Dealing with abortion

[Eureka]

I am sure there will be people who click on this thread who are unsure

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you mean well but your post is at best harmful and at worst cruel.

To tell any woman post abortion she should have kept her baby because it would have worked out is so ignorant. You cannot assume your decision would have the same result for any other person.

I had an abortion at 9 weeks, I agonised over it but logically it was the right thing to do. Emotionally it took me about a year to get fully back to myself. I think for me, getting past the due date was a big milestone and it really helped. Now I can look back and feel regret at being in that situation that I couldn’t continue the pregnancy but feel peace that I made the right decision.

Love to you all, I think you are all amazing

 

[unidentified]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

For all I respect your opinion I find this post quite harmful. Yes, people may have doubts but ultimately whatever decision they make is the right one for them. People choose abortion for many many reasons and shouldn’t be made to feel ‘everything will be ok if you go through with the pregnancy’ because for some, it may not be. I also think it has the potential to make people feel even more guilt. No one chooses abortion lightly but even if they did that is ok. Their body, their choice. People come here to feel their choice is heard, respected and supported.

 

[whyhellothere83]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

This is a horrendous post and shouldn’t be on this thread at all.

 

[pink_lemonade]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

I’m so happy for you and your family, I’m glad it’s worked out for you.

However, my 6 month old baby that is alive today needs his mum and dad, he doesn’t need a sibling in 9 months time along with a mum and dad who mentally and financially can’t look after them both.
---

My response wasn’t exactly for you personally just for for people unsure because they think their circumstances aren’t ideal

I felt it was personal because as you can imagine, this is an extremely personal topic.

This thread is for ‘dealing with an abortion’ not ‘thoughts on abortion if you’re having doubts’.

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

I had an abortion in lockdown - medical. My partner and I had only been together a few months and although I knew deep down he was a good guy I am so aware of how people can change over time. I also wanted to enjoy our time together without children before we committed and to get married first. My house is not suitable for a child and I couldn’t afford to move. My finances were atrocious, in debt up to my eyeballs and in a job on about 20k a year, which just about covered my bills. Of course my partner could’ve contributed but what it we split up? I want to ensure I could manage on my own when I have kids, whether that means having a few grand saved or a better job but at that time I did not. The child would’ve been born into stress and worry. As much as I would love to be a mother and know I would be an amazing one, it wasn’t the right time and I did what was right for myself and the potential child. I see abortion often as an act of love rather than anything else, the majority do it because they are trying to protect what could be if they had a child they didn’t particularly want, could afford or had no Dad around (I know this isn’t always a guarantee and many women do both roles by themself).

Fast forward almost 3 years….. I have a job earning almost double what I was as well as working towards a career change which I’m so excited for. My debt is almost gone. My partner and I are still together and luckily, he is still an amazing man in my eyes but we have worked through a couple of things and learnt things about each other we may not have been able to had we had a child so early on. We’re in the process of buying a house and I have an inkling this year he will propose.

Do I regret my abortion? Not at all. Do I sometimes feel sad about it? Yes, every now and again but I know I will one day have a child and they will be loved more than anything I have ever loved before, their Mum will be so emotionally aware and mature and I will do everything I can to ensure they get everything a child deserves in life. But even if I don’t end up having a child I will use my blessings to help make the world a better place in one way or another.

It’s always down to the individual, I am a rather practical person and very rational, not everybody is the same so either way… do what’s right for you

 

[bojobingo]

sorry to be so cliche - whatever feels right for you is the right thing to do.

if it helps you to feel more informed… I have been pregnant 4 times in my life time. 2 terminated pregnancies, 1 miscarriage and I now have one wild toddler.
I had a termination at 6 weeks (I was 18 and extremely immature), I felt nothing, like a trip to the hygienist - If it weren’t for other people’s opinions it would not have been a noteworthy experience on the timeline of my life. No sorrow or longing - maybe I questioned if I was a ‘good’ person because of my lack of feeling toward the situation.

at 25 and finding myself 12 weeks pregnant it was a very different experience. I didn’t want to have a termination- I know that now and I think I knew it then. I was under a lot of pressure at the time, part way through a post grad, had no money and barely a way to support myself. When they did the scan I made the mistake of looking and cried at the image of aseemingly huge baby on the screen. I went back and forth to the clinic every day for a week and changed my mind at the last minute each time. I had one of the counselling sessions offered and found it was useless. Then I started to feel I was wasting everyone’s time and I just did it, signed the papers and went through with it. The procedure is unremarkable but afterwards the grief was unbearable. It was full on and horrific and impacted my life for years afterwards.

I’m sure that’s entirely unhelpful - just real world experience.

