Being Ghosted

[realhousewivewannabe]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

 

[Spencerskates]

I’ve had to semi-ghost someone before, I felt awful for it but he wasn’t getting the hint!

Our mutual friend had set us up and we went on a double date, got on well and agreed to go out just the two of us. He was quite full on before the date, and we were both just coming out of long term relationships, so I said I wasn’t looking to jump straight into something serious and wanted to take it slow, which he agreed to. After our date, it was his birthday the following week and I suggested going out for drinks with out mutual friend and his girlfriend, to which he said no, because he was hoping I’d come to his family meal and meet his parents, grandparents, sister and cousins . I said I wasn’t ready for that and maybe we should cool things off a bit if he is. He said no it’s fine, let’s just take it slow.

Fast forward a week later and he’d planned this elaborate, full day date, and was mad that I said I’d want to go home and change/spend some time alone between going out for brunch and a fancy dinner. It was at that point I realised it wasn’t going to work, called him to explain, he took it surprisingly well. Then I realised he hadn’t actually got the message properly and was still asking me out on dates.

THREE separate occasions I told him I didn’t think we should see each other any more and we wanted different things. Each time I thought he got it and then almost immediately asked me out again.

Eventually I had to block his number/social media etc because we were just going round in circles. I still feel awful about it though!

 

[Peakyblinders]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

Sorry to hear this - I was ghosted by a guy last year who I was seeing for a few months and was way more into me than i was him - sending me flowers etc, telling my friends on a night out he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend etc then one day he just stopped replying to me TOTALLY out the blue. I sent a million messages/voicemails etc (i see now how desperate it looked but all i wanted was an answer) and thats what I kept asking for, NOTHING. Then about 2 months later he randomly started liking my pics on facebook - then would send me messages early hours of the morning (drunk) apologising saying I didnt understand etc then I would (stupidly) reply and he would ghost me again. Left it a month or so with nothing and I randomly got this message one sunday morning basically apologising so much saying he struggled with his mental health and just cut me off for whatever bull reason - saying I was perfect hes lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. I stupidly again believed this, met up with him, heard him out forgave him for everything and then a week later he did it AGAIN! And I have never heard off him since. Absolutely understand why it has affected you so much as its the not knowing that gets to you. I would just try to move on, he will probably come back but trust me he will probably do it again! x

I’ve had to semi-ghost someone before, I felt awful for it but he wasn’t getting the hint!

Our mutual friend had set us up and we went on a double date, got on well and agreed to go out just the two of us. He was quite full on before the date, and we were both just coming out of long term relationships, so I said I wasn’t looking to jump straight into something serious and wanted to take it slow, which he agreed to. After our date, it was his birthday the following week and I suggested going out for drinks with out mutual friend and his girlfriend, to which he said no, because he was hoping I’d come to his family meal and meet his parents, grandparents, sister and cousins . I said I wasn’t ready for that and maybe we should cool things off a bit if he is. He said no it’s fine, let’s just take it slow.

Fast forward a week later and he’d planned this elaborate, full day date, and was mad that I said I’d want to go home and change/spend some time alone between going out for brunch and a fancy dinner. It was at that point I realised it wasn’t going to work, called him to explain, he took it surprisingly well. Then I realised he hadn’t actually got the message properly and was still asking me out on dates.

THREE separate occasions I told him I didn’t think we should see each other any more and we wanted different things. Each time I thought he got it and then almost immediately asked me out again.

Eventually I had to block his number/social media etc because we were just going round in circles. I still feel awful about it though!

No thats totally fine as you explained numerous times and he still didnt get the hint!! I have done something similar before as he just wouldnt leave me or get the hint so i had to just delete him!

 

[User_name_100]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

Silence is your best weapon in this situation. It's hard yes but I doubt he'd give you the truth as to why he ghosted. He'll most likely try and speak to you in the future and you can slam the door in his face so to speak!

Sorry you went through this. Keep strong and I highly doubt it was anything you did. Even if it was, he should have at least ended the relationship with you instead of just ghosting. What a cowardly way out..!!

 

[Kandy floss]

I got ghosted a few years ago by someone I met on Tinder

I was in my final year of university and had recently broken up with someone I’d been with for over 2 years who’d been abusive to me.

We got on great and eventually met and had been seeing each other for about a month when he suddenly started messaging me less during the day, but when I just didn’t bother messaging again due to the vibes I was getting, he’d eventually message me again. That kept on until one day he never messaged me back and we haven’t spoken since.

