Long time lurker here.
I've been following this thread from the start and the only thing that is clear is that we each see this tragic unfolding of events via the narrative of our own experiences.
When I was 20 I threw a glass bottle of ketchup at a man who had emotionally abused me for 3 years.
He moved and it smashed up the wall.
He called the police and said i had tried to beat him over the head with it.
Luckily for me when the police came the one officer
must have got a feel that something was off as after talking to us both he asked if there was somewhere else I wanted to stay that night. I said yes, packed a bag and they took me to my parents.
That wasn't the end obviously but that's a long story.
Imagine how different my life could have gone if he hadn't moved out of the way.
I'm not saying that this is what happened with CF.
I'm not saying that there is any excuse for violence or that it shouldn't be punished.
I AM saying that context is relevant. And that's what we will never get here. Only Lewis now knows what exactly happened prior to the police arrival.
Please don’t think I’m diminishing your story but I have do story too.
My step father regularly lashed out. Police were regularly called. He would threaten suicide if my mum made murmurs of leaving him. He made a few attempts- the dv against myself, my mum and my little sister continued.
On one occasion, he threw me into a big old wooden toy box. My lower back collided with the wooden corner. Police were called and I had to go to hospital.
I was about 16. I wanted to press charges. However, the cause of this argument was I owed him £1. In a fit of teenage strop, I chucked a £1 at him. It hit him on his head. For this reason I could not press charges as I had been complicit in the violence.
I could list many other encounters.
I’m not making comment on yours or CF’s individual circumstances- my long waffley comment is really to show that dv is not linear, it’s complicated and everyone who’s ever experienced it will have a different story. We can’t make carte blanche comments on this case. We just don’t know what happened- none of us are good witnesses in our own lives. It’s impossible to be objective.
Dv is still taboo and even more taboo when it’s a woman against a man.
This whole situation is sad. There’s no winners. Only losers all round.