Work place secret santas are such a waste of time and money imo. Obviously there are exceptions but to put a bunch of people under stress to find a suitable gift for x amount of money for someone they may not even know very well is just unnecessary. Most of the time everyone ends up being 5-10£ lighter and stuck with some tat that don't necessarily mean much to them.
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We have started being very specific with one another about what’s on our wish list, which means we generally get things we really want. But we now limit gift giving - my father in law, my husband, my kids and their partners. Plus this year I bought for my friend’s first grandson. I used to do secret Santa with a group of friends with a £5 limit and the instruction that it had to be funny. Last year I had more anxiety over that gift than anything else, I remember being in town just before Christmas almost in tears because I couldn’t find anything funny but vaguely useful under £5.
I can’t remember what I bought but I received a stick of sprouts (which I love) and a can of air freshener which made me laugh. I have inventive friends
I can’t remember what I bought but I received a stick of sprouts (which I love) and a can of air freshener which made me laugh. I have inventive friends
I give my Mum money at Christmas because she spoils us and she never treats herself and I know she will actually put it aside to use for a specific thing. Like next year she’s planning on a trip so I’ve given her money to use for it and I know she puts it away in a jar and will take it out when she goes! I also get her bits and bobs to open, clothes etc. She does so much so I love to get her a little pile of presents and spoil her. She’s given us money in the past to spend on holiday (in the currency) and this year for pots and pans as we’re due to move and need new but don’t know what ones we’ll want yet and frankly it’s one less thing to have to pack. I don’t mind this so much as it’s for specific things but generically giving to siblings or whatever to get the same back I see as pointless. Just agree to go and do something nice or each buy yourself something token and agree to spend the money on yourself. My friend and her partner give each other £500 in an envelope Christmas Day. What is the point?!
I think I’ve finally got to a point where I’m happy with buying and receiving Christmas presents. I only buy for immediate family - parents, sister, BIL and niece plus my friend’s baby. I used to buy for all my friends’ kids but there’s tonnes of them now so I stopped and just do birthdays.
I used try and find the best gifts for my parents, really think outside the box and do something different but they were never that fussed. Gig tickets, musical tickets, Harry Potter studios tour and they’re always appreciative but no different reaction to giving them a voucher. So this year me and my sister got my mum a spa voucher and I got her a cardigan from Asda (has told me to take it back as its too big) and my dad an Amazon voucher, a smart plug from Lidl and some chocolate and they’re more than happy.
I used to get annoyed as I wanted my presents to be a surprise but I’m fussy and would be disappointed if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted so this year I got everything I asked for (slippers, a lamp and a bag) plus some Xmas socks and a smelly room freshener thing and that’s fine. Mum said she’d buy me some wellies but again wants to me have exactly what I want so I’ll choose them. I’m at an age where I can by myself what I want when I want so I don’t expect a lot of gifts anyway. My sister’s quite fussy and will always ask for a voucher for a clothes shop and other bits, and that makes my life easier!
Every year my aunts buy me a boots 3for2 special and they’re nice and appreciated but I’m 37 and don’t need them to buy me anything and I don’t buy them anything in return so feels silly. I never see them or speak to them except at Xmas (haven’t this year) and even then they’re not that bothered in my life so I’d rather they didn’t waste their money.
Last year I bought my friend a spa voucher as she’d just had a baby and I got a John Bishop auto biography in return. I don’t even like John Bishop and have never mentioned him to her! Went straight in the charity pile. Would much rather nothing than something I don’t like so this year I’ve just bought for her baby. But it is a disappointment when you put the effort in and you don’t get that thought returned.
Same with cards, lot of people I didn’t bother with this year as I’m fed up with making the effort and not getting it reciprocated. I always used to say no they’re my family, what’s the world coming to when I can’t even send them a card, but they never make the effort with me and you get to a point where I think why am I bothering, so I just donated items to a food bank instead of spending money on cards.
I used try and find the best gifts for my parents, really think outside the box and do something different but they were never that fussed. Gig tickets, musical tickets, Harry Potter studios tour and they’re always appreciative but no different reaction to giving them a voucher. So this year me and my sister got my mum a spa voucher and I got her a cardigan from Asda (has told me to take it back as its too big) and my dad an Amazon voucher, a smart plug from Lidl and some chocolate and they’re more than happy.
I used to get annoyed as I wanted my presents to be a surprise but I’m fussy and would be disappointed if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted so this year I got everything I asked for (slippers, a lamp and a bag) plus some Xmas socks and a smelly room freshener thing and that’s fine. Mum said she’d buy me some wellies but again wants to me have exactly what I want so I’ll choose them. I’m at an age where I can by myself what I want when I want so I don’t expect a lot of gifts anyway. My sister’s quite fussy and will always ask for a voucher for a clothes shop and other bits, and that makes my life easier!