I was gutted but now I don’t care because if we’d developed into anything more I’d never have met who I’ve been with for the last 3 and a half years

 

[Meh]

Ladies, this thread makes me realise what people men can be.

I’ve been with my guy for a long time but I honestly think if we were to split right now I would just accept spinster hood. At 32. Because online dating terrifies me. All the rules and games- who has time for that?!

IMO if a “man” ghosts you then he was just a wee boy playing dress up and pretending to be a man for a while.

 

[catscradle]

UGH. This is the absolute worst. I was ghosted by a guy...after 4 YEARS of knowing him. This was back in 2018 - thankfully I'm over it now but it was extremely hurtful and it honestly took me the best part of a year to fully get over it. This was when I was at uni and it was one of those really ambiguous 'situationships' that really aren't worth it - lots of hot/cold behaviour from him etc and in retrospect there were a lot of red flags.

The worst part about it was that I felt like I'd lost what I thought was a meaningful friendship (in hindsight, I know better) but at the time I was absolutely crushed for a while. He'd told me he felt what we had was special and that he'd always look out for me, that he cared for 'my welfare', and that he couldn't be happy if I weren't etc. I'd been to visit him this one time (we went to separate unis about an hour apart) and then after that visit I remember messaging him and that was the last I ever heard from him. I'd just asked him how he was or something like that and initially tried not to worry and thought he'd missed it but then a a few weeks/months later I confronted him again asking him if there was anything that was wrong and...silence. I still don't really know why he just decided to end things like that. Maybe because I didn't hop in bed with him that one time...

I was devastated for a good few months and thought I must have 'done something' to turn him off but things did get better. I religiously read two blogs - Post Male Syndrome and Baggage Reclaim (check them out!) which are about emotionally unavailable men and that's when it sort of clicked what I was dealing with. The love bombing, hot/cold behaviour etc... I finally got the courage to block him on my socials a year later...perhaps a small victory but it felt like a win nonetheless.

I've dated a little bit over the past year but nothing serious and tbh I'm happily single atm and just trying to focus on myself - finally get a grad job, work on my mental health, get therapy etc.

 

[Damntruthful]

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread as I was about to start one. I posted a bit in another thread but I realised I’m really still not over it.
I’m still struggling after being ghosted last year. I was dating a guy for a few months and everything seemed to be going really well we met online and he was 10 years older than me. He was also the first person I had been with in THAT way. Although I have dated other guys before it hasn’t worked out so it doesn’t go that way.

Anyway so he has his own business and said that he needed to get things done and we could see each other in a couple of weeks. So I text to check in see how things were etc and he would read them and not reply. I asked about meeting up and he left me on read I noticed he watched all my stories still followed me even now on ig, still on the Dating app but just never responded.

I need to move on from it cause I’mdriving myself crazy and my friends because I really should be over it already it sounds silly but it’s knocked me and my self esteem because I just don’t know what I did or need to change about myself in order to not have this happen again. I havent really been able to date again I wanted to try again this year then Coronavirus happened. I haven’t brought myself to block him purely as I’m just wanting to know was it for someone else? What does he want / what does anyone else he’s with have I don’t or what can I do.

First off YOU did absolutely nothing wrong and don't ever think any differently. The fault lies with him. When a man shows you who he is.... believe him. You've had a lucky escape and I hope that you grow from the experience and learn your worth. No man who makes you question your own self worth is worth a second of your time, the right guy will shower you with attention and love. Block that b, hold your head high and I wish you nothing but health and happiness.

 

[Facehugger]

This has happened to me and my friends a lot - was just wondering if anyone else had any stories? Love hearing peoples stories!

For those who dont know - Being ghosted is when you are talking to/seeing someone then all of a sudden they just either stop replying to you, igore you, or just delete you off everything - for NO reason!

Wikipedia says being ghosted is having contact stopped suddenly by a 'partner, friend or similar individual'. So, not just something that is exclusive to someone you are seeing. In my day, it used to be called 'being sent to Coventry' for some reason!

So, has anybody any stories of friends or family members doing this (not just the flaky blokes who haven't got enough respect to finish a relationship properly)?

 

[Peakyblinders]

UGH. This is the absolute worst. I was ghosted by a guy...after 4 YEARS of knowing him. This was back in 2018 - thankfully I'm over it now but it was extremely hurtful and it honestly took me the best part of a year to fully get over it. This was when I was at uni and it was one of those really ambiguous 'situationships' that really aren't worth it - lots of hot/cold behaviour from him etc and in retrospect there were a lot of red flags.