Early on in the pregnancy with my daughter I had all of the same fears about finances etc, and then she arrived and it’s a million times more difficult than I could imagine it would be. We’re happy (after a turbulent first year!) and having a child is amazing. I wouldn’t change a thing about before - generally abortions are very safe and there’s not much to fear in that respect

(sorry for the ramble - it’s great to talk about this hidden subject)

Brilliant book to read on the subject is you’re the only one I’ve told by Meera Shah.

https://amp.archive.is/oldest/https...d/2022/oct/18/pregnancy-weeks-abortion-tissue

 

[Keera]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

i suffered badly a few months after my abortion mentally. Do I sometimes think about the fact I could have a baby right now? Sure. But if I had that child in my current situation - living in london with absolutely no support circle, paying overinflated rent on a tiny flat, with a job that I had only jjst started and therefore only qualified for statutory maternity pay and nothing else, no savings. I could have a baby right now but I’d have absolutely no way of paying my rent - I’d have to present as homeless with a baby and likely give up my job as no childcare. An abortion was absolutely the right thing for me to do at that time as I 100% believe I’d be in a worse place mentally and not able to be the parent I want to be or provide the life I want to for mychild.
I am sorry you had a terrible experience and I am happy that you now have a wonderful family but this is an unhelpful post as becoming pregnant and/or a parent is a very complex difficult thing and not something that will just always work out.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I have had a termination and I don't regret it. It wasn't the right time for me, and I know that now. My then partner didn't want a baby so I would have been doing it alone. I was still living at home with parents, I was working in a dead-end job & tbh I was just very immature. The procedure itself was over quickly and although I did feel a bit sad after I can look back and now It was the right thing for me at that point in my life.

 

[Wild_she]

For gods sake! I’ve just found out I’m pregnant three months after giving birth I was a bit lapse with contraception, so my fault completely! Had period pain for three weeks thinking my periods were maybe just everywhere with feeding baby and just having little one, took a test this morning and two lines! As soon as I seen them I knew what to do and was straight away online booking myself into a clinic. Feel a little heartless, because it’s been me that’s been stupid with contraception, but I know I 10000% do not have it in me to have another hyperemesis, sepsis and C-section pregnancy. I know people will judge and be like well you didn’t make your contraception a priority so it’s your fault, but just feel a bit she’ll shocked too. Hoping they get me in this week as my last pregnancy once Hyperemesis hit I was in hospital and couldn’t get out of bed :/ xx

 

[mushroomprincess22]

I've been a lurker on this thread but just wanted to say that I've been thinking of you and I hope you're doing ok

This is ever so sweet, thank you ever so much for thinking of me . I’m “ok” thank you. As best as can be anyway.

Maybe a trigger warning below so please don’t read on if you don’t want to -

Everything went as well as it could have done 17 days ago. Apart from having to sit in the waiting room for 3.5 hours before I got called through (that was extremely hard. I think they must have been running behind?), I am so immensely grateful and so thankful for the care and treatment that I received through MSI. I believe they used to be Marie Stopes.

I feel really “happy” (it feels wrong to use that word) in my decision to have had the surgery rather than the tablets.

There was a lovely space while I was waiting to be called in for my surgery, where I was left to undress and there was a wall full of sticky notes with words of comfort, kindness and support from other women that had been in my position prior. With things like “forgive yourself”, “you have the right to choose”, “you are still a good person”, “everything will be ok” etc. I was already very emotional at that point but reading those meant so much to me and made the tears fall even harder.

While I’m still really hurting inside, I hope it will get easier with time. I decided to name a star after the baby and I also opted to take the remains home, which I have since buried and planted some flowers on top which I care for daily.

I think that’s been the hardest part of all for me - battling with my thoughts that because I chose to have an abortion, I therefore don’t have the right to grieve or mourn that loss. I so wish I could have kept my child but it wasn’t the right thing to do. I made the decision FOR that child, for my other children and for our relationship. I’ll carry them and the “what if” with me for the rest of my life and I hope that they will forgive me for what I’ve done.

Once again, thank you for asking about me . To anyone reading this, if you find yourself in this position - Please feel confident in going through MSI. I really can’t praise them enough, I felt so supported during and after. X

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Just thought I’d put a final update on my journey as a way to close it off and in the hopes that it may help others who might pass through here at some point.

I had my abortion on Thursday. It was a lot easier than I expected. The staff at the clinic were absolutely lovely, the environment was really calm and caring. My surgeon was a woman which really helped put my mind at ease. In the room was surgeon, three nurses and the aesthetician who was the only man. All of them lovely and kind. They managed to find my rogue coil whilst I was under and remove it too and put a new one in. I was in recovery about 45 mins and then allowed to leave and my friend picked me up and we got McDonald’s .

Ex moved back in a few days before the procedure but it was helpful having him here for the school runs. He’s staying in the spare room and I guess next week we will have ‘The Talk’ and work out how we separate our massively entwined lives.

 

[mcfeez]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

I think this post is not appropriate for the thread.

 

[hannah1799]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

 

[Gilmoregirl18]

Hi all, found out I was expecting again 2 weeks ago, I already have 2 children and cannot see myself with a third, also for my own mental health I cannot have another baby.
Had my consultation with a midwife today and the tablets are in the post for me to carry out the abortion at home once they arrive.
I know 100% this is the right choice for me, but the guilt I am already feeling about taking that first tablet which stops the pregnancy from progressing has hit hard, I know it sounds bad but I would rather it all came away on its own, but that didn’t happen.

