I started therapy at the age of 25. Three months after I decided my life wasn't worth living. My therapist didn't tell me for 9 months and it was something I asked him after I read the main criteria and it just fit. He said he didn't want me to see myself as a label .
I always knew that there was something wrong. I grew up in a house where there was a lot of domestic violence, emotional abuse and neglect. It was normal to watch my mother cry on the stairs. My depression really started when I was 14 and had a hard time at school, but i also had panic attacks and anxiety as a child.
I felt too much. My second year of my second degree at university was just extreme ups and downs. I couldn't control my moods at all. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I self harmed a lot.
I did have almost four years of therapy (3.11 months at the moment). I started out with twice a week sessions, but my therapist saw me a a slightly discounted rate of £40 instead of his usual £50+ for three years before he raised his prices because of covid. Sometimes we'd just do one session weekly then increase when I had exams. There was also around one month off for his summer holiday then usually 2 weeks for Easter and Christmas between that each year.
I'm glad I'm not where I was before I started. but it was so hard. I still do feel low and do still get suicidal thoughts, but I very rarely self harm anymore. I feel like I also grew more into myself- I can self soothe a lot better which was a huge part of the problem when I was distressed. I don't think I'm 100% fixed but I feel like it's an okay time to stop therapy for now.
This was the best documentary I found and I love Dr Aguirre: