Coping with losing a pet

[Leelah]

My cat was sadly run over last month - I still miss him, I still look at pictures and videos. Absolutely fine to grieve over a pet, i loved my cat more than most people I know.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I'm so sorry to everyone in this thread who has lost a beloved pet. I lost my dog, Prince, last year. He was 17 and we had him from a puppy.

One thing that helped was I commissioned an artist to draw a picture of him, which is now framed and sits in our living room, pride of place.

 

[quinzel]

I lost my oldest cat on Friday evening. He was 16 but in good health (or so I thought). I noticed that evening he had very rapid breathing and seemed to be congested when breathing. Partner took him to the vet where they did a scan and said he was in heart failure, with a possible tumour and fluid around the heart and lungs. There wasn't much they could do, we made the really difficult choice to have him put to sleep. We are just utterly devastated. I've been crying pretty much non-stop since Friday. The house feels so empty. My little boy and our two other cats know he is gone but they don't understand he's not coming back

I'm glad I was there in his last moments, and I would never have left him to go through it without me. However thinking of him, laying in between us, purring away, to then be gone seconds later, is just so hard to get over. I will never get over this loss. I feel so broken.

 

[kazizzle]

Hi all. My cat was put to sleep this morning. I am absolutely devastated and heart broken. I can't stop crying.

He was only 10/11 (we think as we rehomed him so actual age is unclear) and we had him for 9 years, first living with my OH in his flat and then moving in to our shared home. On Saturday he had a sore tail and I noticed he'd pulled all the fur from it and wouldn't stop biting/licking it. He seemed in a lot of distress Saturday night so I took him to the vet on Sunday. Vet said cut on his tail was clean and gave us a cone to stop him getting at it. I mentioned he was whining when he moved too and the vet said it was probably some signs of early arthritis and gave me an anti-inflammatory for his food. Cat adapted to the cone really well but I struggled to get him to eat or drink. Last night he became very floppy as if he couldn't move his legs. He couldn't support his own weight. Took him back to the vets, thinking it was dehydration, who said he most likely had a blood clot and would probably pass within the next hour and there was nothing he could do apart from ease the process along.

I think I was in total shock as I really didn't expect it. Twenty minutes later, and after a teary phone call to my OH who is working abroad just now, he was gone. I've cried all day. I put off coming home to the empty house for as long as I could. Just ten minutes ago I thought I heard his collar bell ringing and it set me off again.

I've never had a pet before and I don't have words to describe this grief which is like nothing else I've ever experienced. Reading up on the blood clot it's likely the sore joints he had on Sunday were an early sign, but we were so focused on the tail wound. Thinking about it though it would have been thousands of pounds worth of invasive treatments to try and treat it and even then it might not have worked, so I think we may have decided to go down this route anyway rather than put the poor boy through all that.

He has an instagram account so I'm glad I have that for some memories and also really like the idea someone mentioned of commissioning an artist to draw a picture. I might see if I can do that as a gift for my OH, who is many miles away and distraught that he was unable to be here for both me, and our boy who was his best friend and companion for many years. He won't be home for another 5 weeks.

 

[quinzel]

@kazizzle I am so sorry for your loss. It’s just an awful feeling. Today I’ve cried a bit less, take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself

I picked these up from the vet today. I was trying to be strong but I broke down when I walked through the door and seen the door to the room we sat in with Leo. We should get his urn with his ashes in a couple of weeks. These are giving me some comfort in the meantime:

 

[kazizzle]

@kazizzle I am so sorry for your loss. It’s just an awful feeling. Today I’ve cried a bit less, take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself

I picked these up from the vet today. I was trying to be strong but I broke down when I walked through the door and seen the door to the room we sat in with Leo. We should get his urn with his ashes in a couple of weeks. These are giving me some comfort in the meantime:

Aw these are lovely!

I’m now thinking I was so caught off guard earlier that I wasn’t prepared for making decisions around cremation etc. Never discussed this with OH as we thought we’d have more time. I ended up just going with a communal cremation where the ashes are scattered in a memorial garden because I liked the idea of having somewhere we can go to sit remember him and his spirit mingling with other pets in the garden, but I never asked about things like if they take pawprints or anything and should I have asked more questions and not just go with what they were trying to sell me. Never had a pet before so I don’t know what the norm is.

Feeling so much guilt around the whole thing really. It’s just awful.

 

[quinzel]

Aw these are lovely!

