Caroline Hirons #24 Reti-nope

[Tom_Nook]

Oh my god!
a freak has posted an ode to C this morning!
it’s like a piece from TAKE A BREAK magazine!
it’s SO long too…
I am actually shocked! This isn’t all of it!

Wait, did an adult write this? This reads like a year 5 having a go at poetry for the first time. Having said that, a child might have a better understanding of rhyming structure. Also- WHAT ON EARTH? Why would you spend time writing such brown nosing drivel about someone you don't even know?


Edit to add my own little piece. I know this is hypocritical because it did take me 5 minutes

I started following this woman
I buy whatever she's shilling
My house is full of skincare
The cupboards quickly filling

Who cares if I can afford it
If it's new I've got to have it
I hide it from my husband
Embarrassed at my habits

I'm gifting things to strangers
With puffy eyes from crying
These strangers bloody love me
Who care if they're probably lying

Somehow I've got too much
I've only got one face!
What on earth was I even thinking?
There's skincare all over the place

We're eating cleanser for breakfast
Drinking toner before bed
We can't move for skincare kits
....Don't tell him there's more in the shed

 

[Whatisgoingoninworld]

that’s exactly what happens when you use 50+ cream. In other freakoid news.. Kate pink smith bought 250 pound boots and demanded dpd instead of royal mail with no extra charge!! So the boot company refunded her money and didn’t send them. I think that’s hilarious! If someone is being unreasonable I think that’s the best way to do it!! She’s also been blocked by cult beauty and other retailers because she’s an abusive bitch who thinks she’s soooo important.

 

[Kitkatkut]

I honestly have no words!! How do these people survive everyday life????

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Well I can tell you … when I was 22 I used a cream that was made for mature skin and as soon as I put it on my reflection in the mirror changed. I was shocked. I watched myself aging rapidly until I looked like 82 years old. I sobbed and sobbed for days until my eyes fell out and the skin around my eyes was so dry it just flew away when a breeze came through my open window. Eventually I managed to put my eyes back in. As I googled for help I found Caroline’s blog. And there it was, the solution. As per Caroline’s advice I went and smothered myself in steroids and Flu Raccoon and *bang* I looked my age again after a few weeks. Hail Queen Caroline, what do we do to deserve you!

 

[Opinionated]

I honestly have no words!! How do these people survive everyday life????

 

[Orangebird69]

'A relative expired, do you think their skincare has too?'

Bloody ghouls, the lot of them.

 

[MissHavisham]

I'm phoning the police to have that poem woman arrested for causing grievous bodily second hand embarrassment. My sphincter may never unclench.

 

[FINIFUS]

Here are some screenshots. You know what, I don't want a friend that tells me I look like a right dog. Why would anyone consider that being a good friend?

Same here @SqualorVictoria . My friends are people who lift me up when I'm down, and I hope I do the same for them. During my late wife's illness and all the trials that involved (including botched and careless diagnoses which absolutely shortened her life and caused her to have surgery which led to serious facial disfigurement) - I lost my eyebrows. All of them. I'd always had very strong brows.

By the time my wife died, at home, with me, I looked an absolute state. No brows, weight loss, greying hair (it was previously almost black), which I'd resorted to wearing in pretty much a buzz cut - caring for her and also trying to work, left no time and no inclination for 'self care'.

The fact is I KNEW I looked awful. I didn't need my mates to tell me that. When I was ready (over a year later) to start doing something about it, my mates were supportive. Offered to come to my first microblading appointment with me, talked skincare, hairstyles, came shopping with me. Gently and supportively. Following my lead but making respectful and helpful suggestions.

THAT is what mates do. Doubtless SheHere would have told me to pull myself together and stop letting myself go. I think I might have jumped off a cliff.

 

[GetTheGloss]

"There is a woman lives in London
Caroline is her name
With a hidden Georgian mansion
Bought by exploiting the Freaks for shame"

There, fixed it.

 

[NaFeTe]

@MinnieGrant yeah we aren't missing your point, thats what us lot in the UK are trying to explain to you, that a £2 million house is "newsworthy-expensive". The Midwest is a rich area. In certain places in the UK million pound properties are common, but that doesn't mean everyone in the UK is able to buy then. TAKE Chelsea in London where £2 million would get you a 2 bed flat, with a balcony if you're lucky, the majority of owners are from the overseas or bought as investment properties by hengefunds. Basically, yes a £2 million poind mansion is way out of the league of over 99% of the UK and is a HUGE deal to be able to afford.

 

[Bertha]

Erm is it just me or has beauty pie made an error here?

It reminded me of Hirons and her bags. "We buy these bags directly from Alibaba for £0.00003, but for Freaks, they are available at the ultra low price of £40. What a barg!"

 

[50sGirl]

I gave the original a few tweaks. I was going to alter every verse but I lost the will to live!

There is a woman lives in Somerset
Nellie Baskin is her name
And if you haven’t heard of her
then shilling‘s not your game

But if you love to be rinsed
If you want some biased advice
There is really just one shiller
You’ll buy at twice the price

A woman of great ego
A woman that you’ll hate
She talks a lot of bull shit
With her sidekick Pink Smith Kate

Her faithful followers are dwindling
They are finally seeing the truth
She hides from the Freaks that she lives
In a house once owned by Ruth

Her qualifications you should question
Thinks she more knowledgeable than all
This really pisses us off
She’s heading for a fall

Her skincare advice it changes
To who pays her the most
Not had a day off for years
Is what she likes to boast

Rarely honest, rarely caring
and a misandrist to boot
She doesn’t like the Freaks at all
But really loves their loot

Her blog was once informative
But now is just for ads
Her kits are highly profitable
With cheap Ali Baba bags

So we despise you Karenline
You really have no idea
Ex-Freaks come join Tattle
We think you’ll like it here.