 

[marthaedwards11]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

 

[yellowflower274]

I’m currently in the consultation process of having an abortion. I’m very newly pregnant (5weeks) and in a complicated financial and personal situation.

I live with my partner in a city 400 miles away from our support network, where the cost of living and rent is astronomical.
On discovering I was pregnant our knee jerk reaction was to plan a way to move back to our hometown, however as the days went by we realised this was going to be extremely difficult (we are two months into a 2 year lease here, I would have to give up my job completely to move putting us on one wage and my partner if his company agreed to transfer him would take a considerable pay cut - added to the fact that we would have nowhere to live and mortgages are the way they are at the moment!)
For a while we had been trying to conceive but once we moved here we decided to make the most of temporarily living in a big city, which made this a bit more difficult.
We both decided that the best thing for us to do was not continue the pregnancy at this time.

i suppose I’m just looking for others who have had terminations support (and maybe some advice from those on here a bit wiser than me), as I think a lot of what I’ve read online are women regretting their choice and struggling mentally afterwards.
I know that I will still feel some degree of upset naturally despite knowing this is the right thing for me but it feels like I am strange for not being “heartbroken”?

I had an abortion in January of this year after finding out I was pregnant in Dec 2021. There really was no other thought to me than to have an abortion, I was 22, just moved in with my boyfriend and just started working in the Police. We’d moved 1hr30mins away from both our families for my job and it simply was a complete accident and neither me or my boyfriend were financially or emotionally ready for a baby.

I had to wait nearly a month to actually have the appointment which was really hard as I was so emotional and kept crying and saying I felt connected to the baby etc but I still knew it was the right decision (and ultimately the only decision I had really), but as soon as I had my appointment and went through the physical process I felt a million times better…I can’t imagine having a 4 month old baby now. It simply wasn’t the right time for us.

There’s no shame in it at all, ultimately it’s better to terminate a pregnancy than bring a child into this world if you are not ready and it’s not the right time. I havent regretted my decision for a second but obviously everyone has completely different situations. I’m happy to talk more about the procedure etc if you need as well either on here or privately.

 

[jazzy22]

Hi all, so the worst thing has happened. On Tuesday I found out I’m pregnant I’m 5 weeks tomorrow. To me this is a tragic accident that never should have happened. As soon as I found out I called Marie Stopes, because of gestation I’d have to wait around 2-3 weeks for a surgical & as you can imagine - timing is crucial. I have opted for a medical. I’ve had quite a few phone calls with different ladies & they have all been SO nice. The medication arrived through my door today. It’s just so surreal staring at the packets of tablets that’s the difference between life & death. That’s how I feel. I 100000% know my decision is the right one but my feelings are just so all over the place. I am starting the process Monday as that’s when my partner is at home with me & kids are at school. Any advice is much appreciated. I feel lost, broken, ashamed & scared

 

[Dogwithabone]

Hi I just wanted to add something from my personal experiences if anyone is having doubts on whether to go through termination or not. I fell unexpectedly pregnant last year whilst still breastfeeding my 18 month old and it was a huge shock. I considered termination but in the end we decided to continue with the pregnancy as I suffered horrendously from having an abortion at 17 and didn’t want to go through that again. I now have a 6 month old who I absolutely cannot imagine life without. We weren’t in a great position financially and ideally we could do with moving into a bigger house but we are making it work for us as best we can at the moment and I know it will all be ok in the end. There is no perfect time to have a baby but we manage the best we can and our children know they are so loved, are happy and thriving. I had an abortion at 17 and I believe I suffered ptsd from it. The procedure itself was fine but I did suffer afterwards even though I didn’t want the baby I thought I would be fine and so it was a huge shock when I started grieving afterwards. because of that experience I don’t think I could ever put myself through it again and even though it wasn’t the best timing having another baby I feel blessed and so lucky now that she is here and her siblings absolutely adore her. Something I was so worried about has been the best thing to happen to us. I know it is daunting but babies are blessing, planned or unplanned.

Hello, I have thought this through, believe me. I have a daughter about to go through open heart surgery that alone is enough to know that right now this is not the right decision. I have 4 beautiful babies that I am so grateful for, my family is complete.
I’m pleased it all worked out for you but rest assured this isn’t an impulsive decision 🥹

 

[gummy-bear]

Those of you who had surgical abortions - question, did any of you find it sore, either during the procedure or immediately afterwards?

I had a surgical in June because I was 11 weeks and they advised it was better. I was terrified because I read on Reddit and other forums how painful it was. It honestly didn’t hurt anymore than a smear- you take painkillers before and during and it was minimal discomfort. Immediately afterwards I felt sooo much better (I’d been throwing up every day for the previous two weeks) and had zero pain. I was back to normal activities that evening. Honestly I would recommend surgical from my experience xx

 

[mushroomprincess22]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X