Every year my aunts buy me a boots 3for2 special and they’re nice and appreciated but I’m 37 and don’t need them to buy me anything and I don’t buy them anything in return so feels silly. I never see them or speak to them except at Xmas (haven’t this year) and even then they’re not that bothered in my life so I’d rather they didn’t waste their money.
Last year I bought my friend a spa voucher as she’d just had a baby and I got a John Bishop auto biography in return. I don’t even like John Bishop and have never mentioned him to her! Went straight in the charity pile. Would much rather nothing than something I don’t like so this year I’ve just bought for her baby. But it is a disappointment when you put the effort in and you don’t get that thought returned.
Same with cards, lot of people I didn’t bother with this year as I’m fed up with making the effort and not getting it reciprocated. I always used to say no they’re my family, what’s the world coming to when I can’t even send them a card, but they never make the effort with me and you get to a point where I think why am I bothering, so I just donated items to a food bank instead of spending money on cards.
My mum isn't one to spend a lot on presents which is fine, there's no need but she's usually much better at getting something I'd appreciate. This year, not so much! Firstly it looked like there was no gift for my husband. There was random box that was wrapped that we assumed was supposed to be his but there was nothing on the label except for "best wishes". Then I opened mine and it has giftcards for H and I in it, one of those ones that does numerous shops then a totally random selection of sweets and chocolates. She normally gets me things like books, smellies, specific chocolate or sweets she knows I like but this was like it was made for someone she's never met before 
The random box was tablet, again weird as I make my own and had sent her some in her present!
She got onesies for the children which was great and she got character ones that they all loved so totally spot on which makes my random offerings even more puzzling.
In-laws on the other hand, ridiculously generous....apart from the calendar she gives us every year. This year a twee family organiser style affair. I use my phone calendar for everything so I never put things on a paper one, also I like a pretty man to look at in my kitchen so cartoony pictures of random places round the UK is so not my thing
I'm so ungrateful but it's such a waste as I end up having to buy myself one every year and hers get binned.
The random box was tablet, again weird as I make my own and had sent her some in her present! She got onesies for the children which was great and she got character ones that they all loved so totally spot on which makes my random offerings even more puzzling.
In-laws on the other hand, ridiculously generous....apart from the calendar she gives us every year. This year a twee family organiser style affair. I use my phone calendar for everything so I never put things on a paper one, also I like a pretty man to look at in my kitchen so cartoony pictures of random places round the UK is so not my thing
I'm so ungrateful but it's such a waste as I end up having to buy myself one every year and hers get binned.My husbands family always buy our child really big (physically) presents. Again the same this year. They’re so generous but we don’t have a playroom and they’re starting to take over the house 
You're not ungrateful you're absolutely right. Why bother asking if you're not going to buy it and with respect £25/£17 isn't that much when you consider it's all you wanted. I'm the same as you. I'd rather have everything on my list but only those things.
Not to sound dramatic but it can be really heartbreaking when the people who are supposed to be the closest to you don't know well enough or don't care enough to try. I wish I just hadn't bothered. At least when I don't tell her what I want I'm not disappointed. I have to buy it myself anyway most of the time.
My mum is very show-y with money. So she'll spend £100 on presents for me and in her mind she's done a great job cause she's spent all this money in a "look at all the presents I've bought you" way but maybe 2 of those will be things I've asked for or can actually use. The rest of it will be given to charity or thrown out. I've tried to tell her, I tell her every year, I've even tried getting rid of the stuff in front of her so she gets the message. She then had ago at me for throwing out the stuff (see the metal pineapple post above) and I said well I do tell you every year. It's easier now for a quiet life just to let her buy things for the sake of buying.
My dad is great though. He doesn't get me much but the stuff he does get it is things I would actually want and use or he uses his initiative. For example, I'll ask for a book and he'll buy me that one and then one by the same author, or if I ask for concert tickets he'll buy me the calendar of the artist I'm going to see.
Every year as a kid I'd go home from my dad's house and my mum would make some snide comment about how little he'd bought me compared to her and I'd always think "yeah but he gets me stuff I actually want and listens!"
sorry for the life story
In an ideal world, she'd know me well enough or we'd be able to have an adult conversation about it. But in an ideal world, she wouldn't be a lot of things and would actually be a decent mother instead of putting men first
No parenting isn't easy but listening to your child and trying to understand isn't difficult imo.
I'm not sure this is the right place but my department (of which I was the director) did a secret Santa and I took a lot of trouble with the gift for my allocated person. Unfortunately, when I opened mine, it was a tube of lubrication....
I’m sorry what!?I'm not sure this is the right place but my department (of which I was the director) did a secret Santa and I took a lot of trouble with the gift for my allocated person. Unfortunately, when I opened mine, it was a tube of lubrication....
