Dating after Lockdown

[Jac40]

I would run a mile if it were me. But it's up to you. You don't have to be into the same things but you do at least have to have the same outlook on the world.

That’s my feeling about it too, thank you

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

So, was chatting on and off to a Tinder bloke last summer. Things fizzled out but he recently got back in touch on WhatsApp.

We've just been having a casual, flirty chat, I wasn't it assuming it would really go anywhere, so was amping up the flirting a bit. He did actually say, when it's possible he would like to take me out for a drink.

Anyway, he told me is full name, just because I was teasing him over something, so I obviously looked him up on social media.

So, I discovered a video he made of a fundraising event he was involved with a couple of years ago. He's featured on it, speaking, etc, and there is just no way I would fancy him in real life

This is why all this OD stuff is so crap. The thought of flirting with a bloke I would not fancy whatsoever is really third degree cringe

Oh no I did have a little giggle, though. Have you spoken to him since watching the video??

 

[yankydoo]

View attachment 385215


Has he replied to the smiley?

I despair!

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

I don't have social media... Like at all. What would you think of that if someone said that to you?

Ngl a guy said that to me once and was like I only have WhatsApp i unmatched

social media/ no social media is a line that’s really hard.

Partly as I find it weird/shady/questionable when guys say that they don’t have any social media. This is because I assume they’re married etc. However, it probably isn’t a problem, but just explain to them if they question it.

 

[whatktdid]

I’ve just re-read ‘He’s Just Not That into You’ which I read about 10 years ago. I know you shouldn’t need a flippant self help book to tell you but it has really helped. He takes a day to reply to you when you know he has his phone in his hand 20/24 hours? He’s just not that into you. He has a great excuse for cancelling a date/not getting serious? You’re still in touch but he doesn’t want a relationship? Hanging out but no romance? The list goes on. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany!

I met a man on Hinge recently. Asked if I was free on the Friday. Texted a few hours later and said it would be too late, let’s do Sunday instead. Sunday we were texting about the evening date venue. 4pm- he cancelled as he ‘wasn’t in the right headspace’ Had the date on the Tuesday (he was hot!) and he asked to have date two at the weekend. Friday came and he cancelled- no apology, just said can we do next week instead as he’s now going away. I archived the chat without replying. Next!

Ugh what a flake, sorry you had your time wasted! But hey ho, sounds like you read that book at the perfect time and at least allowed no more of your time to be wasted.

 

[lalalanded]

What do you think is the best way to let down someone you haven't met yet? I've been talking to someone for a bout 6 weeks. He is local but was staying with his family up North for lockdown. He's back now and we have arranged to meet this week but in the meantime I have met someone else I like and really can't be bothered to meet this guy. Also now lockdown has been lifted a bit I'm so busy which adds to not being bothered.

Can someone help me with a nice letdown?

Just think if the shoe was on the other foot - would you want him to be honest? If so, you know the answer!

 

[under the ivy]

Personally I wouldn’t meet him at all. Keep moving forward.

Yeah part of me wants to bail, but I think he might be expecting that. I want to show him that I’m getting on with my life and remain civil. I’ve got a week to think about it anyway.

It's quite soon and the hurt will still be quite raw when you see him, old feelings of familiarity and connection might come back. The entire Internet () doesn't recommend meeting him so soon, however I know how hard it is not to (I've done it), just be aware it might bring all the hurt you felt at the beginning flooding back and all the progress you've made might be halted until you recover again. Has he told you what he wants? x

No, he hasn’t said. I’m really aware of feelings coming back and might take 2 steps back in my recovery, but I do feel strong enough to see him. I’m in a good place mentally even though it is soon. I’ve got a week to mull it over, so I’ll see how I feel as the week goes on x

 

[yankydoo]

Was that days later or on the same day?!

Days later. Sent a nice messaging asking how he was and how his week was going and I was blocked!

 

[coconochanel]

I wouldn't worry then if he replied to your message this morning. Maybe gives him more to talk about on your date if he doesn't put it all in texts?

yeah but he hasn't replied to a text I send after that.

 

[Caramel Latte]

what happened anything in particular?

