I have recently had an abortion (2 weeks ago) and I’m Really struggling I’ve took time off work to deal with the situation as to be honest I really didn’t want to go ahead but for financial reasons and already having two children 5&6 and my partner having a 7yr old the practicality of it seemed impossible. I’m now riddled with guilt and I’m triggered by every Facebook/instagram post if people announcing pregnancies. I’ve cried most days and I can feel my partner getting sick of me as my mood swings are all over. I can’t help but keeping thinking of the what ifs/how many weeks I would have been now. I’m awaiting counselling from BPAS & works private healthcare but I can’t help but feel so down and depressed. I’m dreading taking the pregnancy test next week to confirm the abortion was successful. I’m mentally torturing myself and I really don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be really appreciated
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I’m not in the same situation but I did have an abortion last June and did struggle with guilt afterwards. I found people announcing pregnancies difficult too and quite a few friends told me they were pregnant around the same time which gave me mixed reactions.
however within a few months I felt a lot more clear headed about the situation - it was a tough choice to make but it was the right one for me. You’re totally allowed to know it was correct for you and your family but also feel sadness around the circumstances.
my advice is to be kind to yourself and to try and avoid triggering situations, maybe take some time away from social media as I do think it’s unhelpful with something like this. There is no wrong or right way to feel with this but take it day by day. I hope things get a bit brighter xx
I’m with you. I eventually had mine 8 days ago (after waiting 8 weeks)and I’ve cried every day since. It is getting easier but I’m struggling. I know that I made the right decision but I’m still looking at baby things etc and thinking of the what ifs. I was tidying my sons room yesterday and came across some boxes of muslins and cried and that set me off for the day. Sending you so much love and strength
It's OK to feel your feelings. You don't have to just get over it because it's something you chose to do. Our feelings are complex, so even though you know you did the right thing for your situation right now, that doesn't mean that processing your abortion will be easy.
I think we are conditioned to think that because abortions are a 'right' (and they are) we should be emotionless about them but we aren't and that's OK. You can grieve, it's a process and it isn't easy.
Give yourself time and talk to your partner, tell him you are grieving and ask him to give you the space to react in the way you need to.
I hope the counselling helps
Although I knew an abortion was the right thing on a practical level for me, and before it I was very clinical about it - tried to think of it as soully a medical procedure etc, I had similar grieving feelings to you.
Remember it can be the right choice that you’ve made for you and something you need to grieve for, both things can be true. I actually have a friend on Facebook who’s pregnancy would have been identical timing to mine, I’ve had to mute her for seeing all the “my baby is the size of a grapefruit” posts.
I was actually already in therapy at the time for unrelated anxiety which helped so much to have someone to voice these feelings which confused me as the grief and upset and anger seemed to come from nowhere! but please trust you aren’t alone in these feelings.
It took me a bit of time to process what I had actually gone through (I’m now 4 months post procedure) and although sometimes I’ll see a baby in the street i think wow what if, but mostly I’ve worked through all of that with time and professional support and can accept it.
I wish everyone struggling at the moment lots of love - we made a very brave difficult decision and need to remember our strength
Thank you everyone it’s comforting to know you aren’t alone or that their isn’t a right/wrong way to approach it xx
Thank you so much everyone you all have no idea how much I needed to hear each of your stories. Much love to you all xx
Sorry for intruding on this post, I am booked in for a termination tomorrow. They want me to have a scan to confirm I am under 10 weeks because my periods have been irregular and I am still breastfeeding my one year old. So I already have four children, two with my ex partner and two with my current partner. After my fourth I made it clear I didn’t want anymore, I was referred by my gp for sterilisation and unfortunately I have fallen pregnant prior to my first appointment with the gynae team.
I really don’t want this baby, I don’t want to go through pregnancy again, I had my fourth in January 2022. My partner insists I keep it and I should do the right thing. And that he doesn’t know how he will get over it and has even said he doesn’t know whether we will come out the other side of this.
