Please talk to your doctor. You don't have to keep doing this alone.
I am under the care of an eating disorder team and therapy is helping a lot. It took a few years to get here as it's harder with BED, but beforehand I saw a private ED therapist who took me as far as she could at the time, and I also gave up dieting and restriction. This resulted in weight gain initially (which is scary) but that evened out pretty quickly, and what it really helped me to do was relax more around food. It's really important to separate ED recovery from weight loss as they don't always go hand in hand.
BED is a multi-faceted disorder and there's (sadly) no easy fix. It's a long road but I'm a few years down the line and so much better than I was. I've spent a long time analysing my relationship with food, including eating habits in childhood and the way my family approached food/eating when I was younger. In ED therapy we learn to do something called "urge surfing" which is where you analyse your urge to eat and try to separate the components, understanding without acting. I am working on this at present. After years of dieting and analysing everything that goes into my mouth, focusing on food in any way is hard for me. But disconnection is not the answer, as we all need food to survive.
My partner knows and is really supportive. I didn't expect him to be--I thought he'd be disgusted--and I'm still getting used to being able to talk about it.
Please don't feel like this is your fault. Somewhere along the line, you picked up food as a coping mechanism for managing emotions, because it is what was available to you at the time. It will take time to dismantle this but it can be done.
even when I don’t have ‘bad’ food at home, I just go to the shop and buy it. Help please!!
. So sit down and think how it makes you feel , I find it helps. Then you can get back some control over your eating .