 

[checkoutgal]

Oh my god!
a freak has posted an ode to C this morning!
it’s like a piece from TAKE A BREAK magazine!
it’s SO long too…
I am actually shocked! This isn’t all of it!

 

[Bertha]

Christmas is approaching. It's almost that time of year when the Freaks start posting about thieves breaking into their homes and stealing their skincare presents from under their trees. The freaks then go into the bathroom only to find out that their skincare has also been... "stollen"... by thieves.

Can you send freebies?

#myskincarewasstollen
#mypresentswerestollen
#nhsworkercantaffordchristmas
#retinol1wasstollen

 

[50sGirl]

Nellie is not back in the office until the 9th but no, she’s not had a day off since the 12th of neve!
Also she states she’s had lots of dentists DMing her thanking her for saying SLS is not fluoride! Are the Freakoids really that thick? Rhetorical question lol.
No doubt she’ll be claiming the SLS thing as her idea next.
Never forget Skincare IS merch - ask two homes Hirons.

Oo next thread title suggestion…

Caroline Hirons #25 Skincare IS Merch, ask Two Homes Hirons

 

[LittleBirdie]

There’s a freak asking how old people think she looks. Someone’s guessed 44…. She’s 29 Serves her right for fishing for compliments from strangers on the internet.

 

[checkoutgal]

Caroline is still perpetuating the myth that she is a stressed working Mum/ Nanna - gulping down cold mugs of tea whilst juggling the supermarket shop! She does this by dressing like a bin liner & forgetting her hairbrush! Caroline actually lives a privileged life, she is not scratching around for pennies- whilst brushing toast crumbs off her cleavage!

 

[w8g]

is it because it’s a racially sensitive issue as well? Or the way she dismissed info etc

I watched it. It's more about the way she dismissed ayurveda entirely, specifically saying "ayurveda blah blah, no one cares, no offence"
It's really quite rude and ignorant. Ayurveda has been in existence for thousands of years. If you are going to earn a commission from including this product in your future kit, then at least be respectful about it.

Edit to add:
It is an important part of lots of people's culture and history so it should be treated with respect by people not from this culture.

 

[50sGirl]

I’ve just had a thought. I remember when Jo Malone sold her business and she said she wished she’d not used her name on her products because she had to sell that with the business too.
I reckon Nellie is thinking the same and is thinking she’ll make mega bucks selling her business in a few years time and doesn’t want to sell her name too. I think that’s why her actual name is nowhere to be seen on the products.

 

[Wobblehead]

sorry if this is too off topic but any thoughts on her daughter ava? she seems sweet/funny but you wouldn't get the vibe that her mum makes a lot of money

I am getting a lot of vibes and sweet and funny are not either of them

 

[SqualorVictoria]

The 'ode' is still up. It's by the 66 year old woman who recently posted a selfie

I've included the whole thing here

There is a woman lives in London
Caroline Hirons is her name
And if you haven’t heard of her then skincare is not your game

But if you love your skincare
If you want some great advice
There is really just one person
You dont need to roll the dice

A woman of great standing
A woman that you’ll love
She will not give you bull shit
It’s like manna from above

We all need help with our routines
From someone that we trust
Someone with integrity
That really is a must

She has many faithful followers
Skin Freaks our FB name
We watch her Insta lives at 5
Like moths up to a flame

Her qualifications and experience are without question vast
A knowledge of ingredients and formulas she has amassed

But this alone is not what makes her rock my world
Listen to her talking
Hear those pearls unfurled

Always honest, always caring and compassionate to boot
Lots of funny sayings which really are a hoot

Her work ethic and family values
They are truly top drawer
Whatever she puts her efforts to
You really can’t ignore

Her blog is her home planet
Her book bursts with advice
Her kits are truly legendary
And what an amazing price

She brings us friends we love to see Like Jordan and Josh and Kate
And of course our Dr Marco
Who everyone wants to date

So here we have our icon
Fighting battles on all fronts
Black Lives Matter
Beauty backed
Vaccines
That’s just a start
Now don’t just leave it up to her
You too can play a part

Now Please hold Paula
You know what I mean
It’s time for a brew
Winner winner chicken dinner

She has set a great example
For what a caring human should be
With unsurpassed values and passion
I am sure you do agree

I don’t know how to finish this
Other than to say
During a major crisis with my granddaughters mental health
She helped me find a way

I felt so weak and vulnerable
I really didn’t cope
But Caroline kept me grounded
I knew I had to hope

I have never been so proud of my son for how he copes
Or my daughter for the support she gave him
They kept it off the ropes.

Lots of tears were shed
No resolution seemed in sight
The support just was not there
It was our darkest night

I have always been a fixer
I was the family rock
But for once I needed help
And that was such a shock

Just listening to her voice
Just seeing her lovely face
I gave me such an anchor
It filled me full of faith

I could not talk to anyone
I did not eat or sleep
I had major anxiety
I do not want to repeat

The situation it has eased
The eggshell walk is less
It has taken lots of tears
But we are not in such a mess

So I salute you Caroline
I am sure you really have no idea
How you touch our daily lives
With your humour and lack of fear

Your skincare advice is without exception
The absolute dogs bollocks
But there is so much more to you
No what rhymes with bollocks?

With so much love