Everything will have to change, bigger house, bigger car, more income when I am already struggling financially being in private housing in London. And it’s not just that. I don’t want to sacrifice my body again, I don’t want to sacrifice the time I do have with the children I have had. He’s told me not to worry about money because he will take care of it but it’s not just about money for me. I am thinking of myself, and all of my children. He only has two to worry about and I have four to worry about. He said I am making excuses and aren’t valid reasons for wanting to kill a baby. And he doesn’t support it at all.
All of the things he’s suggested I do, I have refused. Because they only work for him. It’s not him that has to go through a pregnancy and give birth. He said I am being selfish and he’s right I am and I don’t care.
I have to think about whether or not it’s worth me keeping a baby I don’t want and potentially hating it (I don’t feel anything positive towards it) or risking my relationship and doing what’s best for myself.
I really don’t want this baby, I don’t want to go through pregnancy again, I had my fourth in January 2022. My partner insists I keep it and I should do the right thing. And that he doesn’t know how he will get over it and has even said he doesn’t know whether we will come out the other side of this.
Everything will have to change, bigger house, bigger car, more income when I am already struggling financially being in private housing in London. And it’s not just that. I don’t want to sacrifice my body again, I don’t want to sacrifice the time I do have with the children I have had. He’s told me not to worry about money because he will take care of it but it’s not just about money for me. I am thinking of myself, and all of my children. He only has two to worry about and I have four to worry about. He said I am making excuses and aren’t valid reasons for wanting to kill a baby. And he doesn’t support it at all.
All of the things he’s suggested I do, I have refused. Because they only work for him. It’s not him that has to go through a pregnancy and give birth. He said I am being selfish and he’s right I am and I don’t care.
I have to think about whether or not it’s worth me keeping a baby I don’t want and potentially hating it (I don’t feel anything positive towards it) or risking my relationship and doing what’s best for myself.
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I don't know what to say, other than you have to do what is right for you. If four pregnancies is your limit, you are entitled to stand your ground. It's your body, you shouldn't have to endure 40 weeks of gruelling pregnancy, then child birth and cope with the hormonal changes in the 4th trimester along with your body healing itself.
you are putting your children and yourself first - this is not a bad thing. You and only you would go through this pregnancy, labour and birth, along with all the side effects and potential complications, and it’s your right to get what is medical treatment to ensure you don’t have to go through all that.
I do understand that your partner is upset by this - it might be worth (now or in the future) remembering abortion providers often provide male counselling services too.
I think the only thing you can do right now is be true to your own decision (whatever that may be) and be open and honest with each other about your feelings around it, accepting and being respectful of your opposing views no matter how hard that may be.
I’ve stumbled upon this thread as I found out yesterday that I am pregnant, my first thought was we can’t keep it, we have so much going on in our life right now…
We have a 6 month old baby, in the middle of moving house and I have gallstones
I have only been pregnant once before and as much as it was a shock, we were totally ready, and it felt right. I don’t feel like that this time, I don’t feel ready for this and my body really isn’t ready.
My husband is really supportive, said it’s my decision and he will support, we did have a chat last night and he believes having an abortion would probably be for the best but I’m pretty certain he is only saying that because I am more for it.
But the GUILT of getting rid of it !!!! I actually feel sick having to get rid of it.
I’m waiting for BPA to be in contact today
We have a 6 month old baby, in the middle of moving house and I have gallstones
I have only been pregnant once before and as much as it was a shock, we were totally ready, and it felt right. I don’t feel like that this time, I don’t feel ready for this and my body really isn’t ready.
My husband is really supportive, said it’s my decision and he will support, we did have a chat last night and he believes having an abortion would probably be for the best but I’m pretty certain he is only saying that because I am more for it.
But the GUILT of getting rid of it !!!! I actually feel sick having to get rid of it.
I’m waiting for BPA to be in contact today
So sorry you’re in this position. I think most people feel guilt even if they categorically didn’t want it (but there’s also no shame in not feeling guilty either!). You don’t have to make a decision instantly, think it through and do what is best for you. There’s this stigma that it’s childless young women who get abortions but actually the majority of women get abortions because they already have kids and consider it best for them they don’t have anymore at that time, so you’re not alone. Big hugs 🩷
Sending you a big hug @pink_lemonade. We’re here on this thread if you want to share any thoughts
for me the guilt didn’t come until later - I think assessing the situation, making the decision and going through the procedure I just did on auto-pilot.
