Childfree

DowntoearthDawn said:

I love your honesty. Everyone has an opinion and boy do they love to share it.

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Thank you. I just edited my post to add my age as I realised some might get judged as I have, as good as saying "time is ticking". I did have a brief point of wondering what having a child would be like, but it's just not for me.

I’m about 80% sure I don’t want kids. Partner of 7 years definitely does. I have spoken about it with him, he said he is happy with either but I know he wants a big family. I really do hope I wake up one day and change my mind, I asked him how he’d feel about leaving it until we were past 35 and then letting nature decide... then if it’s too late the decision has been taken out of our hands. Is that a really stupid way of doing it?

Honestly though you wouldn’t believe some of the comments I get. Just me by the way, not my partner . It’s really ramped up the last few years now we’ve turned 30 and it’s not even from older people - some of our friends seem baffled that we’re not pushing out sprogs yet. I try and brush it off saying I’d be a terrible mother (I honestly would, I’m so selfish and would probably leave my child in a carpark or something) or something to that effect. It’s like suddenly my life goal should be having a baby and homemaking - I just find it so dull. I can’t even use the excuse that I want to focus on my career cos I have a pretty steady job and have no great ambition to climb to the top. I just want an easy life with nice things

YT just recommended this video to me so thought I’d share




“The thing about regret is, you don’t regret not doing what you don’t want to do”

Silly Sausage said:

YT just recommended this video to me so thought I’d share




“The thing about regret is, you don’t regret not doing what you don’t want to do”

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Thanks for sharing!

Totally! And I'd rather regret NOT having children than regret having children!

I will never understand why it’s selfish to choose not to have children. Selfish to who? The most selfish thing you can do is bring a child into the world because you want a baby. And to clarify I don’t mean that as a judgement I really don’t, it’s the way nature works and I get that. I have a biased view because I was pretty much an unwanted child but I just really don’t understand how it’s selfish

If I had met the right man at the right time, then I might have had children. I have known my partner for almost 30 years, we got together in 2013, he would have made a wonderful Father to our children.
If I am honest, I never really had the urge to be a Mother. I'm not sad about it, more philosophical.

Rockin' Robin said:

If I had met the right man at the right time, then I might have had children. I have known my partner for almost 30 years, we got together in 2013, he would have made a wonderful Father to our children.
If I am honest, I never really had the urge to be a Mother. I'm not sad about it, more philosophical.

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Same here. I just never felt that maternal ‘need’ to have a child. Our friends all began having kids and we didn’t. One friend even suggested to me that she had a child because she was a bit bored and it would fill in some time Others joked about it being nice to have a year off work. So flippant about bringing a life into the world. I couldn’t be so light hearted about it and I suppose I was waiting to feel something inside that would drive me to want a child, but that never came. My husband felt the same as me. You know what though, at 47, we have a bloody great life together.

Even though I knew I wouldn’t be a mother I did know I’d be a great auntie and they can have a second home here etc. But when they go back to their parents we’re always a bit relieved!

My ex has had 5 kids by 3 different fathers. First two deserted her, and the third turned out to be a heavy drinker. So she has ended up looking after and bringing them up alone. First two were desperate to be fathers (so she says - I've only ever heard 1 side of the story!), then when it actual was a reality........

Also, I don;t have kids, but have plenty of nephews, nieces and godchildren. I have been told that when i'm old i'll be lonely without kids, as if the kids are supposed to be on hand 24 hours a day or something??!?!?!?! Anyway, I know 3 widow/widowers whose children are either in another part of the UK from them or abroad (nothing due to bad feeling or anything, work is usually the reason) so that's that arguement out of the window.

I’ve never wanted kids and I realise now that’s because of the terrible childhood I had. It makes me very angry how many people blindly enter into parenthood as though it’s a biological right and end up being shitty parents.
I’m 34 now and in a very good relationship. I’m potentially changing my mind about having kids after having lots of therapy, but I still take the decision very seriously as I don’t want to repeat the cycle of bad parenting.
I’ve been told for years “oh how sad that you don’t want kids! You’ll change your mind!” Drives me frigging mad, mind your own business.

How many on here don't have children by choice.

I'm 36, no children was a little bit forced on me for medical reasons, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't want them anyway!

So many people behave like it's the only thing in the world and parenthood is the only worthwhile life role. I feel like I just roll my eyes now when there's a new pregnancy announcement.

I don't have any, haven't ever felt like I wanted any.

Me! I’ve reached 40 and never changed my mind. To be honest, I’ve never understood why anyone would chose to have them!!

I am 35 and don’t have children, also unable to because of medical issues. I was never really too fussed whether I had children of my own or not, until I tried and discovered I couldn’t. It did take me a few years to accept this, but now that I have I am totally fine with it.

I’m not sure how I’d cope as a parent to be honest. As I love my sleep, going out, spontaneous weekends away and last minute holidays (pre-covid of course) and none of this would be possible if I had children

A lot of people do think that parenthood is the only thing women want in life. Some people are so rude about it and I constantly get so many comments and direct questions about my lack of children (only the people close to me are aware of my medical problems) often by people I’ve just met or random work colleagues

You might like this Childfree thread

Me!!

Early 30s and have always been clear I don’t want kids. Not for me, simple as. Long term partner feels the same.

Same! I'm 36 and have never felt maternal. It does feel a bit like it's the be all and end all for many people, but it just doesn't appeal to me.

Me! (Well, us).

At around 28/29 we said agreed we should probably start trying (we were feeling socially pressured to), but then bought a very expensive property (a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) that meant us having to hold onto our jobs for dear life. We knocked off a huge amount of the mortgage by the time I was late 30s, had a chat, and both decided that it suited us not to have them. I don't say this selfishly - we both worried about what sort of world we'd bring them into, the cost of having and raising them, and there was also concern in the back of my mind that I could end up being like my mother (a narcissist in the extreme, I had a very unhappy childhood; her mother was the same, as was her mother before her).

I'm now late 40s and do not regret it for a moment. I don't dislike children; I'm a fun aunty apparently, and I love my best friend's boys (twins she birthed at 45), but I'm very happy with my situation. Of course we get people saying how strange it is, intimating there must be something wrong with us, blah blah blah ... I even had a client say "Oh, I'm sorry!" to me when he asked if we had children and I said no. My husband's mother has a real issue with it but that's her problem. I don't feel like I'm missing out, and as my health has seriously deteriorated since I hit 40, I see it as a blessing that we never went there.

I do treat my Labradors like children apparently, and that suits me just fine.

Oh it's so nice to read posts from like minded people
I think I'm too selfish for kids as well, I enjoy my own time too much
Anyone choosing not to have children because of the state of the world? This is something I considered, I can't imagine bringing life into this world.

malolo said:

I don't have any, haven't ever felt like I wanted any.

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I'm the same, I love kids but just don't want any of my own, I prefer my independence.

Same here. We’re both in our late 40s now. We love being auntie and uncle, and they can come and stay whenever they like (within reason!) but that’s as far as it goes.

I don’t get it so much now, but when I was in my 30s I used to get a lot of ‘oh you’ll be having babies soon’ etc. Very irritating, especially if it was from people who don’t know you that well - there could be medical reasons why you can’t have children. People can be so thoughtless. Anyway, I reckon I’m too old for those comments now