The worst part about it was that I felt like I'd lost what I thought was a meaningful friendship (in hindsight, I know better) but at the time I was absolutely crushed for a while. He'd told me he felt what we had was special and that he'd always look out for me, that he cared for 'my welfare', and that he couldn't be happy if I weren't etc. I'd been to visit him this one time (we went to separate unis about an hour apart) and then after that visit I remember messaging him and that was the last I ever heard from him. I'd just asked him how he was or something like that and initially tried not to worry and thought he'd missed it but then a a few weeks/months later I confronted him again asking him if there was anything that was wrong and...silence. I still don't really know why he just decided to end things like that. Maybe because I didn't hop in bed with him that one time...

I was devastated for a good few months and thought I must have 'done something' to turn him off but things did get better. I religiously read two blogs - Post Male Syndrome and Baggage Reclaim (check them out!) which are about emotionally unavailable men and that's when it sort of clicked what I was dealing with. The love bombing, hot/cold behaviour etc... I finally got the courage to block him on my socials a year later...perhaps a small victory but it felt like a win nonetheless.

I've dated a little bit over the past year but nothing serious and tbh I'm happily single atm and just trying to focus on myself - finally get a grad job, work on my mental health, get therapy etc.

I will have a look at those blogs - Sounds like you are handling this really well, well done definitely emotionally unavailable men.

 

[Gemgemgemgem]

This is kind of olden day ghosting.
I had a teenage boyfriend who i had known most of my life. Our fathers were business partners on some projects over the years and despite him being a few years older, we were close friends then dated (all innocent until i was 16). We dated seriously for a couple of years and i was madly in love.
When i was 18 we were going to paris for a weekend and i had just started an internship in london so we were going to meet at a train station after my work on the friday. 3 hours i waited!
I did not hear from him for ages. He buggered off to australia where he originaly came from. I ended up getting together with one of his friends who emotionally supported me afterwards (who i have now been married to for 15 years, so he did me a favour really).
Next thing i know, like six weeks later, he is in the paper marrying some aussie chick he literally had jusy met (he was locally famous in our county so they ran a piece). They divorced as quick as they married.

I saw him a few years later and the excuse he had for ghosting me was he wanted marriage and a family but i was "too young". Ironically when he told me this was at my wedding when i was (unknowingly) pregnant. How he had made the biggest mistake of his life and regretted it all. Blah blah blah.
He is consistent tho, he still to this day tells everyone he is not living his best life because i 'got away'..... Erm, idiot, you abandoned me. He is currently married to my lookalike. He and my husband have done business together over the years but my husband acts with caution. He even said to my husband "you are living the life i was supposed to have"!!!!
We moved away, we are very happy in australia now and he is still back in england married to my lookalike (who has a hell of a temper)!
I am thankful he did ghost me as he has not aged well haha!!!

 

[clueless]

I haven't been ghosted by a partner but I was kind-of ghosted by a couple of school friends back in the day, if you could call it that. The best of friends for years, then I come back to school after the New Year holidays and these couple of friends had decided to just not speak to me (and another friend) again. I did literally nothing to them, we'd spoken over the Christmas holidays, exchanged gifts etc... to this day I have absolutely no idea what it was about, but I think one of them was just a real madam. She was a bit of a control freak and always had to be the leader, I now think she was a bit of a narcissist, and the other friend had to go along with her. But it did really hurt me, when I'd always been a good friend to them.

 

[CarrieW24]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

First off YOU did absolutely nothing wrong and don't ever think any differently. The fault lies with him. When a man shows you who he is.... believe him. You've had a lucky escape and I hope that you grow from the experience and learn your worth. No man who makes you question your own self worth is worth a second of your time, the right guy will shower you with attention and love. Block that b, hold your head high and I wish you nothing but health and happiness.

I just want to say thank you

 

[clueless]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

I feel the same way, and it’s exactly as you say, no closure. I had really hoped that my friend would have reached out to me on Facebook or something, even just to apologise for what she had done. That still hasn’t happened and probably won’t ever, part of me would love to ask her “what was that about?” as I was too soft and afraid of confrontation at that time. But I wouldn’t, I don’t want to be the one to reach out. I wonder sometimes if she ever thinks of me and feels bad, but probably not

Nowadays my attitude is that “well, why would I want someone like that in my life anyway?” but it still makes me a little sad when you see and hear of other people still having their school friendship circles.