Oh no i don't mean a member did anything. Just the unfortunate stories

 

[Clover123]

Little update if you guys are interested.
We chatted a bit last week and agreed to meet up on Monday just gone. On the Sunday, we planned what we would do on the Monday evening and he seemed enthusiastic. Then on the Monday around midday, I got this text
"I'm really sorry, I feel awful but I don't think we should meet later. I'm not feeling myself at the moment and meeting up isn't the right thing to do. I need to lay low and focus on work and stuff til I'm in a better place. I hope we can be friends, if not then I apologise again for messing you around. Hope I haven't really pissed you off or anything. Sorry man x"

Am I not worth more than a " SORRY MAN KISS"?

Anyway, I think his excuse is utter bullshit. I was right to be a bit wary.
As some people said, it seems that there is a pattern where guys are super keen before a first date, even during the date, then they completely vanish afterwards. Cowards much?

I'm so sorry! He's not worth it at all, that's a really bs excuse. I suppose at least you can comfort yourself that you dodged a bullet early on, but that really sucks and I hope you're not too down about it

 

[lalalanded]

Re upload but blur out his face hun. Just an FYI to everyone I realised that you can see photos and stuff posted even when you’re not logged in. (As much as we love a screenshot) x

@lalalanded you have every right to feel somethings off or suspicious it sounds very fast Very soon. but I don’t know how you can discuss it as it all seems a bit sensitive too does she have family? Do you know them? Have you expressed concerns to them?

@bobthedragqueen the update is he never accepted on Instagram and never matched! I look like an absolute twat X

Thank you! It's just good to hear from people that aren't invested because even I was wondering if I was just being a killjoy............... I can't discuss with her, she's really happy and I can't rain on the parade. Her family is probably the reason behind her desperation tbh and as he will work in a profession that makes decent money (even if his ex takes it all) I think that's their version of her 'making it'. I'm sure they've encouraged it.

Just wanted to see if it was me being funny, she's a big girl so I'll leave her to it despite my reservations.

 

[alwayslurkin]

I would tell him direct how you feel and be done with it

I always appreciate a direct response, like others do here, so it is only fair to do the same to someone else

 

[Yumyums]

As an ice breaker, I used to like to ask about their OD experiences. Anything weird or funny, etc. As it's something you both share common ground on.

I'd avoid 'stock' questions, though. I remember getting on like a house on fire with a first date, the conversation was flowing naturally and he then interrupted with some standard, stock question - can't remember what it was, but remember I couldn't think of an answer off the top of my head. Said I'd have to think about it, but then it just kind of killed the conversation a bit, think he felt a bit daft, and it was harder to get back on track.

Yeah I get what you mean about the stick questions. I think they’re good for conversation starters and you can mix with the flow of the conversation. What are stock questions to you?

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

No offence taken!! I live in a city (in England)
Honestly makes me think I’ll be single forever.

Girl I live in England too, not far from london. I’ve come across a few toad looking men but this is a lot

 

[Bellaboo83]

It just makes more sense. If he’s keen to talk to you, he’ll give you the extra time to send a message.
However, I hate having to send the first message

Haha I'd never have anyone to message if I did that . I hate the first message thing too, but found bumble to have men who are a bit more serious about properly dating than guys on tinder, does anyone else find that?

 

[sleepflowers]

I do 50 miles I think, I live/work near central London so it covers most people who commute here

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Someone on bumble tried to video call me today. I was at work and my Fitbit started vibrating and my phone said “bumble video” but It only lasted a a few seconds and stopped. It doesn’t tell me who it was So it’s one of 4 matches that I’m chatting to. Has anyone on here done a bumble video call??

 

[yankydoo]

I could be wrong but I think the problem is what we were saying a bit earlier in the thread about having the same bone dry conversations over and over again. Even just by opening with “Hi” and nothing more I’d be irritated so I kind of get it

That's it! If I match with someone I do try and type out a paragraph (granted it is the same one over and over again) just to show I'm keen and trying to make an effort. What am I supposed to say to "hi"

I've typed out a long paragraph in return now and will see he how responds hahaha

 

[Wowitsme]

Depends on why they go quiet some people do work on weekends or whatever

There is this too obviously each circumstance is individual but if they are working etc it’s different. I’m talking generally.