liked to latch on to people who needed help/friendship etc which she could give, but when they didn't need her any more or she got bored she would move on, I think I fell into that category. There were others along the way both before and after me.
She met a guy (I have never known her to have a relationship in all the years I'd known her) and within days they'd moved in together and her life was dedicated to him. I had enough, I pulled out of the business and despite promises to keep in touch I've barely seen her in over a year.
For someone who always showered me with gifts and cards and made a fuss around birthdays, I had to wait nearly a month for my 40th birthday card (and she only got me round then because the cake she got me was going out of date) At Christmas she left a gift on my doorstep but didn't knock even though it was obvious I was in. I made a point of taking hers round and knocking on the door but she couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
I feel sad that we are no longer friends, while we were at the peak of our friendship it was good, but looking back I see her for what she is and I wonder how many friends there have been since. I wonder if the boyfriend will get similar treatment.
We met at work around 18 years ago, I was the shy, quiet new girl and she was very bubbly and outgoing. She was 8 years older than me but quite immature. She was friendly with another girl, quite intensely, they'd do a lot together, but they stopped quite suddenly and I never got why.
She latched onto me, and looking back I suppose you could describe it as love bombing... Texting constantly, buying little gifts, calling me her BFF etc. She was fun to be around and introduced me to a hobby that I ended up involved with for over 10 years. We lived in each others pockets which was unusual for me as I'm normally a very private, solitary person. We were getting made redundant at work so she talked me into setting up a business together, which ended up running for 10 years (albeit with me doing most of the admin/boring/important stuff.)
About 5 years after we started our business, the cracks began to show and I found her very tiring to be around all the time. She got involved with a family know who had a teenager who was going through some issues and befriended the teen, which I felt massively inappropriate.
While we will worked together we no longer saw each other socially and I was pretty much dropped like a hot potato. She formed a friendship with a client of ours (again, against my better judgement) who was going through some issues and the cycle happened again.
A pattern seemed to be evening that she liked to latch on to people who needed help/friendship etc which she could give, but when they didn't need her any more or she got bored she would move on, I think I fell into that category. There were others along the way both before and after me.
She met a guy (I have never known her to have a relationship in all the years I'd known her) and within days they'd moved in together and her life was dedicated to him. I had enough, I pulled out of the business and despite promises to keep in touch I've barely seen her in over a year.
For someone who always showered me with gifts and cards and made a fuss around birthdays, I had to wait nearly a month for my 40th birthday card (and she only got me round then because the cake she got me was going out of date) At Christmas she left a gift on my doorstep but didn't knock even though it was obvious I was in. I made a point of taking hers round and knocking on the door but she couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
I feel sad that we are no longer friends, while we were at the peak of our friendship it was good, but looking back I see her for what she is and I wonder how many friends there have been since. I wonder if the boyfriend will get similar treatment.
: ‘