I’m now thinking I was so caught off guard earlier that I wasn’t prepared for making decisions around cremation etc. Never discussed this with OH as we thought we’d have more time. I ended up just going with a communal cremation where the ashes are scattered in a memorial garden because I liked the idea of having somewhere we can go to sit remember him and his spirit mingling with other pets in the garden, but I never asked about things like if they take pawprints or anything and should I have asked more questions and not just go with what they were trying to sell me. Never had a pet before so I don’t know what the norm is.

Feeling so much guilt around the whole thing really. It’s just awful.

That's totally understandable and must have been so tough making all the decisions yourself too

It's possibly a service some vets offer as we didn't mention it but they asked us if he wanted the paw prints and fur before the procedure.

I think that sounds lovely having a place to go and visit him, we may have done the same but the memorial garden is really far away.

I hope you are feeling okay today

 

[kazizzle]

That's totally understandable and must have been so tough making all the decisions yourself too

It's possibly a service some vets offer as we didn't mention it but they asked us if he wanted the paw prints and fur before the procedure.

I think that sounds lovely having a place to go and visit him, we may have done the same but the memorial garden is really far away.

I hope you are feeling okay today

I actually just came on to leave an update as I have just spoken to the vets. I'm in Scotland and read on the crematorium website that in Scotland they don't put the remains in a memorial garden because of the law here. The vet has sadly confirmed that my boys remains will go to landfill, and not be placed in the garden on site. I'm so upset about this, not only because I feel totally misled, but also that a landfill site will be his final resting place. It just feels cruel. I can't believe they aren't upfront about that.

The vet website does mention pawprints and fur so I asked about that and they have collected these for me which is very kind of them. But I'm still annoyed.

Unfortunately a private cremation really isn't a financial option for us at this time and I still like the idea of him being alongside other pets and not all alone (I have a fear of fire so cremation absolutely terrifies me) so I'm not going to change it, but not happy about it.

We've decided we are going to get a frame that we can put his photo, pawprints, collar and fur in to and will have this in our house. I'm also thinking about getting a plant for the garden which I can dedicate to him.

I hope you are also doing OK @quinzel - it's a tough time for sure. Something fell off my dresser during the night and woke me up and I thought it was him

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I sometimes think it's worse when you actually have to make that decision.

I’m in this position now with our cat (and read your post before this one too). She’s nearly 20 and has declined the last two weeks. She’s struggling to eat and has lost so much weight. The vet has said we could try sedation to scan / examine her more closely but she may not survive that and either way it would be stressful for her. She’s suddenly become very frail and for the first time looks her age. She won’t get properly better, as she’s likely too weak for treatment if they do find throat or mouth cancer (or something else) but like your boy she’s not literally at death’s door either. It’s hard to know when to say goodbye. It feels bizarre to arrange it ahead of time but I also don’t want her to suffer. Equally don’t want to rush.

 

[shifttea]

this has just popped up for me. I had to put my dog down a little over a year ago. she had a hemangiosarcoma. she went from being fine to going to sleep within the space of 3 days. it was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I still miss her dearly, and I will miss her every single day for the rest of my life.
I have a pendant made from her ashes that I wear 24/7, and I also recently got her pawprint tattooed on my leg, along with my other dogs pawprint.
imo, people gloss over how it is to lose a pet because "they're just a pet", but I firmly believe that loss can be felt just as deeply, if not deeper, as when a human dies. my heart hurts for everyone who has lost a pet, is having to make the decision to have a pet put to sleep, or is just aware that their pet is getting on a bit. there's no pain like it.

 

[Libbylulu]

I’m in this position now with our cat (and read your post before this one too). She’s nearly 20 and has declined the last two weeks. She’s struggling to eat and has lost so much weight. The vet has said we could try sedation to scan / examine her more closely but she may not survive that and either way it would be stressful for her. She’s suddenly become very frail and for the first time looks her age. She won’t get properly better, as she’s likely too weak for treatment if they do find throat or mouth cancer (or something else) but like your boy she’s not literally at death’s door either. It’s hard to know when to say goodbye. It feels bizarre to arrange it ahead of time but I also don’t want her to suffer. Equally don’t want to rush.