An old, posh relative of my mum who was really wealthy got my sisters who were 12 at the time Pink thongs...
The yearly joke was "let's see what crap X has bought" she sent us incense, and one year a rubber dog toy in the shape of bacon. We did not have dogs and neither did she...so I'm assuming it was meant for us to play with.
The pic I've attached is a stress toy but the thing I was given years ago was realistic looking and really hard.
It's sad because my mum would always put loads of thought and effort into their gifts but we didn't have much money at all.
Hopefully she's dead now
The yearly joke was "let's see what crap X has bought" she sent us incense, and one year a rubber dog toy in the shape of bacon. We did not have dogs and neither did she...so I'm assuming it was meant for us to play with.
The pic I've attached is a stress toy but the thing I was given years ago was realistic looking and really hard.
It's sad because my mum would always put loads of thought and effort into their gifts but we didn't have much money at all.
Hopefully she's dead now
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I'd say this is the exact place for this, w o wI'm not sure this is the right place but my department (of which I was the director) did a secret Santa and I took a lot of trouble with the gift for my allocated person. Unfortunately, when I opened mine, it was a tube of lubrication....
My lovely late grandma once received a box of Kleenex from one of her (very grand) nieces. I mean, in fairness, the box was in shiny gold, but still a bit of a headscratcher.
I am sorry it has taken so long for me to reply to your thoughtful post, I really did appreciate it.
The events of Christmas day, have quickly faded from memory, because a more serious situation has developed regarding the current Covid health concerns. My partner and I are both well, but things are a little precarious regarding our places of employment. Lets say there are much more important priorities at the moment.
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Love this thread! I wasnt seeing any family this year so I mainly got money just sent to my bank account which ive been able to buy some bits and pieces with. I always ask my family not to buy me expensive skincare, because I like choosing my own. Finally got the message through to my gran who bought me some bits I picked myself last year but this year my mum still sent me some fancy anti-aging skincare that I don’t want or need.
when i just started dating my boyfriend he was absolutely terrible with gifts (i have trained him well in the meantime )
anyway, a few years ago for christmas i gifted him with an 11 day trip to scotland, all paid for and planned out - i basically gave him a piece of paper that i made to look like a job ad - looking for a driver through scotland with rent a car, flights and accommodation paid for
in return he gave me a slutty christmas tree dress from primark with a comment about how great my bits will look in it i threw it away and to this day he still mentions it hahaha
)anyway, a few years ago for christmas i gifted him with an 11 day trip to scotland, all paid for and planned out - i basically gave him a piece of paper that i made to look like a job ad - looking for a driver through scotland with rent a car, flights and accommodation paid for
in return he gave me a slutty christmas tree dress from primark with a comment about how great my bits will look in it
i threw it away and to this day he still mentions it hahaha
I appreciate any gift I get bought. I generally like anything I receive (I often tell my family what I’d like to take the guess work out of it for them). I mean that to sound unspoilt (I’m not spoilt) but for example I’ll say I could do with some pyjamas etc.
One thing I’m not doing is sending cards to people to not get them back. I sent one to what I thought was my best friend from university only to get a text saying ‘I’m not doing cards this year’ then she puts on her IG story of writing Christmas cards with a glass of wine... still waiting for mine in the post
One thing I’m not doing is sending cards to people to not get them back. I sent one to what I thought was my best friend from university only to get a text saying ‘I’m not doing cards this year’ then she puts on her IG story of writing Christmas cards with a glass of wine... still waiting for mine in the post
The people who say oh I don’t do cards anymore I give the money to charity instead annoy me! They’re people who can most definitely afford to give the fiver to charity AND still buy a pack of cards! Just say I can’t be bothered rather than trying to make yourself out to be Mother Theresa! The same people usually don’t bother to even send a message wishing a happy Christmas so it’s clearly about effort not just thinking it a waste of money.
YES! "I'm giving the money to charity instead" are you actually though? Can I see receipt for that? They just don't care and don't want to bother. They're the same people who don't want to buy you a present or buy you cheap tat but are happy to take presents from you (and not say thank you!)
I usually buy my Christmas cards in the sales which are like £1 for a pack of 30 and then just buy the specials ones like for my dad etc at christmas time.
This thread is stuffed full of such sad stories I'm glad I was able to...er....lubricate it!I'd say this is the exact place for this, w o w
I'm speechless wtfwhen i just started dating my boyfriend he was absolutely terrible with gifts (i have trained him well in the meantime
anyway, a few years ago for christmas i gifted him with an 11 day trip to scotland, all paid for and planned out - i basically gave him a piece of paper that i made to look like a job ad - looking for a driver through scotland with rent a car, flights and accommodation paid for
in return he gave me a slutty christmas tree dress from primark with a comment about how great my bits will look in it
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