I went through quite a low point after it but despite that I still knew deep down and in my head that it had been the right decision for me, which kind of got me through?
the important thing is to make the right choice for you and your family, emotionally it is going to be turbulent but whatever choice you make if it’s the right one for you then it will all be ok
Hello I’ve just come across this thread and wondering if anyone can help advise me in the right direction @pink_lemonade i could have wrote your post myself!
I currently have a 4 month old, 2yr old and 7+11 yrs. I have just found out I’m 7 weeks pregnant, I can’t believe I’m in this situation but I’m absolutely adamant I do not want another baby. It’s obviously summer holidays so all kids home. I don’t know where to begin, do I need to go via nhs? Many thanks in advance for even reading xx
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I hope my above post doesn’t offend anyone but from previous experiences I have had some amazing support over on other threads on tattle so I was feeling content in posting here
I currently have a 4 month old, 2yr old and 7+11 yrs. I have just found out I’m 7 weeks pregnant, I can’t believe I’m in this situation but I’m absolutely adamant I do not want another baby. It’s obviously summer holidays so all kids home. I don’t know where to begin, do I need to go via nhs? Many thanks in advance for even reading xx
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I hope my above post doesn’t offend anyone but from previous experiences I have had some amazing support over on other threads on tattle so I was feeling content in posting here
Hey,Hello I’ve just come across this thread and wondering if anyone can help advise me in the right direction @pink_lemonade i could have wrote your post myself!
I currently have a 4 month old, 2yr old and 7+11 yrs. I have just found out I’m 7 weeks pregnant, I can’t believe I’m in this situation but I’m absolutely adamant I do not want another baby. It’s obviously summer holidays so all kids home. I don’t know where to begin, do I need to go via nhs? Many thanks in advance for even reading xx
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I hope my above post doesn’t offend anyone but from previous experiences I have had some amazing support over on other threads on tattle so I was feeling content in posting here
It’s such a shock isn’t it, sending you lots of love and support
T/W - I know this thread is for abortion but just in case.
So I’m in the process of having an abortion, I contacted BPAS (British Pregnancy Advisory Service) via their booking form on their website and they pointed me in the local services for me.
Because I’m under 10 weeks, I’m having the pill and doing it at home, not sure if you’ll want to do it at home because your children but if they have any clinics local, you can go in and take it or have surgery instead.
So far I’ve had a consultation phone call and a call with a nurse today, they are calling again Thursday and from then I’ll have the pill.
They do offer counselling before and after which I have opted for as I’m drowning in guilt atm, how am I having a call arranging an abortion whilst rocking my baby to sleep in his pram.
Again, sending you big hugs
Thank you so so much. That is amazing advice, I shall have a look at BPAS in a moment.
Also, thank you for the well wishes and support - right back at you my love.
I know I will suffer emotionally over this too but also know keeping this baby would most definitely not be the better option for many reasons. Luckily I have a very supportive partner too. I will give you an update on how I get on.
thank you so much again for the most helpful reply. It’s also comforting knowing I am not alone in this situation. I hope everything goes as planned for you. Much love
Also, thank you for the well wishes and support - right back at you my love.
I know I will suffer emotionally over this too but also know keeping this baby would most definitely not be the better option for many reasons. Luckily I have a very supportive partner too. I will give you an update on how I get on.
thank you so much again for the most helpful reply. It’s also comforting knowing I am not alone in this situation. I hope everything goes as planned for you. Much love
Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.
I’m so happy for you and your family, I’m glad it’s worked out for you.
However, my 6 month old baby that is alive today needs his mum and dad, he doesn’t need a sibling in 9 months time along with a mum and dad who mentally and financially can’t look after them both.
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I felt it was personal because as you can imagine, this is an extremely personal topic.
This thread is for ‘dealing with an abortion’ not ‘thoughts on abortion if you’re having doubts’.
Hello, I have thought this through, believe me. I have a daughter about to go through open heart surgery that alone is enough to know that right now this is not the right decision. I have 4 beautiful babies that I am so grateful for, my family is complete.
I’m pleased it all worked out for you but rest assured this isn’t an impulsive decision 🥹