My cat was very ill a year ago. I could see him deteriorating and I remember asking when will I know it’s time. A friend and the vet said that I would. Difficult to explain but you will. Sending you big hugs to you and and your girl. Pamper and spoil her xxxx

 

[Namewithheld]

Hugs to all. I had to have my horse pts 8 weeks ago who I’d owned since I was 11 (now 27!) it’s an awful decision to make but I still stand by that I wanted her to go to sleep whilst she was still “her” and not regret that I had left it too late.
We are our animals worlds and they owe us nothing, as heartbreaking as it is. I’d always been lucky (or so to speak) before and lost animals naturally due to old age in their sleep. I think they give a sign when it’s time to go, as my horse definitely did. We tried not to make it such a sad occasion and spent the morning in the sun with lots of grass after a lovely groom and plenty of polos.

I wouldn’t say one decision is better than the other and for me personally I know it was the right thing to do but that definitely doesn’t make it any easier. It still breaks my heart now. For me personally, I just didn’t want to feel guilty later on if I’d kept her going for too long.

It’s a horrible situation to be in, they are family after all. hugs xx

ETA - important note is to also allow yourself to grieve, and give plenty of time x

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I lost my( just over a yo ) cat,, Friday morning to a tragic accident due to a dog lead breaking. The D link snapped from the lead and the dog chased and caught my cat probably killing him instantly by breaking his neck as he was unmarked.

I feel very strange about it as feel I spent so much time comforting the dog owners that I neglected myself and my own grief and now that grief isn't coming out.

I feel absolutely no ill will towards the dog or its owners it was just one of those things. I'm just sad that I'm not feeling the sadness I normally would at a time like this. I'm not someone who beats my chest over my pets dying even though I love them dearly, but also I'm not blase about them dying either. . Or could it shock at how the little fella died?

 

[no-no]

I lost my( just over a yo ) cat,, Friday morning to a tragic accident due to a dog lead breaking. The D link snapped from the lead and the dog chased and caught my cat probably killing him instantly by breaking his neck as he was unmarked.

I feel very strange about it as feel I spent so much time comforting the dog owners that I neglected myself and my own grief and now that grief isn't coming out.

I feel absolutely no ill will towards the dog or its owners it was just one of those things. I'm just sad that I'm not feeling the sadness I normally would at a time like this. I'm not someone who beats my chest over my pets dying even though I love them dearly, but also I'm not blase about them dying either. . Or could it shock at how the little fella died?

Very sorry to hear about your cat and the tragic circumstances. How are you feeling now?

I hope everyone is coping okay with their grief, and anybody going through anticipatory grief. I dealt with that for a long time and it caused a lot of unpleasant feelings, I felt I couldn’t enjoy the time I had left because it was stressful when you’ve exhausted every option. I would give anything to have him back.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Very sorry to hear about your cat and the tragic circumstances. How are you feeling now?

I hope everyone is coping okay with their grief, and anybody going through anticipatory grief. I dealt with that for a long time and it caused a lot of unpleasant feelings, I felt I couldn’t enjoy the time I had left because it was stressful when you’ve exhausted every option. I would give anything to have him back.

I'm doing OK now thank you. We had a lovely burial with my grandchildren and we each spoke about our memories of him. Some made us cry some made us laugh. That's very healing.

 

[PumpkinKing]

I had to have one of my cats put to sleep 2 weeks ago after she was shot (more than likely by a neighbour). I’ve cried nearly every day, I can’t stop thinking about it. My 12 year old is especially upset, he cries every night as he misses her. She was only 1 we have her ashes and paw print.
This thread has helped me and made me feel more normal for my grief. 2 days after she died my dad told me to cheer up and that kids were dying in ukrain. He didn’t mean it nastily but it made me feel tit and abnormal for being so upset and low.
Sending love to everyone who has lost their beloved pets

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I had to have one of my cats put to sleep 2 weeks ago after she was shot (more than likely by a neighbour). I’ve cried nearly every day, I can’t stop thinking about it. My 12 year old is especially upset, he cries every night as he misses her. She was only 1 we have her ashes and paw print.
This thread has helped me and made me feel more normal for my grief. 2 days after she died my dad told me to cheer up and that kids were dying in ukrain. He didn’t mean it nastily but it made me feel tit and abnormal for being so upset and low.
Sending love to everyone who has lost their beloved pets

Oh gosh, that’s so so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t feel abnormal - we had to put our family cat down 10 days ago and we’re all out of sorts. We don’t know what to talk about without her. I’ve got her as my phone background and miss her so much. The paw print is such a lovely idea. I wish we’d done that. I’ll feel much better once we pick the ashes up, I think.

So all that to say, I’m glad this thread has helped, and everyone here more than understands your pain (and your son’s ). Sending lots of love. X