 

[blossombloss]

Exactly! Ive found it has been from people from online dating too - I was seeing a guy for 3 months he was head over heels (waaay more than I was) then one day he just stopped replying! I chased him a bit like a mug because I wanted an answer but nothing! Then he started liking all my facebook pics about 3 months later then sent me a big apology - I forgave him and a couple weeks later he did it again

I know this is old but your scenario sounds like the plot from Dolly Alderton's new book Ghosts!
I'm sorry this happened though, being ghosted is the absolute worst.

 

[ChloChlo]

A few times and I must say it really knocks my confidence but I've in my personal experience found it to be for sordid reasons like having another, more than likely on-off relationship on the go. My partners brother is often on the likes of Tinder and POF chatting with all the ladies and will completely come off of all social media whenever he gets back with his on off girlfriend.

was chatting to a guy, led to us meeting, having sex frequently then boom out of the blue blocked me. Months down the line I saw him in town with another girl pushing a pram - he was a cheeky b because he was in my inbox that same night explaining himself and wanting to know if we can meet up. I walked away from that circus.

Even though I didnt know he had a pregnant girlfriend, karma caught up with me BIG STYLE.

Another guy I had been speaking some time. Ended up having sex a few times. I'm blocked. No reason whatsoever. A couple of weeks later, despite being on contraception I find out I'm pregnant, so my friend got in contact with him on an urgent basis, he told her he has a family, his fiancee had not long given birth to his 2nd baby girl, he doesnt really want to be involved but will make sure we didnt go without and not to tell his girlfriend because of Sob Story A and B.
I'm a coward because I felt so alone and got an abortion. I regretted it instantly. 4 years ago I'm still hurting over it.

 

[aimzalicious]

I don't mind being ghosted by people I don't know so well, like guys I only went out with a couple of times, or acquaintances. At that point it's not personal, and I've done it several times too.

What hurts the most is when people that have foundation in your life ghost you. I was ghosted by an ex after a year of being together, and I was ghosted by my best friend of seven years. Those are difficult to get over because there's no closure. The best friend especially. I thought of her at all my landmark moments in life: graduation, my wedding, the birth of my child... All the things I would have loved for her to have shared with me. I would have loved to have been there at her landmark moments as well. She was like a sister to me.

I spent the first few years thinking that if she ever reaches out, I'll forgive her, I just wanted her in my life. I'm the opposite now. The window is closed. I don't want to fill my life with people that don't want to be in it.

I agree with everything you said - ghosting during dating is pretty normal, almost expected, in my friendship group. I've stopped doing it personally because I find it immature and I think the person just deserves to know that I'm not interested. I get really anxious to text them the truth but feel better about it when it's done, and the other person has always taken it well and they've all thanked me for being honest. I've actually even kept a friendship going with one of them I got along with, which is nice.

The best friend ghost has happened to me and to this day I'm still confused about it - this girl I had been best friends with since year 7, and in 2018 after over a decade of friendship and support, she randomly disappeared with no explanation. She never really used social media anyway, but just stopped replying to messages even when I'd seen that she read them. I did the same as you by thinking I would forgive her if she came back, but now if she ever messaged, I would explain politely how I feel and maybe even block her. We don't need "friends" like that in our lives.

 

[vodkandcokeplz]

This is my life right now. Started talking to a guy online. For a solid week he’s saying how I’m perfect blah blah. Wants to meet up soon etc. Then started to drop off over the weekend.

Then he comes back blowing hot and cold all week. Other day he didn’t speak for 2 days then sends me a ‘hello’ this morning... he still hasn’t replied to it so why even say hello? feel free to give me advice I’m so confused.. is he just keeping up appearances

 

[Damntruthful]

This is my life right now. Started talking to a guy online. For a solid week he’s saying how I’m perfect blah blah. Wants to meet up soon etc. Then started to drop off over the weekend.

Then he comes back blowing hot and cold all week. Other day he didn’t speak for 2 days then sends me a ‘hello’ this morning... he still hasn’t replied to it so why even say hello? feel free to give me advice I’m so confused.. is he just keeping up appearances

When a man shows you who he is, believe him. Don't lower yourself to reply to someone who can't make time in their day to even send u a text. Nah....... Next. Block that mole and hold your head high.