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Ferguson

VIP Member
🤣 going through a break up right now so feeling pretty shite about my life, but feeling better now cause all the above apply to me. Got a career, a home and I’m not a drain on society so aye 😘😘 happy F R I D A Y my lovelies also 😘
Honestly hen, this was me when ah gave Mr Ferg his bespoke marching orders.

He was a miserable negative fucker (Hi Martin)

Ah've never looked back, had a wee bit of time tae masel, then started shaggimg ma daughters head teacher.

You'll be absolutely fine.
On the darker days just watch some Mario McKnight Baldilocks highlights You'll instantly feel better xc
 
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Shrekssister

VIP Member
Just got myself a robot vacuum, and just imagining it in Maz's little shed. It wouldn't have much mapping to do there, there is stuff everywhere and hardly any floor space to vacuum.. It's taken it about half an hour to start mapping my living room which is probably about the size of his entire flat. I've had to send it home to recharge now, it can finish its job later!

A robot vacuum hoovering the postage stamp
 
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Popper

VIP Member
Cannot cope with how ironic his “new range” is. Doesn’t own a washing line and his cunt washings have never felt a fresh breeze in their lives. Should’ve been called, damp cunt washings oan a clais horse smelling foosty
 
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Runforestrun

VIP Member
What in the Bon Marche is that beige cardi all about?? Fuck me lads he’s getting worse. Has he used a slimming filter this morning or is his 7lb weight loss showing already? 😂
 
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Bubbledoggyyeah

Chatty Member
Hay F R I A D A Y

Hope you'se are aww well and counting your tons blessings that you;

Dinnae live in a Beirut Toowers bedsit
Have mare than 3 hairs
Dinnae have a porous beak
Have a bath & a back door also 😘
🤣 going through a break up right now so feeling pretty shite about my life, but feeling better now cause all the above apply to me. Got a career, a home and I’m not a drain on society so aye 😘😘 happy F R I D A Y my lovelies also 😘
 
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G&TGal II

Active member
Hullo ma lovelies...

Bit of a long time no post, but as soon as I heard this roasting hot joos left oot in the paisley sun I RAN HERE.

Some of you lovelies might remember our Betty and oor not so lovely run in with a covid stricken Maz and Deek down the Linwood Home Bargs. Basically...he's a wee prick.

Since then Oor B has left us and its just been a pretty rough time altogether. So because of that I don't find myself over that way much and I haven't been back in there for quite a while. Long story short I nipped in for some bits today and the girl putting stock out stopped me to say she hadn't seen us for a while and I explained to her I was flying solo these days...

Anyway- she said oh that wee runt he's never out of here. He's got some brass neck that's twice he's been in here in the last couple of months claiming he was told he could make a reel and choose some free products and they'd give him them to advertise on his Instagram. But every time the manager tells him they don't make brand deals that's through head office and if they agreed that they'd organise it with him directly and not tell him just to pop in store and start his own supermarket sweep! She says every time he's in he loudly announces at the tills he's an influencer (funny for someone who hates the word eh) and he's best friends with Mrs hinch and so forth.

At this point I'm not shocked and kinda laugh it off and was about to go my own way when she called over the young boy behind us and said oh tell her about that cleaning Mario fanny...turns out he was in last week and somehow mentioned to the woman serving that Derek was desperate for a driving instructor (something along the lines of he wanted to buy a big item but couldn't get it home on the bus) and she said oh my husbands an instructor he's absolutely mobbed especially now the schools are finished this is when a lot of 17/18 year olds work extra shifts to do more lessons and she suggests he waits until September. This brass neck prick stood for 15 minutes on the beg for free lessons if he posts it on his Instagram. She said no repeatedly and said no he doesn't need any advertising he's absolutely worked to the limit and Mario eventually threw a strop, grabbed his bag and stomped off.

When I tell you I was HOWLING!

Not the first time I've heard people in the retail park comment on him he's always in shops on the beg 🙄
Partly because Fat Madge is the very definition of a cockwomble but mostly because of his abhorrent behaviour to the Tattle legend Betty I may just have ended up having a wee Twitter DM conversation with the relevant Dept at HB about his post last Christmas apologising for not being at a HB event but promising to be at the next one. I may also have attached a wee clip of an f’ing sweary rant and a screenshot of his bespoke middle finger at his Cnut washings and politely enquired as to whether their marketing dept thought he aligned with their values. They said my comments had highlighted issues and this would be passed to all relevant departments for review.

I hope you were carrying Betty in your heart when you went in and felt you were sharing your laughter with her xx
 
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Ferguson

VIP Member
My life made my lovelies, in Dunelm earlier on - Marion walking about on his phone and Derek looking like he didn't know where he was. Both midgets in real life 😂
The scabies bald patch
Manbag
Weans tracksuit on Deek

Well done ma lovely. Keep you power also x
 
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AwwCosyWivDeek

Chatty Member
Deek: Mario man, I wanna drive. It’s a big wurld out there and I need to spread me wings.

Mario: Telt ye what, Derek ma lovelie, ah’ll arrange avrything for yas. Yoo just gimme yer little purse and ah’ll figure it all out.

~ The next day ~

Deek: Mario man, ave yoo ad any luck wiv ma lessons? The boys doon at the orange lodge are ahl turnin’ 17 soon and said their mas have buked them lessons.

Mario: I, Mas, hav called not wan, not two, but 34 driving instructors today Derek ma lovelie and they’re all booked up until 2038. Covid lovelie, Covid. The global pandemic resulted in loads of peeps wanting to git as far away frum the slums o’ Paisley as they could. Anto doonstairs has stole enough carburetors and has his own Micra noo.
By the way, you owe me £10 because I used up all ma pay as you go minutes and needed a wee top-up also.
Can I make it up to you with a wee nosh?

*Deek has flashbacks to Mario’s BJ face*

IMG_2025.jpeg


Deek: Ah nah, it’s alreet. You’ve worked hard enough today cheering on small businesses like McDonald’s. It’s almost 8pm and past your bedtime. I’ll Febreeze yoor housecoat and be reet in.
 
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muscadet

Chatty Member
What in the name of all that is Holy is that outfit all about!! The cardigan! The trainers! The stupid under shirt 😂😂😂
 
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