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What is he squirting on their faces!?!
Probably his holy man milk. Mind you, that probably has age reversing propertiesWhat is he squirting on their faces!?!
But it makes your nose grow really huge. Actually I'd love to see his nose journey, having too much cut off, like he has too many eyebrows ripped out.Probably his holy man milk. Mind you, that probably has age reversing properties
He's back! Let's all pray to the lord for sending his son back to earth for us.
He’s “bck” someone gift him a phone with working touch screen x
oh the bleeping hilarity - a cat in a box. Crazy times Martin, crazy times.
omg he gets on my nerves so much!!
Oh gawd, the second he comes back I wish he would go away again 
Melvin is following the old adage "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen". How could he go silent for a day and leave his mafia with no one to story themselves laughing till they piss themselves about how funny Melvin Christ is?
I bet he got a tiny little woody when he opened up insta and saw 3 post menopausal women had messaged him, asking if he was ok.
I bet he got a tiny little woody when he opened up insta and saw 3 post menopausal women had messaged him, asking if he was ok.
ok, I'm out by a few days, but I called it right (not hard really though if I'm honest), it's reposts of people boomeranging the tit out of their wax melts.
In these uncertain times we can always rely on Martin to remain consistent (ly boring)
In these uncertain times we can always rely on Martin to remain consistent (ly boring)
How peculiar: he manages to spell nearly every single word in full....
Bet leaving the ‘a’ out of ‘back’ saved Martin a tit-load of time.
And as for Rayn....calm down. You crazy cat.
Reckon this is why he's been quiet, probably raging that the daily record didn't put him in the big league of cleaning influencers
Pity the Daily Record didn’t look into how many of their followers are bought and how many are fake accounts .
duck! Even that is going to make his head swell to even more massive proportions
"Toilet scrubbing big league" ..... He's made it.
"Toilet scrubbing big heed" (head in Scottish accent) more like.
"Toilet scrubbing big heed" (head in Scottish accent) more like.
I laughed way too much this
Anyway, St Marion of Paisley is ill AGAIN but he's not going to go on about it because there are people out there worse off than him.
Bet he's so poorly that he's still going to work though. Meeting the mobs that stalk him in Debenhams in between healing all those lepers.
Cue one million dots in two days time telling us all about how he's been at death's door.
He seems to get seriously ill quite often. I'd be concerned and get myself checked out and then improve my lifestyle if it were me. But meh, why do that when you can wallow in your crushed velvet and then come and do 78 dots about it once you've drummed up enough concern from your silence 
How have I only just noticed that he is trying to make #hellomalovelies a thing.
Does anyone think it's a bit Munchausen-lite? because he revels in the opportunity to moan about his symptoms, beg for sympathy, then put a 'brave' face on it still coming on the 'gram.
Like Beardman says, if it were genuine he would be making lifestyle changes. Healthy eating, less screen time, some exercise and that should make a difference.
Does anyone think it's a bit Munchausen-lite? because he revels in the opportunity to moan about his symptoms, beg for sympathy, then put a 'brave' face on it still coming on the 'gram.
Like Beardman says, if it were genuine he would be making lifestyle changes. Healthy eating, less screen time, some exercise and that should make a difference.
He gets ill so often because his immune system is shot to death from all the chemicals he sprays around the gaff. If he laid off all the spraying and wax melts he'd probably find his health would be much better. But where's the fun in that I suppose? All the menopausal Mary's wouldn't bombard him with love and telling him how much they love him and his platform
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